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You are my sunshine Callum signs to Ben. It’s become part of his daily routine. Signing a new song to Ben, and so far this one has been his favourite to learn. It hasn’t taken him long, the tutorial pretty straight forward.
Ben smiles at his boyfriend adoringly, his heart swelling with the happiness at how much Callum is learning for him.
Thank you Ben signs back.
“I know it’s been hard for you recently and I haven’t been the easiest person to be around, but I appreciate everything you’ve done. I wouldn’t done it without you.
“You’re welcome,” Callum replies, looking directly at Ben, before placing a feathered kiss on his forehead.
“Can we stay in today? Laze about and do nothing?”
Callum nods, a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.
Settling down, Moana is chosen as their film, which Callum picked, citing a musical a day kept the doctor away, Ben rested his head upon Callum’s chest.
Callum knows Ben has been struggling with his sign, getting frustrated when Frankie comes round and tries to teach him. Frankie has been great, taking on Ben and his tantrums, remaining unfazed when he snaps at her and claims he isn’t deaf. They know he doesn’t mean it, but he’s angry and confused, unsure what he did to deserve this.
Lexi visits regularly, her knowledge of sign coming from spending all her spare minutes before school listening to Mr Tumble. Ben softens whenever she does it, love spreading through his eyes and bones. He’s slowly learning to adapt, with everyone’s help and encouragement.
The doctors are hopeful for Ben and his operation, even though it has been pushed back another few weeks, a fever being the reason.
“Cal?” His voice breaks through the silence before the movie is played.
“Hmm?”
“Do you ever wonder what my life would be like if I wasn’t deaf? Do you think that you’d still have fell in love with me?”
Callum can sense Ben’s insecurities creeping up, something that happens often, and he knows how important it is to the younger man to be reassured every time. For all his life Ben has never felt good enough, never felt worthy of anyone’s love, and when he lost Paul he places thick steel barriers around his heart, a task that was extremely difficult for Callum to break through. He got there in the end, after a lengthy battle, and so much hurt, Ben finally loved. Ben still needed his reassurances though, something to calm him and remind him he’s loved and will always be good enough.
He looks at Ben, shifting slightly and ensuring his words are spoken slowly, allowing him to pick up his words.
“No, I don’t think about that. I rarely think about the past, I think about the here and the now. Before I met you, I was about to marry a woman, and lie to myself. Set myself up for a lifetime of lies and misery. I was scared and felt trapped in a life I didn’t want, but I didn’t have the courage to do anything about it, then you were there.” He pauses, ensuring Ben caught his words, and the small nod he receives confirms he did.
“You showed me what it felt to belong, be wanted and loved and somewhere along those lines I know you found yourself. It doesn’t matter that you’re deaf,” his hands go to his ear, signing the word deaf, “I’d still want you. I’m with you because you’re amazing, and kind and I wouldn’t change you. People don’t see what I see, the kindness you hold, the love you give me. They don’t see you. I see you, and I think you’re the best treasure I could have found.”
When’s he looks at Ben, he has tears forming, resting on the lower lid of his eyes, threatening to fall.
Callum reaches his hand to touch his face, looking directly into the blue ocean of Ben’s eyes, so deeply he can see the waves crashing against the shore within.
I love you
he signs, not giving Callum the chance to respond before he’s reaching up and their lips are colliding, their tongues dancing to their own beat.
By the time they pull away, both men are breathless and there’s nothing but love and adoration within their eyes.
Snuggling back down Ben thinks he could stay like this forever, safe in the arms of his saviour. He might be Callum’s sunshine, but Callum is his galaxy and beyond. He just hasn’t found a song for it yet. Ben doesn’t suppose he needs one though, they dance to their own music, creating their own sound.
Ben is Callum’s sun.
Callum is Ben’s stars.
Together they light up the sky.