Work Text:
Dear Esteemed Lanling Jin Sect Leader,
I am incredibly saddened to hear that you have fallen ill. While I cannot send Gusu Lan's top physician to tend to you at the moment, I do have some advice to offer.
Depending on the nature of your illness, which hasn't been disclosed publicly, it may be an idea to look into medicinal herbs to treat it. I believe Lanling has a rich variety of said herbs that can be found throughout its lands.
While you are unwell, perhaps this excerpt from a poem will provide you with mental stability.
Best regards and wishing that you will recover soon,
Gusu Lan Sect Elder Lan Qiren
Dear Esteemed Lanling Jin Sect Leader,
I apologise for my hastiness in sending you yet another letter, as it has only been two weeks since my last. However, after some consideration, I realised that the poem was perhaps not to your liking, considering you were never one to appreciate poetry while you were studying here.
I then thought about those days we spent together. They seem like lifetimes ago. Time, it appears, is a strange and fickle thing. In my previous letter, I said that I wish for you to recover 'soon'. But when is 'soon'? Tomorrow? In a week? A month? A year? Longer than that, even?
I appear to be getting sidetracked. My apologies.
Instead of poems, I shall attach paintings of the Cloud Recesses' landscape that will hopefully calm your mind.
Best regards,
Gusu Lan Sect Elder Lan Qiren
Dear Esteemed Lanling Jin Sect Leader,
It has now been a month since my previous letter, and I have yet to receive any replies from you. I understand that you are most likely not feeling up to writing back to me, however, which is perfectly acceptable. (To my knowledge, you are not breaking any rules of the Cloud Recesses this time, either, which must be a first!)
I myself do not have any news to report. It is as tranquil as always here. Ah, yes, speaking of the Cloud Recesses, I suppose paintings of these landscapes would not appeal to you either, as you always complained about how boring the scenery was.
Unfortunately, I cannot think of anything else to attach to this letter with poems and paintings being unfavourable. Painting naked women is forbidden in the Cloud Recesses, otherwise I would attach something enticing to cheer you up.
I hope you are keeping as well as you can.
Best regards,
Gusu Lan Sect Elder Lan Qiren
Dear Esteemed Lanling Jin Sect Leader,
I hope you are not bothered by yet another letter, but it has been three weeks since I last wrote you.
As we are heading into winter, it is best that you follow your sect's physician's advice and keep yourself warm, comfortable and safe.
Along with this letter, I have sent you some chrysanthemums.
May your life be as long as theirs.
Best regards,
Gusu Lan Sect Elder Lan Qiren
Dear Esteemed Lanling Jin Sect Leader,
Word has it that you are now extremely ill, and there is not much hope for your recovery. I am deeply saddened to hear this.
If time permits, I shall visit Koi Tower to meet with you one final time. I wish to properly farewell you, and settle any issues we may have with one another before you pass on.
It seems the chrysanthemums were sent too late.
Best regards,
Gusu Lan Sect Elder Lan Qiren
"Father is not accepting visitors."
Lan Qiren was standing at the entrance of Koi Tower, which was blocked by Jin Guangshan's son, Jin Guangyao. Jin Guangyao stood on a raised platform at the bottom of the staircase, giving one the illusion that he was taller than his guest. His gaze was as harsh as the tone of his voice.
"...I wish to speak to him one final time," Lan Qiren repeated. "Even if he cannot say much back, the--"
"Father is not accepting any visitors," Jin Guangyao reiterated, venom coating his words. "I don't care why you want to see him, but nobody's allowed in. Nobody. Not even other sect leaders, elders, or whoever else."
"Sect Leader Jin is someone important to me," Lan Qiren told him, trying to keep his voice steady.
"I'm sure he is," Jin Guangyao sounded almost sarcastic. "But these are orders from Father himself, I'm afraid. He probably doesn't want you to see how frail he's become."
Lan Qiren paused. That argument did make sense. Jin Guangshan had always been a man with a lot of pride, and if he was weak and frail, he most likely wouldn't want to show that side of himself to anybody.
His heart ached as he realised he really wasn't going to be able to say goodbye to his dear friend.
"...I understand," Lan Qiren sighed. "If that's the case, though, please tell him I send my regards. I said as much in the letters I've sent him, but I have no idea if he's read them..."
"I don't think he has," Jin Guangyao said flatly. "His eyesight isn't that good lately, so he struggles with reading. But he doesn't want anyone else looking at his mail, so I don't know what he does with things like personal letters."
A lump of disappointment filled in Lan Qiren's throat. "I see," he replied. "That's unfortunate, but I can understand it. My apologies for taking up your time," he added, saluting Jin Guangyao.
Jin Guangyao saluted him back. "I'll let Father know that you came to see him."
Lan Qiren gave a nod as he turned to leave. "Thank you."
He hastily left Koi Tower, hoping nobody would stop to talk to him. He didn't stop walking until he was all the way back at the Cloud Recesses.
So Jin Guangshan hadn't read his letters. He'd never received Lan Qiren's advice or his apologies. He hadn't known that Lan Qiren had been contacting him in the first place.
It wasn't until later that evening that Lan Qiren realised he'd forgotten to inquire about the chrysanthemums. Hopefully they, at least, had been delivered...
A few days after Lan Qiren's failed attempt to see Jin Guangshan, he was informed by his nephew Lan Xichen that the Lanling Jin Sect Leader had passed away.
Lan Qiren had expected to feel upset. Angry. Even somewhat guilty that he couldn't help his friend.
But he felt... nothing.
It was as if his mind was refusing to accept the truth. Logically, he knew Jin Guangshan was dead. It had been a long time coming.
Time really is a strange and fickle thing, he thought bitterly. Sect Leader Jin died far too quickly... He should have been alive for much, much longer. He had such a bright future ahead of him with his sect, too. Well, other than those disgusting behaviours of his. At least he wouldn't have been visiting brothels while he was ill...
As Lan Qiren spent the next few days in a trance, he kept recalling the time he'd spent with Jin Guangshan when they were teenagers.
"Teacher! Jin Guangshan is drawing lewd things on his notes again!" Lan Qiren called out as he stuck up his hand.
Jin Guangshan, who was sitting next to him, grinned from ear to ear. "What, you wanna take a look?" he taunted, holding up his crude artwork of a topless woman.
"SHAMELESS!" Lan Qiren spat, turning away as quickly as he could.
"Y'know, it's pretty boring without any girls around," Jin Guangshan sighed. "Oh, yeah, I bet Gusu Lan girls are beautiful."
"...What makes you think that?" Lan Qiren asked quietly, not sure if he wanted to know the answer.
Jin Guangshan laughed. "The men are pretty enough as it is, which means the girls must be glorious!"
"We are?" Lan Qiren stared blankly at him.
"Yeah. The other guest disciples agree, too. Everyone in Gusu Lan is super good looking. It's unfair, really!" Jin Guangshan sighed again, flopping down into the grass on his back.
"...This may be a strange question, but can I ask you something?" Lan Qiren felt himself blush.
"Sure, sure!"
"...Does that... 'everyone' include, er, me?" he mumbled.
Jin Guangshan looked up at him, that stupid smile of his on his face again. "Hahaha! It does! And you know what?"
"What?"
"You'd be the prettiest of them all if you learnt how to smile!" Jin Guangshan's smile grew wider as Lan Qiren pulled a face at him.
Lan Qiren humphed, turning his face to the side. "...I-I know how to smile! You just make me want to, well, not."
"Hahahaha!" There it was, that infectious laughter again...
"BRRR! Jeez, this place is FREEZING!" Jin Guangshan cried, hugging himself tightly.
Lan Qiren wasn't amused. "Well, yes, it is called the Cold Spring," he remarked sarcastically. "Did you expect it to be hot?"
Jin Guangshan rolled his eyes. "Very funny. Instead of just standing there patrolling, you should join me!"
"I do not require usage of the Cold Spring currently," Lan Qiren replied.
Jin Guangshan smirked. "Aww, is it because you're shy about being naked in front of me? How adorable!"
"A-Adorable?! Are you out of your mind?!" Lan Qiren almost raised his voice against Jin Guangshan, before remembering that doing such things was forbidden.
"Maybe I am! ...Wait, what're you doing?!" Jin Guangshan gasped.
Lan Qiren, who had started taking off his robes, glared at him. "I'm joining you! Because I'm not shy, and I'm not adorable! You're just shameless!"
"Alcohol is forbidden in the Cloud Recesses," was all Lan Qiren said as he saw Jin Guangshan waltzing over to the sleeping quarters with two jars of wine in his hands.
"Relax! I'm just sharing this stuff with the other disciples!" Jin Guangshan grinned.
"I need to confiscate it from you," Lan Qiren told him, extending a hand so he could grab one of the jars. Only, Jin Guangshan pulled back. "Please give me the wine."
"No way!" Jin Guangshan pouted. "I spent good money on this! Isn't there something I can do to get you to let me keep it tonight?"
"There is not," Lan Qiren sighed.
"Not even if I kissed you?"
"...What do you--"
Lan Qiren was interrupted by Jin Guangshan suddenly kissing him. It was a strange sensation that Lan Qiren didn't know what to make of...
Lan Qiren frowned as he recalled that particular memory. Oh. That's right. He kissed me...
They'd never gone beyond kissing, but that hadn't been the only time they'd done it.
Lan Qiren tried not to think about the other times.
A large-scale funeral was held for Jin Guangshan at Koi Tower, led by Jin Guangyao, who was now the Lanling Jin Sect Leader. Even though it was a funeral, the scenery was still bright and colourful with all the gold that glittered around it, which made Lan Qiren slightly uncomfortable.
Perhaps it was simply Lan Qiren's imagination, but Jin Guangyao's personality seemed different.
Lan Qiren had always felt as though Jin Guangyao's kind and friendly nature had been forced, but he couldn't quite put a finger on why that was. Yet at Jin Guangshan's funeral, for the first time, the young man appeared genuinely happy. Like a large weight had been lifted off his shoulders.
It's none of my business, Lan Qiren reminded himself, shutting off whatever negative thoughts he had about Jin Guangyao.
After the main funeral procession, Lan Qiren wanted a break from the mass of people, so he snuck out and walked around the beautiful, luscious gardens of Koi Tower.
In a secluded area, far from the tower itself, he spotted a part of the gardens that appeared to be newer than the others.
His heart sank as he approached.
Those are the chrysanthemums I sent... They're the same colour, and the same number... But why were they planted here? Had he already passed on by the time they arrived?
Lan Qiren thought back to what he'd said in that letter.
May your life be as long as theirs.
Then it hit him.
Jin Guangshan was dead. Gone. He'd never see that irritating grin of his again. He'd never get to hear that annoying laughter, either. Or experience Jin Guangshan's terrible jokes, his overdramatic reactions, his weird but kind gestures ever again.
Lan Qiren wasn't one to cry. He hadn't cried when his brother had been killed by the Wens, as his priority then was making sure the remaining disciples were safe and he was too focused on rebuilding the Cloud Recesses. He hadn't cried from joy when he met his baby nephews for the first time, either, nor had he shed any tears when his brother had gotten married.
Yet there he was.
Standing in front of a small, unimpressive patch of chrysanthemums, silently weeping.
In the end, Jin Guangshan had been important to him. Jin Guangshan was the only other disciple his age who ever approached him. Everyone else would be intimidated by his bluntness, but not Jin Guangshan.
Jin Guangshan was the first person in Lan Qiren's life who had actually bothered to care about him. Jin Guangshan was interested in Lan Qiren and not his brother, unlike the others. Jin Guangshan valued Lan Qiren highly based on his own merits.
And, for those reasons, Lan Qiren would never forget Jin Guangshan for his entire life. No matter how long or short that life would end up being.