Chapter Text
*Groan*
Makoto drowsily looked to the empty seat across from him at the Dining Hall. Today had been a rare day where Kyoko had decided to sleep in, having worked late on a case the prior evening.
Makoto yawned and lamented “It’s too bad she’s not here right now; I really could use some of that coffee she drinks every day.”
Makoto himself had never drank coffee in his life, his parents always insisting that he and Komaru could drink plenty of it once they had to hold down jobs or raise families of their own. As a result, Makoto had no idea what kinds of coffee were good, which kinds had more caffeine…in short, he was totally ignorant on the subject of coffee, a fact that made him appreciate even more Kyoko’s status as a coffee guru.
*Yawn* “…I really wish she was here…I could really use her help…”
“Her help, Makoto? And which lovely lady are you looking for? Maybe she can help me too, if we search together…”
Eyes slightly widening, Makoto felt his skin crawl as he turned his head to see Class 77’s Ultimate Cook, Teruteru Hanamura, his crooked smile as lewd as his creepy tone.
Sighing wearily, Makoto greeted “Oh…hi, Hanamura-senpai.”
Just now noticing the dark circles underneath Makoto’s eyes, Teruteru scrutinized his underclassman and commented “My my, Makoto…you look more tired than the time I made an all you can eat buffet for the entire National Diet! Is that why you said you could use her help? Were you hoping a scrumptious smooch from one of the lovely ladies in your class would give you an energy boost? I suppose it would do the trick, but if it were me…I’d prefer to have them…suck the fatigue out of my loins…”
…That’s disgusting…Makoto deadpanned as Teruteru started to get a nosebleed from his fantasy. Deciding to deter Teruteru’s lewd line of thought before it could go any further, Makoto shook his head and explained “No, Hanamura-senpai. I just…” *yawn* “…I’m tired because I was up late last night helping Nanami-senpai with planning the festival, and I have more meetings and preparations planned all day. I was just thinking about how I could use some coffee, but I’ve never drank coffee, and I was just wishing Kyoko was here because she drinks coffee a lot, so…”
“Well, why didn’t you just say so, mon ami?” Teruteru interrupted “If it’s coffee you need, I can just make my own special blend that’ll get you up and running in a jiffy! Stay right there!”
…Why do I have a bad feeling about this? Makoto pondered before the Ultimate Cook came back, a steaming cup of brown coffee in hand, its steam still visible from the hot mixture.
Putting it in front of him, Teruteru announced “There you go; one cup of Mama Hanamura’s secret coffee recipe, normally only found at the Hanamura Diner! One sip of this, and you won’t need to sleep for a week!”
A week? That seems…a bit much… Makoto’s suspicions and misgivings were tempered by his fatigue however, and with the fresh aroma of the Hanamura Coffee filling his nose with such overwhelmingly pleasant aromas, Makoto caved …Screw it…I NEED coffee…and it smells…Divine!
Gingerly taking the cup into his hands, Makoto barely picked up on the smile Teruteru showed out of the corner of his eyes as the Ultimate Lucky Student tipped the beverage, letting the unfamiliar liquid soak into his taste buds and down his throat. Immediately, Makoto’s eyes widened, the boy now wide awake.
This…is…FANTASTIC!
Makoto wasted no time in gulping down the rest of the caffeine, Teruteru grinning proudly as Makoto emptied the cup in seconds. It wasn’t long after the last drop reached his belly that Makoto started to get jittery, making the others stare in concern at their Class Representative.
Rocketing onto his feet quicker than Genocide Jill, Makoto said at a nearly inhuman speed “Thanks, Hanamura-senpai. I gotta go find Nanami-senpai and start our meeting. Bye!”
“Makoto! No running!” was the last thing Makoto heard as he raced out of the Dining Hall and out of sight.
He ran so fast that he didn’t even notice Kyoko walking past him in the hallways, the Ultimate Detective only just catching the energetic look in his eyes as he blazed past.
“Makoto?”
Kyoko frowned, momentarily concerned by his unusual expression, only to shrug, passing it off as a figment of her imagination before continuing to walk towards the Dining Hall.
It’s probably nothing. It’s nothing…right?
XXX
“Kizakura! We’ve got trouble!”
Koichi closed his mouth mid-lecture, he and his class turning their heads to see the door swung open, an unusually panicked Chisa standing in the doorway with the entirety of Class 77 forming an entourage around her.
Having a serious expression for once in his life, Koichi placed his Handbook down on his desk, nodding and replying “Alright, Yukizome. What’s the problem.”
Pulling Teruteru to stand in front of her, Chisa explained “Apparently one of my students here gave Makoto Naegi a coffee that boosted his energy to hyperactive levels. He then wore Chiaki out during their meeting and ran off.”
Nodding, Chiaki continued “He was running around faster than Sonic…I think…”
Chisa then took over, explaining “The rest of my Class and I have been trying to round him up, but he’s managed to elude even me!”
“Your friend seems to have been possessed by a demon from the realm of anthropomorphic hedgehogs. Even my All-Seeing Eye can’t keep up with his swift speed!”
“Even Novoselic’s harshest military training regimen can’t produce speed that fast!”
“Even I can’t manage an athlete THAT hyper!”
“The little guy runs faster than I can down a buffet!”
“I regret that my sword training is insufficient to parry his incredible speed.”
“I…I’m sorry…but I can’t…treat him…if we can’t…catch him…forgive me!”
Her students now silent, Chisa explained “As you can see…we’re all too fatigued to continue chasing after him. So…we must ask you to restrain him in our stead.”
Nodding, Koichi agreed “Of course, we’ll take care of it, Yukizome. Just leave it to us.”
Nodding gratefully, Chisa advised “He hasn’t left the main building, so you shouldn’t have to look outside. Come along everyone. Teruteru, we’ll discuss your punishment back in the classroom…” before she closed the door, her and her class walking away.
Sighing, Koichi turned to his students and asked “Alright, any ideas on how we wrangle your Class Representative?”
Taka suggested “Why don’t we just ask Sakakura-san for assistance? He is the head of security, so…”
Everyone else shook their heads, Kyoko explaining “Sakakura-san has a tendency to resolve incidents through violence. Surely you all heard of the time he beat up a Reserve Course Student who tried to set foot on the Main Campus. We want to restrain Makoto so we can calm him down, not send him to the nurse’s office. Besides, with only his speed amplified, his hyperactive state is at most a minor annoyance, not a threat to be eliminated.”
“Oh…right…”
A light bulb in Hina’s head went off as she exclaimed “Oh! How about we corner him into the pool? Once we get him in the water, he’ll be trapped in it and we can restrain him as we pull him out.”
“Not a bad plan for commoners…” Byakuya mused.
Kyoko nodded and agreed “That could work…in that case, we should all split up and take a separate floor. We should all go in groups of three so we can have a better chance of boxing him in.”
Everyone nodded in agreement and began to finalize their group assignments. As they left the classroom, Kyoko couldn’t help but clench her fists in guilt.
If only I had listened to my instincts…I could have prevented this…
XXX
“Alright! Kyoko, Sayaka, Hina, we’ve cornered him! He’s running down the stairs to the second floor!”
“Understood. We’ll box him into the locker room.”
Hanging up, Kyoko turned to the other girls in her group, commanding “Okay, Hina, you guard the hallway to the library. Sayaka, you guard the staircase to the first floor. I’ll guard the hallway leading to Classroom 2-A. Everyone ready?”
“Uh-huh!”
“Yeah!”
With that, the three girls took up positions, just in time for a brown-haired blur to zoom past them.
“Alright, that’s our queue. Hina, let’s get further down the hallway.”
Nodding, the Ultimate Detective and the Ultimate Swimming Pro ran forward, just in time to see Sayaka point to the door to the pool and call out “Kyoko, Hina, he just went into the locker room!”
“Alright, message the others and tell them to come down to the pool!”
XXX
A brown blaze zipped around and around the pool, Makoto’s fifteen classmates watching him as they wondered what to do. Mondo stood guard at the door to the Boys’ Locker Room, while Sakura stood guard at the Girls’ Locker Room.
“So uh…what do we do about Mr. Naegi now that we’ve trapped him in here?”
Facepalming, Leon groaned “Baka; we find a way to push him into the pool, duh!”
“But…how are we going to do that? I mean…Mr. Naegi’s speed stats are all maxed out! There’s no way we can catch him ourselves!”
Turning to Hiro, Junko called “Hey, Hiro! You’re a fortune teller, right? Can’t you predict when the best chance to push our Class Rep into the pool is?”
Pointing at Junko, Hiro protested “Hey, my fortunes take time to tell! And even if I could make a prediction that snappy, it would only have a thirty percent chance of being right!”
“Ugh…” Toko spat “You’re totally use…useless!”
“Hey! Don’t be mean!”
Pinching the bridge of her nose in frustration, Kyoko interrupted “Enough! We’re not getting into a petty squabble over this, not when we have more pressing issues at hand.” Turning to face the still speeding Makoto, she suggested “Since there’s 13 of us, one of us should wait in the pool to restrain Makoto while the rest of us form a perimeter to push him in.”
Raising her hand, Hina volunteered “I’ll wait in the pool; swimming’s my specialty after all, so I’ll have Makoto wrangled like a fresh salmon in no time!”
Watching Hina dive into the pool, Kyoko suggested “Okay, so that leaves twelve of us. We should divide into four groups. Groups One and Two should be made up of four members each, taking one of the long sides of the pool. Groups Three and Four on the other hand should be made up of two members each, taking the short sides of the pool. Are we in agreement?”
Everyone mumbling words of agreement, they wordlessly split up, Kyoko standing with Sayaka on one of the short sides.
“Alright, is everyone ready?” Seeing everyone nod, Kyoko instructed “All right, in that case, once I yell “NOW!”, I’ll move to try and push Makoto into the pool. Toko, no more than one second after I move, you move to push as well, in case I miss. Byakuya, you push one second after Toko does in case she misses, and so on and so forth. Understand?” Seeing everyone else nod, Kyoko narrowed her eyes, mentally timing Makoto’s movements before counting “One, Two, NOW!”
“Gotch…AGH!”
“WHOA!”
“HUH?”
“YAAH!”
“…Uhh, guys? You were supposed to push Makoto in the pool, not everyone except Makoto in the pool.”
Sure enough, once they regained their sense of awareness, everyone saw that just like Hina, they were currently treading water, their uniforms soaked to the bone. Looking up, they saw Makoto still zipping around the perimeter of the pool, with no sign of stopping.
Sighing, Kyoko suggested “Let’s get out of the pool everyone.”
Groaning, everyone swam to the ladders at the sides of the pools, climbing out and squeezing the water out of their clothes and hair.
“So what harebrained scheme do you have this time, Detective Kirigiri?”
…I don’t remember hearing any suggestions from you, Togami! Keeping that thought to herself, Kyoko sighed and concluding “We can’t hope to catch him, so there’s no point in trying.”
“Hah? Are you saying we should just give up?”
Shaking her head at Junko, Kyoko explained “I’m not giving up, I’m simply suggesting a different tactic. Rather than try to restrain him ourselves, let’s just wait for Makoto to tire out.” Turning to Mondo and Sakura, Kyoko asked “Owada-kun, Sakura, are you two alright continuing to guard the exits?”
“Ah, sure, whatever.”
“Very well, we shall persevere.”
Nodding in agreement, the now soaked Celeste commented “There is nothing to be done. Besides, I need the time to get all this water out of my face…and everywhere else…”
Turning to her other classmates, Kyoko asked “Any objections?”
A few mumbles being the only reaction from her classmates, Kyoko decided “Then we wait” before collapsing on her back, letting out a sigh of exhaustion and exasperation as they all waited for Makoto’s hyperactive state to dissipate.
XXX
Thankfully, they didn’t have to wait much longer. Being completely average in every way, his self-description also applied to his stamina, and so after less than an hour, Makoto stumbled mid-run, falling flat on his face, laying prone on the floor.
Everyone letting out a sigh of relief, Hiro moaned “Finally! Now we can go and tie him up so he doesn’t get away again. Does anyone have any rope?”
Before Sayaka or Leon could protest, Kyoko spoke up “That might not be necessary, Hiro.”
“Huh? Why not?”
Ignoring his question, Kyoko walked over to the now prone Ultimate Lucky Student, gingerly grabbing his sides and turning him onto his back to see his once hyper green eyes were now shut tight. Focusing her hearing, she could hear some faint snoring coming from his mouth.
Turning to the others, Kyoko explained “As I thought, he’s so exhausted that he fell asleep.”
“Alright…so…what do we do?”
…This whole mess is partially my fault…If I had stopped him before he got to his meeting, this wouldn’t have happened…so… Kneeling down Kyoko slid her hands underneath his knees and neck, lifting him into her arms as she stood up and said “I’ll bring him back to his room. Then there will be no problem.”
Livid, Taka objected “There most certainly WILL be a problem! A boy and a girl alone in the bedroom together? It’s…its…UNWHOLESOME…OW!”
Nursing his head, Taka turned to an exasperated Mondo who had walked over to the others along with Sakura, retorting “Lighten up, man. They’re not gonna go and have sex or nothin’. She’s probably just gonna put him on his bed so he can rest more comfortably.”
Blushing in embarrassment, Taka muttered “I…I see…” Bowing, Taka exclaimed “I apologize for jumping to conclusions!”
Nodding in acceptance, Kyoko asked “Are there any other objections?” Seeing none, Kyoko announced “Then I’ll take Makoto back to his room. Taka, can you inform Kizakura-sensei and Yukizome-sensei that the situation is now under control?”
“Of…of course. Right away.”
Seeing Taka power walk through the Boys’ Locker Room, Kyoko proceeded to carry Makoto through the Girls’ Locker Room, ignoring Hifumi’s mutterings about how Makoto wasn’t even gonna be awake for his first free peek in the Girls’ Locker Room.
XXX
“Groan” “Huh?”
Makoto’s eyes fluttered open, the boy gingerly sitting up as he drowsily looked down, the boy befuddled at the blankets his body had been resting on.
“What…how…where…”
“Ah, good. You’re awake, and you don’t seem to be ill.”
Yelping, Makoto nearly jumped as he turned his head, seeing Kyoko sitting patiently at a chair next to his bedside, a subtle concern sparkling in her otherwise neutral expression.
“Kyoko?! What…what happened?”
Kyoko chose to answer his question with her own, prodding “What do you remember?”
What do I…remember? Taking a deep breath, Makoto closed his eyes, trying to pull up his memories from the recesses of his mind, recalling “I remember…I woke up this morning, feeling really tired from a late night meeting with Nanami-senpai. Then, while I was waiting for you, Hanamura-senpai offered me a coffee, and…”
Makoto’s now open eyes widened as he immediately recalled the day long chase, his cheeks burning red in embarrassment.
“Oh, and you and the others had to chase me down once I got too crazy. I’m sorry, I must have been such a pain to deal with…”
Kyoko found no words to say to that, not able to really disagree, but not wanting to insult the boy either.
“So ano…how did I get back to my room? Last thing I remember, I collapsed at the pool…”
“I carried you back here and kept watch to make sure you didn’t suffer any side effects from Hanamura’s coffee.”
His face now as red as a tomato, Makoto resisted the urge to bury himself under his blankets and hide, instead hanging his head and replying “Oh…I’m sorry…I was such a burden to you and everyone else today…”
You’re not a burden, Makoto… Seeking to divert his thoughts, Kyoko decided to advise “I would advise that you sleep in so that you’re not tired enough to need caffeine. Or at least don’t accept any coffee from Hanamura.”
Nodding, Makoto answered “I know…but…that was the first time I ever had coffee. I don’t know the first thing about how to make coffee or what kind of coffee is good or anything like that!”
“I see…” Smiling, Kyoko got up from the seat, crawled onto the bed and sat across from him, deciding “Then I’ll educate you so that you can’t be tempted by Hanamura’s coffee again.”
His eyes widening in shock, Makoto asked “You…you’d do that?”
Nodding, Kyoko answered “Of course. You’re my friend, Makoto, and besides, you taught me a lot of things during our time here, so it’s only fair that I help you out with something you’re unfamiliar with.”
Beaming, Makoto replied energetically “Thanks, Kyoko! I owe you for this!”
Smiling, Kyoko assured him “Think nothing of it. Now, let’s begin. Civet Coffee is my favorite, but that might be a little too complex for a beginner. Espresso can be rather strong, while Cappuccinos go best with a dessert. For a quick pick-me-up in the morning, you might want to go for…”
Makoto unconsciously leaned forward, hanging on to every word of Kyoko’s coffee lecture and securing her teachings in his memory.
I need to apologize to everyone else tomorrow at breakfast…and I should apologize to Nanami-senpai, Yukizome-sensei, and the rest of her students for causing such trouble. But…since Kyoko’s helping to teach me something…maybe it was all worth it…