Work Text:
Where are you? Mrs Hudson said you didn’t
go back to Baker Street last night and you’ve
not visited me today. – SH 15:05pm
Shall I assume you are finally talking things
out with Mary? – SH 15:12pm
Mary hasn’t seen you either, nor Lestrade
or Molly. – SH 16:22pm
If you don’t respond then I’m going to
unleash Mycroft. – SH 16:25pm
I’m fine, I’m just doing some thinking. 16:27pm
About what? – SH 16:27pm
About how I’m sick of everything being my fault. 16:29pm
As I said before, you’re addicted to a
certain kind of lifestyle. – SH 16:30pm
Yeah, but I don’t want to be. Not anymore. 16:31pm
I’m not forgiving Mary, Sherlock, not happening. 16:32pm
For Heaven’s sake, John, I’ve forgiven
her and I’m the one she shot. – SH 16:33pm
Good for you, still doesn’t mean I have to. 16:34pm
What about the baby? Can’t you forgive
Mary for your child’s sake? – SH 16:35pm
The baby isn’t mine. 16:35pm
Don’t be ridiculous, of course it is.
Just because she’s lied about other
things doesn’t mean she’s been unfaithful. – SH 16:37pm
I’m a doctor, we were using protection.
I suspected that she’d cheated when
you announced her pregnancy at the
wedding. She was on her hen night
around the conception date so it
was a one night stand, I’m guessing.
You’d have told me about an ongoing affair. 16:40pm
Yes, I would have done. If you thought that then
why didn’t you confront her or something? – SH 16:42pm
I didn’t want one night to ruin our
entire relationship. So I said nothing
and decided to raise the baby as my own. 16:43pm
I’m sorry. That can’t have been an easy
decision to make. – SH 16:45pm
I was trying to protect the normal life
I thought I was building. Gp practice,
wife, kids, house, car. Should have known
I was just making sandcastles. 16:48pm
You aren’t made for that sort of life, John.
You need to accept that. – SH 16:49pm
You say that like it’s my only option. 16:50pm
It *is* the only option. The only logical
one anyway. Normal life suffocates you
and railing against what you actually need
is just making you miserable. – SH 16:51pm
Well, you’re right about one thing, at least. 16:52pm
I *am* miserable. 16:52pm
But accepting it isn’t my only option. 16:53pm
John. Don’t be stupid. 16:53pm
John, where are you? 16:54pm
I’m not in London. I needed space to think. 16:55pm
Missed call from Sherlock 16:55pm
Missed call from Sherlock 16:56pm
JOHN! Answer your phone! 16:56pm
No, you’d probably be able to deduce where
I am by bird song and traffic sounds. If you want to
talk to me, we do it this way. My way. 16:58pm
Fine. But if you stop answering then
I’m discharging myself to come find you
and you know what happened the last
time I absconded from hospital. – SH 17:00pm
Emotional manipulation is off the menu tonight.
If you make the decision to leave and something
happens to you, then that’s your choice.
I refuse to feel guilty for it. 17:01pm
I didn’t realise that events had affected
you this much, I’m sorry if you’ve felt
I’ve pushed you too far. Just, please,
don’t do anything rash. – SH 17:03pm
My best friend got shot by my wife, who is
pregnant with another man’s child. She is
also an intelligence agent who has
lied to me since the moment we met.
But when I get angry about that, what do I get told?
That’s what you like.
I do *not* like one word of that. But apparently that
doesn’t matter. Because it’s what I’m attracted to. 17:05pm
I can see that you’re struggling, John.
You’ve been through a lot in a short
space of time. But suicide isn’t the answer.
Please, come back. – SH 17:06pm
Then what is? I’m addicted but I don’t want to be.
I try to live a normal life but just one
‘Could be dangerous.’ and there I am.
Is there even a rehab for what is wrong with me? 17:08pm
There’s nothing wrong with you. Trust me,
please? I’m still trying to find you, I see
you used your card to purchase train tickets. – SH 17:10pm
Yep, lots of train tickets. One for every line
heading out of King’s Cross when I left.
My phone is also on extreme saver mode too,
no GPS tracking, just texts and calls.
I’ve learnt a few things about how not to be found. 17:13pm
I’ll praise you for that in person if you
just come back. You can be tracked
via radio masts. – SH 17:14pm
Yes, but that takes time and the closest you’ll
get is a few hundred metres. Nothing
stopping me from moving on. 17:16pm
Don’t do this. Please. I’m begging you. – SH 17:17pm
I’m not trying to hurt you… and I haven’t
gone away with the intention
to kill myself. I really do need time to think. 17:19pm
Book in with your therapist. Or another one.
Identity struggles aren’t unheard of, there’s
support out there. – SH 17:20pm
Let’s say I did that. Saw someone and worked
through all this rubbish in my head. What if
I’m ‘cured’ of my adrenaline addiction?
Would you be able to accept that? 17:22pm
Accept what? I don’t understand. – SH 17:22PM
What if I never went on another case after that?
What if normal wasn’t just what I wanted but
what I needed too? No craving danger, no finding
out everyone I know is a psychopath.
Would you accept that? 17:25pm
I’d prefer that to you dying, yes. – SH 17:25pm
I can’t say I understand why the fact
that you crave this lifestyle horrifies you.
But I recognise it does and this conflict
has brought you considerable mental distress.
I’ll admit that I would hope the outcome
of any therapy would be you making peace
with this part of yourself. But if the
opposite happened, then I’d miss you
but I’d understand. – SH 17:28pm
Ok, if I do this then I need you to promise
me that you’ll let the therapy run its course.
No trying to blackmail and bully me with
adrenaline rushes or pointing out if I’m bored.
You let me work out if the problem is who I am
or just how I feel about who I am. Can you do that? 17:30pm
Yes. I promise. Just come back. - SH 17:31pm
Fine. I’m heading back to London. 17:32pm
I’m still not forgiving Mary. I forgave her for cheating.
I can’t forgive her for hurting you,
even if she purposefully didn’t kill you. 17:33pm
If that’s your choice, I’ll respect it. - SH 17:34pm
Come to the hospital when you get back
to London. I need to see you. – SH 17:35pm
Sure. See you soon. 17:36pm