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“I was thinking” Ashton starts saying before you’ve even opened your eyes. You’re lying in bed in your shared house in London, your hand locked in Ashton’s grip. “We should take the boys to the aquarium today” He says referring to your three year old twin sons Mason and Finley who are sleeping silently in a room across the hall.
“They would love that” You tell your husband, turning on your side to look at him in all his beauty. His blonde hair is up in tufts and his hazel eyes are soft as he looks at you. You close the distance between the two of you and press your lips to his. “They’ve been learning about sea life in class. Mason loves all the colours”.
Its mornings like this, when the sun is shining through the windows and you can hear Ashton’s heartbeat that you realize how lucky you are for what you have. It brings a smile to your face.
“You are so beautiful” Ashton whispers before he kisses you again. “You’ve looked a little different recently. I know you didn’t cut your hair because I would have noticed but, it’s something” His eyes are searching you with slight curiosity; you just shrug your shoulders as best you can in his embrace.
You hear Finley call out for his mum and clamber out of the bed to go wake the boys up properly. Ashton follows you, throwing on a pair of shorts, into the boys’ room which is all decorated nicely. Being an artist, you wanted to make their room amazing. Cars and trees are painted on the walls and there are posters of the Power Rangers and Spider Man everywhere. Ashton is proud they followed in his footsteps of love for adventure.
Finley sits on his bed in his pyjamas calling out and you pick him up and kiss his head while Ashton gets Mason in his arms and says happily “Morning champs”. The boys are identical which was hard when they were first born, but now they’re toddlers, they’re much easier to distinguish. They both have Ashton’s dark blonde hair and more of your bone structure and whilst Mason has his dad’s hazel brown eyes, Finley’s are blue, like your own. That’s how you tell them apart. Mason is also slightly taller than his brother.
You aeroplane them above your heads out of the room, down the stairs and sit them down at the breakfast table. Ashton cooks up egg on toast but when he puts your plate in front of you, you shiver and excuse yourself. The smell of fried food is overbearing. You run to the bathroom and throw up whatever was in your stomach from the day before. You lean against the side of the bath tub and try to breathe. You’ve known you’re pregnant for two weeks but you don’t know how Ashton’s going to react. When you fell pregnant with the boys, you had only just gotten married and it came as a big surprise, a happy one however, after Ashton had gotten his head around it. But it had been difficult, especially when Ashton was on tour or working longs days and nights. Luckily you worked from your studio in the garden of your home so it was easier to manage the kids but it was still difficult. Adding another child to the mix, you didn’t know how you would cope.
You pull yourself up, take a shower and get changed into a flowery dress as the suns out, ignoring your breakfast completely. You head to the living room and are shocked to see the twins fully cleaned and dressed in t-shirts and shorts, sitting in the living room watching tv.
“The boys are all ready?” You ask. Ashton laughs at the tone of surprise in your voice. “I was only gone for twenty minutes!” Ashton just grins smugly at you and pecks your cheek.
“I need to have a shower. Are you okay? You didn’t eat your breakfast” He says, worry in his eyes.
“I’m fine! I just wasn’t hungry. Go get ready” You smile at him.
He nods and before he heads down the corridor says “You look lovely”. Even after all this time he can still make you blush like a teenage girl.
“Mum! Mummy!” Mason calls and you go and sit in between your sons.
“What’s wrong hunny?” You ask, sorting out his clothes which Ashton has put on him in a rush.
“Where we goin?” He asks.
“Daddy and me are taking you to the aquarium today, to see the fishes! Would you like that Mason?” You smile when he grins wide just like his father does. He shakes his head enthusiastically. “Why don’t you go find Dory?”
He clambers off the sofa and goes to the toy box in the corner of the room to find his Finding Nemo soft toy. You look at your other son who sits next to you quietly, ignoring the television completely. He has a book in his hands, one of yours that he must have found somewhere and although he can’t read the words he still studies them, his eyes moving down the pages.
“Baby, do you want to see the fishes? And the seals?” You ask smiling. He looks up and drops the book into his lap and stares at you.
“Baby” He repeats, his blue eyes looking at yours. You smile at him and he reaches out his hand and points to your stomach. You gasp. “Baby” He says again. You sit back. This is unbelievable. Your son is three years old and he knows you’re pregnant. You cast your mind to try and think how he could possibly know. The only thing you can think of is last week. Ashton was at work and you had picked the boys up from school, taken them home and when you were in the privacy of your and Ashton’s bedroom you had stood in front of mirror looking at and touching your stomach, thinking about the new born. He must have been standing at the door, and saw.
Before you say anything, Finley smiles at you, climbs off the sofa and goes to join his brother with their toy box.
“What’s wrong (Y/N)?” You hear Ashton say as he comes into view, fully clean and dressed in dark skinny jeans and an old Muse t-shirt, hair quaffed and shoes on.
“Nothing” You smile at him, covering your anxiety. You are going to have to tell him soon.
Ashton picks the boys up, one in each arm and despite their protests and carries them outside to the car. Picking up your jacket, bag and keys you follow them.
***
Ashton holds Mason in one arm and holds Finley’s hand as you walk around the aquarium, neither wanting to let go of their dad who they don’t often have time to spend with due to schedules. They love seeing the animals in water and Ashton’s smile beams happiness at being with his sons. You are left holding Dory.
“What about that one guys?! Can you see it? That red one up there!” Ashton says looking at some rare breed of fish which the boys are amazed by. You’re in a large area of the aquarium inside and it is boiling. You take a seat in front of a huge window into the water. The boys come running towards you with Ashton following and tell you they’re thirsty. You find two cartons of juice in your bag and hand them to them. They wander right up to the window.
“Guys, don’t go too far and don’t run off!” Ashton calls. They are a few metres away but right in your eyeline. They stand together, close, looking up at the fishes. Ashton sits next to you, wraps his arm around your shoulder and kisses your cheek. “Are you okay?”
“I’m just really hot” You say.
“Well, I already knew that” He grins. You slap his chest with a smile.
“They love it don’t they?” You smile, nodding your head towards the boys.
“Yeah, Mason won’t stop talking about it” He smiles. “God, I love this. Being with you three. I wish we had more time together.”
You nod. “They love you so much…I love you so much”. Ashton pulls you closer but you keep checking on the boys, glancing to where they stand. “Ash, I-I need to talk to you about something”.
“Okay…?” He looks confused. You pull him into a hug in such a way that you can still see the boys over his shoulder. They point up at the window and drink their cartons slowly. Ashton relaxes into your embrace and asks “What’s wrong?”. The blue light and painted walls and reflecting windows of the room make everything seem quieter and smaller so when you talk, it’s no more than a whisper.
“We’re going to have another baby”. He pulls back to look at your face, searching, surprise vivid in his expression, a smile playing on his lips.
“You’re pregnant?” He asks quietly. You just nod. “You’re- we’re…w-we’re having a baby.” He grins wider than you’ve seen him grin in a long while. “Oh my god, (Y/N)! How long have you known?”
“Just over two weeks.” You explain.
“Two weeks?! Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” He asks confused.
“I-I was worried.” You say, eyes stilled on his. “You’re so busy and with the twins and-”
“Mummy! Daddy!” The boys call as they run over to you and Ashton, stopping you both from talking. “Can we see the sharks now?!” Mason asks.
“You wanna see the sharks?!” You grin as you tickle him and pick him up. “Let’s go”. Ashton picks up Finley and you head out, feeling his gaze on you.
***
Ashton carries the two boys, one in each arm, into the house. They’re both sound asleep and you follow him into the room to kiss each of their foreheads. You shut the door softly once they’re tucked in and head to your room. It’s only just gone six pm but you change out of your dress into a t-shirt and a pair of Ashton’s boxers to act as shorts.
You head downstairs and into the kitchen where Ash stands making two cups of green tea. You go over to him and lean against the counter. He concentrates on pouring the hot water rather than looking at you.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” He asks. You’ve had to keep quiet throughout the day, this is the first chance you’ve had to talk, just you and him.
“I was scared” You say.
“(Y/N), you’re my best friend. You’re my wife. Why could you possibly be scared to tell me you’re carrying my child?” He frowns. This has upset him more than you thought.
“I’m sorry” You say. “You’re so busy right now with work and everything and so am I and we’ve got the boys and I was just scared okay- I was scared.” You feel your eyes water with tears you didn’t know you were holding.
“I’m sorry, please don’t cry” Ashton pulls you into a hug. “Don’t cry love. You never have to go through anything on your own. And not this, not something so brilliant. You never should have worried about it” He says, empathy clear in his voice.
You pull back to see him smiling. “How many weeks are you?”
“I went to the doctor’s a couple of days ago. They said 11 weeks” You say.
“11?! And you didn’t notice or feel it before, that you might be pregnant?” He wonders.
“Everything was so much worse with the twins – the morning sickness, the mood swings. It’s not been anywhere near as bad with this one” You feel your hand go to your stomach. “I’m hardly showing at all”. You were curvy already so you just thought you might need to cut down on your sugar intake. Ashton kneels down, his hands gripping onto your hips and he kisses the material over your stomach, only the tiniest bump there. He looks up at you and you melt at his hazel eyes.
“I am so happy” He says quietly but you can see his eyes are watering. He stands up and kisses so hotly you can feel his jubilance through your lips. “Are you happy?”
You look up at your husband and behind him; on the fridge is a photo of you in a hospital bed, Ashton sitting next to you, each of you holding one of your new born sons, the brightest smiles on both your faces.
“Couldn’t be any more so”.