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Being cooped inside the apartment most of the time was hard. Sebastian had never been happier that you had insisted on getting a place with an outside space. The four balconies on each corner of the apartment had never been put to use as much as they were these days.
Still, the kids were claiming on the walls after being on lock down for almost two weeks now. At first it had been nice. Everyone was home and together. The kids loved having both their parents around with absolutely nothing to do other than playing with them, cooking together and cuddling on the couch at night. After two weeks the novelty wore off and boredom set in. Isabella and Alexander had never really been whiny kids but they seemed easier to tears these days. Sebastian felt an unease in his entire body from the lack of physical regime he was usually keeping. He still worked out as well as he could, but he was itching for a run.
You had seemed fine at first but these past few days you had started to draw into yourself in a way Sebastian hadn’t seen you do since Isabella had just been born. You were still very much pregnant, so Sebastian knew it was another postpartum depression, but he worried. Finding time to talk to you was difficult too with the little ones being around all the time, especially since you had been starting to redraw to the bedroom claiming you were tired and needed to sleep as soon as they were in bed. The past two mornings you had also been up and out of bed when Sebastian woke up.
Sebastian hoped he would get to talk to you tonight even if he had to play a little dirty to get time with you.
“I’m tired. I’m heading in,” you stated as soon as the two of you exited the kids’ room and Sebastian instantly stretched his arms over his head yawning, sending you a small smile.
“That sounds like a great idea. I’m beat,” Sebastian answered, making your eyes widen a little.
“Really? I thought you…” You started, but Sebastian just shook his head.
“Narh. I’m tired. Let’s go to bed,” Sebastian smiled, trying his best to calm your mind. He wasn’t sure what was going on in there but he would be damned if he wasn’t going to find out.
Getting ready for bed was done in quite, even if Sebastian could practically see the wheels turning inside your head. You were carrying something, and whatever it was he didn’t want you to do it alone. The only trouble was his own anxiety. It had gotten better over the years. He suspected it had everything to do with you and the kids, but when things were off between the two of you he still struggled. He did at times anyway, but you always saw. Talking things out with you somehow always made everything better. Now when the thought he could be losing you entered his head his mind was reeling and he was fighting to keep himself under control.
You crawled into bed keeping on your own side as you laid down, trying to get comfortable. Sebastian sat against the headboard watching you, trying to stop the movie playing inside his head where you told him that this time had made you realise you no longer loved him and it was time to go your separate ways. He tried so hard to control it but he couldn’t. The rational conversation he had wanted to have with you, asking you about your mental health and what he could do to help you went out the window the moment the words fell from his mouth.
“Are you thinking about leaving me?” Sebastian asked and he wanted to kick himself when your head whipped around and your eyes met his. You struggled due to your 7 month huge pregnant belly but managed to push yourself back into a seating position. Shook and concern were written all over your face as you looked at him.
“What? No,” you insisted and Sebastian drew a sigh of relief. Relief was quickly replaced by shame though as he saw your face softed.
“Why would you think that?” you reached out taking his hand and Sebastian instantly gave it a small squeeze.
“I… I don’t know. I wanted to talk to you tonight and suddenly I started thinking that maybe all this time being stuck inside the apartment with me had made you realise…” Sebastian started, but you stopped him placing your free hand against his cheek before he could finish.
“I love you Sebastian Stan. So much more than you know. Yeah I’m going stir crazy and I’m scared half the time but it has nothing to do with you or how I feel about you,” you insisted.
Sebastian frowned, “you’re scared?”
You looked down, nodding and Sebastian could tell you were struggling holding back the tears.
“Come here.”
Sebastian quickly shifted, pulling you to sit between his legs resting your back against his chest. He wrapped his arms around you, pressing a soft kiss against your cheek and neck.
“Don’t shut me out, honey. If you’re scared of something you have to talk to me about it. Please?” Sebastian gently pushed, as the tears started to silently fall down your cheeks. You turned a little burying your face against his arm, allowing him to just hold you and calm you for a while. Sebastian kept pressing small kisses to your skin wherever he could reach and running his hand up and down your arm, gently rocking you.
“What if all of this isn’t over in a few weeks?” You muttered. “I’m fine staying in here with you and the kids. What about when I have to go for my check up in a few days? What if the world is still like this when she is born? What if I get sick when I’m still pregnant or she gets sick at the hospital? What will happen to her?”
Sebastian tightened his hold around you as you talked. It wasn’t like any of those thoughts hadn’t crossed his mind but he also knew the chances were slim. He could reason with himself and keep his own mind in check using facts and statistics, but he also knew from experience those wouldn’t work on you right now. Everything was emotions when you were pregnant and he should have foreseen this. He was pissed at himself that he hadn’t but none of that mattered right now, all that mattered was you.
“We’ll go by car to the check up. We won’t go until last minute so we won’t have to spend too long in the waiting room,” Sebastian suggested and he started to feel you relax. All you needed was to talk this out and be taken seriously. Sebastian knew you better than he knew himself. “As for the birth. Honey, we still have time. We’ll figure it out. If you feel safer doing it at home and away from the hospital we’ll do that. We’ll talk to Dr. Mcknight about it. You’ll be fine and our daughter will be perfect and healthy just like the other two monkeys next door,” Sebastian smiled, when you giggled against his arm. You are relaxing more now.
“We’ll figure it out. I promise. Even if we have to stay inside the apartment for a year or two,” Sebastian teased, causing you to groan.
“Don’t say that,” you complained, looking up at him with a pout Sebastian could help but lean in and kiss away.
“I could do that though. It wouldn’t be easy, but as long as I have you with me there’s nothing I couldn’t get through,” Sebastian smiled, when you lovingly rolled your eyes at him.
“Okay that was sappy even for you, Seba” you laughed, squealing when Sebastian started tickling you.
You struggled to get away but all you achieved was somehow getting stuck with Sebastian hovering above you, with a cheeky smile on his face.
“If you don’t like sappy, I could just make you forget for a while instead,” Sebastian teased wiggling his eyebrows at you, causing you to laugh.
You reached up, running your fingers through his hair with a small smile on your lips as you pulled him down towards you.
“Yes please.”