Work Text:
Justin’s POV;
There comes a point when enough is enough, when the thin ice that you’ve been skating on for so long finally breaks. I’ve had enough, I can’t do this anymore. I have been standing on this cliff for years now, and this was just that final push. I leave the stage, abandoning the booing crowd. I was at a award show, and when I came up to get my award everyone booed me. It’s not like it’s my first time getting booed. In fact, I’ve been booed a lot. But that’s not the point. That little boo, was enough to send me off the edge.
“Justin! Where are you going?” Alfredo yells after me.
“Home, I just need to get some rest. I’ll see you tomorrow,” I tell him. He searches my eyes then nods his head.
“Okay, don’t take it too seriously,” he says. I give him that fake smile that I have mastered over the years and leave the building.
It wasn’t even that big a deal but when you have all these things piling down on you, one by one, you start to fall apart. It just becomes too much to bare. I am in my car now, I am almost home. Can I really call it home though? It sure doesn’t feel like home. Everytime I go there, people are waiting outside with cameras and microphones. Luckily tonight, no one is waiting outside. I go inside and go straight to my room. I sit in my bed and I can feel the tears tug at my eyes, but I refuse to let them fall. My verison becomes blurry and I blink away the tears. Stay strong, Justin. You can do this. I reached out and grabbed my laptop. I open up my twitter to see all the crazy rumors about me and a few messages from my beliebers. I click on the new tweet button. “Twitcam in 5 minutes.” I immediately get a ton of replies of fans asking if I will be taking questions. It seems like everyone always wants something from me whether it’s a photo, autograph, or for me to stop making music. Well, I will finally give them what most of them want. I look to my phone to see a message from my mom. I grab my phone and call her.
She picks up immediately.
“Are you okay, Justin?” she asks me. I sigh, I can never lie to her. She has been the one person who has supported me through all of this.
“Yeah, I’m just tired,” I tell her implying a different meaning to tired.
“I know things are bad now, but they will get better,” she tells me. I clench my teeth at hearing her sweet voice.
“I’m not sure about that anymore,” I tell her. I look around my room to keep the tears from falling.
“What do you mean?” she asks. I sigh and bit down hard onto my lip.
“Nothing.” I then add, “I love you.” I can’t hold back the tears anymore.
“I love you too.” Tears are now streaming down my face.
“Remember that I love you no matter what happens,” I tell her.
“What are you talking about?” she asks. I gave myself away, how could I be so stupid. I have to go through with this. I click the end button on my phone. It’s time for the twitcam.
“Hi guys, so this twitcam is not a normal twitcam where I answer your questions or tell you some exciting news. There’s been a lot of stuff going on and I just want to come clean, tell you my side of things. You will finally get to hear the truth, so for the next 36 minutes I will tell you everything.” I pause before starting.
“Where to start? I guess I’ll start when things started to go bad. Being able to live my dream is amazing but it comes with its downsides. When I first released One Time, I got a lot of fans but I also got a lot of hate. So many people called me gay, or a girl. My entire life I have been called a fag, retard, gay, lesbian, untalented, worthless, ect. At first, I just ignored it but it just got worse over the years. When you get called something so much, you start to believe it. I started to believe that I’m worthless, and untalented. This was all in 2012. And then Avalanna passed away.”
I am once again struggling to hold back the tears. “Avalanna was more than just another fan to me. She was like another little sister to me. We just had this connection. I really loved her. And then she died. Losing someone you love, is the worst thing in the world. I started to become depressed. And then Selena and I ended things. I had all these bad things all going on at once. I was going through so much pain, I needed a way to forget about it. So, I went to drugs and alcohol. I used them to take the edge off. It helped me forget all the hurt inside. At the time, I started spending time with Lil Twist. We had always been friends but we grew really close during that time. He wasn’t the best influence on me. I did some things I’m not too proud of with him. One day, we got in a huge fight, he admitted that he was only my friend to try and ruin me.”
Tears have formed in my eyes once more. I try to recollect myself, and then I continue. “I used to have so much faith in people and I trusted everyone. I thought that deep inside everyone was good.” I shake my head and let out a chuckle. “Man was I wrong. I really only trust like three people now. It’s crazy how things change. I guess fame taught me how cruel people can be. The media throughout my career has continued to spread crazy rumors about me. That make me out to be someone I’m not. And the worst part was, people believed them. People actually thought I would do all of those things. And some of those people who believed that, were my fans. Do you know how hard it is to have your own fans questioning you?” Tears are pouring down my face. “The whole reason I am here is because of my beliebers. I am so afraid of losing you. I have already lost a lot of you.”
My eyes drift to the comments. Most of them from my beliebers saying that they won’t leave me. But I know they will. They will eventually grow up and forget all about me, and all I will be is a distant memory. “Five months ago I was diagnosed with depression. I’ve been taking pills and trying to hide it from everyone. I haven’t been happy in a while. Everyone around keeps on living their lives while I am just stuck here frozen in time. I can’t move on. I don’t even know what I’m moving on from. Everywhere I go I am surrounded by hate and sadness. I don’t want to be this sad person but I don’t know how not to be.”
I look to the time, I have ten minutes left. “Last week, I got arrested and it’s not something I’m proud of. It really was a reality check for me. I can’t keep using drugs and alcohol as my way to escape reality. I could of killed someone. But the thing is without a way to numb the pain, I am forced to face all this heartache. And no matter how hard I try I just can’t be happy. I am running out of time so I need to wrap this up. Thank you for supporting me through all of this but I can’t do this anymore. I love each and every one of you remember that. Some may say that I’m taking the easy way out but I really don’t know any other way out of this labyrinth. So, I guess this is goodbye.” I give them half a smile and click end. I glance over to the tweets and see millions of mentions. I shut my laptop. I can’t back out now. I hear a knock at my door but I ignore it, the door is locked. Hateful words echo through my head as I grab what I need. Justin Bieber is a fag. He is a worthless gay freak! He doesn’t deserve all this fame or his fans. He would be better off if he just killed himself.
I gripped my fingers around the object as someone banged on my door. I pulled the object to me.
“Justin, open up!” A voice yelled outside the door. It was too late.
No one could save me now. I wrapped my fingers firmly around it and put it to my head. “You are going to give them what they want,” I tell myself. I take a deep breath as my life flashes before my eyes. I finally collect all of the courage within me and pull the trigger. They are better off without you.
* * *
Alfredo banged on Justin’s door frantically.
“Should we call the police?” Scooter asked him. That’s when the gun went off. Their hearts skipped a beat as the noise echoed throughout the house.
“Call the police,” Alfredo told him. He banged on the door more forcefully this time as panic rose within him. He then began to jump into the door, trying to pry it open. Scooter joined him, their bodies slammed against the door with prodigious force. The door finally gave in and gave a breach. Their hearts pounded rapidly in their chests as they looked around Justin’s room. Pang flayed in their hearts as their eyes caught a glimpse of remnants of Justin’s face. Justin was sat up, leaning against the bedboard. His eyes lay slightly open but yet they were lifeless. His arms lay limp, and his hand held a gun. Alfredo and Scooter then mustered up the courage to look at his face. His face was covered in blood. On the side of his head was the wound, it was open and black. Blood oozed out of it, dripping onto the bed.
“I-is he dead?” Alfredo stared at Justin’s body astound. Scooter nodded his head as his trembling hands took out his phone to call an ambulance.
Justin was announced Dead On Arrival(DOA). Pattie had been at a book signing in Boston when Scooter called her. She stepped out into a back hallway. Scooter spoke fast and his words came out jumbled together.
“What?” Pattie asked him.
“Pattie, you need to come to California now. I can arrange a jet to pick you up if you can’t book a flight.” Scooter’s voice was shaky and in a state of panic.
“What’s wrong? Is Justin okay?” Pattie asks in a calm voice.
“J-just come here,” he pleaded with a tremulous voice.
“Scooter, tell me what is going on.” Pattie was getting frustrated now but she kept her voice tranquil. Scooter on the other hand sounded as if he might break down at any moment.
“I can’t tell you this over the phone.” Pattie was outside now. It was mid fall and it was sort of cold in Boston. Wind made her hair fly back and goosebumps appear on her pale skin.
“God damnit, Scooter! Just tell me!” she demanded. She could hear him take a deep breath.
“J-Justin sh-shot himself.” He managed to force the dismal words out of his throat. He was still in shock that the same Justin that he watched on youtube, fascinated by his undeniable talent, had shot himself. It took a while for Pattie to comprehend what had happened.
“I-is he okay?” she asked as tears filled her eyes.
“Pattie, I’m so sorry. We were too late, by the time we got into his room, he was long gone. And by the time the Ambulance arrived, they couldn’t save him. I’m so sorry.” She could tell that Scooter was crying. She was crying as well. Tears slide down her face as she fell to the ground.
She curled up in a ball, wrapping her arms around her legs, pulling them into her chest. Her phone had dropped to the ground. Tears rolled down her cheeks as she buried her head in between her arms. She rocked back and forth as her eyes shot, shutting out her world around her. This can’t be true. This is all a dream, an illusion. Justin is still alive. Everything is okay. Everything is fine. She kept on telling herself. She opened her eyes and faced reality. She had this burning pain in her chest, like their was a hole in her chest.
“Pattie, are you okay?” Her friend, Jenna who came with her on the trip, ran over to her. She was on the ground next to Pattie. She put her hands on Pattie’s arm but Pattie pulled away. She had this horrible pain in her chest that wouldn’t go away. She screamed out in pain multiple times.
“Pattie!” Jenna placed her hand on Pattie’s face, forcing their eyes to lock. Her breathing slowed to match Jenna’s. “Tell me what happened.”
Ally woke up early that morning for some reason. It was a Monday and she had school. She rolled over to see a ton of texts from her friends. She unlocked her phone to see all of them were about Justin Bieber. Ally had been a belieber since the 5th grade, she was now in 10th grade. She was his biggest fan, she made hundreds of videos for him, brought all of his singles the minute they were released, saved up money to go to all of his shows in her town, and went to see both of his movies in theaters opening day. She was the ultimate belieber. She had never ever for a second doubted him. She strolled through her texts. Most of them read; have you heard? I’m so sorry. Are you okay? Did you see this? She clicked on the article attached to the last text. The headline read; Justin Bieber commits suicide. Her heart pounded in her chest, as tears tugged at her eyes. She went to Twitter, in denial. She went to Justin’s accounts, no new tweets since his Twitcam on Sunday. She then went to Alfredo. Alfredo had five new tweets. They read; Justin was a talented kid and he was my best friend. I still don’t understand why he did this. Justin loved his beliebers, I don’t know why he would do this to us. He was such a amazing person. I don’t know how I am ever going to get over this...Please give me some privacy while I cope with this.
Something inside of her shattered as she read through his tweets. It was true. Justin was dead. The one person who taught her to believe was dead. The person who sang the songs she listened to when she was upset was gone. The one person who stopped her from going into depression was gone. She stared at her phone stunned. Tears fell down her face. She didn’t even bother to wipe them, cause each time a tear fell, more came. All her life, she had hoped that one day she would get to meet her idol and tell him her story. But now her idol was dead, and she never got to meet him. She felt sad, and alone but she also felt disgusted and angry. Disgusted at the human race for pushing him off the edge, and angry at anyone who had ever hurt her Justin. He was the reason, years ago that she had stopped cutting herself. She remembered all of the people who had told her how much they hated Justin, or how gay Justin was, or how Justin should just kill himself. Well he did it. They got what they wanted. She felt sick to her stomach. More tears stung her eyes. She couldn’t imagine her life without him. She wouldn’t live another second without him. It was decided.
Everyone took Justin’s death hard. Thousands of beliebers around the world cried themselves to sleep each night, hoping that this was all some sick dream or prank but it wasn’t. Justin’s friends and family found it difficult to comprehend that he would do this and why. Some spent every waking minute trying to figure out why, playing back all of their encounters with him, trying to pinpoint when things went wrong. Others, spent their hours remembering the Justin they knew and loved, Kidrauhl. They spent their time rewatching all of his videos, interviews, performances, and movies. Others, tried their best to forget about him, to lock their fondest memories away in a place never to be found. The memories were too much pain for them to bare, so they numbed the pain with alcohol or drugs. Others, were drowned with guilt, regretting every hateful word they said to him, wishing they could take it all back. And then there were the people who just couldn't stand life without him, so they followed in Justin’s footsteps. It was all like some huge domino effect or butterfly effect as others would call it. One way or another, things fell apart all together after Justin’s death. In the end, people felt bad for how they treated Justin. They felt that they played a part in his death, and truth is, they did. They wished they could turn back time and change things But they can’t. It’s too late. The damage is done.