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The Effect Of Forgiveness On The Mind

Summary:

"Just be normal. Different name. Just act normal, but pay attention to the names that people say. Don't want to respond to the wrong name. No more coffee, it makes you loopy when you drink so much of it. Sneeze if you can't answer the question they ask. If you end up sneezing a lot? Allergies."

She hums thoughtfully. "So I guess I should stop buying Zyrtec?" He laughs, the tone is something she can't quite place. "Huh Jacob?" He laughs again, this time with true joy, amusement maybe.

"Ahh no. Well yes on the Zyrtec. But I'm not Jacob, I haven't been in a long time. I prefer Tom. It meant I was your sweetheart."

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Elizabeth hadn't been undercover in several months, and she wasn't very good at it to begin with. She tries to breathe with the exercises that Aram emailed her. It was some kind of 'wellness guru' but on the internet you can never tell. The more she tries to focus, the more nervous she gets and eventually she gives up. She feels like her apprehension shows on her face but no one seems to be treating her any different. She's probably blowing the whole thing out of proportion. Forgiving Tom is one thing but for some reason, seeing him again feels like hell. How the hell were they supposed to start over after everything that happened between them. What's more is it wasn't her proposition to start over. It was out of her hands. The drink 'date' had seemed to go well but she could've miscalculated.

 

She hadn't gone undercover in several months but she hadn't seen Tom for longer. That was the really nerve wracking part, she keeps picturing all the ways that the mission could fail, and in every scenario she dies, he dies, or the Blacklister gets away. What's more is she skimped on sleep and now she'd downed four and a half cups of coffee.

Her nerves finally get the best of her when Tom actually does show up.

He walks up to her all confident and self assured. She blurts "I have to pee." and darts off. It's not a lie, but she kicks herself nonetheless. Tom was the only person who could make her nervous. Not even Anslo Garrick could, with his gun to her head and his assurance that killing her would crack Reddington. He hadn't had to though, the same thing couldn't be said for Luli though. 

Tom is different though. Love of her life. Somehow she feels like it still applies.

 

She sits in the bathroom longer than needed after she does her business and washes her hands. She grips the counter steeling herself, hoping to bring up some newfound confidence. She decides the whole thing is pointless, breathing deeply and closing her eyes. She opens them and exits the bathroom. Hands still partially damp from the low powered dryer, although she suspects it was just the motor dying. 

 

Tom is standing away from the desks in the war room, he practically beams at her when she comes into his view. He strides over to her in several steps and she thinks briefly about faking a UTI.

"Liz." His voice is calm and she wonders how he can be so calm all things considered. Sure she'd forgiven him for his 'indiscretion' although phrasing it like that makes it sound like he cheated on her, so maybe not quite that word. She tries to think of a more inoffensive word. She blanks. 

 

"Nervous?" She looks at him helplessly, eyes widening slightly. He always could read him. It wasn't fair, she's supposed to be the profiler. Although, not many other people could read her so well.

She exhales. There's no point in lying, and they promised each other honesty, even if it wasn't pleasant. She nods and he reaches out and pulls her closer. He puts his chin in her hair, wrapping his arms around her. She nearly melts into him.

 

"Just be normal. Different name. Just act normal, but pay attention to the names that people say. Don't want to respond to the wrong name. No more coffee, it makes you loopy when you drink so much of it. Sneeze if you can't answer the question they ask. If you end up sneezing a lot? Allergies."

 

She hums thoughtfully. "So I guess I should stop buying Zyrtec?" He laughs, the tone is something she can't quite place. "Huh Jacob?" He laughs again, this time with true joy, amusement maybe.

 

"Ahh no. Well yes on the Zyrtec. But I'm not Jacob, I haven't been in a long time. I prefer Tom. It meant I was your sweetheart."

 


 

It's a couple more hours before Reddington gives them their tickets to the event. Reddington keeps his eyes on Tom, distrust evident.  Red explains that they are just the distraction, nothing else. A married couple who are bored with their every day lives. Elizabeth finds that hilarious though, and let's out a high pitched giggle that surprises everyone on the team. Tom smiles at her fondly but she misses it. She's got her eyes screwed shut and her hands on her stomach.

 

"Too much coffee. Not so much sleep."

 

Aram nods and shakes his head in agreement as if it makes perfect sense. Perhaps it does.

 

 

Reddington speaks once more. "Tom has arranged dress and transportation. We're keeping separate this time. There's to be no communication from Tom or Liz to anyone on the team. Even me. In an emergency. Just scream, say a spider crawled up your dress. You're arachnophobic now. Only if the emergency happens and you're not close enough to assist. Downstairs perhaps." Reddington just shrugs. As if he's just told her that he's got to buy milk.

 

"Okay I'll scream, but how will I know that there's an emergency."

 

"The security system will chirp once, like a fire alarm that has low battery, or is cold. It will be heard throughout the room but most likely be ignored by party-goers."

 

"I'll scream if I hear a beep then." She pulls a face. Just to mess with him.

 

He rolls his eyes. "You can be so childish sometimes." He looks like he's about to say something else but he bites his tongue. He thinks briefly how she's just as childish as her mother used to be.

 

"Donald and I will steal the external drive in the upstairs office. Once we're out Dembe will clone it and I will return it, you two will be upstairs in case an alarm is tripped. You distract the help, or security. Whoever comes up first. "

 

 

Elizabeth mock salutes him, leaning into the whole childish thing.

 

If he thinks she's childish now he'll just have to wait and see. She's getting pretty tired of him treating her like a child. She might as well act like one.

 


 

 

It's eight when they arrive. Liz is wearing an off the shoulder red dress that would be floor length if not for the strap black heels she's wearing underneath. It feels odd not having a mic or ear piece undercover, but it would be too dangerous. Every attendee is scanned, thoroughly. 

People dance and laugh and drink. She's offered several drinks from different patron that they talk to through the night but she declines all of them.

 

When one of the women starts to get suspicious -the girlfriend of the mobster throwing the party, Lily.-she thinks quickly and pulls Tom closer. She puts her hand on his chest and he's quite confused at first, but he trusts her and goes along with it.  She makes a show of looking around and lowering her voice. She puts the clutch she'd been awkwardly hauling around under her arm. "Well okay. If you can keep a secret?" The woman huddles closer. Liz puts the hand she had on Tom's chest on her stomach and it clicks in his head.

 

"Are we telling now?" He puts on a big smile. His eyes crinkle and pushes his glasses up on his nose with his pointer finger.  She nods and giggles falsely.

The woman's eyes bulge and she squeals before putting her hand over her mouth.  It's as if she herself was telling people she was pregnant.

 

"Ooo. Do you know the gender? Do you have a name?" The woman is buzzing, off more than alcohol now. She touches Liz's stomach.

"Ooh lucky now to have such a bump. When I was pregnant, a long time ago mind you, but My bump was so obvious. Then again though the baby gave me some strange cravings."

 

Liz looks at Tom, she doesn't even have to say she's uncomfortable now. He chimes in. "It's a girl. And we do have a name. Honey?" The woman releases her and she let's out a thankful breath.

 

"Oh I was thinking Agnes. I love that name and we thought it was great." It's the same name they were going to pick for the baby they were going to adopt. Tom gets hazy for a second, but it goes unnoticed by the two ladies, who are now discusses nursery colors. Liz is telling the woman she wants the room to be neutral when the chirp goes off.

 

Liz rocks on her heels and looks to Tom. Her voice raises little higher. "You know what? It's time. Bump will show soon. I think it's time to tell people, what do you think babe?" Tom smiles that smile again and claps. "Yeah I do. I agree." He pulls her in and kisses her forehead. She raises her arms around him and shouts.

 

"We're having a baby!" She cheers and smiles and sheds a tear, people are cheering loudly. Congratulating them on 'Their wonderful new addition'.  The noise and cheering is so loud that

it gives Reddington and Ressler the chance to sneak out of a lower window. They're on their own now.

 

For a second Tom wishes they'd never separated in the first place, even though they're back together now. He wishes he hadn't done her wrong to begin with.

The woman, Lily, pulls on his arm and lowers her voice, concerned. "What's wrong?" Her eyebrows crinkle. He leans toward her whispering. "She's just so beautiful." He probably does look awestruck, but he can't help it.

 

Liz is more comfortable now, she's still pumped full of caffeine but she knows that whatever happens to them now, they're on the same page. Tom puts an arm around her and they sway to a song that neither of them knows and neither is going to remember tomorrow.

 

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