Chapter Text
Rushing out of the kitchen was the only thing she could do to gain some sort of control over herself and her suddenly raging emotions. She was pretty sure she uttered enough words to the people she left behind to explain her actions, and at least for now she was not followed. Which she was more than a little grateful for.
Climbing the stairs two at a time with her heels on was nothing out of the ordinary for Jen Harding, the loud thumps giving her a powerful feeling. She wanted to slam her door as soon as she made it inside of her bedroom, but the goal was to not attract attention. The last thing she wanted or needed was someone coming in, asking her about her feelings.
Ugh, feelings.
Closing the door, she stepped in fully and awkwardly moved her arms on her sides. She hadn’t realised she had forgotten her wine glass downstairs and right now that felt like a crime against her. Drinking had somewhat gotten out of hand lately but she couldn’t bring herself to care. Right now, she just needed a drink to dull her mind a bit more.
But here she was, alone in her bedroom, without alcohol. So instead she threw herself on the bed and pushed her face into one of the many decorative pillows. And she screamed.
She had insisted on soft, almost silky pillows when they had decorated their bedroom and her husband - well, her ex husband as things had taken quite a turn - had barely even looked at her when he told her to get what she wanted. And right now she was pretty fucking happy to have chosen these pillows. Because screaming into a scratchy pillow would be so much more uncomfortable than screaming into a cloud like abyss.
Loud laughing reached her ears from all the way downstairs and that made her roll on her back. She was listening, just listening. The words were completely muffled but there were several speakers and the tone was excited. Another roar of laughter gave Jen shivers and she closed her eyes.
Tears were slowly falling down her face, leaving traces in her foundation and her mascara was slowly starting to smudge. With every breath, she counted slowly to six, trying to keep the bubbling sob as deep within her as she could. She didn’t want to alarm anyone, nor did she want to feel this way. Not now, not again.
But her chest had started to ache downstairs and she had needed her privacy. Because she was. Feeling things, that is.
She opened her eyes and for once the room wasn’t spinning, which was the most unusual. As of late her life had become one fucked up carousel, going in every and all possible directions known to mankind, in alarming speed, often fuelled with too much wine. But right now, the carousel had stopped even if it was for a moment.
Jen was almost too scared to think too much about it, in fear that the millionth shoe would drop and she would have to deal with yet another new misfortune.
Exhaustion was pulling her eyelids down, her body slowly relaxing and before she knew it, the sleep that had been clawing her took over.
Jen vaguely remembered waking up when the boys had come to wish her good night. Charlie had tried casually asking how she was but she had only had strength to take his hand and mumble something about sleeping. She would talk to him tomorrow.
But what roused her from her dreamless sleep more than she let on in the moment, was when someone started moving the excessive amount - yeah she might have gone a bit crazy, out of spite - of pillows to the ground. There was rather impressive tactics applied to the covers that she was still laying on because in no time they no longer were under her.
Squeezing her eyes shut even more, almost to the point where her face hurt, Jen just waited to see what was going to happen next. And she was in for another surprise.
Soft hands took a gentle hold of her ankles as her heels were pulled off slowly. There was some mumbling at the end of the bed, but she couldn’t make out the words. Attempting to keep her body as still as possible was turning out to be more of a challenge than she had anticipated.
It was very quiet for a long time, and she almost fell asleep again, when suddenly she was covered with her heavy duvet. She had gotten that very soon after Ted had died, needing the feeling of weight. Sure they hadn’t had the model marriage, hell they barely even touched each other, but none the less, it had always felt nice to have someone sleep next to you.
It seemed like this evening was filled with curve balls that she didn’t know what to do with because someone snuggled her very quickly and effectively. And she knew exactly who that was. She had known all along, as soon as the feeling of safety had laid on her like a blanket.
No one had ever made the effort to not wake her like the brunette who had literally changed every single bit of her life with her actions and with her irresistible character. The gentleness of her touch while removing her heels, or covering her for warmth. And snuggling.
Judy was very good at that.
What surprised Jen was that instead of Judy covering her from the back, the brunette had wiggled her arms open to be her little spoon. It was too peculiar to ignore and Jen had to breathlessly question it.
“What are you doing?”
It was like the brunette knew she had been awake the entire time because she wasn’t at all phased by the question that came out of nowhere.
“You were on my side.”
Jen looked around a little bit, a futile attempt in the darkness of the room, but it was enough to realise that she was indeed. On Judy’s side of the bed.
She had no idea when all of it had happened, but one day they just had sides. Jen was on the left and Judy was on the right. She had her things on the nightstand, her blanket tucked securely under the pillow and her perfume was just everywhere.
Everywhere.
Jen hadn’t been able to answer, too busy thinking too hard but that didn’t seem to bother Judy at all. She somehow snuggled so close that their bodies were touching everywhere.
“Hold me, please.”
And Jen didn’t hesitate. It seemed like the easiest decision to make today - maybe ever - to wrap her arms tightly around Judy’s form. The shirt she had on was restricting her hold a little bit, but she didn’t mind. Because she had done what Judy had asked her, to make her happy. And even when she didn’t want to really think of it too much, she was happy too.
It was rather unbelievable what being around someone who understood her so well was like. They were different, almost opposites actually, but they were complimenting each other so fully. And that scared Jen more than anything, almost more than killing someone.
Because this was new and uncharted for her. And the feelings that it had recently stirred inside of her were terrifying. She didn’t know what to do.
Except press her face tightly into the back of Judy’s neck and let her calm breathing lull her back into deep sleep.