Archive of Our Own ^beta

The natural white stars of Assiah rained upon you and the sobbing male. The cold light ricocheted off your face and made your face glow, producing the glittering empathy in your eyes to pour into the saddening atmosphere. Your polished lips were pulled into a resentful frown as you observed the bounce and bob of the shoulders of the male on you.

A fading light blue and white bounced on the walls as Rin's tresses glinted in the chill showering light. As he cried for his late family, he thought passionately about how he loathed every part of himself. He was the embodiment of poignant, piteous, every word that evoked a meaning or sadness. If only, he thought.

His hiccups and cries masked the whispers of cicadas murmuring quietly in the humid summer night. The male had his ivory face buried in your lap and his streaming tears progressively made your clothes damper. You watched as he snuggled his head into your thighs, searching for warmth to aid him in calming down. This disgusting feeling of hopeless bound itself in your chest like a weight while you stroked the messy bluish-white strands in your vision.

He was in so much pain.

The truth of his past revealed the fear he cloaked, the fear of realizing he was indeed a monster, from the animosity moment he was born to his heartbreaking wails at this moment. He witnessed his mother wriggle in pain from being the barrier of him and his brother, he watched as the newly born demon scurry and ignite the Knights of True Cross with blue flames, he watched his mother die, he watched so much. He could only stand and observe. 

That journey did precisely lead to tragedy.

Your chest prickled and ached as you felt him rub his face against your lap, he truly was pitiful.

But you knew he had to cry out his frustration first. He had to think about how much of a lie he was living and make his own choice if he should stay with the True Cross Order but did that really matter at this moment? 

His brother left for the Illuminati all because of him. All because he couldn't understand how to approach him. He was the older goddamned sibling, he should've understood how much pain Yukio was in. He should've reassured that his brother's life is a blessing but here he was crying about shit that was out of his control.

The distressed male's wails simmered into wavering breaths as laid his cheek on your thigh.

His hands grasped the sheets beside your legs as he loudly sniffed back the flowing liquid. "I'm . . I'm so stupid." His wavering voice almost sounded as if he'll break down into hiccups and sobs once more.

The porcelain tufts of his hair were the only things that you could behold when you peered down at the male. Mentally announcing to yourself that his current self-loathing was at its breaking point, you softly caressed his exposed cheek for physical reassurance. "Shiro and Yuri fought hard to protect you and Yukio, Rin."

He continuously whimpered I know as his shoulders lightly shook. The male glanced up to finally initiate eye contact and his deep blue eyes hugged onto a woe. His former pearl skin was flushed crimson due to agitation. His voice cracked as he spoke. "I-I know . . I'm stupid. I'm so stupid for thinking that I shouldn't have been born." He shifted his head and positioned it upright, chin digging in your leg. 

The Nephilim's corneas pulsated with red veins producing his irises to echo a melancholic brightness. The deep blue had a spark of electricity that made them glow in the dimly lit room.

"You bet your ass that it's stupid to wish you weren't born."

And with that, he cracked a lopsided grin. You brushed away any residue of his sorrowful crystals that once expressed his grief, you had to brush the remaining sadness away. He pushed his face in your tender stroking hand, relishing in your delightful warmth. You really did recall him of mom and Shiemi though at the same time you didn't. 

The rich sweetness that your eyes always trickled made him feel satisfied and relaxed. He had no concern about your opinion when he showed weakness because he already knew that you'd welcome him. You'd accept him and stroke him with a safe affection and devotion that rivaled with the moments he spent with his friends. 

And that's when he knew that his harbored feelings shifted from Shiemi to you. His irises glistened with happy stars as he sniffed. 

You watched as he utilized his wrist to wipe the corners of his eyes and smiled. "Hey, uh . .", your gazing was interrupted by his guilt-stricken voice, ". . sorry about your uh pants." 

You blinked once, twice, and guffawed. The male was startled and fell onto his hind as he gawked at you holding your stomach. Your boisterous laughter was loud and beautiful. And contagious.

He erupted into a fit of hearty laughter and closed his eyes. This is why he loved you, at any moment you could simply make him bright again with the snap of your fingers. And boom, here you did it with just finding his apology amusing. 

Your howling died down into titters as you stood up, hand outstretched for him to take. "You . . You really are stupid." 

Rin feigned a glare and grasped your hand. "Yeah, yeah. I heard it about five thousand times already."

Your hand held a rare texture that he admired. They were rough and smooth but somehow they had a softness he found contentment in. You pulled him up with little difficulty. As he stood in his feet, he never ceased his clutch on your palm, instead, he pulled you into a homely embrace. His arms held you tightly; he craved to let you know how much he loved you in this simple action.

The sparkles that rained on you both finally became complementary to the searing sensation you felt among your body. You burned as you felt his nose press into your neck, his breaths on the exposed skin made you shiver. You imitated his loving grip and pressed your face in his shoulder.

You breathed in one another scents, almost afraid that the future wouldn't allow you to see the other person again. 

You were the first to break apart from the clutch but your hands traveled down to grasp his own. His momentary break was coming to an end and you needed to get your point across. Glimpsing up, you met his affectionate gaze. You entwined your fingers with his own, filling in the gaps. "Now, go to where it feels right- go to where you feel is important with that key."

You observed how his eyes shone with unease. Unsure if the option he was going to make was right. The blue-eyed male pushed his forehead on your own and gave you an Eskimo kiss. "[First Name], I . . I wanna go on a date when all of this is over. I wanna make you feel happy like you make me happy."

Your hearted ascended into the heavens as the male in your perception admitted his feelings and it didn't help that his stare was bold and handsome. Pulling your lips into a beautiful smile, you hugged the male again and buried your face in his chest. Your voice was softened by his True Cross uniform but he still easily understood your words. "You . . . you better come back in one piece with your brother. I'll go to Gehenna myself if I find out you both-", your sentence was cut off.

Rin pushed you from his chest slammed his lips on your own. He poured every emotion he experienced in this second into the smooch. Fear, anxiety, sadness, and most of all love. He loved you so much, maybe even too much. 

He was so scared and so happy at the same time, the surge of emotions almost brought him to tears again. Oh, he loved you to pieces and was so scared that he wouldn't see you again if he joined that fight. 

Would he die? Would you die? He didn't know at all but he knew damn well that he was gonna fight for what he loved. He was gonna fight for Shiemi, Konekomaru, Izumo, Bon, Shima, Godaiin, his mother, his father, the people who raised him at the monastery, the humans, and you.

Your lips moved against each other feverishly, desperate to memorize the partner's taste. Sparkling water glowed in the moonlight as you finally cried. You too were scared and wished for Rin and the others would be safe. 

Due to the progressing lack of air, you hesitantly removed yourself from the male, not desiring to resign from intimate affection. Rin exhaled and inhaled softly as he stared down at you.

"Rin."

"I know."

It was hard to relinquish his arms from your warming form, he didn't yearn to leave you but he comprehended that he had a duty to fulfill. The only sound that was hard in the room was the quiet steps of his feet as he approached your door. Inserting the key, he glanced over his shoulder. 

Your eyes broke his heart as he noticed how they sparkled with bubbling tears. He completely about-faced and gave you a hard stare. "[First Name]."

You sniffed and nodded a sign for him to proceed. Your heart bloomed once more as you observed how his lips curled into a smirk.

"You can bet your ass that I'm gonna take you out and it'll be the best day of your life!"

"It better be, you idiot," you giggled with a sniffle.

His smirk alliterated into a kindhearted smile. 

"I can promise you, it will be."

The click of the key turning inside the knob was heard along with a shut of the door. You plopped down on your bed and broke into hiccups and deafening wails.