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It had been months since that night that I can’t get out of my head. The music, the lights… Him. Every single minute of that night had ticked away so quickly, fleeting despite how much I wished to stay in that moment forever. Though like someone once told me… “The beauty of a moment is that it’s fleeting. If you stayed in one moment forever it would only grow boring and lose it’s shine.” Maybe it is best that night stays as nothing but a memory to me. Though if it does always remain in my memory, I’ll always be tortured by those fleeting memories. The faint warmth of our bodies pressed together through our clothes, the taste of the sparkling wine we had both indulged in. The way the music lulled me into a distant haze, knowing nothing but the steps of the dance, trying desperately to keep up, to not fall under his spell. That’s not how it was meant to happen. He was meant to fall for me, but it seems I miscalculated.
The gallery in my phone had gradually come to be filled with images and videos of him. Scraps of memories we shared after that night, nothing but a desperate attempt to bring back the past. I cannot speak of it. The feelings I felt for him. I can’t let anyone know. Eventually the burden became too much for me to bear and I ran. I didn’t dare look back at what I was leaving. I would never have the courage to turn my back to him again. Now, swallowed by the daily life I had put on hold for him, I try to forget. He’s a part of my past. He’s a part of my past… so why does everything remind me of him? The suits in shop windows as I walk through the mall suddenly are being worn by him as I cross the room to greet him. The bright, azure blue of the sky would form itself into the feathered mask that had so gently grazed my cheek on more than one occasion when I would feel his warm breath as a whisper on my ear.
How do you forget a night such as that? How do you move on when you’ve fallen so quickly into love that it gives your heart whiplash? There’s nothing I can do. Before him, I’m utterly powerless.
Though by chance, by very special chance. We have met again. He happened to be travelling at the same time as I. A chance meeting in the crowded airport of a country foreign to both of us. Our eyes met for only a moment through a sea of people. Is this my chance? The universe screaming at me to finally take my chance and confess to the stormy sea of emotions he had cast me off into? Did he even notice? Or had I slipped off of the boat, my fall silenced by the rolling thunder of the storm that would engulf me? I have to decide. What am I to do?
Is it better to give up this chance? Let that beautiful night remain in my memory as perfect. The perfect night with the perfect man. Or do I go to him? Risk losing everything. Shatter the thin crystal shield with which I’ve been viewing that night through?
I had always been one to take risks and before I realized, my feet were carrying me to him, fighting against the stream of people. My voice, silent to my own ears as was everything now, calling out to him, begging him to notice me even for just one more moment. “Jean?” The voice broke through the silence that I heard. It was just as I remembered.
“Seung-gil!” My voice leapt from my throat as I felt my eyes burn hot with tears but the next moment I was aware of, I was in his arms. That warmth that I had been longing to feel, that scent that burned in my memories and now was covering me. “I love you.” The words came out as a whisper. I wasn’t even sure myself if I had really said them, though the sudden pressure of those warm lips against my own helped me realize that this was all real. Those warm lips that I had longed to feel again, they no longer had the faint taste of champagne on them. We were no longer hiding behind disguises of masks and lies of intoxication. It was all real.