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Jisung always liked to cuddle up at night. Even during hot, summer nights he'd still snuggle up in between Changbin's arms being the small spoon while resting against Chan's chest, having the older's arms around both of them protectively because that's just such a Chan thing to do. So when Changbin shifts in his sleep, scrunching his nose up as he palms around, searching for Jisung's (apparently missing) warmth, it's no surprise that he sleepily opens his eyes, squinting as he searches around the room for any sign of Jisung. He looks up at Chan, and even if he's clearly asleep, he's also clearly sensing Jisung's mysterious disappearance. But Changbin's more sensitive, he always was, so he's obviously the one that eventually gets up from his comfy bed and leaves Chan's protective arms. He stumbles a bit as he rushes a hand through his messy bed-hair and then rubs his eyes as he notices light coming from the hallway.
And they've lived together long enough to know how each one works, so Changbin knows that that light comes from the kitchen, as Jisung usually keeps it lit up because even if he doesn't admit it, he's afraid of the dark. But this, this is not the case and all of them know it. So Changbin exits the room, keeping the door as it was in order to not wake Chan up just yet, and he ventures down the hallway.
He finds the lights on yet Jisung is nowhere to be found. Changbin frowns but he already knows where the younger is. He blinks a few times, tired and sleepy and also bothered by the strong white light coming from the kitchen before walking further down the hallway into the living room, seeing the balcony door slid open enough for the night's breeze mess with their curtains. And with the moonlight, he can spot a silhouette which he immediately recognizes as Jisung. Changbin smiles fondly. He knows what's keeping him up again. Or at least he has an idea of it.
He walks over to the younger, sliding the door further open only to then leave it back as it was, earning Jisung's attention shortly before he turns back to the view in front of him, Seoul's night lights from cars and signs.
Changbin waddles over to him, gently wrapping his arms around Jisung in a back hug, just like a child hugging his mother in a sleepy manner.
"Hey Sungie." He speaks sleepily.
"Hey Binnie." He replies, not as sleepy.
"You abandoned us." He mumbles against the younger's neck.
He snickers, "I did not."
"Yes you did..."
Jisung stays quiet and Changbin knows what that means. He can't help but sigh. He removes his arms from around the younger and Jisung takes that as a sign to turn around and properly look at his boyfriend.
"It's the third time you wake up during the night like this... You either get up to drink water or come here and you only ever return to bed like two hours later..."
Jisung sighs softly but keeps a small smile. "I'm sorry Binnie..."
Changbin finds himself pouting as he looks down and fumbles with the hem of his shirt, staying silent for a good long minute. "...Will you keep it from us for much longer?"
And with that, something small shatters in Jisung's heart. It could be from the upset look Changbin has, his pout, or maybe even his broken, almost tearing up tone that now echoes in his mind, but it's not. It's the fact that Jisung really thought he'd be able to hide something from him, from them. Jisung hasn't been feeling well for the past week and he really thought it was something small, that it'd be gone as fast as it came along, but it didn't. It kept swelling up in his heart and his anxiety really told him to not bother his two most loved boyfriends, that there was no need to bother them, he'd be able to handle it. But truth is, he isn't. Jisung can't handle it alone, and how stupid could he be to even think that neither Changbin nor Chan would notice? They've known each other for years and have been dating for many, of course they'd notice. They always know when the other is not ok and even if Chan is better at advising others and consoling them, they all always work it out together.
So with those words, Jisung can't help but sigh as his eyes suddenly swell up with unshed tears. He smiles softly.
"No... I'm just being dumb." He admits.
Changbin looks up at him worriedly but then frowns with a small pout. "That's my job, dumbass..." He snickers and wraps his arms around the younger's neck, immediately having his hug returned with Jisung's arms around his waist, because even if they're almost the same height, Changbin still is the shortest among them.
"You know you can tell hyung when something's bothering you, right?"
"You can tell both hyungs."
And both depart a bit from their comfortable hug only to look at the door and spot Chan by the doorway with a soft smile, Changbin smiling along just as softly and Jisung's heart clenching just a bit more.
"If there's anything troubling you Sungie, we wanna know..." Chan speaks softly, because when does he not. He continues as he steps closer to them, "We're here for you, we always were. Telling us your burdens and distress won't make you any less of a person, it'll only make you stronger."
And then, Jisung breathes out shakily, his tears finally rolling down his face one by one, slowly and steady.
Changbin usually cries along when someone else is crying but this time, he merely smiles softly at him and gently rubs Jisung's arm, and that's enough to make him break down to tears and sobs.
Changbin's the first to wrap his arms back around Jisung's neck and bring him closer, the younger immediately hiding his face on the older's neck, gripping at the back of his shirt while Chan walks up behind the youngest and easily wraps his arms around both of his boyfriends, leaving a gentle kiss on top of Jisung's head before resting his chin right on the same spot.
They know Jisung. They know he hates to cry in front of people, claiming he doesn't want to "seem weak", so to have him breaking down this way then it meant he needed to hide, but they weren't gonna have it. They all worked their way to figure out that Jisung just needed comfort before speaking about his problems so they easily adapted, this way giving Jisung his time while still letting him know they're always there for him with a hug, and Jisung soon found out he actually loved it more than locking himself up in his room all alone.
So once he's somewhat calmer, but still sooner than what they were expecting, Jisung speaks up.
"I-I've been having recurring nightmares lately.... They're always the same... I wake up at night alone in bed, I see light from the hallway, I get up, open the door and.... It's gone. It's all gone, y-your... Your clothes, your shoes, your photos.... B-Binnie's computer, Ch-Chanie's piano.... All gone..... I-I'm left alone, all alone in this house and it suddenly becomes too big, too much.... I rush back to our room and all I'm left with is a note saying it's over..... I-I'm just so scared you'll leave me..."
And both Changbin's and Chan's hearts shatter a little, grow a little bit more tighter. Because they know Jisung, they know how there's times where he doubts things to this extent. They know his anxiety often acts up and he just can't talk to them, them whom Jisung trusts the most. And they both wonder how did they not figure it out? But they also know very well that now is not the time to think about that. Jisung needs constant reassurance and they care about him too much not to do it.
Chan smiles softly. "Sungie, those are just bad dreams... I know it can be scary, to wake up all alone all of a sudden, but we're always here Sungie. When you wake up in the middle of the night to go to the toilet, we're there right? And when you leave and come back, we're still there right?"
"And we always cuddle you up when you come back."
"Exactly... Sungie, we care too much about you to just leave you like that. You know we would never leave you just like that."
"I-I know but.... It's just so scary..."
"Hey, Sungie" Changbin departs from the hug to cup Jisung's cheeks. "Remember last year when I broke my leg? And we couldn't cuddle up like we usually do?"
Jisung frowned his eyebrows in confusion, looking adorably cute like that, just like Chan did, but he still nodded, urging him to go on.
"I felt just the same, I had one bad dream about it too once... I dreamt that my leg just stopped working and I had to be on a wheelchair. In that dream you both just left me when you heard of that... But when I woke up during that night, I was still resting against Chan's chest and still had your arms wrapped up around me. Because even if we couldn't cuddle, you both still made sure to glue onto me."
Chan ends up smiling endearingly at the story, as he recalls Changbin waking up that night, eyes teary as Chan asked him what was wrong and all the younger did was whine and curl up against his chest, a soft "I love you so much" leaving his pouty lips.
Jisung's heart smoothened a bit. He was starting to understand now why he loved them so much, why his dream was merely just a dream. Because it was just so irrational. His brain liked to play tricks on him, it liked to shaken Jisung's mind up only to have him realize afterwards that he really did love them so much. That maybe even if Chan and Changbin decided to break it up, Jisung wouldn't just quit; he'd go after them. Because he loves them. And they love him just as much.
"And even if you're scared and even if you wake up from that dream again, we'll still be here with you, holding you close, always." Chan assures softly.
Jisung breathes out shakily yet relieved. He feels safe now, he feels secured. He feels more loved than ever.
He holds onto them tighter. "Wanna go back to bed.." He mutters in a whiny tone.
Chan merely chuckles. "Alright squirrel, we'll get you in bed."
And holding both hands, Jisung is taken back to their bedroom. For a moment, he pictures his nightmare. The hallway looks empty from the darkness of the night and their bedroom door is exactly the same way as in his dream. But it's different. Because now, he has Chan holding his hand, opening the door for him. And now, he has Changbin behind him, gently squeezing his hand just a bit tighter, gently brushing his thumb over his hand.
Jisung just feels so secure.
Changbin closes back the door for them, both of them waiting for him because none really want to break apart from the hand holding, and Jisung feels so safe with them.
Chan leads them back into bed, getting in bed first and pulling them both along. He easily pulls the bedsheets back only to bring Jisung into his arms, and soon enough Changbin joins in, pulling the bedsheets back up, carefully tucking them all in and wrapping his arms around Jisung with a hum.
Jisung just feels so warm, so loved.
Jisung sighs as he closes his eyes. And it's nothing like his dream. They're there, they're both there with him. He's not alone in his house, he has his two boyfriends in their home. Everything is in place, everything is right where it should be.
He feels perfect. He feels protected, he feels loved.
And it's not that Jisung has never felt loved, he always did for the past 3 years that they're together. It's just that in moments like these, in moments where he's so insecure, they're always there for him when no one else is. And that just causes him to fall in love with them all over again. It's like Jisung's brain tries to make him think they hate him, yet Chan and Changbin always prove it wrong.
And Jisung's so lucky. He's so lucky to have them both here, right now, loving him and protecting him.
And he just knows, that no matter what dream he might have, he'll still wake up next to them. And he's happy.