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Bang! Bang! Bang!
“Hyunjin, let me in! I just want to talk! Hyunjin, open the damn door!”
I sat on the floor, back pressed against the pounding door with my knees drawn up to my chest, hands clamped over my ears, eyes squeezed shut tightly, rocking back and forth.
Go away. Just please go away, I chanted in my head.
Maybe it would come true if I repeated it enough times.
“Hyunjin, just open the door!”
Go away, go away.
“Please?”
He sounded so defeated.
Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.
I let out a shuddering breath as I slowly crept to my feet, hands shaking as I carefully turned the door handle.
He quietened down as soon as the door began to open.
I kept my eyes glued to the floor, refusing to look up.
“Hyunjin.”
That one word. Almost silent, nearly inaudible. Sad and desperate.
My name.
I finally forced myself to look at him, my gaze settling on his face.
His face. His beautiful, flawless, handsome, gorgeous face. His face that I’d kissed countless times before. His face that I loved.
So, so much.
His eyes glistened and his cheeks were wet.
He was crying, I realised with a start.
Hang on. That wasn’t fair! He’s not allowed to cry. Why was he crying? That wasn’t fair.
And even though it was all his fault and I did nothing wrong, even though it should’ve been me that was crying, I felt a wave of guilt wash over me.
“Hyunjin. I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry. I didn’t- I couldn’t…”
He burst into tears before he could continue.
I stared at him blankly.
He swallowed thickly before trying again.
“Hyunjin. I’m sorry. You have to believe me. I am so so so-”
“Sorry?” I finished for him, coldly.
“Yes.”
I felt anger rising up inside of me.
Sorry? Was that all he was going to say? That he was sorry? A five year old could do better than that. Heck, a two year old could do better than-
“I love you.”
I blinked, snapped out of my thoughts.
Fuck.
I was so fucked.
Why?
Because I believed him.
I immediately pulled him into a hug, rubbing his back comfortingly while he sobbed into my chest.
“It’s ok. Everything’s ok,” I murmured into his hair.
“I’m sorry, Jinnie. I’m so sorry.”
“It’s ok. We’re ok. We’re going to be fine.”
But was it ok? Were we going to be fine?
No.
We weren’t fine.
Not in the slightest.
But I needed us to be fine.
So we were going to be fine.
This wasn’t the first time he’d cheated, but I’d gotten over that then and I’m going to get over this now and everything was going to be fine.
Because this wasn’t going to be the last time he did this either.
I could tell.
“I love you, Hyunjin,” he mumbled after a while.
I kissed his forehead gently.
“I love you too, Channie.”