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2020-06-03
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1/1
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close enough to see your eyes

Summary:

Oh, to be with your boyfriend and be tormented by a smidge of guilt.

Notes:

so, chapter 4... scarabia fans how we feeling?

this was partially written before the last part of chapter 4 came out. i changed parts of it but if there's some inconsistency that's on me.

title from m2u's body talk.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Kalim breathes in the fresh air, leaning on the balcony's railing, far away from the crowd. He may be a people's person, but even he's all tuckered out. It's been endless hours of polite greetings, pretending to be interested in what they had to say, nod once in a while, act like he's listening, and move on to the next guest.

And there's gonna be another one in... three days. Kalim sighed, glancing at the shut door. Can't I just leave for a bit? Father won't mind, I think...

As much as he wants to, he can't just sneak away. His father wouldn't be happy if he just up and disappeared from the party, and he doesn't want to be an embarrassment to his family. Especially in front of their guests.

But if I can come up with something...

"Kalim?"

Kalim smiled at the source of the sound. "Jamil. Come to relax, too?"

Jamil shook his head, crossing his arms. "No. Your father asked where you were."

Of course. Kalim puffed up his cheeks. "Can't I have even a minute to myself?"

"Unfortunately, no."

The heir groaned, mustering his best kicked puppy dog eyes, "Please? Pretty please? I won't bother you for the rest of the day tomorrow, I promise!"

A moment of silence passed, until Jamil gave in. "Fine, since I'm such a nice guy. I'll come up with something. And don't make promises you can't keep."

Kalim leapt to hug Jamil, practically crushing said man, "Aw, thanks, Jamil! You're the best!"

Jamil turned away, hiding his flushed cheeks behind his hand, "It's nothing."

It only took several minutes (which is unusual, usually it took longer for anyone to convince his father of anything) until Kalim could see Jamil making his way to the balcony, keeping himself out of sight from the crowd. "What did you say?"

"That you've come down with a stomach bug," Jamil let out a small laugh at Kalim's pout, "Well, it worked. Get well soon, he said." He paused. "And to be more careful next time."

"Yes! Thank you, Jamil!"

Jamil frowned, his face heating up. Kalim knows he gets flustered easily with too much praise. "Enough with that already."

"Fine, fine. Well, what're we waiting for?" Kalim grabbed Jamil's hand, a cheeky smile on him, "Let's go!"


They found themselves walking through the gardens. None of the guests roamed the area, they much prefer the comfort of the bright lights, warmth, and food inside the manor. Kalim held onto Jamil as they jumped down from the balcony to the lower ground.

Jamil brushed off the dust that got caught on his pants upon their (not so smooth) descent, "Let's never do that again."

"Why not? It's fun! Besides, it's not the first time we've done it."

"And not the last, I suppose."

There's more spring in Kalim's steps as he jumped down the garden stairs. Jamil admonished him for it, but Kalim simply brushed it off with a laugh- which was expected. They passed the carefully trimmed hedges and trees, the grass crunching under their shoes. They arrived by the fountain located right in the heart of the gardens, illuminated only by the floor lights. Statues were built on top of the fountain, a man reaching for the stars and a woman dipping her fingers into the water below.

"Finally, some peace and quiet."

"I guess even you could tire out from all the festivities."

"You know I'm all for parties," Kalim slumped by the bench in front of the fountain, "But even I have my limits. Three parties in four days, three! And sure, I'll get a couple of days until the next one but... this is too much."

Jamil hummed, sitting beside his liege, "You forgot more outfit fittings, the hours spent sitting still just so I could put your makeup on..."

"Please don't remind me."

"It's not like I want to do all that either. But someone had to, else you'll never get anything done."

Kalim pinched his arm, "Alright, I get it."

The two stayed like that: talking about nothing, Kalim shifting closer to Jamil until they're side by side, intertwining their fingers together. Jamil raised a brow but said nothing of it. Does he want to say anything about it?

How can he be unbothered about what I did? Jamil lowered his gaze. It may have been a year and a half after his overblot, months after they finally became a thing, yet it still gnaws at him.

Despite all that, Kalim still strived to get close to him. Even after he tried to push him away, Kalim kept coming back.

What did I do to deserve you?

Kalim appeared in his view, tilting his head a bit. "You know, this place is perfect."

"For what?"

Kalim grinned, "Dancing, of course!"

Jamil felt himself being pulled by the other, letting out a noise, "Wh- Now!?"

"Why not?"

Jamil doesn't really have a rebuttal for that. Kalim smirked, "Don't worry, no one's here to see you trip over yourself."

Jamil scoffed, "Just because I let you win that dance festival one time... Besides, why drag me into this?"

Kalim smiled (it seemed so bright, maybe it's the moon, maybe it's just Kalim's being in general), "Because I want to dance with you."

Was that on purpose? He gave his best deadpan expression, "Do you ever watch what you say?"

"What's wrong with what I say?"

"Nothing. You wouldn't get it."

"Hey!"

The two weaved against each other, together, in tandem. Like this, his problems seem to melt away. Despite what happened, despite their different positions, they're able to move as one.

Always have been.

"You're improving," Jamil said, almost absentmindedly. Kalim's just as surprised as he is, "You think so? Thanks!"

Jamil looked over, sidestepping him. There's a big dumb grin on Kalim's face, he couldn't decide whether he hates it or not, "Don't let it go to your head."

He pretends he didn't see the sparkles in Kalim's eyes. He pretends his heart didn't skip a beat when their hands touched, and that he wasn't disappointed when they parted too quickly. He pretends his sight didn't linger a little too long when Kalim spun.

He's not doing a good job at that.

He didn't know how long it went on for, but by the end of it he could hear incoming voices, most likely the guests. I didn't even realise the party's done...

He grabbed Kalim mid-step, ducking below the hedges. "What's wrong?"

Jamil dragged his liege by his arm, hunching low to keep them away from the guests' line of sight, "We have to get you back to your room before your family found out you lied to them."

"Uh, you lied to them."

"At your behest. Therefore, it's your lie."

"That doesn't make any sense."

Jamil opted to find one of the many backdoors the house has (all built in a 'just in case' scenario, none of which pleasant), thanking whoever watching over them above that no one loitered long enough to see the heir and his servant sneaking by. He pushed the entangled vines away from the wall. Kalim stared as he pressed specific parts of it, "How do you remember all that? Aren't there hundreds of these?"

"I pay attention," was all Jamil said. He knows Kalim's just giving him a withering glance at his back by now. Once a passage opened, he pushed Kalim in. It's small enough for both to fit, and it never stayed open long enough for someone to notice.


"That was too close for comfort."

Jamil dropped blankets on Kalim's bed, glaring at him, "You think?"

They managed to arrive just in time for Kalim's father to check up on them. He didn't question why the two were clearly out of breath, but Jamil noticed the pointed (definitely not knowing, he refuses to think that it could possibly be that, that's so humiliating) look he gave them.

"You don't have to tuck me in," Kalim grabbed the sheets, "I can do it myself, you know."

"Oh, do you now?"

"Jamil..."

Jamil raised his hands in mock surrender. That earned him another pout. "Stop pouting like that."

"Why? Because I'm too cute?" Kalim batted his eyelashes, his hands clasped together. Jamil snorted, shoving his face away, "Nope. Go to sleep."

Kalim snickered, climbing onto his bed. He smiled at Jamil, stifling his yawn, "I miss dancing with you."

"...me too." Wow, really? That's all you had to say? Sure, why not. Let's go with that.

"Good night, Jamil."

"Night, Kalim."

"Love you."

How can you? "...see you tomorrow."

He closed the door shut.


(One day, after the gap between them closed, after he could finally be free from his fate, after he can sort out his problems, he could say it back.)

Notes:

post chapter 4 is just me scrolling endlessly through twitter in hopes for fanart to heal my soul.

ngl i like unhinged jamil, not sure if that's a popular opinion or not. though, this development changes the dynamic between them and pretty much all the jamilkalim i've written can just be classified as not canon compliant. let them be in character?? naaaaah.

anyway, thanks for reading and good luck to everyone trying to get ssr jamil!

my twitter, if you're interested!