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Renjun had always wondered about what happens to fireflies when seasons change, do they die and stop on producing lights? Or is it just the former?
Immersed on the view in front of him, he let his thoughts run wild. From thinking about his term paper that he had not yet written to the extreme possibilities of having multiple alternate universes in the galaxy. His mind just doesn't shut up. Jaemin, his boyfriend, was seated beside him.
Both of them used to love these kinds of scenarios. But now Renjun doesn’t know anymore. Situations like this only make him shiver in fear, the thought of this moment being their last one makes him even more frightened to the bones.
After minutes of silence, Renjun spoke in a small voice, “It’s funny that you were always in my plan, that somehow at some point in my life, I hoped that it would be you who I am going to end up with, but shit happens, and we don’t get what we want in this life.”
Said the short one, His eyes focused on the ground, hoping that it would swallow him whole after telling Jaemin everything.
There goes his dignity; he said to himself as if saying those words to himself would spare him some. Jaemin suddenly clenched his fist– his body showing that he’s beyond mad. But he loosened it at the sight of Renjun. Instead, he took a deep breath to calm down and to give himself time to think of words to utter.
“Renjun,”
He said, voice almost breaking like how it used to when they were still teenagers. “Renjun, I’m very sorry for what I did. It was a douche move; I know. But can you please take me back? I am willing to change; I am willing to make myself fit into that plan of yours, I just want to be with you. I can’t imagine this life without you.”
The smaller boy didn’t budge. He had already heard this piece from Jaemin before, and he’s not going to make the same mistake of believing it again this time.
“You don’t mean it,”
Renjun spoke, looking at Jaemin’s eye, his vision was blurry, but he doesn’t let that distract him from what he’s about to say next, “I don’t love you anymore.”
His voice was shaking when he said those words to his greatest love. “I already stopped loving you the moment you turned your back on me,”
Renjun, after spouting all those bullshits to Jaemin felt like his heart sank a bit deeper, no, his heart dived into the darkest pits, and possibly no one is ever going to rescue it from there.
“Renjun,”
Jaemin pleads. His eyes were shiny because of the tears that were about to fall, “Please don’t leave me.”
The taller said, but he knew that it was pointless. Renjun is Renjun, and he knows that he’s not the type to change his mind seconds after voicing out his decision.
A few moments later they found themselves stuck in that place, unwilling to move even by just an inch, this could be the last time they see each other. Heck, this is the last time that they are going to see each other. So, it will be much better for the two to not waste this opportunity to take in all the features of each other. Renjun adoring Jaemin using his brown orbs felt something in his heart. It started to feel like his heart was slowly shattering into pieces. But there’s not much he can do about it, but to deal with the pain of losing the one who you loved with your all, with your everything.