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Jungkook can’t stop bouncing. First he’s playing with Namjoon’s hand, counting the fingers like he doesn’t know that there are always five. Then he’s messing with Namjoon’s sleeves, staring out the window while he seems to be tap dancing or something in place.
Namjoon is glad he doesn’t have a license, that someone else drives them in the US. LA is so brown at this time of year, sandy palm trees crawling past as they sit in traffic. They only have two guards with them, two guards who have promised to sit very far away and look at the fish, have some fun too. Their driver plans on exploring the aquarium as well. It was one of Jungkook’s stipulations: we can only go to the aquarium if everyone can have fun.
They’re as weak for Jungkook’s pout as Namjoon is.
Namjoon looked up all the stats before he proposed the date to Jungkook. The Aquarium of the Pacific is twice the size of the one in Busan. The Aquarium of the Pacific has three touch pools. He decided not to tell Jungkook about the birds, wanting to see the look of wonder live.
Namjoon is so impossibly fond: fond of Jungkook, fond of sea creatures, fond of the sparkling eyes just barely peeking out from under his bucket hat.
“You excited?” he asks.
Jungkook nods and turns that smile to him when they finally get to the right freeway exit, waiting through a seemingly infinite light.
Namjoon hums, taking Jungkook’s hand in his own and giving it a squeeze. They can’t be as touchy inside, not when people can see them, can take pictures, so Namjoon gets everything out of this that he can.
Their staff offered to get them tickets in advance, to set them up with a tour and a back entrance. Jungkook said no.
Jungkook holds their American money as they stand in line for tickets, having Namjoon translate every little placard along the walls before they even make it inside.
He has little comments, little hums on every one. On the one about architecture, Yoongi-hyung would love this building , on the one about the number of creatures in the ocean, that’s incredible!, and furious nods on the ones talking about the rules.
He carefully counts out the money when they get to the teller, thanking her in his best, most practiced english.
“I’m going to keep the wristbands, so make sure you don’t throw yours away.” Namjoon nods, sad he can’t kiss Jungkook’s nose at that alone.
The walkway under the aquarium comes early, and Namjoon knows he’s made the right decision bringing Jungkook here. Even under his hat, Jungkook’s eyes sparkle in the shimmer of blue light. He forgets to shut his jaw when a shark swimming overhead makes him gasp.
The day has just started and there might be tears in Jungkook’s eyes already. He wants to kiss him so bad as the shadows of refracted water jump over his bare face, so much more beautiful than any shot in a music video. This moment is his.
He doesn’t want to pull Jungkook away, but the touch pools are just down the hall and the guards are starting to look bored at the other end of the exhibit.
He doesn’t want to pull Jungkook away, but when Jungkook smiles as his fingers trail over the back of some sort of ray, he thinks it might have been a good idea. Jungkook points out the hermit crabs because he knows Namjoon will love them. Jungkook giggles when an anemone contracts at his touch.
“Hyung, it’s trying to eat me!” he yells over at Namjoon, who is trying not to disturb a sea star too much.
A part of him wants to be worried about loud Korean in a crowded room, but something about the crowd makes it even easier to blend in. There are so many languages, so many kids squealing in much the same tone as Jungkook is. No one bats an eye at his shouts, his loud laughter; even the guards don’t seem to notice too much.
Namjoon’s shoulders let out the tension he didn’t know he was holding. “It’s because you’re a snack!” he shouts back, reminding his cheeks not to blush, he can call his boyfriend a snack if he wants to, and Jungkook’s answering smile is enough to tell him he was right.
After the touch pools, Jungkook wants to go back to the tunnel. Namjoon’s never been able to say no to Jungkook, so they go back to the tunnel. This time Jungkook makes him translate all the placards before they go in, this time armed with knowledge.
He points out all the fish he can recognize from the picture, Namjoon adding the ones he can pick out, too. He’s no less in awe, this time, but in his constant worry that everyone else is having fun, he lets Namjoon pull him towards the amphibians.
Namjoon literally has to grab Jungkook to keep him from practicing his frog leap. He’s already crouched on the floor by the time Namjoon recognizes what’s happening with a laugh. “Jungkook-ah, no frog jumping in public.”
Jungkook gives him his biggest pout, biggest eyes, but like always, there’s that teasing lilt behind them. Namjoon elbows him and points to a frog that just crawled out from behind a leaf.
“Whoa, look at all the colors!”
“Right!?”
Namjoon wants to kiss him, but he kind of always does.
He bumps their hands together instead, lets himself linger in Jungkook’s smile for a moment in the salty air and sun, eyes hidden in the shadow of his hat but supernaturally sparkling nonetheless, before letting Jungkook pull him.
And oh—
They’re in the tropical fish exhibit, surrounded by light and color and more information signs than Namjoon can even hope to translate.
Jungkook is standing like he always does when he’s proud of himself, or embarrassed: shoulders forwards, but a big smile that seems to transform his whole face. His nose scrunches up, his eyes squint, and Namjoon is devastated that he’s not grabbing his ears as much anymore because oh what a picture that would be.
“They have crabs!” he shouts instead of waiting for Namjoon to look away on his own, grabbing a hand and pulling him towards one of the massive walls of tanks.
They huddle in front of a coral reef, pointing under the rocks every time they see the slightest hint of movement, because Jungkook swears there was a sign about crabs in this room. Each time, it seems to be a new type of fish, a different color than the one before it. A school of some tiny silvery fish obscures their view for a second and Namjoon can’t help the wonder.
“Nature is amazing,” he says, under his breath, looking at the expanse of little fish who decided to be something bigger, together. He’s honestly getting a little teary.
Jungkook bumps a shoulder against his, and when Namjoon can finally tear his eyes away from the wonders before him, Jungkook is only looking at Namjoon. He has that look of singular focus he gets sometimes, and Namjoon knows Jungkook has been staring for a while.
“You’re amazing,” Jungkook says, just like Namjoon thought he would, and before Namjoon can say it back, Jungkook is bouncing. “Hyung, there he is!”
The curtain of fish has cleared and just under the rock they’d been staring at for god knows how long, is a little crab. He doesn’t look like the tiny ones Namjoon has seen before, on beaches around the world. This one is as big as his hand and spotted like a leopard. His claws move with the water.
“Look, hyung, he’s waving at you!”
He kind of is. Namjoon waves back. Jungkook bumps their shoulders together again. It’s a good day.
“This is kind of magical,” Jungkook says, under his breath, on a bench across from the moon jellies. It’s so dark in here, they both took off their hats. It’s so dark in here, they can hide their intertwined hands in the folds of their jackets, just like they’re sitting too close.
“This is magical,” Namjoon corrects.
Jungkook tilts his head. “Is this not science?”
“Are you saying that science isn’t magical?” Namjoon asks, watching a glowing orb of light drift across the tank, tendrils moving with the water behind it, moving without eyes and senses Namjoon can’t even begin to understand.
Jungkook hums. “I wonder how they perceive the world,” he comments, not necessarily to Namjoon. Maybe he’s asking the jellies.
“I kind of want to live as a jellyfish in my next life.”
Jungkook lets out a quick laugh. “There’s no confusing art to look at if you’re a jellyfish, and you don’t have ears. No music.”
“Maybe I am the confusing art if I’m a jellyfish.”
“Maybe you’re the confusing art now.”
Namjoon lets it hang between them for a silent moment. A child screams in delight in some other exhibit. A girl is explaining the jellyfish nervous system, or lack thereof, to another girl; Namjoon hopes they’re on a date, too.
“Maybe you’re the music, too,” Jungkook adds, quiet, like it’s something he had to build up the courage to say. Knowing Jungkook, he did. Namjoon squeezes his hand.
“Thank you, Jungkook-ah,” he says, “maybe you’re the music too.” Namjoon catches the hint of Jungkook’s smile, the one he tries to bite down. It’s too dark to make out the color of his cheeks but Namjoon swears they get darker with a blush.
Jungkook always means the quiet things the most. He can be loud, he can be excitable and energetic and competitive, and Namjoon loves all of those people, but Namjoon loves this Jungkook the most. His eyes are reflecting the jellies, just enjoying the silence, the view, the moment of reflection. They don’t get a lot of those.
“I think we’re kinda like these jellyfish now.”
“What do you mean?” Namjoon asks, knowing how to pry the thoughts out of Jungkook’s head.
“Like, you know, all these people watching them. We’re sitting here watching them, and every time that little one” Jungkook points out one in the back of the tank “goes in front of the light, I notice it, and I get happy. I’m proud of that little jellyfish. But like, they’re just swimming, or you know, like the thing said, they’re just going where the water brings them. They don’t know they’re being watched. They’re just swimming. They’re just jellyfish.”
Namjoon kind of wants to cry. Not bad cry, but it’s so rare to get Jungkook to talk like that . He totally gets it. “Yeah,” he says, quick to affirm, “I think I get it.”
Jungkook nods, and squeezes back. Namjoon wants to kiss him so bad. It’s all he can think about.
They spend far too long in front of the jelly tank.
They spend far too long in front of the manatees, too. Namjoon translates everything a tour guide is telling another group while Jungkook stares in awe. Namjoon will never ever ever get over the way his eyes go round at every piece of new information, like if he opens himself up he’ll absorb it faster, better. Always trying to be the best.
Jungkook is explaining his goal of getting manatee blubber for the winter with big gestures and explanations. Namjoon has to keep him from running into other visitors.
Jungkook loves the deep sea fish exhibit, briefly pulls them back to the touch pools, and finally, finally lets Namjoon pick the next adventure.
While Jungkook is distracted parsing out the English poster about sea snails, Namjoon buys a few little paper cups full of some liquid that the signs promise the birds love.
He hands some to their guards first, at an exhibit opposite them but still easily within trailing distance, before coming back to Jungkook.
“Hyung, did you know that sea snails can grow up to eighteen kilograms?” He points to the little metric figure in parentheses next to “forty pounds”. Americans and their pounds.
“Wow, that’s a big shell.”
“Yeah, and hermit crabs use their shells as protection. That would be such a big crab.”
Namjoon hums, letting Jungkook share his new information, even if Namjoon already read the whole thing.
When he takes a breath to keep going, Namjoon takes one of the wildly gesturing hands in his own, and careful not to spill any, gives Jungkook the cup.
Jungkook pauses, looks down at his hand, and his brows furrow. He can be so wonderfully expressive sometimes.
“What’s this?” he asks.
“You’ll see.” Namjoon is awful at surprises. His brain keeps yelling at him not to spoil the surprise but god he wants to.
The sign above the aviary spoils it before he can.
“We can feed the birds?!” Jungkook yells, bright eyed and vibrating.
“Lorikeets!”
“Best hyung ever,” Jungkook says, soft, taking a step forward like he’s about to close the distance before he catches himself and takes that step back. He looks up at Namjoon through his eyelashes instead, and somehow Namjoon gets the same butterflies he would have if Jungkook had kissed him.
“I’ll make sure to tell Seokjin that,” Namjoon says, leading Jungkook through the first door to the aviary.
“Don’t you dare,” Jungkook says, opening the second.
The smell hits them first. It’s sickly sweet and humid, like Namjoon imagines the jungle is. The air tastes like honey syrup and is filled with the not-quite melodic chirping of hundreds of birds. Namjoon has to nudge Jungkook’s back to keep him walking.
The trees are freshly misted, dew on the leaves and wet concrete under their feet on the path for tourists. A bird lands on a child’s hand and their shriek of excitement scares them away. Jungkook leads them to the railing and tells Namjoon to stay still.
“Your noodle limbs will not scare away the birds, hyung. Stay still .”
With the way Jungkook is vibrating, he doesn’t think his noodle limbs will be the problem, but he stays quiet, and watches. Jungkook gives a longing look to every bird that passes overhead, lands on someone else’s hand. He has the sugar cup extended carefully and tries not to turn his head as he watches them pass by.
Before long, a lorikeet lands on Namjoon’s hand and starts drinking out of his cup.
“ Hyung, ” Jungkook whispers, equal parts awed and jealous.
It weighs nothing, blunt claws gripping on to Namjoon’s wrist. For the umpteenth time today, Namjoon kind of wants to cry. It’s so colorful. It’s like the universe ate a rainbow and their breath made this beautiful noisy little bird who really likes sugar water.
Jungkook has tears in his eyes and he watches the bird happily slurp away. He’s so absorbed in the bird on Namjoon that he almost jumps when a lorikeet lands on Jungkook’s own shoulder, and then another on his hand.
“ Namjoon ,” he hisses furiously, “ I’m going to die. Look at them .”
Jungkook kind of does look like he’s going to die, eyes wide and excited. There’s a bird on his shoulder. He must feel like a pirate. Knowing Jungkook, he is definitely sitting there imagining his whole life in a pirate anime where he always has this specific bird on his shoulder.
They stay still long after their cups are empty, letting the birds peck at their sleeves looking for more of the honey water. They only fly away after Jungkook has let one of them bite at his hair with tears in his eyes for a solid five minutes.
When the last one finally takes off for another tourist, Jungkook sags like he’s just run a marathon, and this time, Namjoon can’t help but pull him into his chest.
“Have fun, baby?” he asks into Jungkook’s ear before holding him back out at arm’s length and letting him go.
“The most fun,” Jungkook responds, almost breathless. Jungkook looks around, and seeing that the guards have also thrown away their cups, nods at them. Namjoon does too.
The guards lead the way out of the aviary, and Namjoon and Jungkook follow.
“Do we really have to leave?” Jungkook asks. “I feel like I have the most energy I’ve ever had in my life but I also might pass out.”
Namjoon laughs. “We’ll get dinner, okay?”
Jungkook pumps a fist, and at the guard’s wave, follows them back into the van.
Once they’re in, and once they’ve confirmed that the driver had a good time too, Jungkook slides over and buckles himself into the empty middle seat. He pulls off his hat and throws it behind him, falling against Namjoon’s side with a sigh.
Namjoon noses at Jungkook’s hair, all compressed and sweaty and tangly from the hat he’d been wearing all day in the sun. He smells like sweat, mostly, but also kind of clean, and more than anything, he smells like they all do. It’s comfortable, smelling home when so far away from home. Namjoon kisses his head and leans back against the chair, threading his arm around Jungkook’s back and pulling him in closer.
Jungkook always eats like it’s the last thing he’ll ever do, like his life depends on it, stuffing his cheeks like he’s getting ready for hibernation.
He lets out a graphic moan as he takes a bite of the street taco that the guards had gone out and grabbed for them. “Oh my god,” he says, mouth full, “Korea needs to get on Mexican food. Oh my god .” He takes another bite, moans again, and wow, that is exactly how he moans during sex. Namjoon doesn’t know if he should be offended or complimented.
Namjoon takes his own bite, and wow , yeah, if Jungkook moans like that during sex, that is one hundred percent a compliment. The food is his favorite part of LA. The Korean food is made by Korean people and tastes like home, the Mexican food is unlike anything he’s ever had in Korea, and the Korean Mexican fusion is out of this world incredible.
“Oh my god.” Namjoon says, and as eloquent as he is, he really can’t think of anything better. “Korea needs to get on Mexican food.”
Jungkook hums, taking another bite.
They’re parked right across the street from the taco truck, the crowds passing them blindly. Sometimes this is kind of funny. None of these people know that two of the world’s biggest pop stars are destroying far too many tacos in this nondescript van.
They pout at the guards until they go out and get second servings for everyone. The guards and driver, in the first two rows of the van, certainly aren’t complaining.
Namjoon gives Jungkook his last one and suddenly Namjoon gets it. He feels full just watching Jungkook eat, cheeks full and salsa on his chin.
As soon as Jungkook finishes, Namjoon wipes at the salsa and licks it off of his thumb. He's going for sexy, but ouch Jungkook likes spicy things, so instead he’s just panting and stealing a sip of Jungkook’s soda.
Jungkook laughs and honestly, that’s just as good as a kiss.
The itinerary doesn’t stop there. This is their only day off in LA and they haven’t been on a date in months, and as Namjoon does, he overplanned the shit out of it.
Jungkook gets suspicious when the guards are dropped off back at the hotel. He’s suspicious when the driver pulls back on to the dusty crowded highways. He’s suspicious as they make their way through the hills, back towards the ocean. The buildings get sparser once they’re on the other side, once they’re driving right up against the ocean.
The sun is getting low, but the driver assures Namjoon, in english, that they’ll be there before sunset, not to worry.
“Sunset? Namjoon, are you taking me to the beach for the sunset?”
Namjoon groans. “I’m so bad at surprises.”
Jungkook laughs. “You’re great at surprises. Thank you, hyungie.” He says it all with his big eyes on, the ones that Namjoon cries about daily. When Namjoon leans back, Jungkook nuzzles into his neck before leaving a loud kiss on the skin he finds there.
Namjoon revels in the moment, in the back of a van with his boyfriend wrapped around him like the little marmoset he is. The sun hasn’t set but the shadows are long and lazy, stripes that pass through the window.
The coasts near Los Angeles are always crowded, but the lady Namjoon spoke to in line at the Starbucks in their hotel promised that this was his best shot for privacy. Pull over just past the shake stand on the cliff, get out of the car, and walk down towards the ocean. Namjoon has the whole list of steps prepared in his head.
When the car stops and Namjoon pulls Jungkook out, he gives a thank you and a time to the driver and he’s off. Jungkook is side-stepping; Namjoon can’t tell if it’s from nerves or excitement.
“Come on,” he says, and in the full light of the sun, grabs Jungkook’s hand.
The path isn’t hard to find, a trail breaking through the sandy grass and wave worn rocks. Namjoon runs his free hand over the dry brush as they head downhill. They reach the sand just as the sun hits the horizon and Jungkook is already taking off his shoes, hopping on one foot, throwing his socks mindlessly to the side. He’s going to get sand everywhere.
When he giggles and runs towards the water, Namjoon barely has the presence of mind to remind Jungkook to “Roll up your pant legs!” before crouching down and untying his own shoes.
Jungkook is kicking in the water when he gets there, one side of his pants already unrolled and soaking wet.
“You’re the best hyung!” he shouts, arms waving as he jumps the little approaching waves.
Namjoon is more careful in his steps, toes sinking into soft sand and lapping at the cold water, before reaching Jungkook.
This is another very good Jungkook. This is the Jungkook who will fight God with a frying pan because he wants to. This is the Jungkook who wants to play games at four in the morning. This Jungkook is full of light and laughter and energy and for the first time today, Namjoon gets to kiss the man he loves.
He’s smiling when he leans in, and when their lips meet, Jungkook is smiling, too. These kisses aren’t the best, logistically. It’s hard to get heat and tongue involved when they can’t stop smiling, can’t stop laughing, when lips are stretched too wide to really use them for anything, but it’s the kind of kiss that feels good. They’re not trying to get anywhere; there’s no end goal. Namjoon just kisses Jungkook, grabs his waist, and kisses him because he’s happy and he can .
Jungkook laughs, turns his head to bump their noses, and leans back. His hair is highlighted in orange, the sun a half disc on the horizon. Golden hour for gold. His smile is soft, now, and Namjoon can stop worrying about being thrown into the ocean fully clothed. Soft happy Jungkook is a lot less dangerous than excited happy Jungkook.
“This has been a really perfect day. Thank you.” Jungkook says before leaning his head that inch forward to rest against Namjoon’s. Namjoon’s arms move from Jungkook’s hips to wrapping around his waist, pulling him in closer.
“I’m glad you’re happy, baby. I’m glad I can do this for you.”
Jungkook whines and kisses Namjoon, this time. This is a better kiss; they’re relaxed, they’re close, and Namjoon can feel the love through the press of lips. It’s short, but Namjoon keeps his eyes closed. “You make me so happy.”
Namjoon is not a cryer. He is not a person who cries, but here, now, with this man who gave up a normal life to be with him, the tears are right under the surface.
The waves are licking their feet on the opposite side of the ocean from home, but Namjoon has never known a more real home than this .
They share a few more slow kisses in the water before Namjoon reminds them of the sunset and their socks, missing somewhere in the sand.
With no regard for the sand contaminating literally everything they own, Jungkook runs around the deserted beach gathering all their discarded items and puts them in a pile before unceremoniously pushing Namjoon down in the sand and sprawling next to him.
They still have a few minutes before the sunset really gets crazy, so Namjoon lets him sprawl.
“You make me happy, too,” Namjoon says, finally sitting up.
Jungkook wraps up behind him, noses against the back of his neck. He bites down on Namjoon’s shoulder, just an affectionate little nip, and Namjoon grins. This is how Jungkook shows love when he doesn’t quite have the words for it.
“You’re a little feral, huh?”
Jungkook giggles. “Just happy.”
Namjoon hums and leans back. Jungkook holds them both up.
They enjoy the silence, the warmth from each other even as the wind kicks up. They are safe from the cold in the little bubble of each other.
It’s only when the pinks and purples start kissing the clouds that Jungkook speaks.
“Is this what life would be like if we weren’t, you know, us?” he asks, but it feels more like a statement than a question.
“What do you mean?” Namjoon asks the the rhythm of crashing waves.
“Like,” Jungkook gathers his thoughts, “we went to the aquarium today and it was so normal . We get to be like this—” Jungkook tightens his hold on Namjoon “—out in the real world. Is this how normal people get to live?”
Namjoon considers. A part of him is guilty of pulling Jungkook into this life, this… way of living. A bigger part is happy he can experience it with Jungkook, with everyone, his whole weird little family.
“Jungkook-ah,” he begins, soft as the sun starts to disappear beneath the ocean, but still shining high above Korea “is this not the way we get to live, now? Didn’t we go to the aquarium today? Didn’t we eat tacos today and aren’t we watching the sunset now? We got to kiss in the Pacific Ocean on the opposite coast. We got to do all of that.”
In the last moments of light, Namjoon turns to see Jungkook glowing in the fading multicolor, the edges of tears in the corners of his eyes. “There’s no what if,” he continues, “this just is .”
As the sun disappears, Namjoon closes his eyes, pulls Jungkook into his arms, and kisses him, for real. Jungkook disintegrates into him and kisses back with everything he has, and by the time they come up for air, the only light is the moon.
Namjoon rubs the lingering wetness off of Jungkook’s cheeks, not sad tears, but the one he gets when he’s so overwhelmed with so much and his body needs to release all those feelings somewhere. When Namjoon pulls back, Jungkook follows, and when Namjoon gets up to gather their things, he’s laughing instead of crying, and on the ride home, he’s asleep in Namjoon’s arms.