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they are standing by the bus stop, their bus stop. the same one in which they met on their first day of high school years ago. jimin remembers, how they used to be of the same height back then. taehyung, dressed in a mustard-yellow jumpsuit and smile as bright as the sun as he approached jimin. asked him if he wanted to share his red umbrella. jimin would later tell him, while they silly danced to taehyung's old jazzy songs in his room. you’re like my own private sunshine on a rainy day. would mean every single word with everything pure and beautiful and warm that taehyung would help him bloom inside.
they are not the same scrawny teenagers from back then but that is not the only thing that has changed. this time, they are not taking the same bus together, as they were used to do every morning. for school and then for college, growing together through the years. instead, this time, jimin is about to leave and taehyung is supposed to stay. has promised him way too many times that he will come to visit soon but jimin still aches.
something ugly, insecure and angry that has been clawing at his chest for weeks. it doesn’t feel fair. it is not fair that he gets to go and live his dream but has to leave taehyung behind for it. all he has is a suitcase, white knuckles gripping tightly at it now, and he wonders. wonders if he decided to be brave and to throw all of it away, right there on the street, if taehyung would fit. inside his black suitcase. inside his tightening heart.
right now, taehyung is yelling something back at him as the bus leaves. and jimin isn’t inside it. he doesn’t even think about losing it or of having to wait for god knows how many hours until the next one passes. not now. he is too aware of the significance of this moment. knows that this could be spring or winter. an end or a start. maybe a little bit of both, too. either way, he thinks that it fits.
fits because it is their bus stop and it is raining. that kind of fresh summer rain that is heavy and thick, that drenches you to your bones in seconds but fades away just as quickly. the same rain that he and taehyung have run under, chasing each other amidst giggles and warm boxy and eye-smiles. tumbling down and rolling over each other on the flower paths in which they would spend their afternoons in, under the warming sun and surrounded by the fresh smell of wet earth and sweet flowers.
jimin sees it. the way taehyung’s shoulders rise and fall with each labored breath, fighting the rising anger and frustration that must be bubbling inside his chest. and jimin has seen it coming, knows that he has been a jerk to taehyung for the past three days but he just doesn’t know how to handle this. doesn’t want to say goodbye. doesn’t know how.
hands fist at the collar of his shirt. the same hands that jimin has mapped out like his own private constellation way too many times, hands that have soothed and supported so much. and taehyung, always brave taehyung, charges forward. tugs jimin close.
his black and long strands are damp, eyes pressing and slightly wild. pinkish mouth set tight, demanding and turned a little sour. he has always been a force of nature and right now, as always, taehyung is a vision. he is everything jimin has ever wanted but never allowed himself to fully have.
and jimin knows how he himself must look. a bit pissed, annoyed and completely shut off. he grunts out a let me go, the same cold and distant tone he has been using for the last few days. tries to push at taehyung’s chest but taehyung doesn’t buy it, never did. knows him to well to. he only pulls jimin closer, leans down and presses their foreheads together.
for a second, the world spins in slow motion. a cold raindrop dripping from the pretty mole on the tip of taehyung’s nose down to jimin’s own.
and jimin shivers, a full body shiver that starts at his neck and runs down his spine in a charged current. he tells himself that it is from the rain but, still, he sees it. sees it in taehyung big black eyes, staring right at him. straight pass every defense and facade he could ever build. sees it – the love that has been planted, that has grown and blossomed for years and years. fed by sunshine and moonlight. by everything that is pure and gentle. everything that has always been him and taehyung.
but jimin has been so scared. has been so cautions. he doesn’t want to ruin taehyung. can’t ruin the most precious thing he has ever had. the only constant. in a world that has taught him the meaning of alone before anything else, taehyung is home. has taught him everything warm and good and free. he can't do him wrong. wouldn't be able to forgive himself if he ever did.
“fuck, you need to stop being so stubborn. you need to tell me. tell me that you feel this too. i know you do.” taehyung curses and shakily demands, deep voice a few tones wrong. sounds too raw, too pushed to the edge.
jimin doesn’t reply, mind still spinning. he jolts a little, hadn’t even noticed that taheyung’s hands had released his shirt before they are cupping his face. wet and trembling fingers wrapping around his cheeks, pressing softly. cold touch but still sending impossible warmth to simmer on jimin's skin from the gentleness of it.
he takes in a deep breath, lungs filled with taehyung’s sweetness and his wildness too. wants to safe-keep it inside, to carry it with him even when he is miles away from him. hopes for it to last.
taehyung moves back, separates their faces a little bit. he is still carefully holding jimin’s face between his hands, eyes glittering and hands gentle as if jimin is the most precious thing in his world. one that could fleet away at any minute too. and jimin looks back at him, the own center of his universe. blinks, wet eyelashes clinging together. he isn’t sure if it is the rain or tears. perhaps both.
taehyung’s eyes are intent as he asks, his voice calmer and steady now. he says it lowly, a secret just for jimin to hear.
“this is the only time i’m going to say this to you. if you say no, i’m gonna walk back home and i promise i will never bring this up again. but for that to happen you’re going to have to be very honest with me. this is the only thing i’ll ask of you.”
somehow, jimin nods. heart fluttering as if a hummingbird flying inside his chest. he is so scared, the feeling hanging like a cold and dead weight on his bones, but he knows that taehyung, at the very least, deserves this. this is the bare minimum that he can and should do – honesty.
“you can have this. you can have me. all of it. do you want this? do you want me?”
brave, bluntly honest, ever so kind-hearted taehyung. he is jimin’s entire world.
his vision blurs, eyes burning and jimin knows this, has known it for a little while now but the confirmation still makes his whole body tremble. a sob threatening to spill, the knot lodged in his throat feeling tighter.
yet, for the first time, jimin lets himself feel it. the love pouring from taheyung’s unwavering eyes, from his gentle yet steady touch. he breathes in. deep. steady. wonders if one day he will be brave enough to take it all in. to accept it fully, to find himself worthy of it. to trust that him and taehyung will always make it through. friends or lovers or anything in between. or anything above those labels too. that he won’t ever be alone again. he is still too scared.
under the rain and taehyung’s soft touch, he prays that one day he won't be.
“do you? want me?”
“more than anything.”
he doesn’t expect it – the way taehyung face breaks with warmth and so much love. a gentle smile in there too, glimmering in his eyes. the same smile that has been the last thing that jimin has seen before sleep in way too many winter nights. the same one taehyung had offered him on that first day with mustard-yellow overalls, messy hair and a bright red umbrella. it tells him this: you’ll be okay. we’ll be okay.
“thank you.” taehyung mutters gently, leaning down to press the softest kiss on jimin’s forehead. he pulls jimin closer yet, arms wrapping around his trembling frame. safe. home. “that’s all i needed to hear. don’t worry, i will wait. i’ll be right here.”
and it is his taehyung, the same boy that has always told jimin about destiny and soulmates and meant to be. always sounding so sure. so sure of them. even after knowing him for years, jimin had never let himself fantasise like him. to believe in things like this.
perhaps it is the rain, the warm and steadfast hug that taehyung holds him within, the fact that he is leaving or any other variable that his mind can’t seem to process right now. but, somehow, all the fears and uncertainties rolling and crashing inside him in waves hold still for a minute.
and, just for a minute, jimin lets himself believe.