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Roxas pressed his head against the window, essentially sulking as he looked out of it, watching as the road next to them gradually became a cliff as they declined down, headed to his grandfather's beach house that sat between the beach and the middle of a fuck-all nowhere small town. It was a nice town, though, a pretty intimate population where everyone seemed to know everyone and then some. Not that it mattered too much considering the house was on the edge of the town, a thirty-minute walk through the forest, and about twenty minutes around it in a car, so there weren't many neighbors for them.
Roxas remembered a lot of fun summers spent with his grandfather in the house before he passed away. It was nice of the old guy to leave it to him in his will, even if it was a bit extreme to leave a house to a nineteen-year-old, especially when that nineteen-year-old just rented a house closer to his university.
It was a nice excuse to get out of town for summer break, admittedly. Or at least that's what Lea thinks. He also thought that getting a change of scenery would help with his piss poor mood about the end of his three-year relationship, but Roxas doubted it. His doubt, however, didn't stop him from packing their best friend, Xion, and Lea's boyfriend, Isa, in his weathered Jeep to "that house he'd visited that one time".
Roxas finally peeled his eyes away from his window, looking towards the front seat where Xion sat in the passenger seat, chatting and making some weird joke about bubbles to Lea, who was driving. Isa, ever the non-talker, sat next to him with a cooler and some carry-on bags between them, book open on his lap, but Roxas wasn't sure if he was actually reading it.
He watched as Xion leaned towards the radio, eyes locked to the nape of her neck, raven hair split down the middle into two low braids. Last Roxas remembered, Xion wasn't too good at braiding her own hair, and he wondered if she had Lea do them for her, or if she'd just gotten good at it while he wasn't looking.
It was possible, considering he had a good three years of not looking at her.
When he leaned back in his seat, he’d seen Isa looking at him from the corner of his eye, calculating where Roxas was glancing before looking back at his book with reproach, and Roxas struggled to bite his tongue. Since Roxas could remember, Isa’d always seemed to keep an eye on him in regards to Xion ever since he’d turned seventeen, when the rough patches in his relationship had started to hit its boiling point and anyone within a five-mile radius could see. There was no need for it, Isa wasn’t the one who’d been Xion’s first friend at twelve, and it pissed Roxas off that he felt as if he had to protect her from him.
“Okay, children!” Lea exclaimed as he slowed the car to a stop. “We’re here.”
Roxas looked out the window, seeing the medium-sized, beige house, sitting just a few paces away from where the grassy land turned into sand. The patio still furnished even though he was sure he told his aunt that she was free to take whatever furniture she wanted off it.
“That’ll be convenient when it rains in a couple of days,” Lea remarked, putting the car in park and quickly hopping out, looking into the backseat through the window. “I’ve only been here one time, so make sure to give us a proper walkthrough, Roxas.”
He rolled his eyes, “As if you need me to do that,” he murmured, grabbing the bag closest to him and getting out. His grandfather used to live alone, there were about five rooms tops.
"It's a little weird that the front of the house isn't facing the ocean," Isa remarked, grabbing Xion's carry on and passing it to her.
"Oh, that's because of the deck in the back," Xion answered. "It's through the sliding doors once you walk through the living room."
Roxas cut in, "Grandpa was really particular about having one for whatever reason, and they renovated it one summer."
“It’s been a while since we’ve been here, huh, Roxas?” Xion smiled at him, really looking at him for what seems like the first time since they’d gotten in the car. Roxas nodded, grunting softly in agreement. “I wonder if that time capsule we left is still here.”
“Well, I doubt Grandpa had any reason to get rid of it, I’m sure it’s around here somewhere.”
She hummed, “Treasure hunt, then.” She seemed to brighten at the chuckle that it received.
“Hey,” Lea called from the front door, the rest of their bags already sitting at his feet. Isa also seemed to have teleported from in between the two of them to the front porch without them knowing. “If you two are done, we’ve been on the road all day, and I would at least like to get a snack in at some point.”
Xion laughed against her hand, whispering to Roxas, “I think someone’s a little cranky they had to drive us all here.”
Roxas smirked, “What a baby, and I even offered to take over for him.”
Lea groaned, “ Guys! ”
“Yeah, yeah, we’re coming!” He glanced back at Xion, who looked up at him fondly, radiating relief for reasons unknown to him. “After you?”
“You’re the one with the key.” She said that even as she walked in front of him, glancing back after to see if he was following after her, smiling as he sighed and followed her.
When he stepped on the coffee-stained wood of the patio, fishing out the key and unlocking the door, he almost felt nostalgic when he pushed open the door, seeing the curvy stairs heading to the second floor, and hearing the familiar groan of the old wood under his feet when he walked in.
The house smelt of seawater and pine sol and a musk that was so damn distinctly his grandfather that Roxas could almost see the old man, sitting comfortably on the old, murky green loveseat in front of the wooden tea table, beckoning him over for a snack the minute he walked in. If he closed his eyes, he could distantly hear the soft laughter of Xion at thirteen when he brought her here for the first time to meet him. He could see the happy, toothy smile Xion gave him at fourteen as they put they're most prized possessions in a dingy old shoebox to hide away. He could feel the soft pressure of lips against his at sixteen—
He was brought out of his thoughts when his friends pushed passed him, putting their bags down closest to the wall, taking in the wide living room and aging furniture; Isa, unironically, going straight for the bookshelf in the far right corner of the room and fingering through the small collection; Xion, walking around the couches, looking at the old pictures sitting on the fireplace and glass cabinet; and lastly, Lea, putting his bags down and immediately heading to the curtains in the back of the room and opening them. Roxas stood next to the loveseat close to Xion.
Lea let out a whistle and Roxas almost stuck out his chest with pride, “Damn, Roxas, this view really is something. I can see why your granddad would want something like this.”
“Well, he did always love the ocean.”
“Kind of like you, huh?” Xion joked, lightly elbowing him in the side. He'd lightly knocked her against the head as she jogged passed him to get to Lea, who'd stepped out on the dock to look out at the beach.
Isa sighed, stepping over to the wooden table and looking through his bag. "I guess we're going straight to the beach instead of taking a break then."
Roxas almost laughed, "I kinda hope not, I'm a little tired."
In the silence that followed, Roxas hadn't noticed that Isa looked at him funny, too busy immersed in looking over old pictures on the wall. Which is why he jolted when Isa spoke.
"Since… when have you never been in a hurry to get to the beach?"
"What?"
"I… I've just never known you to not be excited about the beach, especially with the other two around."
Roxas blinked at him, suddenly feeling sheepish, and not knowing how to defend himself. Except, what was he defending himself about? He just didn't want to go to the beach, right? It was reasonable because he was tired. But Isa had a point, Roxas always wanted to go to the beach with Xion and Lea, no matter what, so what was different now?
'I just don't care for the beach much anymore. It's not tolerable.'
But why wasn't it?
"Okay, so Lea's decided let's party on the beach for a while, so—hey what's wrong?"
Roxas hadn't noticed he'd averted his eyes from Isa until Xion came in through that sliding door, looking between them both in concern.
Roxas pushed his fringe out of his face, breathing out. "Nothing's wrong, what's up?"
Although she didn't drop her concerned look, she went on, walking over to him. "Lea wants to play at the beach, so I'm getting the water guns out the car."
"I can go get them," he volunteered, "you should go get changed."
She shook her head, loosely wrapping her hand around his wrist, and even though it made his heartbeat jump, Roxas let her hand stay. "We can get them together."
Roxas felt himself melting as her thumb rubbed gentle circles against his veins, making his head go fuzzy as she kept her eyes on him. "Yeah, okay."
She nodded, before looking at Isa. "Okay." The man nodded, continuing to fish for swim trunks for him and Lea. Xion nodded in return before leading Roxas out the door.
In all honesty, Roxas felt just a tad bit stupid, sitting under an umbrella on a bedsheet instead of on the dock, or in the house even, but Lea argued that if Isa, Mr. Prone to Sunburn himself, would be out on the beach, then so would Roxas.
He'd argued as much as he could before Xion walked over in her bikini top and summer shorts, pulling at his unbuttoned T-shirt sleeve and asking him to join them. Roxas couldn't believe that even after all these years, she still had him wrapped around her little finger. It'd probably embarrass him more if he didn't miss her so much, but during his relationship, he and Xion had drifted.
He'd never thought too much about it during, way too busy trying to appease a girlfriend that required too much of his time considering it was never enough in the end. Roxas would never be sure if she had just gotten tired of him, or if she'd just realized he couldn't give her the attention she wanted of him, though it could have also been both, but he had honestly felt a little relieved that things had ended. That's why he told Lea this whole retreat thing was a waste of time.
How could he feel better about a thing that didn't really bother him in the first place?
As he looked out into the ocean, seeing Xion soak Lea with her water gun, completely irrelevant considering Isa had already pushed him into the ocean, Roxas could faintly hear the argument of how 'we always go to the beach', and 'there's really nothing at the beach that's fun' .
He frowned, looking up at the umbrella he was sitting under, reaching out of the blanket to touch the warm sand, feeling it warm his fingertips, collecting it in his palm before letting it slide back on the ground. He looked back over at his friends with a small smile on his lips.
Since when did he start to dislike the beach so much?
Xion caught him from the side of her eye, waving grandly at him in a way that she hoped he'd join them, leaving herself completely open to Lea and Isa's double bucket water dump, completely soaking her to the bone.
He chuckled as she groaned at the two, pumping her water gun and taking after Isa as he walked more into the ocean. Lea, filling up his bucket, spared him no glances as he ran after Xion.
Roxas glanced over at the small water guns they'd left for him.
Well, they weren't anything like the super soaker Xion had, but it'd have to do. Two against one couldn't be fair.
They were walking through town, hitting up the food mart after being there for a few days, almost running out of food they'd bought before Isa reminded them they couldn't survive off just barbequed foods and mini naps throughout the day. Even though Roxas was tempted to try out of spite, when Xion said she wanted to explore the town with everyone, it wasn't like he could say no.
Roxas wanted to complain that it was simply hot to walk around, but then Xion grabbed his wrist and tugged him and he was powerless against her. Especially when she started leading him away from the two elders.
While they let Isa and Lea handle most of the heavy lifting at the food mart, he and Xion snuck away to a small convenience store on the corner, making sure to stock up on snacks. Roxas softly smiled as Xion seemed to float through the small aisles, humming to herself as she made sure to pick up Lea's favorite hot chips, sighing pleasantly as the air conditioner blew right in her direction.
"Hey, Xion," he called, "want some ice cream?"
"I'm almost offended you had to ask."
He chuckled walking over to the freezer, feeling lighter, albeit a little sweaty, when Xion pressed against his side to look in with him.
"Oh, I didn't know they had seasalt ice cream here." She reached in, grabbing only two and sending a wink at Roxas. "We can eat them while we wait, I highly doubt they'll survive, so Isa and Lea will have to miss out."
After paying for their stuff, they walked back to the food mart, sitting outside on the curb as they waited for their sun and moon duo to return to them, sitting in some shade to avoid cooking while they did. While they waited, Roxas handed one of the ice creams to Xion, who took it happily.
"I haven't had one of these in a while," Roxas commented, opening the wrapper and pulling the treat out.
Xion, who was doing the same, stopped, looking at him. "Wait, you haven't had one in how long?"
Now that he thought about it; when was the last time he'd had seasalt ice cream? His ex wasn't fond of sweets, and even the salty tang of the seasalt wasn't enough to quell the sweetness of the treat. After a while, he has lost all the excitement he has about it, and the flavor just tasted dull when he ate it by himself.
"Hmm, a while." He looked over at her, "Too long, I think."
"Too long, huh?" She sighed, but then bumped his shoulder with hers, "Well, try it out. Hopefully, it's still everything you hoped it was."
Xion took a small bite off the corner, using her lips instead of her teeth, making a delighted humming noise as she chewed the salty-sweet ice cream with a smile growing on her face.
Roxas, instantly zeroing in on the fact, quickly looked back down at his own, staring at it as he willed his mind and body to relax. How embarrassing, ogling at his friend eating ice cream—of all things—like a prepubescent boy.
Taking a bite of his own ice cream, Roxas felt an otherwise comfortable chill in his teeth, mushing the piece around in his mouth and letting the flavors melt on his tongue. He smiled as the familiar flavor invades his mouth, tasting like laughter and friendship and the feeling of belonging.
"So, how is it? Still like you remember it?" Xion leaned into his field of vision, and yes, yes it was just as Roxas remembered, except it was also so much more than that. And Roxas could tell because the sparkle in Xion's eyes was so much brighter than he remembered and the flush on her sweaty cheeks brought so much life to her face that Roxas felt she was living for the both of them. She was beautiful, so beautiful and Roxas longed to tell her.
Instead, he said, "Salty, yet sweet. Just as I remembered."
She laughed, knocking the unbitten side of her ice cream against his in a cheer, "It's the taste of friendship after all."
It tasted more than that though. It tasted like love, and the thought alone shook Roxas more than the chill in his teeth ever could.
One cloudy evening, Lea and Isa decided to go to town and have a date, going down to the dinner and then a movie, leaving Xion and Roxas alone in the house.
“This feels like the first Lea and Isa have left us here alone since we got here,” Xion commented, opening the cabinet to look inside. Roxas hummed, reaching up in the closet, moving around some of the old coats.
“Lea’s been really determined to make me feel better about ‘the Event™’ ,” Roxas said, leaning outside the closet to finger quotes, making Xion laugh. Roxas didn’t understand the entire ‘Let’s Not Leave Roxas Alone Enough to be Sad’ plan that Lea cooked up, but he wouldn’t lie and say it was out of character for the man, not that he really needed it. "He's been hovering, I think."
Sure, admittedly, he was upset about the breakup, but he wasn’t devastated about it, but Lea insisted. Besides, Roxas' mind was way too focused on figuring out other things to think about that.
“Oh, Roxas, come over here!”
Sitting in front of the glass cabinet, Xion pulled out an old, dusty shoebox. "I finally found our old time capsule." She gave it a shake as he moved over to sit next to her. "I think it's been long enough to give it a look, huh?"
“Pretty sure we were gonna wait twenty years.” Roxas chuckled at her excited expression, "Sure, but if it's anything embarrassing, Lea can't know about it when they get back."
"I promise nothing." She said, mischievously, dramatically taking off the top of the box, dumping it off to the side as she pulled out little toys and trinkets they used to love playing with. “To think we looked all over the house and it was here all along.”
Roxas took a seat next to her, “Yeah, maybe we’re bad at looking for things.” Although it wasn’t as if he had tried hard to find it, he didn’t need any more reason to think of Xion.
He watched her as she pulled out old things that meant a lot to them when they were younger; their first friendship bracelets that Xion made, the first CD Roxas bought for himself, the fabric rings they shared that they stopped wearing when Roxas started dating—
Ah, too much.
"Here you go," Xion said, passing him a crumbly piece of paper, 'To Older Roxas' childishly scribbled on the front with an orange crayon. Roxas then remembered the letters they had written to be read when they were older, but when and what escaped him. "I'll read after you're done, okay?"
He smirked at her, "What if it's a secret?"
"Best friends don't keep secrets." She pouted, continuing to move the old toys around as she looked for her own letter.
Roxas playfully shoved her shoulder before looking back at the paper. "We were still using crayons at thirteen?" He asked jokingly, unfolding it without a moment's notice, soon going silent as he took in the contents on the page.
Xion, not thinking much of his silence, giggled, "Crayons are going to make a comeback, just you watch." She waited for a reply that never came, looking over at Roxas after finally fishing out a folded piece of paper addressed to her. "Hey, what's wrong? Why's your face all scrunched up like that?"
He said nothing, instead, he tilting the paper enough for Xion to read. Her jaw dropped when she'd seen that it wasn't written in Roxas' old handwriting, but hers. In her small, developing handwriting, it read:
'Hi, future Roxas,
It's Xion.
I think it's a little embarrassing to write this in a letter, but you won't be reading this for about twenty years, so I think it's fine, but I'm pretty sure I love you a lot.
I don't really know how the future holds up for us, but I hope we're still together in the end. I don't know if you'll fall in love with me, but I think I'll always be in love with you.
Yours truly, Xion of the past.'
Roxas watched her as she fumbled to speak, small sounds escaping her throat almost in a panic, and Roxas worried that she might just have a panic attack right there.
He quickly folded the note back, pressing it into his palm as if he was trying to erase it from existence so she didn't have to worry about it.
"I… It was from when we were fourteen," he said in a hurry as if he was trying to erase the implications of the letter for her sake, unintentionally pressing against his own wounded heart. "It doesn't have to mean anything now."
He reached over and pulled the shoebox closer to him, moving around all the trinkets inside, but none of them seemed to spark the same warm feelings they did when they opened the box. They all just looked like withered toys now—dirty, old, and useless.
"I, um, yeah." Xion slowly agreed, quickly picking up the fuzzy keychain he'd won for her at the summer fair when they were thirteen, tugging at the stiffening fur softly enough that they didn't come out. "A lot can change in five years, right?"
Roxas gave her a little smile, one that she returned, but it didn't stop the feeling of his heart being squeezed too tightly. She'd really fallen out of love with him then, not that he really blamed her since he'd left her behind and started looking for options elsewhere.
But it hurt regardless because even while he was off with someone else, his eyes always drew to her, and that was something he was always scared of. He never thought too hard about it, never thought he would have to, but the note made him think about back then when he was younger and scared of uncertainty.
Xion covered her face, "I really can't believe I wrote that. Fourteen-year-old me was something else, huh?" She was trying to lighten the mood, and Roxas wanted to appreciate the effort, but it did nothing for him, but he would try to play his party.
He let out a dry, dull chuckle, and nothing about it sounded reassuring, even to his ears. "Yeah, but I guess you really loved me back then."
Xion let out a breath that bordered somewhere between a laugh and a snort, making Roxas want to laugh despite the flurry of butterflies currently in his stomach, and the bees buzzing through his head.
"I still do," she murmured.
Roxas glanced at Xion's sullen profile and, finally, after so long of ignoring and denying it, accepted the painful truth that it had always been Xion. No matter how hard he tried to make his relationship work, pushed the thought of Xion out of his mind to make room for someone else. No matter how he tried to ignore the fact that she was with someone else, fawned over someone else, been with someone else. No matter the years of pretending to be 'just close friends'.
The pendulum always circled back to her.
"Xion," he breathed out, the tip of his fingers pressing lightly against her chin, making her face him so he could plant his lips against hers.
And it felt like it was the way things were supposed. It felt right; right in the way that his past relationship didn't. There was no nagging in the back of his head, no feelings of incompleteness, no past thoughts of 'what if's'. As his hand pressed against the side of her neck and she let him deepen the kiss for just a second, losing herself against his lips, Roxas finally felt a sense of peace.
And that's what made it hurt all the more.
The press of Xion's palm in the center of his chest when she pushed him away was firm, and Roxas felt his heartbreaking at the wounded expression on Xion's face and he felt stupid stupid stupid all over again. He'd manage to fuck things up all over again, and the wounds he thought healed over time were suddenly bleeding again and he all he could feel was devastation. He wanted to run away and disappear.
He looked away from her, forlornly looking at the ground.
But nothing hurt worse than the words she'd said almost right after, piercing his chest and making his heart bleed itself open, and finishing him off for good.
"Why would you do that.
"I'm... I'm sorry, I read the room wrong."
Her eyes widened before she clenched her jaw.
"No, you don't get to do that—this—to me."
Roxas shook his head, standing from where he sat and quickly heading to the sliding door. Just before this, being next to Xion was a breath of fresh air, but now it was suffocating. He needed to leave.
"Roxas, we have to talk about this," she said firmly, standing and grabbing his wrist, gasping when Roxas snatched his wrist out of her grasp like she'd touched him with a hot iron. She steeled her eyes at him as he gave her the same dull, exhausted face he had during the ride here. She hated it, she hated it so much.
"No, we don't. I apologized, let's just drop it."
"You can't just drop something like this, Roxas."
"But we can , because it was a mistake." He turned away from her, running a hand through his hair. "It probably doesn't even mean anything to you either way."
"And what do you mean by that?"
He sharply turned to her, " Because, Xion, you don't like me like that. Like this, " he held up the old note, still pressed against his palm like a second skin before looking at it, so many emotions swarming inside him that they all settle on anger. "Like you did back then."
"How could you know what for sure?"
Roxas couldn't resist the urge to roll his eyes. Why was she drawing this out? Hadn't she basically told him that when she pushed him away? What other meaning was there to it then 'I'm not interested in you like that'?
"Why else would we be here then? How could we be possibly trying to make me feel better after a breakup if you were in love with me?"
"It's not that simple, Roxas."
"And how is it not? "
Xion clenched at the fabric of her dress, arms stiff at her side as she bit her bottom lip, trying hard to keep it together and failing. "Do you have any idea how hard it was being in love with you at thirteen!? "
Roxas’ eyes widened as he looked at her, seeing the fat tears roll down her flushed cheeks, eyebrows furrowed in anger as she tried to stay planted to the spot.
"It was hard and it hurt a lot! Can you imagine being homeschooled for most of your life, having to move from place to place and never having any real friends, only to make your first real friend and fall in love with them? I was terrified, Roxas! I didn't know how to handle that! I wasn't sure how you'd react. I was sure my world was going to fall apart!"
Roxas was speechless for a moment, the breath knocked out of him so quickly that his voice hardly came above a whisper. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"As if I wasn't obvious enough , Roxas, when there was hardly anything I wouldn't do for you. And let's not forget that you started dating—"
" You also started dating, Xion. What about that?"
"I had one boyfriend, Roxas! So what!? I was just supposed to fall over myself pining for you?!" She shook her head at him, reaching up to angrily wipe away the tears clinging to her face. "Just be sad in the background while you're in your picture-perfect relationship with your picture-perfect girlfriend?!"
"It wasn't like that."
"So what was it like then?!" She'd finally let go of her skirt, stalking closer to him, having to look up at him, hands on her hip. Xion was not at all willing to back down from this fight.
Well neither was he. "I wasn't in love with her."
She scoffed right in his face, loud and disbelieving. "Oh, as if it really mattered in the end, right?"
"It did matter."
"And how's that?"
"Because we broke up because I wasn't in love with her."
"People fall out of love all the time, Roxas."
This time, Roxas glared at her, baring his teeth at her for the first in his life. "We broke up because I was never in love with her ."
"You were in a relationship with her for three years, Roxas! You think that counts for something now!?"
"It does! It does count now, Xion! You think you're the only one who was scared to be in love with your best friend?"
"Yes! Yes, I absolutely do! Yes, because you kissed me in this house when we were sixteen, and then got into a three-year relationship !" Her arms dropped back down to her sides, fists clenched so hard and shaking that Roxas was sure she was holding back—from what, he didn’t know.
"And you think that's unrelated ?!"
"Whether or not it's related doesn't change the fact! And the fact of the matter is that you—you led me on and then ran away !"
He knew that. He knew it so much that it hurt, and her saying it did nothing but twist the knife in his gut more, so much more that he was sure there was a gaping hole in his stomach. And his brain was telling him to get defensive, to lash out at her in anger because what did she know? Except whenever he looked at her face, into her hurt, angry, furious periwinkle eyes, he couldn’t. Because this was Xion, and Xion knew his heart and soul and could break him with so much as a word, and put him back together with a smile, and so Xion knew a lot, more than he could ever tell her. More than he could ever hope to tell her.
“I did , and I’m sorry for that, Xion!”
“Sorry isn’t enough to fix this, Roxas!”
“Then what am I supposed to do then!?”
“Nothing!” She hesitated then, “Something—I don’t know, okay? But I know that suddenly kissing me like that isn’t it! ”
Neither of them said anything, just stared at each other, heaving as their hearts pounded loud in their ears, both their eyes locked, wet with hurt and confusion, stuck on what to say or do. The tension was high enough that Roxas felt he’d choke on it.
She sniffed, “I need some space.” Even after saying that, her eyes searched his, watching and waiting for him to reply. But Roxas couldn’t think of anything to say to her and for a moment he was scared he wouldn’t have anything to say to her ever again.
In the end, Xion sighed, stepping away from him, wrapping her arms around herself, and Roxas was suddenly reminded of the night she asked him if he had a girlfriend and he said yes. She’d wrapped her arms around herself the same way, congratulated him, giving him that funny looking smile he wished he’d looked more into before she walked away from him, and would stay away from him for a month and three days. He wished he was better at reaching out to her, both then and now.
But he’d let her go, and there in the middle of the living room where he’d kissed her twice, he was alone.
Roxas and Xion hadn’t talked for a while.
Whenever Lea or Isa felt the need to go into town, one of them would elect to go with, and even when they’d all decided to find somewhere to eat, they talked around each other, never to. Roxas would be lying if he said the fact that Xion wouldn’t even hold eye contact wasn’t breaking him inside, but there was nothing he could do about it. It seemed she’d decided that avoiding him was better than talking about it.
Neither told Isa or Lea about it, even though both of them probably caught on somewhat to the situation and were probably starting to worry. Nothing reassuring could be said about the situation, so Roxas simply said, "We're working through some stuff." and elected to keep it at that.
The sky was still gray with storm clouds, but Isa had reassured them that there shouldn’t be a rainstorm coming. Of course, he hadn’t accounted for the unpredictability of weather, and so it did end up storming. Things just seemed to turn out that way.
Not that it mattered to Roxas, who sat on the patio with his arms crossed on the table, listening as the storm continued to get worse, not caring when the raging wind forced raindrops to land on him and completely soaking his left side. His clothes clinging to his side didn’t bother him as much as the regret weighing down his shoulders and swirling in the center of his stomach.
Xion had been in her room since the entire argument ended and refused to see him, and it’d been going on like that since the argument. The two of them were hardly in the same room, avoiding any chance of reconciliation that Roxas longed for.
But he couldn’t stay in the house right now, not while Xion was in there, worlds bound to collide and crash and burn. The house was too much for him, it held too many memories with Xion—two whole summers worth of memories—overlooking the ocean, which was her favorite place in the world, smothering him with thoughts of what if, and the crushing reality of what happened.
He never wanted to come here in the first place.
“Alright,” he felt a tug on the collar of his neck, lazily lifting his head to look up to see Lea, face more serious than it’d been in years. “Enough of this, Roxas. We need to talk.”
He sighed, “Lea—”
“No, Roxas. We need to talk, seriously. Go get changed and meet me in the car.” Without giving him a chance to respond, Lea headed to his jeep, starting it up and turning the windshield wipers on, quickly honking his horn when he noticed Roxas hadn’t made a move at all.
Knowing he wouldn't be able to get out of it, Roxas did what he was told, finding himself in Lea's passenger seat too quickly for his liking. They were on the highway before Lea said anything.
"So," he started, slowing his usual out of control speeding into a cruise, "you and Xion break each other's hearts again."
Roxas had seen his own eyes widen in his reflection in the mirror before turning to look at Lea with disbelief on his face and his heart in his stomach.
"What?"
"Oh, come on, Roxas. Don't think we don't know. The both of you are way too transparent about your feelings."
"Since when have you—?"
" Always ." He sampled, "I've known you for a while, Rox, and I might not be able to read you like Xion, but I'm not so blind either."
So, Lea knew that Roxas had feelings for Xion, and she had feelings for him. And, he deliberately bought them both on the trip for what exactly? Did he think Roxas would confess? Was this whole thing just a cover-up because Lea wanted to play matchmaker? Not even thinking about ramifications that could come with it? Just that thought had Roxas' blood boiling.
"What, so you set this all up ?!"
Lea shook his head, "Not with this in mind. I genuinely did want to make you feel better."
"By what? Setting me up with Xion without even knowing the whole story?"
Lea scowled, keeping his eyes on the road. "I know enough of the story, Roxas."
"And how could you possibly know that?"
"Because she told us, okay?" Roxas' breath caught in his throat. Lea's voice was still, without judgment and yet still so cold. "She told us, the night you two had your fallout. She called Isa in tears because she didn't know what else to do."
Roxas placed his hand on his forehead, fisting his bang in confused anger. "And everyone just decided to keep this from me?"
"What did you want us to do, Roxas? Make you break up with your girlfriend and force you to reevaluate feelings you weren't ready to accept?"
"You could have fucking told me—!"
"It wasn't my place, Roxas!" He huffed, trying to get himself under control. "Do you think I liked sitting by while my two best friends were heartbroken and confused? Do you honestly think I liked that?!”
“Lea—”
“I didn’t, but I had to trust that you two could handle it yourselves. But a lot of good that did, you’re worse off than when you got here.” He looked at Roxas for a quick second, “You two aren’t beyond saving though. You know that, right?”
“I know, but…” he took deep breaths, feeling the stinging in his eyes start and felt the need to curse until he realized this was the first he’d shed a tear since being there. “I don’t know what to do, Lea.”
“Sadly, I can’t tell you. But I know what you’re doing now isn’t working—and you probably aren’t gonna figure anything out by yourself.”
He knew that. “I wanna talk to her so bad.”
Lea nodded. “I know.”
His hands finally let go of his fringe, moving to cover his face. “I love her so much.”
Lea nodded. “I know.”
For the rest of the drive, they said nothing. Lea turned the air conditioner on high, pretending it was loud enough to drown out Roxas’ cries.
When Lea and Roxas returned to the house, Isa and Xion were sitting on the couch waiting for them.
“What’s this, a surprise party?” Lea joked, moving out the doorway as Isa moved to them with a towel.
“We needed lettuce for dinner tonight, and some candles just in case.” Isa answered, “Xion and I were gonna walk, but the storm’s pretty impossible to walk through, and someone suddenly took the car without telling anyone.”
“Haha, I wonder who would do such a thing.”
Isa rolled his eyes, moving to the closet to get an umbrella out. “Can we go to the store so we can hurry back? It’d be bad if we got stuck in it.”
Lea looked over at Roxas in slight worry before shrugging, “Sure, let’s go.”
He and Isa headed towards the door, and Roxas noticed Xion get up and head for the door as well, right passed him. Not giving himself enough time to reconsider, he reached forward and grabbed her wrist, causing the other three to stop and look at him.
“Xion, could you stay, please.”
She looked at him shocked, before looking over at Lea and Isa. Glancing at Roxas before her eyes focused on the ground, giving him a nod. “Okay,” she said softly.
Lea looked at them both worriedly before giving Isa an uncertain nod. “Okay, well, we’ll be back.”
“Okay,” Roxas answered for both of them, seeing them out the door before slipping his hand into Xion’s, leading her to the couch. For a moment, Roxas stayed quiet, standing in front of her for a moment, before sitting on the table right in front of her. “Xion.” She wasn’t looking at him, but Roxas steeled himself. “Xion, please look at me.”
“I can't. I don’t know how.”
“What?”
Her eyes were shut tightly, head turned to the side and face pained. Like she was holding something in and didn’t know how to get it out.
“Xion—”
“I don’t wanna reject you, Roxas,” she whispered, voice cracking on what Roxas can only assume is unshed tears. “I don’t want to, but I don’t want to feel that hurt again. And I’m scared that that’s what’s waiting for me.”
And just like that, Xion had laid herself bare in front of Roxas again, displaying her cracked heart to him, finally showing the hurt that he’d unintentionally caused all those years ago. And Roxas was determined to take it into his hands, as frail and fragile as it was, and nurture it.
"I…" He started, grasping his own hands together and taking a deep breath, carefully picking his words. "I hurt you, Xion, and I never meant to. But I was scared, back then. I was scared to admit that I liked you because I didn't want my heart broken."
Xion finally looked at him, mouth opened slowly to say something, but Roxas shook his head. He wasn't done yet, it wasn't fair to her that she'd be vulnerable to him without him returning the act.
"Granted, it was stupid, because even if you decided you didn't want me, you probably wouldn't have broken my heart as bad as I so carelessly did. But I was still scared."
"What were you scared of?"
Roxas shrugged, "I think I was scared to love you, more than anything. I wasn't sure if I could do it properly, and it scared me."
Xion pinched her lips together, whispering almost as if she was pained, "I wanted you, Roxas."
He looked down at the ground, eyes watering again. He briefly remembered his crying session in the car, wondering if his eyes were still red from then and if Xion had noticed. Knowing her, she did.
"I know. And I'm sorry I was selfish."
She let out a wet hiccup, "Roxas, I still want you."
Roxas froze, staring openly at the ground as his vision began to mist. He slowly looked up at Xion, confusion and shock washed his features, and yet he looked so so hopeful that Xion worried she would break into tears for him.
“Roxas,” Xion reached forward, placing her hands delicately on Roxas’ clenched ones, making him look up at her, and really look at her. “You can’t break my heart again, okay?” He stared at her with his mouth agape as she attempted to pull his fingers apart. “You absolutely can’t, I won’t forgive you next time.”
Roxas nodded, letting her place her palms against his, fingers delicately wrapping around her slightly smaller hands. “I’ll try.” And he would. He leaned his head against hers, letting the curve of his nose press against her in an impromptu kiss. “I’ll do my best to properly cherish you this time.”
Xion reached up and tried her best to wipe the hot tears falling down her cheeks, taking shaky breaths when Roxas reached forward, placing his hands on her cheeks and wiping them away with his thumbs. “I wanted to tell you. I really did.” she sobbed, letting Roxas cup her cheeks.
“I know,” he breathed, “I’m so sorry I wasn’t ready to hear it yet.”
He took her into his arms and held her as they both cried, relief and comfort replacing the loneliness and tears soon after.
After a while, they pulled back, Xion laughing as she reached up to wipe away stray tears.
“Wow, I wasn’t expecting to cry that much.”
“That’s mostly my fault though,” Roxas said, only half-joking.
“If you say so.” She reached forward, wiping a thumb just under his eye. “I guess this is a little bit of my fault then, huh?”
Roxas chuckled at her, reaching up and wiping at his face with his sleeve, making sure it was dry. “Only just a little bit.”
She scoffed playfully. “Yeah okay, what, tough guy.”
“Xion, may I kiss you.”
Even though Roxas wasn’t thinking when he’d said it, he was glad he did. Seeing Xion flush almost immediately, pressing her lips together before clearing her throat.
“Uh, yeah,” she said softly, placing her hands on his shoulders, nervousness radiating off her. She couldn’t really call it their first kiss, so realistically, there was no reason to be nervous, but she couldn’t convince herself of that when he started to lean forward. However, when his lips pressed against hers, she released all tension in her body, melting into Roxas when his arms wrapped around her waist. She wrapped her arms around Roxas’ shoulder, feeling warmth burst in her chest as he pressed himself against her, and instead of the lonely ache in her heart getting bigger as she feared, it disappeared.
This was a kiss of promise, and of their new beginning.