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Soobin feels like death warmed over when his alarm rings. Why did he let Kai talk him into staying up so late on a school night? He fumbles blindly around on his nightstand until his hand thankfully collides against the snooze button. The cause for his sleep deprivation is nestled against him, apparently unbothered by the shifting since his breathing continues to be deep and even.
Kai really does look like an absolute angel when asleep, long lashes, delicate features, and plush lips. That doesn’t mean Soobin isn’t annoyed with him. Since the sleepover last night had been impromptu, Kai hadn’t brought his uniform, which means he’ll either have to go back home or borrow one of Soobin’s. Either way, the time he usually spends hitting snooze is ruined. Kai is notoriously difficult to wake up.
Soobin shakes the younger’s shoulders. “Hyuka.”
“Five more minutes.” Kai makes a sleepy sound before cuddling closer, his hand reflexively seeking out Soobin’s stomach. Soobin almost sneezes when Kai’s hair tickles his nose—it’s getting long, and it smells like his lavender shampoo. Sometimes he thinks Kai uses more of it than he does. He raises a hand to smooth the younger’s hair away from his face.
“Seriously, Hueningie.” Soobin starts tugging on the dark strands.
“Hyung,” Kai whines against his chest.
“You’re the one who wanted to stay up.”
“Sorry hyung,” Kai attempts to placate, wriggling and entangling himself completely in Soobin’s arms and locking their legs together. He does it with the standard Huening Kai charm, irresistible and cute and impossible to get angry at. “That was the old me.”
“That was you three hours ago.”
“Mm. Shut up.”
Soobin waits for a minute to pass, for Kai to almost slip back into sleep before he tickles him in the side. Predictably, Kai shrieks, cheeks puffing out in annoyance as he rolls over until he’s sprawled on top of Soobin. He’s grown a lot in the past year, so his weight is no longer trivial.
“Can’t you wait until the next alarm,” the younger grumbles against him as he lazily thumps Soobin’s shoulder with his fist.
“How small do you think you actually are?” Soobin says, jostling Kai with his knee. “Get up, sleepyhead.” He attempts to sit up, but Kai is keeping him pinned.
“No,” Kai says childishly, and Soobin is not at all apologetic when he tickles him out of bed.
“Are you going back to your place?” Soobin asks as they brush their teeth.
“Nope. Gimme something to wear?”
“Take your pick,” Soobin says dryly after spitting in the sink. “There’s plenty of options.”
Kai’s laugh is pleased and high-pitched. “Very funny, hyung.” He slides a hand against Soobin’s stomach and rests his chin on the older’s shoulder. “Thanks for waking me up.”
“You owe me a drink.”
“But I’m not 19 yet,” Kai pouts, and Soobin rolls his eyes when he sees Kai’s expression in the mirror, looking for all the world like he could never do any wrong.
“You know what I mean, punk.”
“I’ll never forget when you took my innocence when I was only 16—”
“Kai Kamal Huening.”
Kai sticks his tongue out at him. “Shut up, mom.”
Soobin sighs.
What Kai means by the taking of ‘innocence’ is related to alcohol, of course. Soobin would need both hands to count the number of times they’ve kissed already, not to mention the very first time when they were four and Kai pressed his sticky toddler mouth against his. He still doesn’t quite remember the reason, but the moment is immortalized in a set of polaroids that both their parents enjoy pulling out gleefully at least once every few months. Soobin was an extreme crybaby when he was five years old, and predictably, he cried right after because he thought Kai was trying to give him cooties.
“Go get dressed, I’m not waiting for you.”
“You would too!”
“Try me.”
“You say that, but we always walk together.”
“Maybe that’ll change today.”
“It won’t!”
“Punk.”
“Boomer!”
“Aish—get back here, brat!”
It goes like this.
Soobin is 17 when he gets drunk for the first time in his life. He’d planned on drinking by himself to get a feel for what his tolerance was, but Kai had swung by when Soobin was half a bottle of soju in, promptly demanding to be let in on the fun too.
They end up hiding underneath the blanket because it had seemed a good idea at the time when Soobin’s mother knocked on his door. They’re breathless and dizzy from trying to keep quiet, and that’s when Soobin notices the new soulmark scrawled underneath Kai’s collarbone—it glows a dim gold in the dark.
“Hey, when’d you get this?” Soobin presses his fingers against the mark, carefully (or at least trying to be careful) pulling Kai’s shirt to the side to read it fully.
“Now,” Kai giggles. “I didn’t see that before. What’s it say?”
“Yo soy el gato y tú la curiosidad que ruego me mate a besos.”
“Mm. Say that again.”
Soobin feels hot between the blanket and the alcohol and the way Kai’s voice dips low in appreciation. He repeats himself because he can’t refuse Kai anything.
“It’s Spanish,” Soobin marvels. “Does that mean your soulmate lives somewhere else?”
Kai shrugs. “We’ll meet when we meet. What does it mean?”
“I am the cat, and you the curiosity that begs to kill me with kisses.”
“What a flirt,” Kai teases, but he’s close, breath fanning against Soobin’s lips. “Well, kitty?”
From then on Soobin becomes wary of Kai whenever he’s had a bit to drink, but in that moment, he lets himself be pulled in by Kai’s tides, lets himself be swept by currents of heat and impulse and messy decisions. Because even though they’re friends, they’re something more too—always dancing the line somewhere along that grey area before soulmates.
That kiss is a little different, a little difficult to forget and let fade into his memories, because he remembers; he remembers the desperate slide of his mouth against Kai’s, lips slightly tacky from the mix of soju and soda. The way Kai’s hand brushes over his chest, where one of Soobin’s soulmarks is, a beautiful four-leaf clover. How having his hand at the back of Kai’s head makes it much easier to angle for a deeper kiss, heady and open-mouthed and all of a sudden, too much.
Soobin pulls away and yanks the blanket off of them, almost gasping for air as they surface.
“Thought I was going to pass out.” Kai giggles, and Soobin has always been impressed with the way Kai easily brings them back from that cliff they always teeter towards, away from that terrifying free-fall where it’d be impossible to rebound back to friendship.
“Good, then at least we can stop drinking. I’m sleepy.”
“Weak,” Kai goads, and Soobin rolls his eyes and pours two more shots even though his head’s swimming. There’s nothing to prove, but Soobin likes the company, and maybe he likes the way Kai starts to get increasingly clingy as well, lanky limbs wrapping around him until it’s difficult to tell where they begin and end, seamless.
They fall asleep holding hands because at one point Kai insists on not letting go, and Soobin can’t be bothered to piece coherent thoughts together as drunk as he is, but he remembers thinking that their relationship has always been like that, hanging on and never ever letting go.
Soobin is older by one year, so it’s surprising when Kai receives his first soulmark before him.
“A lemon?” Kai giggles. “Like, the whole thing?”
“It’s pretty,” eight year old Soobin says, poking Kai’s arm. The mark glows a little. He wonders what his will look like.
Kai sticks his tongue out. “I’m pretty.”
“Okay pretty,” Soobin says with some amusement when Kai finishes his second daisy chain, barely wide enough to slip around Soobin’s wrist. Soobin accidentally makes his too big, so he puts the one he made on Kai’s head like a flower crown.
“The one noona made looks better,” Kai pouts, standing up and dusting himself off. “Wanna play Dragon Ball Z now?”
“Yeah, let’s go.”
(Years later, there was a time when both Soobin and Kai had frozen, staring shell-shocked at Yeonjun when the older bit into a whole lemon. “It was a dare,” Yeonjun had said indignantly, but Soobin and Kai held onto their suspicions until Beomgyu got marked with a tattoo of mint chocolate ice cream, which he still gives Yeonjun plenty of grief for. “Seriously hyung? I hate mint chocolate ice cream.”)
Soobin receives his first mark not long after Kai’s. “Mom, what’s this?” he asks curiously, pulling up his shorts slightly. It looks like a flower of some sort.
“Oh Soobinie, did you get your first soulmark?” His mother squeals and wipes her wet fingers on her apron before kneeling down. The mark is a little above his knee and encircles his thigh. “These look like lavenders,” she hums. “I’ll go double check with your sister. Do you want to go see them in the store tomorrow?”
“Yes please,” Soobin says, excited and giddy. Why does his soulmate like lavender?
(For their smell, he concludes the next day. Soobin asks his mother for lavender soap, although he wishes later that he asked his brother or father instead, because his mother keeps pinching his cheeks and cooing at him. He’s eight, he’s too old for this.)
Normally Soobin and Kai are the type to prefer to stay at home over going to a party, but Yeonjun wants to go to celebrate Wooyoung’s acceptance to his first choice, which means Beomgyu is going, and if the two of them were going that means Kai could be persuaded, and if three of them were going then they might as well all go.
Kai laughs after he knocks back a shot with Taehyun, the latter grimacing at the bitterness.
“You and Soobinie-hyung have the same taste. Let me mix you something sweet, Hyunie.”
Taehyun turns around and raises an eyebrow at Soobin.
“I’m not an alcoholic,” Soobin says defensively, both hands cupped around his drink.
“I didn’t say anything,” Taehyun says amusedly. “Are you staying or should I DD again?”
“No, have some fun since we’re all here.” Soobin ruffles Taehyun’s hair that had been dyed a shade of vibrant red, courtesy of Yeonjun. “We’ll call a cab if we have to.”
“No excuses this time,” Kai teases as he places a red cup in front of him. “They’re having a Just Dance competition. Let’s join~”
“Yeonjun and Beomgyu will win again,” Taehyun says, disinterested.
Kai winks mischievously. “I might have...evened up the odds.”
“What did you do to cheat this time?” Soobin asks, scanning the crowd for the couple.
Kai links their arms together. “Let’s find out, partner.”
Soobin jerks his head so fast he almost spills his drink. “No way,” he groans. “I came here to have fun, not exercise.”
Kai tugs on his sleeve, and Soobin makes the mistake of looking, because Kai is making his trademark puppy eyes at him, his bottom lip slightly jutting out.
“Soobinie-hyung, please,” he pouts, attempting to appeal to Soobin with his cuteness, and damn if it doesn’t work every time.
“I am never going to another party with you again,” Soobin grumbles uselessly, but Kai knows he’s won, and that’s enough.
“Whipped,” Taehyun coughs into his fist.
“Shut it.”
Yeonjun and Beomgyu are absolutely plastered. They’re barely coordinated enough to pull off passing scores, much less win.
“Alright, what’d you do,” Soobin whispers. The younger blinks his eyes innocently.
“Nothing. I was just taking shots with them.”
“Then why aren’t you like…” Soobin points discreetly in their direction. Beomgyu is in Yeonjun’s lap, giggling as he leaves sloppy kisses over the older’s cheeks, nose, and finally, his mouth. Yeonjun is barely holding himself back and looks about two seconds from publicly making out with his soulmate.
Kai rests his head against Taehyun’s shoulder and yawns quietly. “I only pretended to drink, they weren’t watching me that closely.” He rubs his eyes. “I’m kind of tired though.”
“Now whose fault is that,” Soobin asks dryly. “You should go take a rest. Right now, preferably.”
“We have to win this first, the prize is a gift card to any restaurant you want,” Kai whines.
Soobin’s expression shifts immediately. “Why didn’t you start with that?”
Taehyun gently pushes Kai off his shoulder, propping him against Soobin instead.
“I’m going to break up those idiots before they end up doing something dumb. You’re treating everyone to dinner next time, right?”
“Sure Hyunie.” Kai pumps his fist in the air lazily before nuzzling against Soobin’s sleeve. “Let’s get it.”
They got it.
Kai disappears somewhere after congratulating Wooyoung, most likely to find out what the other three are up to.
Soobin escapes to the balcony, careful to leave it unlocked. Talking to this many people drains him, and he needs a break. He doesn’t think he drank enough to feel this tipsy, but it’s probably a combination of not enough sleep and the cardio he just tortured himself with.
It’s almost comfortably chilly outside. Soobin draws his sweater closer around him, jumping in surprise when he hears the door unexpectedly slide open.
“Hyung?”
“Over here,” Soobin calls. He’s found a comfortable corner to rest against, out of view of the door. “Perfect,” he says when Kai sits down next to him, immediately clinging tightly onto his warmth.
“Knew you’d be hiding out here,” Kai says, rubbing the sleeve of his hoodie against Soobin’s nose. “Isn’t it too cold for you?”
“It’s fine since you’re here,” Soobin answers easily.
“As expected from my gum.”
Soobin shushes him, pressing his cold face against Kai’s warmer one. “I wanna go home and sleep.”
“They’re playing Spin the Bottle inside.”
“Oh? Is there someone here you wanted to kiss?” Soobin chuckles.
“It’s easier to just ask, isn’t it?”
“That’s not romantic.”
“You’re not romantic.” Kai scrunches his nose. “You’re cold, and you’re making me cold.” He raises his hands and cups them around Soobin’s face, continuing to rub his sleeves lightly against him.
“Warm me up then,” Soobin says, breaths coming out in puffs of air that Kai can feel against his cheeks. He wraps his arms tightly around the younger’s waist. They’re closer than they have to be, but then again, that’s how they usually are.
Kai pauses, tilting his head as he considers something.
“Stop thinking, you’ll only hurt yourself,” Soobin teases.
Kai pinches his cheeks in retaliation. “I’m asking.”
“Asking what?” He’s only confused for a brief moment before he remembers what Kai had just said, and because Kai makes it obvious when he brushes his thumb across his lower lip. “Oh.” He leans in, moving a hand over to Kai’s thigh.
“Like I said,” he murmurs, “you’re not romantic.”
Then their lips meet, and it’s as perfect and easy as it’s always been.
Soobin’s starting to think maybe both hands won’t be enough to count anymore.
“I think my soulmate wants to be a botanist,” twelve year old Soobin says,staring owlishly at his new mark. “I don’t even know what these are.”
“What is it?” Beomgyu asks, peering over his shoulder. “Oh, it’s pretty.”
“Lemme see too,” Kai says curiously, and Soobin shifts so the younger can see the inside of his arm. His brows furrow. “They look kind of familiar. Is that snow?”
“I think so,” Soobin says. He looks at it again. It really is a pretty mark, even if he had no idea what the red berries were.
“They look like cranberries,” Taehyun guesses. “Or currants.”
“What even is a currant?”
“Yeonjun-hyung…”
When he thinks about it, Kai is golden.
That happens a lot. Him thinking about Kai, that is. It just happens naturally, given that they see each other every day, sometimes seeing each other’s faces first thing in the morning or ending the night together. When he doesn’t see him, he wonders things like if Kai remembered to eat his breakfast or whether or not he forgot to do his homework.
Kai being golden, though.
He gets the idea from a passage they’re analyzing in literature class. However impossible, Soobin thinks Kai’s somehow managed to do it—somehow has kept all of his youthful innocence and stayed gold. Then, in the literal sense—how he looks bathed in the sunlight, especially in the summers where his skin stays sun-kissed for the duration. How all of his soulmarks are gold as well, from the Spanish lettering underneath his collarbone to the lemon on his arm and the laurel wreath on his wrist.
He wonders if their relationship will stay the same when he graduates and has to move a little further away for university. He doesn’t doubt that they’ll continue to be close, and he’s planning to come home on the weekends and during breaks. But between the gaps, what if they meet their soulmates?
...What if they never meet their soulmates? It’s not uncommon.
Soobin can’t imagine someone knowing Kai better than he does, can’t imagine someone being as familiar with him as he is, can’t imagine someone being Kai’s other half when—
Well, some thoughts should remain quiet.
He wonders if their relationship will stay gold.
They don’t have to be at Yeonjun’s for another hour, so the two of them are posted up at Kai’s house doing nothing in particular. Kai’s lounging on the end of his bed with his elbows propped up, cheeks bulging slightly from whatever snack he’s been working on for the past ten minutes. Lea had offered him one too, but he declined since he bought some sherbert on the way home.
Soobin leans backwards as Kai’s Kirby zero-to-deaths him again, trying his best to obscure his view.
“Hyung,” Kai says around the snack in his mouth, “are you really trying to cheat?”
“I can’t believe you’re beating my ass with Kirby,” Soobin complains, but his tactics seem to work because he manages to take a stock.
“Really?” Kai grumbles as Soobin continues to block the screen. “And they say I cheat all the time.”
“You do,” Soobin says amusedly, but even with Joker’s best efforts, he loses when Kai sits up and gets serious. “I need to learn his combos.” He spoons the last of the sherbet into his mouth before tossing the cup in the trash can.
“Maybe you just suck, hyung.”
“Watch your mouth.”
“You’re worse than Beomie.”
“I am not,” Soobin says, offended. He pushes Kai, intending to send him sprawling back onto his bed, but what happens instead is that Kai holds onto his arms and ends up taking Soobin down with him. Soobin braces himself on his hands so he doesn’t land completely on him.
“You are,” Kai says, finally removing the stick from his mouth. There’s still a sphere of what looks like red candied fruit on it. “You seriously suck so much, I feel bad every time we play,” he further provokes.
“You’re so annoying.” Soobin scowls, meaning to reposition himself more comfortably, but Kai’s lips are close and he’s looking up expectantly at him through his dark lashes and he’s so, so beautiful.
Soobin doesn’t need much convincing these days. There’s been a sudden increase to how often they kiss—before, it maybe had been once every few months, but in the last few weeks there’s been a concentration of kisses and this is the one that tips them over to eleven. Two hands aren’t enough to count them all anymore.
Kai’s lips are sticky sweet with sugar, and his mouth tastes a little sour from the fruit. It mixes surprisingly well with the tart lemon of Soobin’s sherbert as he slowly licks into Kai’s mouth, taking his time with tasting him. Maybe he should have accepted the snack from Lea after all.
Kai’s arm bumps against his shoulder, the stick dangerously close to his hair. Soobin catches his wrist just in time, running his tongue across the swell of Kai’s bottom lip before reluctantly pulling back.
“Do you want to put that up?” Soobin asks, voice pitched low. The gold laurel wreath underneath his fingers warms from his touch. Kai’s wrists have always felt so delicate.
Kai makes a show of considering whether or not he wants Soobin to continue or if he wants to finish his snack, but it’s obvious to the both of them what his decision is from the start. He leans over and places the stick of fruit back on the plate on his nightstand before willingly returning to the cage of Soobin’s arms. His cheeks are pink as he stares at Soobin, lips parting as if to say something before changing his mind halfway. Instead, he tugs on Soobin’s shirtfront and pulls on a belt loop until Soobin is pressing him down against the mattress, the line of their bodies scorching against each other.
The twelfth kiss ruins them, leaves their hair mussed and lips tinged red and finally, finally they’re uncertain where they stand as friends because Kai doesn’t say anything to pull them back from the edge, and Soobin doesn’t want to, so they stare at each other while they plummet.
Soobin’s thigh is warm where Kai had gripped his mark, and he wonders if this soulmate business is really worth it when he thinks he has the person he’s wanted all along right in front of him.
If anyone notices they’re a little subdued around each other at Yeonjun’s that night, they don’t mention anything.
(They notice.)
“How do you say ‘I love you’ in Spanish again?” Kai asks. He’s planning to choose Chinese as his elective language for high school, which Soobin says is cheating when he already speaks it at home. (“That doesn’t change the fact that I have to learn how to write it, hyung.”)
“Te amo.”
“Te amo,” Kai tries, brows furrowing as the words come out unfamiliar and stilted. “Te amo,” he tries again, this time staring straight at Soobin. He looks almost as shy as Soobin feels, because why did he—
“You got it,” Soobin says hoarsely, swallowing past the lump in his throat. “Te amo,” he returns one more time, and he thinks he imagines the dusting of pink on Kai’s cheeks.
“Hey,” Yeonjun starts. “I know we joke about it all the time, but are you and Kai...y’know…”
“We’re not soulmates,” Soobin says with a frown.
“Does that matter when you love him? And how do you know, anyway?”
“Our marks don’t match.”
Yeonjun makes a face when Soobin pointedly avoids him, but it’s never good to push too far, so he continues with his other point. “Well sometimes they can be subtle. The mint chocolate ice cream for Beom was really obvious, but he also has a mark that looked like a cup. We didn’t figure out that it was supposed to be a lid for a fabric softener until we were two months in.”
Soobin blinks in surprise. He didn’t know that.
Yeonjun continues to talk, and Soobin lets him because he knows he’s just trying to be helpful. “So Beom likes lavender, right?” Soobin nods—lavender seems to be a common soulmark. “I expected the soulmark to look like a flower or something, but I got this instead.” Yeonjun turns over his arm, and Soobin chuckles when he sees the green sprouts. “Apparently these are lavender seedlings.”
“I have a lavender one too, but it shows the full plant.”
“You mentioned that,” Yeonjun says. “Doesn’t Kai like lavender?”
“A lot of people do,” Soobin says, because he’d definitely considered that before finding out he knew at least three other people with lavender soulmarks. The marking system doesn’t seem to discriminate between common and uncommon loves. “Do you mind if I take a closer look?”
“Nope. Go right ahead.” Yeonjun presents his arm, and Soobin twists it carefully until he can see the mark better. His brows furrow in confusion. He can’t feel any warmth near the mark.
“Can I…” Soobin awkwardly gestures with his hand. It’s rude to talk about or touch a person’s soulmark unless they consent to it. Thankfully, Yeonjun quickly guesses his intentions.
“Yeah, of course.”
Soobin keeps the press of his fingers light and brief only to confirm his suspicions. “Your soulmark doesn’t get warm when it’s touched?”
“No,” Yeonjun says slowly. “Does yours?”
Soobin nods. “I thought it was normal.”
Yeonjun looks thoughtfully at Soobin. It looks like there’s a smile tugging on his lips. “It’s rare, but...here, let me show you. Can I touch the one you have on your arm?”
“Yeah, why?”
Yeonjun shakes his head as he rolls Soobin’s sleeve up and quickly taps the mark there.
Soobin doesn’t feel anything other than confusion.
“You’re an idiot. Actually, let me take that back. You’re both idiots.”
Soobin buries himself in research that night, both disappointed and relieved by Kai’s conspicuous absence. He’d touched his parents’ soulmarks before when he was little, and he remembered when his mother had inspected the lavender mark on his thigh—he didn’t feel the heat he did with Kai either time, but he thought that had been because they were his parents.
It’s three in the morning, and Soobin has managed to find a few credible sources by experts on soulmate phenomenons. Apparently in a few rare cases, if one’s soulmate touches their partner’s soulmark, the mark could respond by heating up.
Soobin blushes even though he’s alone, remembering the times Kai had his hands under his shirt or holding tight onto his arm or pressed firmly against his thigh. Remembers when he had his fingers around Kai’s delicate wrists or splayed under his collarbones or trailing down his arms. Remembers the kissing too, of course.
His phone dings with a text message at just the right time with Kai’s personalized tone.
if ur still awake can i come over, can’t sleep ><
It’s a school night, but he doesn’t hesitate in responding anyway.
Of course.
Kai lives just down the street, so it’s not long before he shows up at his door in pajamas with his backpack.
“Brought your uniform this time?”
“Yup.” Kai nods and yawns as they make their way to Soobin’s room. Kai shrugs off his backpack and climbs into his bed as easily and familiarly as he always has, except this time Soobin’s heart is in his throat because he’s more aware of his feelings for him now. He leaves his desk lamp on, unwilling to plunge them into total darkness.
“Tired?” Soobin asks after he settles in and draws the blankets over them, dragging a thumb under Kai’s eyes. Unlike Soobin, Kai’s never really had eye bags before, even when they get the same amount of sleep—not enough.
“A little.” He doesn’t snuggle up like he usually does, doesn’t tuck himself underneath Soobin’s chin and into his arms. Instead Kai stares at him across the pillow.
“What?”
The silence is uncomfortable, they’ve never really been at a loss for words around each other before.
“I’m asking.”
Soobin’s heart is a wild animal thumping against his rib cage.
“Yes,” he answers, shifting closer and pulling Kai to him at the same time. It feels important to Soobin that Kai is clear on his intentions, that even if they end up not being soulmates, Soobin is interested in being with Kai, in belonging with Kai, in continuing to share his mornings and nights and everything in between. “I’m going to kiss you now,” he says slowly, surely, and because he really needs Kai to understand, he adds, “love.”
The reaction is immediate, Kai’s cheeks reddening as Soobin pauses when their lips are barely a hair’s breadth apart, another checkpoint.
“Please,” Kai whispers, and that’s enough, that’s what he needs to hear. That Kai wants this just as much as he does, and not as friends. Soobin kisses him carefully, threading his fingers through Kai’s soft hair, keeping his lips firm against Kai’s but not doing anything more than that until Kai is the one to lick at the seam of his mouth. Soobin parts for him, lets Kai lead this time, lets Kai be the one to brush the tips of their tongues together first, lets Kai experiment and explore until he pulls back.
While Soobin misses the warmth of Kai’s lips, it’s nothing compared to the line of fire Kai mouths down his neck until he’s holding back noises in his throat, until his once-gentle grip in Kai’s hair tightens and Kai gasps against him accordingly.
There are still so many things to learn about each other.
Soobin nudges Kai until he tilts his head so Soobin can return the favor. Kai is not quiet, though he tries to be, his soft whimpers and harsh breaths punctuating the silence as Soobin marks up his neck in a decidedly more impermanent way with blooms of red that would likely fade away in a few hours’ time.
Soobin eventually makes his way to the soulmark under Kai’s collarbones, staring in awe as it glows gold, and he supposes he is the Cat again this time. The knowledge that it might be him that put that mark there pushes him to kiss the words too, to bring that poetry to life, and Kai’s grip on his shoulder intensifies.
“...Still want to sleep?” Soobin asks, more for himself than for Kai. Kai looks at Soobin, eyes wide and glittering, his bottom lip slightly swollen from where he’d bit down on them.
“I’m awake now, I think,” the younger breathes, and Soobin swallows hard, taking a deep breath before he shifts again to bump their foreheads together.
“Wanna talk then? About soulmates.”
“Oh…” And the shift from disappointment to bewilderment is a sight to see. Kai was always expressive. “What about them?” He looks apprehensive and small, like he wants to shrink into himself, and Soobin gathers him up tight in his arms again like he’s done so many times before.
“You know how I feel about you, right?” Soobin kisses the tip of his nose tenderly. “You mean more to me than a soulmate.”
“I, hyung…” Kai flounders. “I mean…” He looks down at his glowing soulmark. “Everything’s new, I don’t really know…”
“It’s okay love,” Soobin murmurs, kissing his forehead this time, “we can go at your pace. I cared about you before, I care about you now. I just wanted you to know that.”
It’s rare to see Kai this shy, the younger can’t even meet his eyes when he mumbles, “Me too hyung.”
“You’re adorable,” Soobin coos and Kai pouts at him, even though he’s secretly pleased at the way Soobin starts peppering kisses on his face.
“Soobinie, I want to tell you why I couldn’t sleep,” Kai says when Soobin finally gives him a break from the almost excess affection. “I know what those red berries are on your soulmark.”
“I thought we settled on them being currants?”
Kai shakes his head as he slides his fingers up Soobin’s sleeve to brush past the soulmark there, warming it as he does so. “The ends of it are star-shaped. These are hawthorn berries.” He smiles nervously. “They’re used often to make tanghulu.”
Soobin’s mouth dries as he remembers the candied snack. “Earlier today…?”
“And so I was thinking,” Kai rushes, “I like lavender and four-leaf clovers too. And I couldn’t stop thinking.” Kai has a habit where he bites his lips when he’s anxious; he’s chewing his lips now.
“Hyuka,” Soobin murmurs, kissing him briefly on the mouth, “don’t be nervous.” He wants to kiss Kai until he’s lethargic and relaxed, but he doesn’t want to postpone the truth any longer than he has to. “Did you know that soulmarks aren’t supposed to warm up when someone touches them?”
The look of confusion on his face says it all. It probably mirrors what Soobin had looked like earlier. “What do you mean?”
“I was talking with Yeonjun, and I thought it was weird when I touched his soulmark and didn’t feel anything—”
“You touched his soulmark,” Kai squeaks, and he looks like he doesn’t know whether or not he’s supposed to be affronted.
“We were talking about you, love,” Soobin assures, reading him easily. “So he touched mine as well—” Kai squeaks again, indignantly this time, and it’s so cute that Soobin chuckles and takes a quick break to kiss him.
“Anyway, he told me that it happens sometimes to soulmates, but it’s rare. So I went to do some research, and that’s why I’m still awake. This makes much more sense now,” Soobin says with a smile as he places his hand right below Kai’s collarbones. “And I’m right here, not countries away.”
Kai squeezes his eyes shut in embarrassment. “If we really are soulmates—”
“It’s a little too late for ‘ifs’, Hyuka. You’re my one and only.”
“You were just saying earlier that you…” It’s obvious he can’t bring himself to repeat Soobin’s words.
“Well, in the case that I’m wrong, and I’m not, I wanted you to know that I would want you regardless.”
“S-Stop,” Kai says weakly, “you’re being so…”
“So what?” Soobin smirks, delighted at how easily Kai flusters.
“Maybe you are a little romantic,” he mumbles, cheeks permanently stained red at this point. “I wish I knew what the other marks meant…”
Soobin groans. “I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but do you want me to stay up with you until we figure it out?”
Kai grins, and it’s all worth it. “Yes, please.”
(The lemon is a reference to the lemon sherbert Soobin is obsessed with. The gold laurel wreath is a bit trickier, they must have looked at reference pictures for an hour until Kai realizes that the ‘laurels’ are actually two stalks of wheat. “Oh my god, it’s bread.” “I don’t even like bread that much anymore…” “That’s not what you thought a few years ago, dummy Binnie.” “Ya!”)
“I love you,” Kai says while he’s brushing his teeth.
Soobin is exhausted, but his heart speeds up anyway, lips breaking out in a soft smile reserved only for his soulmate. “I love you too,” he says easily, naturally, kissing Kai on his forehead even as the younger protests.
“Binnie,” he whines, “we’re in the bathroom—”
“Don’t remember that stopping you the first time.”
“Hyung!”
His father chuckles when Kai shows him his newest soulmark. “I think your soulmate must be someone who likes you a lot already.”
“Why?” Kai asks curiously. It’s pretty, but he’s not really sure what it’s supposed to mean.
“Your name means ‘victory’,” his father explains. “And so do laurel wreaths. Though I guess they could just be a very competitive person. Maybe both.”
“I guess.” Kai scrunches his nose. “Can I sleep over at Soobinie-hyung’s house tonight?”
His father smiles knowingly. “Of course.”
“Kissing?” Lea coos as she stretches Kai’s cheeks. “Are you interested in someone already? Kids these days grow up so fast...”
“N-No,” Kai stammers, “I just want to know why it’s a big deal. And you’re only two years older than me, noona.”
“Hmm. Well, when you kiss someone, you usually really like them.” Lea smiles teasingly. “Only kiss someone if you want to spend the rest of your life with them, okay?”
“Okay noona.”
He’s fifteen when he kisses Soobin for the second time, and he means it with all of his heart.