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Seulgi trudged her way to the end of the hall, not really caring if she made it to the elevator before it left. She wipes the sweat from her forehead finally reaching the mechanism that did indeed shoot up to the higher floors without her. She carelessly threw her backpack onto the ground, the soreness from the overexertion already spreading across the muscles throughout her body. She always starts off the week strong, to mentally set precedent for the days to follow. By mid-afternoon on Tuesdays, she always curses the ambition her past self held. So did the other students in her psychology classes that also had to put up with the aftermath. Especially Joy, only she was bolder than the rest taking it upon herself to be the voice of the masses in begging Seulgi to consider practicing later in the day when she didn’t have class. It would be more convenient not only for them, but for her as well.
“God, I can smell you from here.”
Seulgi rolls her eyes at the shout that came from down the hall and she pleads with the elevator to quicken its descent, incessantly pushing the button.
The heels of Joy’s boots clacked against the mix-matched tile flooring with increasing purpose the closer she drew to Seulgi. She stopped not two feet from the girl who was still slamming on the elevator button. “You’re so inconsiderate, think about us. There’s not a single functioning window in that room- would you stop that!” Her command was loud enough to turn a couple of heads. “I’m the one that has to be trapped in there with your sweaty ass...”
Seulgi huffed but gave in. Without turning to look at her, Seulgi relented her peaceful Joy-less morning. “You could use the other elevator. Or take the stairs, Sooyoung.”
Joy playfully reached for Seulgi’s hand, “But then we wouldn’t get to ride together.”
Seulgi clenched her fist at her side but said nothing. She usually doesn’t, knowing that anything that came out of her mouth when Joy got like this would fuel the fire used against her. Besides, it’s not like Joy would stop, either way, the girl does as she pleases. Seulgi ignores that part of her brain that finds it admirable, attractive even. She would never give Joy the satisfaction.
Joy had been very forthcoming from the first day of the semester. It’s like she looked at Seulgi in that preliminary moment and made it her life plan to get on every single nerve of hers before the semester’s end. And that plan was preceding unburdened.
The elevator finally dings and the doors open with a whoosh, the cool air relinquishing Seulgi from her unease. Before she can reach down and retrieve her backpack, Joy has already picked it up with the tips of her index finger and her thumb, carrying it into the lift. With a perfectly manicured finger, Joy gently presses the button signaling for the third floor of the psych building.
Seulgi stared at the growing floor numbers while she and Joy chatted about things related to the coursework they were assigned over the weekend. When they finally reach their floor, Joy swings Seulgi’s backpack at her just in time for her to catch it in her exhausted arms.
“I can’t believe you made me carry that the entire ride up. I only grabbed it to be nice, how do you sleep at night knowing you take advantage of others’ kindness?” Joy sneered at Seulgi. There was a disingenuine glint in her eye. Seulgi didn’t even need to look to know it was there.
“No one told you to grab it, Sooyoung.” She replied.
Joy scoffed, as Seulgi predicted she would. She crossed her arms and stomped her way over to their classroom door, the medium-sized tote bag on shoulder swinging ferociously in tune with her steps. She stops in front of the door and Seulgi takes her sweet time catching up to her. She closes the remaining feet between them with a skip and a chuckle before opening the door to let Joy in, successfully earning a shove to the shoulder as retort.
The two take their seats in the middle of the lecture hall and fish around for the material they would need for class that day. Seulgi would say that although she finds her projected field of study interesting and awe-inspiring, the major requirements the school mandated her to take weren’t even in the ballpark of entertaining. Even though she’s in the senior year of her undergraduate career, the boredom of sitting in a room listening to men drone on and on in monotonous tones for nearly two hours has not escaped her. She’s reluctant to admit it, but Joy’s introduction into her life has made it remarkably more bearable.
She was annoying, putting it lightly. She whined about everything under the sun: the overworked projector, the small seats, the lack of controllable air conditioning, the sound of someone breathing too hard behind them. If it was mildly disruptive, Joy hated it and needed to make it known to anyone within a five-mile radius. Seulgi’s had the misfortune of being at the brunt of her complaining seeing as Joy remained adamant about sitting next to her. Although at times, it could be entertaining especially on days when Joy was particularly worked up. She wouldn’t even say a word but it would be written all over her face, making a home in her pout. Some would say it was a bit cute when she furrowed her eyebrows every time someone sniffled a little too loudly. Only some, though.
Joy eyed Seulgi as she went about digging around her backpack seemingly looking for a pen or literally anything to write with. Her eyes zeroed in on the strain in the muscles of her neck as the dirty blonde girl reached over the desk attached to their chairs. Any and all of the warmth that brewed in the pit of her stomach from observing the taut muscle disappeared when she realized Seulgi’s slip of the mind. “Why didn’t she move the desk back down instead of…”, Joy thought. At the worst of times, Seulgi’s seemingly simple-mindedness worked well to put a halt to any intrusive thoughts.
She reached into her own bag with a sigh and threw a spare pen at Seulgi who was still fumbling around with the loose papers in her backpack. Seulgi frowned at the assault which turned into a smile in return when she noticed what had hit her head. It was the sincere and appreciative one that takes up her entire face that Joy doesn’t get to see often because she’s always making fun of her. Joy rolled her eyes.
“Honestly, how do you make it to class in one piece. You’re so annoying, I’m younger you should be throwing pens at my head not that you would need to because I’m always pre-”
She’s cut off by her own pen hitting her square in the forehead. She doesn’t get a chance to seek revenge because their professor walked in at the same moment, a hush flowing across the room as he hurriedly jumped into their lecture for the day.
--
“Every time that man opens his mouth I swear every transmitter in my brain says it’s night time. I could find running water amusing but he somehow manages to put me to sleep, I can’t stand him.”
Seulgi laughed to herself as she waited for Joy to stuff the office-worth of materials back into her bag. She wasn’t exaggerating when she said she’s always prepared.
“I swear he can tell when I’m about to knock out, I always feel the light reflecting off his head aimed directly at me right before I fall asleep,” Seulgi said, still laughing.
“That’s why I don’t trust bald people. They have eyes embedded in their exposed scalp. It’s like when blind people get heightened hearing. They lose their hair, they get new eyes.”
The pair had a little over an hour until their next shared class. Finding out they had each other for two classes back to back resulted in stalking accusations and Joy trying to force a love confession out of Seulgi.
They leave the lecture hall and make their way to the common area. Their class, unfortunately enough, let out right when the student union was at its busiest though it proved to be no adherence to them. Every student figures out by their third year how to navigate and dominate in the SU. Though, a particular first year to be reckoned with made any of the typical freshman period of adjustment look like child’s play. Seulgi was unofficially, and completely unknown to herself, mentoring a 19-year-old music major that seemed to not struggle in the slightest with the new college environment. She was a daughter of a long time family friend that Seulgi had only ever met twice before. They were congenial enough with each other but not very close. Every time Seulgi would try to think of ways to relate to the girl, Yeri, she would just picture her stone face and thought the task potentially fruitless. College must’ve been a breeze to her.
Seulgi was pulled out of her thoughts by Joy tugging on her arm.
“Buy me coffee.”
Seulgi couldn’t help but laugh as she ceased their walking and anchored herself to the floor, successfully causing Joy to stumble over her own feet. Despite her earlier irritation with Joy, she felt a sense of playfulness rising within her. Maybe it was because Joy looked extra done up this day. Or the way Joy seemed to concede more to Seulgi’s refusal to bite back. Seulgi felt bold. She shoved her hands in the back pockets of her jeans. She asked her silent question with a raise of an eyebrow.
“What,” Joy deadpanned.
Seulgi tilts her head. “Do you wanna try that again?” she said lightly.
Joy dragged her feet over to where Seulgi stalled herself. She stood a nose-width apart and looked her dead in the eye with a scowl, not blinking for an impressive amount of time. From time to time she gives into Seulgi typically on days that the older girl appears to have overexerted herself. She’ll allow the little wins if only to keep a sourpuss Seulgi from killing her vibe. And usually, Seulgi would silently take the offered wins. Joy then closed her eyes and exhaled. She resumed eye contact with Seulgi, upon reopening them, who patiently but warily waited unmoving. In a moment of idiocy, she had forgotten that Joy’s audacity challenged that of Apollo himself. She should’ve just shut up and got the coffee, what’s an extra five bucks anyway.
Joy’s demeanor completely flipped. She looked down on Seulgi with a hooded gaze - Joy’s height advantage had slipped Seulgi’s mind - and looped her fingers through the dancer’s belt loops and tugged fiendishly on them, effectively getting Seulgi to move with her as she walked backward toward the coffee shop. Seulgi’s countenance shifted only minutely but her mind had left her body completely. One too many buttons - Joy only had the one - were pushed and now Seulgi would have to reap what she sowed.
“Come on, just one Americano?” she all but whined. Joy glanced behind her, and to her luck, there was practically no one in line. “You might as well,” she added. She posted them right behind the single person in line and looked around the room. “Just for a treat.” She said with a final incessant tug to bring Seulgi’s body closer to her own. Seulgi’s lip quivered. How foolish, how naive, how tactless Seulgi had realized herself to be. In what world would her fleeting boldness ever beat out Joy’s brashness. She would’ve chastised herself could she form a complete thought but Joy too close and too genuine, one of the many caveats Seulgi should have taken into account. Her mind fuzzed in that brief moment, sanity audibly screeching to snap her back into reality. Or maybe that was the sound of the screaming espresso machine knocking her senses back into frame.
“Um. Next please.”
When Seulgi came to, they were already next in line. She blinked and pushed Joy off of her. “You make me sick.” She went through the exceedingly awkward encounter of placing their order to the cashier that presumably fell victim to being the audience to Joy’s antics. All the while, said pain in the ass stood behind Seulgi resting her chin on her shoulder, her fingers still playing with one of the belt loops on Seulgi’s jeans.
Joy skipped to the counter at the call of Seulgi’s name thanking the barista for their drinks. She sits down at the table she forced Seulgi into. “You treat me so swell,” she fawned before taking an overdramatic sip of her drink.
Seulgi grunts and indulges in her own sugary drink. In nauseatingly Joy fashion, she was able to drop the facade with ease. She scrunched up her nose as if she was still invading Seulgi’s space. “How is it possible that you still reek of fresh sweat?”
Seulgi kicked her under the table and Joy made a whining noise of innocent protest. She searched Joy’s face trying to recall as many gross memories of her as she could to erase the sensation of Joy’s body pressed up against hers in the way that it was from her mind. The thought of how close they were and the smell of the taller girl’s perfume catching in her throat. She audibly choked at the memory. In her daze, she recognized familiar dark waves that came down just past the shoulders of a certain 19-year-old protege just beyond Joy’s head at the counter with the still visibly shaken cashier.
“Yerim!”
Yeri finishes up her transaction and turns in search of the rather deep voice that called her. Joy, too, looked to see where Seulgi’s attention had left her and shifted to. Yeri, eliciting a sound of recognition, finally spots Seulgi and Joy, the latter she did not know, and joins them at their table.
Joy absolutely falls in love with Yeri at first sight. “Oh my god. Oh my god. She’s so cute!” Joy squeals somehow with her entire body, as the youngest of the three approaches them.
“Every time I see you not in the practice room, my fight or flight kicks in.” Yeri scrapes the empty chair against the floor taking a seat, all the while trying not to notice the strange woman with goo goo eyes vibrating across from Seulgi. “Uh, hi. I’m Yeri” she doesn’t direct her gaze to the woman but glances at her from the side and nods her head in greeting.
“Ah!! Even your voice is so cute!” She plays with the collar of Yeri’s jacket making a complete show of how enamored she is with her.
“Would you stop that,” Seulgi smacks Joy’s hands away from Yeri’s personal space. Yeri was put off by Joy’s behavior at a glance thinking it was just another fangirl of Seulgi’s but upon realizing the giddiness was aimed towards herself, she adored it all the more.
Joy turns her scorn back onto Seulgi. “Why didn’t you tell me you were friends with an adorable freshman? What, you thought you would keep her to yourself?” She scoots closer to Yeri and grabs a hold of her arm, squeezing it like a plushie. “I’m Joy-”
“Sooyoung.”
“Joy,” she corrects pointedly. She pets Yeri’s cheek, the doted on girl loving the attention and leaning into her touch.
“Wow. Seulgi, take notes. This is how you show affection.”
Joy gasps at the same time Seulgi scoffs. “Please, Seulgi doesn’t have a single sensitive bone in that beautifully sculpted body. She’s so brutish-”
“Excuse me?!”
Yeri nods solemnly. She throws a sly smile at Seulgi before contorting her face back into one so pitiful it has Joy on the verge of tears. “I have so many worries,” she sniffles. “And Seulgi never asks about any of them, or how I’m doing. It’s always ‘Yerim-ah did you practice today? Yerim-ah, get in formation. Yerim-ah you’re not on beat. Yerim-ah…’”
Joy fully engulfs Yeri into a hug at that point, unleashing hell on Seulgi for being a neglectful mentor. “What kind of person are you that doesn’t look after their mentee?!”
“She’s not even- We are in public can you two rein it in please…” No doubt, their antics have pulled a few lingering eyes. Truthfully, no one’s actually paying them any mind, Joy’s voice has just enough shrill to its tone that it startles the surrounding customers but they all go back to their business. “And she’s not a baby!”
“It’s a new place you ass! You expect her to just be able to deal with the transition smoothly? Did you as a freshman?” The vein in Joy’s neck is practically screaming along with her vocal cords.
Yeri’s face may be hidden in Joy’s mass of hair but Seulgi can just tell by the slight shaking of the girl’s body that she’s laughing. It’s not that she paid no mind to any of Yeri’s troubles. She was sure she had them. She just assumed that by not coming to talk about them, and only showing up to practice that that was her outlet. And Seulgi happily obliged by running drill after drill.
Yeri decides that Seulgi’s faced enough of Joy’s wrath. She finds it rather funny how within the maybe 20 minutes she’s met Joy, the obvious domineering role between the two older students belongs to her. She released herself from Joy’s embrace. She took one look at Seulgi’s massive frown and cracked up even more. “Look at her face, god that’s classic. I’ve never seen Seulgi so annoyed before and I’ve already missed 5 practices this semester.”
“Don’t think you’ve been forgiven about those either…”
Yeri’s name was called and she left them for a moment to retrieve her order. Joy and Seulgi stared each other down from their respective sides of the table. Seulgi’s scowl was still perched across her face, her arms folded across her chest. Joy, on the other hand, was grinning ear to ear.
“What,” she asked cheekily.
If it was possible, Seulgi’s frown managed to deepen. Joy leaned across the table and unhooked Seulgi’s arms. “Come ooooon,” she prompted. Leaning half of her body in the uncomfortable position on top of the table, she let her hands linger on Seulgi’s arms. They often spoke to each other in this way. Joy knowing that Seulgi is reluctant to use her words for fear of saying anything less than impactful. Joy also being a non-verbal person unless prompted, not only practiced but mastered the art of talking to Seulgi with just her hands. The appendages were powerful, just as words are. They’re tangible in the way that verbal expression could only hope to be. Whispers and utterances seemed to never truly do the trick for Joy. People needed to know what she meant through touch. It worked like a charm every time. Her hands pulled at Seulgi’s forearms until she relented and placed her hands on the tabletop. Joy took hold of her wrists squeezing them gently with intention. The tender touch spiked Seulgi’s breathing, just a notch off track. Joy maintained her position until Seulgi gave in and turned her scowl to a neutral expression.
Joy giggled as she retracted her body back into her seat. Yeri returned from adjusting her tea to the way she liked it but only to offer a goodbye, she was due for a class soon and needed to head out.
“I’m halfway across campus but Seulgi I’ll see you tomorrow morning.”
“You sure?” she squinted, a slight threat added to ensure that Yeri doesn’t try for a sixth missed practice.
“I’m sure.” She backed away mouthing “text me” to Joy while charading a phone to which the junior eagerly nodded in agreement.
Joy sighed. She switched her gaze back over to Seulgi. The older girl, after watching Yeri’s retreating figure, found herself yet again caught in a staring match. She swears it’s Joy’s way of trying to intimidate her but intimidation is never the emotion that surfaces. Sometimes it’s irritation but more often than not, it’s something else entirely. The longer Seulgi stared at Joy, the more her thoughts wandered back to how Joy practically ensnared her in a salacious trap. It was like a chain reaction. The irritation led to admiration and admiration to desire. Seulgi thought of just earlier that morning when Joy impatiently waited for her to open the door to their class. She thought of the discrete peeks at Joy she would subconsciously sneak out of her peripheral in class. Against her will, her brain conjured up the way her eyes were focused on the just barely visible silver chain around Joy’s neck. They didn’t move even when Joy absentmindedly unbuttoned a third notch on her blouse, the lack of AC heating up the room; the way Joy’s jaw clenched when she was trying to make sense of whatever anecdote their professor had been rambling about that essentially added nothing to their lecture that day. Joy wasn’t one to take kindly to others wasting her time. The image of Joy - it was so burned into her recollection - making claim to the space she occupied as she walked through the halls of every building that she entered, the sheer gall and audacity of every step. It was as if the conviction of Joy’s mind (and what a mind it is) manifested itself into her natural gait and begged for Seulgi’s attention. Seulgi admittedly could not deny.
Joy tilted her head to the side but didn’t speak a word. She didn’t have to, the taunts that would have left her tongue had she chosen to speak were written all over her face. Her hooded eyes screamed “Do you have a problem, Seul?” and “What’s got you in a doozy?” practically sauntered off her half-turned up smile. Seulgi felt sick. A throat clearing saved her from a trip to the bathroom.
“Ma’am. You left your wallet at the counter.”
Seulgi mentally dropped to her knees in thanks. “Oh, geez. Thank you,” she searched the employee’s apron for a name tag. “Momo. Thank you, Momo. I don’t know where my head is.” Her cheeks, although still a bit red, began to cool down with the welcomed distraction.
“I think I know where it is…” Joy sing-songed as she stood and grabbed her things, ready to leave.
The barista must’ve taken Seulgi’s flushed exterior and Joy’s teasing as an advantageous moment. “No worries. We all have our days,” she propped a hand on their table and her slightly turned back blocked the view of Joy’s eyebrows practically flying off her face. “Hey, have I seen you before?” Momo caught herself and chuckled behind her free hand. Seulgi had yet to take her wallet back. “I mean, how would you know if I’ve seen you before. What I meant was, I think I’ve seen you before. In one of the performing arts practice rooms?”
Seulgi's eyes traveled across the girl’s face to find a defining feature. Pointless, because the only person Seulgi focuses on in the practice room other than herself is Yeri. “I’m sorry I don’t think we’ve met.”
Momo brushed it off, not even slightly put off by the admission. Joy stood next to the pair impatiently eyeing the interaction.
“Oh don’t be sorry. I think it was just in passing. You seemed really into your piece. Um, if you ever need someone to run numbers with you, I hope I’ll be passing by then,” Momo handed over the wallet to Seulgi’s idle hand that had been placed on top of the table. She quickly dropped it like deadweight, letting her hand press into the exchange. Seulgi felt the pressure of her skin against the hard surface.
“Oh, okay. Yeah sure maybe.”
Joy had had enough. She reached across Momo’s front to pull Seulgi up by the hand that was still grasping the returned wallet. “Right. Seul, we have to go. We're gonna be late.”
Seulgi barely had a chance to grab her bag and say goodbye before Joy was lifting their interlocked hands over Momo and pulling her in close to lead them off in the direction of their class.
Seulgi looked back one more time as they rounded the corner to the elevator. Momo was wiping down the table they had previously occupied.
“Hey, if we’re gonna be late why are we taking the long way?”
---
It had been a couple of weeks since Yeri and Joy’s meeting but the two had been going about as if they were childhood friends. When Joy wasn’t spending her time pouring over paper upon paper or volunteering at her internship, it was spent either bothering Seulgi over text or binging dramas with Yeri. Most nights lately have been spent doing the latter. Seulgi had been preoccupied with this new choreo she was working on and hadn’t really taken the time to go through the mundanities of being human such as bathing, eating, and interacting with other people. Or so Joy’s been informed by Yeri.
The two are sharing a container of mango sorbet on Joy’s couch and Yeri’s giving her bi-weekly Seulgi update. “I swear, I’ve only seen her leave that room to pee and scream.”
Joy pulled the spoon out of her mouth with a smack. “She’s not even a music-dance double major. What’s she going so hard for?”
Yeri shrugged. “I dunno,” she took the container from Joy. “I’m the dance major and she puts more work in than I do...it’s making me look bad.”
Joy sighed. “So you really haven't spoken to her much?”
“Nope. When I do see her, it’s always just greetings,” she said around a mouthful of sorbet. “I kind of miss her scolding…” she tapped her spoon against Joy’s knee. “Scold me.”
Joy cleared her throat and dropped her voice a couple of octaves. “Yerim-ah-”
“Yeah, nope. It’s not the same.”
Joy sat stumped. She had all this annoying energy that she has had nowhere to off-load. Teasing Seulgi was like catharsis in a way. When her classes would get busy because she’s fallen behind (it happens to the best of people) like they are now, she would pour her tiredness and pent-up stress into making Seulgi squirm. And Seulgi would be ready to give back just as much as she was given. No matter how fast approaching her senior year, and eventually post-grad life, may be, Seulgi would be there to offer some sense of relief.
“Though…” Yeri continued.
Joy looked at her, a little anxious from the younger girl’s tone.
“Sometimes, when it’s really late and I spent an extra-long day practicing, this girl would come in. And Seulgi would barely talk to her but they’d work together. Or I guess, alongside each other. Maybe she hasn’t become a complete recluse.”
Joy dropped her spoon. “What girl?”
Yeri dug around the container absentmindedly. “I don’t know her but I’ve seen her around. She’s really pretty though. She says hi whenever I pass her in the bathroom or wherever.”
Joy crawled across the couch on her knees toward Yeri. “What’s she look like? Is she kind of mousy?” Joy had feared the worst, she had her suspicions about that girl ever since she lingered a bit too long to talk about nothing at the coffee place.
“Mousy? I don’t know but she’s blonde-”
“BLONDE?” That’s a new addition.
“Yeah… she’s a freakishly good dancer. Almost as good as Seulgi I think.”
“Oh no.” Joy fell back onto the couch in anguish.
Just then, as Joy is on the verge of waxing poetic, her roommate walks in with a plethora of grocery bags spilling out of her arms. “Sooyoung-”
“Joy,” comes her muffled correction.
“...If you’re gonna have a phone could you please answer it. I’ve called you SIX times.”
Yeri hears 4 thuds indicating what could be cans falling to the ground and rushes over to help, pushing Joy’s legs out of the way.
Joy falls off the couch onto the floor and crawls her way into the kitchen. “I can’t answer my phone when I’m in a crisis.” She takes some of the bags (the lighter ones) from her roommate’s arms.
“Sure you can! It’s called multitasking most adults do it all the time. Like I multitask by cooking you dinner and not wringing your neck when you refuse to wash the dishes.”
Yeri laughs as Joy sullenly puts the food away. “Wendy, to be fair I don’t think her brain can handle it.” She feels a loaf of bread lobbed at the back of her head.
“That’s unfortunate.” Wendy relieves herself of the bags and starts to efficiently store away their contents. She has to nudge Joy out of the way to take over her pathetic pace. She glances at her just standing in the middle of the kitchen in the way and sulking. “Why are you pouting, Sooyoung?”
Joy winces and hops onto the counter. “Seulgi-”
“She’s been traded in,” Yeri interrupts.
Wendy puts the last of the cans away and looks at Joy with a confused furrow of her eyebrows. “What? What does that mean?”
Joy throws an annoyed look at Yeri before clarifying. “Seulgi is being seduced by a tapdancing vixen.”
“How am I even more confused… Seulgi. You mean that girl you have a prepubescent crush on?”
“I do not have a crush on her-”
“Yes.”
Wendy nods, still confused.
“And she’s blonde,” Yeri adds.
“And she’s blonde, Wendy!”
Wendy tries her hardest to put the pieces in logical and coherent sense. “Okay...so you don’t like her. What does it matter if the cabaret vixen has blonde hair? Also, do we have to call her a vixen? It doesn’t feel right.”
“Joy’s misogyny comes out when she’s angry.”
Joy groaned. “Because! Seulgi can’t have her attention divided between me AND this harlot. Trust me, I know how her mind works. I have to sit next to her every day.”
“I don’t think that’s indicative of-”
“WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON?”
Wendy flinched back in defense. “Yours? No one’s? Women’s? I just don’t see why it bothers you so much.”
Yeri swooped in to give her analysis and two-cents. From the ample time that she has spent with Joy two things have become clear to her: 1. Joy is a loud gum chewer and 2. She is in some way attracted to Seulgi but won’t admit it. She sees that Joy plays it off as teasing in good fun. She’s heard her prattle on and on about how she teases Seulgi in ways that quite frankly would make her too uncomfortable to repeat. Not only that, anyone with a working pair of eyes and a semi-functional brain could tell that Joy gets more out of it than she lets on.
“Alright so basically, Joy wants to fuck Seulgi but is too proud to admit it, which makes no sense because I think we all know the type of joy she feels when she’s teasing her.” Wendy gags and Joy jumps off the counter ready to defend herself. “And with this new girl, who is probably at most coquettish and not a vixen, she would lose the air of possibility.”
“Oh. Why didn’t you just say that, Sooyoung?”
“Because I don’t want to fu- I can’t even say it. Seulgi? Absolutely not.”
“Joy.”
“Okay, maybe a little.”
“How do you want to fuck someone ‘a little’?”
Joy rolls her eyes and walks back into the living room to once again plop herself face down onto the couch. She’s half on the couch and half on the floor. Her friend and roommate abandon the kitchen to follow her. Mostly because she has begun to scream into the cushions and Wendy doesn’t want another notice on their door in the morning.
Wendy takes a seat in the space not occupied by Joy’s screaming head and puts a hand on her back to get her to calm down. Yeri takes up the arm of the couch behind her.“Why are you acting like a virgin? You have guys in like every other weekend. You made me buy noise-canceling headphones. I finally found a pair that works by the way.”
Joy sits up. “I used to have this place running like a train platform. But,”
Yeri and Wendy simultaneously gasp. Wendy whispers in mock astonishment. “Don’t tell me you haven’t…”
“I haven’t!” Joy responds desperately, clinging to Wendy’s shoulders. “I haven’t needed to!”
“How long has it been, honey?” Yeri asks sympathetically.
“I don’t know since like week 3 maybe?”
Wendy and Yeri share a look of concern before bursting out laughing.
“Can you guys stop acting like I’m some sex-crazed fiend!”
Yeri wipes her eyes and peels herself off the shoulder of a still giggling Wendy. “I’m sorry. It’s just so funny how you’re so convinced that you’re only ‘a little’ into Seulgi.”
“What do you mean?” Joy whines.
“Look it doesn’t matter what we mean,” Wendy pipes up. “If you want her attention to be taken away from this...vixen…then let it be known. Do what you do best, Joy. I’m sure she won’t even have to try too hard,” she snickers the latter part to Yeri behind her and they share another laugh.
“What’s that supposed to mean?!”
Wendy gets up to retreat back into the kitchen to make something to eat for the three of them. “It means you’re hot now stop yelling before we get evicted.”
Joy turns to Yeri with a pleading and expectant look.
“You’re the competitive psych major. Use your big brain. I’m sure you’ve got something up your sleeve. And Seulgi’s not even hard to please.”
Joy thought hard about what she needed to do. Both in terms of how to keep her place in Seulgi’s life and what that may mean to her. Maybe she was lying to herself about how she felt. But what did her friends know? Who were they to make that decision for her? She then thought about why her friends imposing this attraction upon her upsets her the way it does. Who cares what it may or may not mean. She decides that it’s too much and too deep for one night. And she puts her mind to concocting her plan.
Yeri interrupts her train of thought. “You know I bet Seulgi’s still on campus.” She turns to check the time on the cable box. “It’s only seven. She probably hasn’t eaten...”
Urgency shoots through Joy’s body as she runs to get changed. “Wannie!”
The sound of dishes crashing in the sink follows her call. “Oh no. You want something…”
---
Joy ran across the asphalt of the parking lot, the sound of her shoes almost creating a rhythm for the mantra she was repeating in her head. “Cool. Sexy. Looks to die for.” The sound practically echoed across the lot, it had taken her longer than expected to find the right fit for phase 1 of her plan. Thankfully, Yeri had Seulgi’s location shared to her phone, “Somebody’s gotta watch over her”, and it showed that even though it was well onto 9 in the evening Seulgi was still on campus.
Joy had never been on this side of campus before. It was too far for her liking which was unfortunate because she considers herself a fan of the arts. Theatre, mostly. But were the grad-student held shows really worth the 10-minute power-walk from where the psychology department resided? Joy didn’t care enough to find out.
The area dedicated to studies of the arts was done up to portray just that. Whoever was in charge of the architectural designs of this part of the campus made it a point to bag in as many cliches as possible. There were obscure statues made by alumni of the past scattered about the grassy area. There weren’t any benches, some would say to encourage the students to be one with nature and lay in the grass in between classes. But it was more likely that the school tapped out on funds making the art building look as much like a modern art museum as possible. It was built almost entirely of glass windows, what wasn’t made of glass was made of metal and concrete. The halls were massive and hollow like a dull paint job to match the dull design of the building. The only liveliness that existed within the building was that of the work done by art students plastered sporadically upon the walls. It was decent enough.
Joy didn’t have to suffer through the dreary feeling of walking through a vacant art building at night because the dance department was placed smack in the middle of the humanities buildings and art buildings. She chose to park so far away mainly because the athletes would still be practicing during this time and the field was not too far from the closest parking lot to the dance studio. She’d prefer to lessen the likelihood of running into one of the D-1 meatheads. After successfully making it out of the art area without falling, she skittered down the steps, the plastic bag she brought with her slamming against her thigh, which led to where she would find the entrance to the dance studio that Seulgi most frequented.
She walked into the building adjusting herself as she did so to make sure that there wasn’t a hair out of place. She quietly recited Yeri’s directions as she walked through the building. She could hear the faint thrumming of a slow beat as she walked down the hall. Finally, coming to the door where the music was prominent and Seulgi was sure to be behind, she exhaled cooly.
“Cool. Sexy. Looks to die for.”
She pulled the door open and was overcome with the pre-chorus to Beyoncé’s “Dance For You” assaulting her ears. What was even more appalling than the volume of the music was the state she caught Seulgi in. It seemed she had been practicing for a while because she was glistening with sweat prominent not only on her forehead but along her midriff. Shirt probably long abandoned, Seulgi was only in a sports bra and tight-fitting joggers. Her hair sat upon her head in a pointless and sad excuse of a bun. She had the guise of pure and unadulterated concentration on her face. Which normally, would kill the tone that the song was going for, but for Seulgi’s purposes at the moment it worked. Joy happened to walk in right when Seulgi was winding her waist and accentuating the more...enticing… areas of her body with her hands. She couldn’t hear her, but Joy could swear that Seulgi was singing along to the song. She stood there for what felt like 48 hours but in reality, it was only for the few seconds leading up to the chorus, and in her stupor, she had let go of the door. It slammed right in the brief moment where the music paused, switching between the hook and the chorus. Seulgi jumped at the unexpected intrusion.
“Oh, Sooyoung! It’s you.” Seulgi’s ability to switch her attitude from high concentration to absolute beaming in welcome was inexplicable and unfathomable to Joy. She had some things to think about before bed tonight. She placed the plastic bag on the floor where she stood and walked over to Seulgi, trying to lowkey regain her composure.
“Ah, you’re a hard one to get in contact with these days. You have me driving all the way over here just to see you,” the usual bark to Joy’s tone ever-present.
Seulgi put her fists on her hips as she tried to catch her breath. She was used to working hard on special projects so much so that she essentially cuts herself off from civilization for a while until the trial comes and passes. Her small group of friends had gotten used to it at this point, making sure to text her at obscure hours to remind her to eat and shower. And she usually gets so lost in the mechanical mindset that while she acknowledges and appreciates her friends' efforts, she doesn't think much about her absence in their lives. Though, these past couple of weeks, she had thought about Joy in the fleeting moments of leisure she allowed herself. Momo’s presence had made her feel a little less guilty.
Momo had been coming by the studio more often, or rather more noticeably often to Seulgi to help out and give her pointers where necessary. Momo’s help acted as a line back into the world outside the studio because when Seulgi would be taking her breaks she and Momo took the chance to get to know each other. But every time Momo would open her mouth, Seulgi would just think about the day they met. Which inevitably led to her thinking about Joy. Then the guilt would start up again and she’d cut the break short.
“Ah, yeah. I’m working on this international project. Some artist is scouting for backup dancers for tour so I’ve been putting together some stuff to send to her management,” Seulgi explained in between pants.
Joy almost choked on her spit. “You came up with that?”
Seulgi immediately backtracked. “No, no! Well, I pieced it together and added some original arrangement but like 75% of the choreo isn’t mine.” Seulgi sighed. “I’m honestly having a hard time getting some of it down, that third verse is tricky. I think I’ve been working on it too long haha.”
“‘Hard time’. That was literally flawless what I just saw,” she scoffed.
“Well, you don’t have the eye for it. It’s gotta be perfect, I’m really riding on this…” Seulgi trailed off. Seulgi had been teetering on the verge of switching majors but she was banking it entirely on this project. She didn’t know if she would ever make a living career out of being a dancer which is why she safe-routed to majoring in psych. Which arguably is no more reassuring but it is a whole of a lot more practical.
Joy didn’t like the look of despondency on Seulgi’s face at all. Not even when it’s caused by her jesting. “Let me be the judge of that.”
“I’m sorry?”
Joy inhaled, on the tip of regretting the words and command that were about to leave her mouth. “I said, let me be the judge of that.” She grabbed the chair that was sitting in the middle of the room. Seulgi must have been using it as a prop. “I drove all the way over here. I’m gonna need compensation for the gas.” She plopped into the chair and folded her arms. She dared Seulgi with direct and convicted eye contact.
“Show me.”
Seulgi stared at her for a moment, her mouth hanging open just slightly as if she was going to ask yet again what Joy meant. She watched the girl sitting there in her jeans and leopard print crop top waiting to see if she was serious in her request. Joy raised an impatient eyebrow.
“Okay…” Seulgi walked over to the speaker where she had paused the song upon Joy’s entrance. She skipped to the end of the song so it would automatically play from the beginning when she’s in formation. She picked up a small wooden box and placed it directly in front of (but a safe distance away from) Joy.
Joy watched her as she took a deep breath and sat on top of the box. She sat with her legs closed together and as the song softly started up again, Seulgi’s hands dragged along the outline of her own body. And regret flooded Joy’s. She let her arms fall and she gripped the metal seat of the chair, affected by the way Seulgi looked her in the eye. It was shy at first but once the beat dropped, Seulgi fully gave into the persona she needed to portray. Something changed in Seulgi’s conviction.
She could handle the drops, the sensual looks, Seulgi lightly but audibly singing along but as the part, she had witnessed when she first walked in neared, Joy held her breath and braced herself to see it properly. And barely four feet away from her.
That precious four feet she loved so dearly was suddenly taken away from her. Seulgi kicked the wooden box behind her toward the wall opposite Joy, whatever it hit had gone unnoticed. It took two strides and Seulgi singing “Sit back and watch” for Joy’s throat to go completely dry.
Seulgi went off-script. She knew this would never end up in the video she sent to the management team. But she didn’t care. This wasn’t for them. In all the ways that Seulgi was direct with her words, she found herself most articulate in the way she could express her sentiments through choreography. Maybe it was because she overworked herself and she was frustrated. Maybe it was her tiredness that wrecked her inhibitions. Maybe it was because she missed Joy. She really, really missed Joy. In a way that was surprising yet understandable. It could be a culmination of all those things. It didn’t matter. All that mattered was Joy. Right here, in front of her. And she needed to give her gratitude just as Joy commanded. Seulgi had long since accepted her attraction to Joy, her interest in the girl had reached a heightened almost desperate state.
Seulgi’s mix of the song had skipped right to the third verse. Despite what Seulgi had mentioned about her having problems with this area in particular, she didn’t skip a detectable beat when the time came. At this point, Joy was being used as a prop and if she were being honest she kind of wishes it was the chair in her place instead. Seulgi had broken into her personal space. Her hands sauntering across the sensitive areas of Joy’s body. She could hear Seulgi’s heavy breaths from the work she was putting into her craft. She only hoped Seulgi couldn’t hear how heavy she was breathing to keep up with the pace. The entire room had become dense. Seulgi made her way behind Joy and leaned in close as she gingerly traced Joy’s body from her shoulders to the top of her thighs.
The metal chair creaked from the grip Joy had on it.
Joy’s body language and intense hold she has onto her seat may be giving her away but the entire time she made it a point to not let it show on her face. Not even when her eyes followed Seulgi as she moved Joy’s legs this way and that to accommodate her dancing. Her composure was poorly kept. She was diligent but human. Seulgi came back around and fell into Joy’s lap. Joy had reached her breaking point. Seulgi slowly slid to the floor, dragging her body tentatively down Joy’s lower half and spreading the tall girl’s legs apart in her descent.
Seulgi didn’t get the chance to finish the song because when she rose from the ground and turned to face Joy, arms framing her body and only inches away from each other’s face, Joy squeaked.
“I- I brought you kimchi jjigae.”
It was like a flip had switched. Seulgi dropped the performance. “Really?” Seulgi took off in the direction of what she assumed to be the bag containing the promised meal. While Seulgi was distracted trying to rip into the plastic bag, Joy took a moment to catch her breath. She leaned over with her arms on her knees to recenter herself. A final exhale and she stood from the chair and softly spoke to herself.
“Jesus fucking Christ.”
---
They sat on the floor of the quiet dance studio. The sound of Seulgi’s smacking abating the silence between them. Joy watched her stuff tofu slice after tofu slice into her mouth to the point where it seemed no more would fit and still she would stab another slice in there. Seulgi brought the bowl to her mouth and for a rather long moment, she gulped down the stew base. She placed the bowl onto the floor and an obnoxious “aaaaaah'' left her mouth.
She finally took her eyes off of her meal, to find Joy’s face with an appreciative smile. “That hit the spot, you’re a godsend.” She swished the remnants of the dish around the bowl, oblivious to the slight mess she made in her wake. Joy rolled her eyes and retrieved the napkins she brought along with the meal and threw them in Seulgi’s lap. She took the opportunity to sit closer as she deliberately took one of the napkins out of Seulgi’s lap to wipe up the blotches of stew on the floor.
“How’d you know I was here anyway,” Seulgi asked as she followed Joy’s hand movements.
“Yeri. It seems you need an entourage of people keeping an eye out on you so you won’t work yourself to death,” she scoffed. “And I refuse to suffer through Anderson alone.”
Seulgi nodded in understanding as a sudden blush rose up her neck. She was no longer distracted by the filling of her stomach and the scent of Joy’s sweet perfume wafting up her nose brought the show she had just put on for the younger girl to the forefront of her mind. She cleared her throat and scooted back a bit.
Joy gathered up the trash not bothering to ask Seulgi if she was finished and disposed of it. “Are we done here or…”
Seulgi scrambled up off the floor and collected her belongings knowing it would be best not to keep Joy waiting. She turned the lights off and the two exited the studio into the progressively freezing night air. Seulgi, being one that is quite sensitive to cold considering the sweat that still lingered on her body, threw on a jacket while Joy cursed herself for thinking with her libido and not her brain before leaving the apartment. Joy asked if Seulgi had driven in this morning but she informed her that she doesn’t have her license so she takes the bus most days.
Another win for Joy as she led them back to her car.
---
Before embarking upon her quest, Joy and Yeri had gone over a game plan while she got ready. Each member of their team was at their battle stations. Wendy was in the kitchen preparing the kimchi jjigae Joy had begged her to make, and Yeri went over tactics while sitting on the toilet as Joy showered.
“So, what was the first interaction like? Leave out not a single detail.”
“Uh,” Joy scrubbed her body with a ferocity. “Normal I guess? I don’t know she seemed so... persistent. I wanted to punch her in the face. Just who does she think she is…”
“Alright calm down, Hulk smash. So she’s persistent which means you’ve got to come back 100 times as hard. And make it clear. What else?”
“SHE’S BLONDE-”
“We get it, she's blonde. What else?”
“Um…” Joy racked her brain to recall the moment while she scrubbed her scalp. She doesn’t remember much because all she could focus on when the girl had interrupted them was how easy it was for her to capture Seulgi’s attention simply by asserting their acquaintance. “Oh! She was like extra special with her touches. She was like. A rash. With the way she made it seem like she’d be wherever Seulgi goes.”
“Uh-huh. So you gotta beat her at her own game. Lucky for you, Seulgi’s already two seconds from serving herself to you on a platter.”
Joy chose to ignore the comment. “But still, Seulgi’s so stiff I can never tell when I’m genuinely annoying her, what if I end up beating a dead horse and all that?”
“Don’t you know her like the back of your hand?”
“Most of that is just assumption.”
“Well, you’re kinda mean but I think Seulgi likes that for some reason. So you’ve got that going for you.”
Joy smiled to herself and turned off the shower. She took the offered towel Yeri held out for her and stepped out to see Wendy walking in dusting her hands off.
“Your bait is prepared,” Wendy states with an over the top curtsy.
“Thank you, Wannie. I’ll make it up to you-”
“Oh yes, you will. I think the dishes are a fair trade-off.”
After the thousandth outfit change, Joy finally put herself together.
“Wendy, any last tips?” Yeri asked.
Wendy scrutinized Joy once last time before they let her leave the apartment. “Nope. I think she’s got this. Remember, do what you do best.”
“And don’t forget if it comes down to it, go big or go home.”
Joy made way for the door but stopped before she could exit. She turned to her friends, her face suddenly ridden with apprehension.
“What if...I’m totally misreading this. What if I make her comfortable, oh my god” she tried to retreat back to the couch but was blocked by Yeri shoving her back to the door.
“It’s Seulgi,” Yeri reminded her. “If she didn’t like you or your ministrations, she would make it painfully obvious. She once almost flipped a guy for attempting to hug her.”
The image of her being laid out by an angered Seulgi in one of the campus parking lots flashed across Joy’s mind. Wendy rushed in to quell her fear.
“Hey, you know there could be a sign. Like a little give away that Seulgi’s enjoying herself. Maybe it’s like a little smile or like a laugh.”
Yeri gasped beside her. “Like a safe word…”
“Not really where I was headed but within that realm, yes.”
A safe word. Joy would just have to keep an ear out. She braces herself one more time and with a nod, she left them standing in the kitchen.
---
She had been waiting for the right moment to bring up the barista. The night may have tipped off into minor self-indulgence but the main goal was reconnaissance. She needed info to bring back to her team and as a gust of wind turned her knuckles to ice cubes she thought of now as a good time as any.
Her voice attempted to be heard over the chattering of her own teeth. “I hear you’re making new friends. Color me surprised,” she burrowed a lone fist into Seulgi’s already occupied jacket pocket.
Seulgi meshed their fingers together and hissed at the cold touch. “What’s so surprising about that?”
“Because you don’t talk to people.”
“I talk to people.”
“You don’t talk to more than three people.”
Joy released her grip on Seulgi’s hand and ran around to her other side resuming the same closeness to warm up her other hand.
“You’re enough people I think.”
Silence.
“It’s just the girl, you remember her. I’ve been seeing her in the practice room more often, it's so weird.”
“Wow, so weird.” Joy pulls them along a little more urgently to her car, the cold beginning to become too much to bear.
“Yeah, she’s nice though. She doesn’t talk much, which I like.”
Joy’s car finally in sight, the pair rush to get inside. She knows when to shut up, she’s probably a killer dancer, and she’s blonde. I’m working against Seulgi’s handcrafted wife. Joy mentally ticked off everything about Momo that worked against her and blasted the heat up as high as it could go. She cupped her hands around the vent.
“So you like her because she doesn’t talk and she’s nice to you? You might as well be going at it with your bus driver.” Do what you do best, do what you do best.
Seulgi rubbed her hands together in dire need of friction. “I never said I liked her. I just said that I like that she’s not chatty.”
“So you like mutes.”
“I don’t like her.”
“No, no. Don’t explain yourself. It’s nice to know you’d rather stare at walls in silence with the coffee girl as opposed to keeping better company.”
“What the hell are you on about?”
The car was slow to awaken but the rising heat was indifferent. Joy’s plan to get Seulgi worked up seemed to be running perfectly. Just as Yeri said, she was a little mean but Seulgi seemed to like it, so she meant to use it as a tactic to remind the girl of her charms. There’s no way Momo the barista could even hold a candle to the way Joy terrorized Seulgi. Very few are built for it. Now she was just reaching for the tell-tale reaction that let her know Seulgi was both enjoying their banter and, as Yeri would put it, “about to cause a flash flood in all the neighboring areas.”
“Nothing. Nothing. Am I not allowed to be interested in your booming social life?”
“Why do you care, Sooyoung,” Seulgi said with disingenuous exasperation.
Bingo.
“No reason,” she replied slyly.
Joy reached her hand over and placed it on top of Seulgi’s thigh with a hard to ignore grip. Plant the seed. “Are you warm enough?” She said it so casually and yet Seulgi could tell she knew exactly what she was doing. That gross feeling stirred in the pit of her stomach again and it intensified with the addition of Joy’s thumb massaging the inner part of her thigh. Joy’s hand fought back against the tensing of her leg muscle. The more Seulgi seized her muscle, the tighter Joy’s grip became and she became all too aware of the fact that they had yet to leave the parking lot. She was trapped somehow once again. The bolder Joy’s hand became the less resolve Seulgi could keep up. A bead of sweat fell down her back. Seulgi smacked the car vents on the passenger side shut.
“Um. Yeah. I think I’m good. I can give you directions to m-my apartment.”
Seulgi’s silent suggestion didn’t seem to deter Joy in her intentions. Her hand simply moved to the thigh closest to her as she used the other to pull them out of the lot. The longer it remained, the more Seulgi’s imagination drifted. Her heart rate was eager to keep up with the pace of the scenarios popping into her mind at lightning speed. Luckily she was given some reprieve as she stuttered out directions to Joy. She had removed her hand to put on some music for their ride.
“I really like that song you danced to. I’m gonna add it to my playlist.”
It would be like playing russian roulette, Seulgi thought. She’ll never be able to not associate the song with Joy ever again. She might scrap the whole number and start from scratch with a completely different song choice just to save her dignity. And her sanity.
After the fourth song had come and gone Joy turned off the radio seeing the slight fatigue in Seulgi’s demeanor begin to take over. And with both of Joy’s hands remaining on the wheel, Seulgi began to believe she was in the clear. Seulgi’s seat reclined and heart rate finally settled, they were only a few turns away from Seulgi’s apartment. She laid back with her eyes closed, the stiffness caused by the extensive workout only just now hitting her body. She daydreamed about the steaming hot bath she planned on taking once she made it home.
“I just wanna...show you how much I appreciate you...”
Seulgi’s eyes flew open. She had been wrong. So wrong. And so foolish for thinking it was over. Her naivete getting the best of her yet again. She really needs to start writing a reminder on the back of her hand: although it’s never uninvited, Joy is relentless.
Seulgi cracked the window.
Joy didn’t stop switching between humming and singing scattered parts of the song until they finally reached Seulgi’s apartment. It was excruciating. The entire ride probably the longest 15 minutes of Seulgi’s life with her falling back into the growing fantasy reel involving Joy, some choice words, and pure bliss.
“Well, get out. And you’re giving me gas money next time.”
With a sweaty palm, Seulgi reached for the door handle but she couldn’t bring herself to do much more than that. She sat in place, staring at her shoes. Joy’s eyes flitted between the lightly clenched fist in Seulgi’s lap and the hand on the door. Seulgi had gone pale. She looked as if all of the blood and things that made one bright had been completely sucked from her body.
“Are you gonna puke-”
“Shhh,” Seulgi urged, holding up her index finger.
“But you look kinda p-”
“SHHHHHHH”
“Okay” Joy mouthed to herself. She looked out to the empty street. She left the car running so they wouldn’t lose heat. If Seulgi was gonna keep her waiting, she wasn’t gonna let herself freeze to death first.
“You must live with old people. How is there no one in the streets right now it’s only 11.”
Joy’s jab earned her no response. She was beginning to get nervous. Maybe she had gone too far and Seulgi was upset with her. Perhaps, she was a little too forward. Maybe a little too bitchy. Or worse, she misread their entire dynamic. She doesn’t think she’d be able to bounce back from finding out that Seulgi sees her as nothing more than a bratty little sister. She nervously tapped a staccato beat against the steering wheel trying to take the edge off and anticipating Seulgi’s rage. She was pulled out of her spiraling by Seulgi finally showing some sign that she was alive.
But to her confusion, Seulgi hadn’t reacted in a way that, well, anyone in Joy’s situation would expect. Seulgi rolled up her window then reached over, turning the key in the ignition to switch the engine off, not before reaching ever further over and locking the doors.
“Um, what are you-”
Seulgi reached in between Joy’s seat and her door in search of the lever designed to adjust the seat settings. Without a word, she moved Joy’s seat away from the steering wheel and reclined it almost all the way back. She unbuckled Joy’s seatbelt, hers having gone unbuckled at some point while Joy was mentally prepping how she would go back to her team to tell them she failed. With a sigh, Seulgi climbed over the armrest and gearshift delicately placing legs on either side of Joy’s. The warmth that gathered in her lap with the addition of Seulgi’s body stretched all the way to the tip of her ears.
“Hi?”
Seulgi grabbed Joy’s wrists pulling them from where they had been crossed on her chest. It felt like a whole lifetime had passed since the last time Seulgi had looked Joy in the eye, but she finally did. The color had returned to her cheeks in full flush. She frowned down at Joy, her chest noticeably huffing more than before. Despite the frown and angry eyebrows she was giving her, Joy observed, there was something in the way that Seulgi subtly chewed the inside of her cheek and how her eyes were not dancing around Joy’s face but rather unbreakingly beaming into her own. Something familiar. And once it clicked, Joy was all too eager to plaster the arrogant smile across her face.
“God. You make me sick, Sooyoung.”
With that, Seulgi dove into Joy’s shameless smile. She pressed their mouths together with fervor and impatience. Joy tugged her even closer than she already was by the neck and kept her hand there, lightly digging her nails into Seulgi’s skin. As Seulgi was already short of breath before the two began kissing, her technique grew sloppier by the second. She really needed to breathe but satisfying the nagging feeling that had been bugging her from possibly the first day she met Joy relieved her more than retaining the air that her lungs desired.
Joy felt her body heat up and thrum all over. She was virtually vibrating from Seulgi’s urgency and she shuddered every time Seulgi would reposition herself in her lap, the white noise in her ears was starting to sound like a church choir rather than old-fashioned dial-up. She dug her nails deeper into the skin on the back of Seulgi’s neck and the older girl hummed. And although the sound may have been invigorating to hear and made her want to explore the ways she could elicit it, she knew her spine would hate her in the morning if they stayed in the chair any longer. So with as much willpower as she could muster, she pushed against Seulgi’s chest breaking up their heated moment.
“Listen, hot stuff. This is fun and all but if you don’t get off, we’ll be finishing up in the bathroom of my chiropractor’s office.”
Seulgi let out a soft “oh” and climbed back into her own seat. Joy turned the car back on and rolled the windows down in a vain attempt to let some cool air into the space and keep herself from laughing. She snickered anyway and Seulgi smacked her in the arm.
“Do we need to-”
“God, no,” Joy understood, still trying to contain her laughter.
Seulgi straightened out her shirt and composed herself. She could taste Joy’s vanilla chapstick on her mouth and she was rendered embarrassed at the thought. The feeling running through her body she could equate to trying to walk after getting off a dangerous but rather exhilarating roller coaster.
“Okay, you can get out of my car now.”
Seulgi shook her head with a “pain in my ass…” whispered under her breath as she opened the door to leave.
“Hey, hey wait.”
Seulgi was tugged back into the car seat by the waist of her jeans for an extra five minutes while Joy did a number on her neck. She kept a firm hand underneath Seulgi’s shirt flat against her stomach and Seulgi trembled a bit at the pressure, grabbing onto the roof handle above the passenger seat. When Joy yielded, she sent her off with “tell your friends!”
“You’re a child.”
“You’re projecting.”
Left alone in her car, Joy silently replaced her seat in its proper position. She sits at the wheel trying to make sense of the past 15 foggy minutes. Up until a few weeks ago light fondling and frenching would lead to a much longer and exhaustive night. But she found herself wanting to drag this out for as long as she could. She couldn’t quite put her finger on why, but with Seulgi immediate and quick satisfaction won’t cut it. Her sex drive would have to wait. She shoots Yeri a text saying that they have been fully kicked into phase 2 of their three-phase plan to which Yeri replies with a plethora of smiling emojis and a few suggestive ones. As she pulls off, Seulgi waddles into her apartment. She throws her keys haphazardly toward the designated bowl and kicks off her shoes. Her roommate’s door is already closed and her lights off so she essentially has the home to herself as the grad student is miles deep into slumber by now. Seulgi revels in silent appreciation. She doesn’t think she could manage a healthy conversation in her present state. Though she knew once her roommate, Irene, sees the mess Joy made on her neck she’d have no choice but to talk to about it. A problem for the morning.
She takes the hottest shower imaginable replaying the feeling of delectable pain inflicted upon her by Joy and doesn’t get out until her body is searing from the heat. Upon entering her room, she ignores all of the post-it notes left behind by her roommate listing a multitude of reminders, a physical representation of her coddling.
Her mind’s eye has never felt clearer. Something in her shifted and shattered as she laid in her bed that night wearing some shirt she pulled from the bottom of her hamper, eyes lazily shut and the ghost of Sooyoung’s name dripping off her fingertips.
---
Joy’s preoccupied with office hour meetings during their shared free time and Seulgi’s kind of glad. While Joy has resumed their everyday antics without so much of a notion of embarrassment, Seulgi hadn’t been able to look her in the eye all morning.
She’s not ashamed of herself nor of the natural desire, all people feel in the dead of night when all they can think about is homework, food, and sex. She’s a grown woman. A grown woman with needs. Suffice it to say that knowledge didn’t make it easier to keep her eyes on her professor and not Joy’s neck adorned with a set of chokers and silver necklaces. Especially not on her exposed arms in her cropped tank nor the way her ripped jeans hugged tightly around her lower half. It didn’t help in the slightest.
This is why she thanks the academic gods for plaguing students with demanding standards of achievement or else Joy wouldn’t be getting help on a research project right now. She physically shakes the embarrassment away, her hair flying in her face because of the strong wind trapped in the outside staircase. The cold had let up a bit and it was one of the few days in spring where it wasn’t either raining or bitterly cold in the middle of the afternoon. She dusted off her pants and leaned against the railing that overlooked the quad area. She looked down watching various students mill about shuffling from building to building.
“Seulgi!”
A bundle of blonde yelled up at her from the ground floor. Seulgi had to squint to make out just who it was, the sunlight bouncing off the person’s head and the concrete.
“Oh. Hey, Momo.”
“I’m coming up!” She beamed and took off for the stairs.
She meets Seulgi on the third floor slightly out of breath and takes the place next to her against the railing. “What’s up you’re usually going crazy in the practice room in your free time.”
Seulgi stretches a bit before responding. “Mmm, not today. Too busy with Sooyoung usually on Tuesdays, I practice in the morning before class. I think I’ve only run into you there on days when my afternoon is mostly free.”
Momo perks up at the realization that she has Seulgi to herself for once. Getting one on one with Seulgi is nearly impossible. The girl is always working, albeit alone, but working nonetheless. And when she wasn’t working she was nowhere to be found. Momo has dedicated a lot of her time attempting to accidentally run into Seulgi in the places she assumed the girl would frequent but it hasn’t amounted to much.
Seulgi’s stomach audibly growled.
Momo smirked. “Lunch?”
Seulgi prefers to eat alone. It saves her from mindless chit chat and looking a fool in front of other people. She’s quite the messy eater, she’ll admit. She also heard somewhere that food digests better if one’s focus isn’t divided elsewhere while they’re eating. Probably from Joy. The innuendo suddenly plagued her mind. Her stomach growled again obstinately.
“Sure.”
Momo took her to a hotdog food truck. The school offers up space for food businesses on wheels to park and take advantage of their massive student population from time to time. She bought their food and drinks (Seulgi refusing to let her also buy the accompanying snacks) and they sat outside in the library’s courtyard. And they weren’t talking. Seulgi was truly enjoying the warm sun and slight breeze that went through the seating area. No one usually sits in the courtyard because it’s so close to the library and so far away from everything else but this was paradise on earth for Seulgi.
“I like this. Just relaxing outside. Good food and good vibes.”
Seulgi gave a noncommittal hum in response.
“How’s your week been? I mean in the times I hadn’t been with you.”
“It’s Tuesday,” Seulgi manages to get out around her food.
“Still.”
Seulgi gently placed her chips down. “Uh,” she said, still smacking. “Fine, I guess.” She thought back to the night before. A chill burned a path down her spine. “Uneventful.”
Momo nodded. She racked her brain for more conversation fodder. Her characteristic wit and charm were out of place with Seulgi that much she could tell. She has had a hard time trying to pin Seulgi’s sense of humor, her interests outside of dancing and psych, things that you would learn about a person in first day icebreakers or something.
“So where is Sooyoung?”
Seulgi winced. “Office hours, you know how it goes.”
Seulgi went back to her food hoping that Momo would do the same. She didn’t.
“Well hey maybe if you’re not busy later-”
The sound of heels rounding the corner cut off Momo’s proposal.
“Why the fuck are you way over here. I said to stay close so we could just leave when I was done.”
Seulgi visibly relaxed. Momo didn’t make her uncomfortable but there was a formality she kept with certain people that weren’t Joy.
“I regret sharing my location with you,” she responded to Joy’s rhetorical question.
Joy roughly dropped into the seat next to Seulgi and snatched the hot dog out of her hand taking a massive chomp out of it. “Well hurry up, I don’t want some dumbass mouth breather to take our seats.”
Seulgi kicked her under the table.
“What?”
She flitted her eyes to where Momo sat waiting for Joy to acknowledge her presence.
“Oh. Hi.” She scooted closer to Seulgi, a possessive hand wrapping itself around Seulgi’s waist under the table only partially out of view. Momo smiled and gave a shy wave in greeting. “I don’t think we’ve actually introduced ourselves to each other. I’m Joy.”
A look of confusion flashed across Momo’s face at the name before she introduced herself.
“Oh, I know you,” Joy pointed out.
“You do?”
Joy lightly scratched at the skin above Seulgi’s belly button. Her sweet spot she’s come to learn. Seulgi let out a ragged exhale around her hot dog noting the shortened length to Joy’s usually rather long manicure.
“Mhmm. That’s what I was implying. Seulgi’s just obsessed with you. I keep telling her to make a move but I guess she’s a bit of a punk.”
Momo got the slight feeling from Joy’s toothy grin that there was some animosity underlying her comment. Seulgi could feel it too but she wasn’t interested in getting involved not when she’s moments away from slipping. Joy’s free hand had moved up to her face to wipe away some stray ketchup from her chin then it was placed devilishly into her lap. And Joy kept up placating niceties all the while.
Seulgi tried to participate but Joy was growing bolder by the second deadset on making a point it seemed. Her hand was getting rapidly adventurous and Seulgi nearly squealed when it got a hair too comfortable. She popped up out of her seat, rushing her goodbyes to Momo and dragging a mischievous Joy to their next class. Well, almost to their next class. She made a pit stop at the first single-stall restroom on her warpath.
“You’re crazy you know that?” She said to Joy as she locked the bathroom door.
Joy simply smiled although it didn’t quirk up the way it usually does. She was satisfied with essentially making it clear to Momo that her desires and endeavors centered around Seulgi were fruitless. Phase 3 of their plan made her a little uneasy. She needed to hear for herself before sealing the deal that she wasn’t some vexing presence in Seulgi’s life. To other people, it may have been clear that Joy had Seulgi in the palm of her hand. It took little to no work for the junior to reduce the unassuming and reserved Seulgi to a literal puddle. And Joy was more than aware of her capabilities and her magnetism. But all last night as she tried to fall asleep, she was kept up trying to tackle the thought of just why something about Seulgi felt different. And grossly enough here in this bathroom after marking her territory (her brain’s poor choice of words), it clicked. With everyone else, her past hookups, it was obvious what she meant to them. And what they meant to her. It was almost if not completely transactional. Like if she paid 3 bucks for a shitty (again, poor choice of words) burger from McDonald’s she knew what she was in for. It had only just dawned on her that this very conclusion had been drawn by neither her nor Seulgi. And she was very wary about how and where Seulgi would draw that line.
“Why are you looking at me like that? Oh, don’t tell me you’re gonna vom. I knew that hot dog was suspicious. I saw the cook shrug at it before giving it to the window guy.”
Joy stepped closer to Seulgi. “No, I’m not gonna throw up, you ass. I’ve been thinking-”
“Surprised.”
“Shut up. I’ve been thinking. You seemed… pretty eager the other night.”
Seulgi looked at her confused and apprehensive. “Okay…maybe I was. And?”
“And...before any other Momo’s or Jojo’s or Hoho’s come through…tell me if this is as far as it goes.”
“What do you mean?”
“You know what I mean.”
Joy had been looking away from Seulgi when she presented her worry but requested sincerity in her stare as she connected their eyes waiting for Seulgi to respond.
Seulgi knows she’s not the most socially competent individual. For the most part, she carries herself that way purposefully. And she knows that she had never verbalized anything before so as to not stroke Joy’s ego. But some things were obvious. What exactly Joy was asking here, in a restroom of all places, had been answered that night Seulgi threw herself at her. Maybe even long before that.
She grabbed Joy by the arm and backed herself up against a wall, giving Joy full access to trap her there. To which Joy instinctively complied, pressing herself right up against her. In a clear and heavy voice, Seulgi spoke.
“You know what you’re worth to me.”
Her words found themselves in the back of Joy’s throat as her eyes clouded. So much for holding out, Joy told herself.
“How much time do we have?” She asked hoisting Seulgi slightly up against the wall, bearing some of the girl’s weight on her hips. Seulgi’s arms gravitated around Joy’s shoulders.
“Like five minutes.”
“I can work with that.”