Chapter Text
It had taken Atsushi a long time to work up the nerve to reveal the truth to the rest of the Agency.
She was scared—they’d just taken her in, what if they kicked her out? And worse—what if they were assholes who suddenly hated her? Somehow that felt worse than the risk of being homeless again. To find out that her heroes, her saviours, weren’t who she thought they were…it would be crushing.
But her worst fears were never confirmed. Instead Naomi nearly tackled her with a hug, asking if she’d be more comfortable wearing a skirt instead of her pants. Atsushi had been shocked silent.
Everyone in the Agency was fine with it. Encouraging of it, in fact. Yosano immediately promised a shopping trip to upgrade Atsushi’s wardrobe to “something more suited for a beautiful young woman.” Ranpo smiled like he’d known all along. Kunikida reassured her that he would correct her gender in their files.
Kyouka reacted rather violently, beginning to unsheath her sword. The menace in her voice was heavy. “If anyone misgenders you, I will cut them down.”
“Kyouka-chan! Calm down!” Atsushi laughed.
But it felt...nice, having threats be made for her protection, of all people. The Agency is more of a family to her than the orphanage, and certainly her biological family.
And Dazai…
Atsushi was worried about Dazai the most. Not because she thought he was an asshole—although it was among her deepest fears—but because it was becoming obvious that she felt differently around Dazai than the rest of the Agency. Even more than the endless gratitude she had for him, for saving her. There was—something more, an odd flutter in her chest when he smiled at her. The way her heart leaps when they accidentally brush hands. When Dazai tells her she’d done well a mission, and her cheeks flush red shyly.
So when Dazai walked up to her, her heart pounded.
He opened his mouth—
And scooped up her hands in his, pressing a light kiss to her left knuckles. “Beautiful maiden,” he drawled, and Atsushi’s face flushed red as a tomato.
“Would such a gorgeous princess like yourself,” he continued with a flourish, “do a lovers’ suicide with me?”
Atsushi snatched her hands away, covering her face. “Dazai-san!” she squeaked in embarrassment.
“Dazai!” Kunikida barked. “Cut it out! You’re scaring her!”
Atsushi’s shoulders began to shake, and she giggled, looking up at Dazai. He just smiled at her. Tears welled up in her eyes—she couldn’t help it.
No one had ever treated her this way before.
At the orphanage, she quickly learned that the other kids saw her girliness as another reason to bully her relentlessly. An attempt at growing her hair out ended with Atsushi held forcefully still by one boy, while another kid chopped off her long hair—despite the way she’d screamed and sobbed and struggled. And the awful names they called her and boys who liked to play with dolls and dress up cutely—it was evil. She’d always felt that she belonged in the girls’ quarters, but when she tried to tell the Headmaster this he screamed at her that she was a boy and would always be a boy —and punctuated this with a firm smack to her cheek.
Once she had been kicked out— freed from the prison of the orphanage—she finally had a chance to be herself. Free of the smothering, abusive environment. The chains in her mind, however, remained—even though she might have a chance to be herself, it was certain that anyone would reject her. Worthless.
But now, not a single person in the room even laughed at her for being a girl.
Atsushi sniffled, and Dazai’s smile faltered slightly.
“Atsushi, what’s wrong?” he asked with a gentleness uncharacteristic of him. When Atsushi replied with a choked out sob, he drew Atsushi close to cry into his chest, arms wrapping around her.
“It’s just… no one’s ever…” she blubbered into Dazai’s coat.
Dazai stroked her back in comfort. “I can’t understand how anyone could be so cruel to such a pretty girl like you,” he said softly.
Atsushi only cried harder with that, sobbing all over Dazai’s coat.
“Show’s over, people,” Atsushi heard Kunikida grumble. “Get back to work.”
He didn’t say anything to the two of them, just let Dazai waste away precious work time by gently stroking Atsushi’s hair and cradling her close.
Atsushi cried so much that day. She returned home with Kyouka, ate dinner, and lay in bed thinking happily about the Agency’s accepting smiles and Dazai’s safe warm embrace and she was crying again before she knew it.
They were all tears of happiness.