Chapter Text
May 2, 2007
Sammy died today. Sammy, the one person I swore I would protect, no matter what, is dead. And it’s all my fault. If I would have been there five seconds sooner, Jake wouldn’t have killed Sammy. If I had been five seconds quicker, I could have ganked that son of a bitch, Sammy would still be alive. He’d still be here and instead of writing this damn entry, to this fucking journal, we’d be hitting the road for our next case.
Damn this thing. The only reason I started writing in here is because Sam thought it would be a good idea. Since I don’t vocalize my emotions a lot, he figured I’d express them on paper.
And here I am. Writing about my dead baby brother. Hell of a first entry ain’t it.
God I’m such a mistake.
I’ve got to make this right…but how?
Wait…The Crossroads! That’s how I can get Sam back! If it worked for Dad it, hopefully, it will work for me too. I think there was something in Dad’s journal about summoning a Crossroads Demon!
I don’t know how to end these entry things so I’m just going to say bye, because I’m off to get my baby brother back!
Dean Winchester
* * * * * * *
“Dean! Dean, could you come to the kitchen with me for a moment please. Alone,” Bobby asked, nervousness bleeding into his voice.
Dean pushed past Bobby and waited for him to join him in the kitchen “Ya, Bobby, What’s up?”
“What’s up? What’s up?! Three hours ago Sam was dead, and now he’s vertical and marching around my library like nothing happened. I about had a coronary when I saw him. ‘Bout shot him too. Thought he was a demon or a shifter or somethin’. Dammit Dean, what the HELL did you do?
The smile from Dean’s face quickly left and he bowed his head. “I had to Bobby. He’s my baby brother and I was supposed to protect him-“
“Dean, what did you do?” Bobby asked, a little more gruffly.
Dean shook his head and continued, not even hearing Bobby. “I made a promise to Dad. And then that bastard Jake killed him.” Dean started pacing the floor in front of Bobby. “It was my fault, I had to fix it.”
Bobby grabbed hold of Dean’s shoulders with both of his hands to get him to stop pacing. Dean lifted his eyes to Bobby, and it nearly broke his heart to see Dean so broken.
Dean’s usual bright green eyes were now teary and dull. And his usual tan, freckled face looked absolutely pale and fragile. “Son, you have to tell me what you did to get Sammy back.”
“You know what I did.” Bobby dropped his hands and started shaking his head. “But I had to do it. If anyone had to die by Jake’s hand, it should have been me! If I had just been a little quicker…”
Bobby grabbed Dean’s shoulders again and gave him a rough shake. “Dammit kid! Snap out of it! Sammy is fine now. Now tell me, how long do you have?” Dean shook his head and started babbling again, but Bobby started shaking him again. “Dean, dammit, how long?!”
Dean’s eyes finally started refocusing and he locked eyes with Bobby. Bobby wanted to look away because the pain floating in Dean’s eyes was that severe.
“A year. They gave me a year.”
And in those two sentences, Bobby heard just how scared this poor boy was. Just twenty-four hours ago, he watched his little brother get stabbed by an accomplice to the Demon who had killed both his mother and father. He had watched the life fade from his brother’s body, and he had given his own soul, barely three hours ago, to save the one person that meant the world to him. Bobby was unsure how the poor kid was still vertical.
Bobby snapped back into the present when he heard Dean speak again. “And it’s gonna be the best year ever for him. If he wants to go bungee jumping, we’ll go bungee jumping. If he wants to chill out in a cabin for a while, then we’ll stay at a cabin. Dammit, I’ll get him a fucking dog if it makes him happy.”
There he went. Putting Sam before himself.
“And he can’t know about the deal.”
That caught Bobby off-guard. “And why the hell not?” Bobby asked crossing his arms.
“Because he’ll try and find a way to get me out of this deal. And if I weasel my way out of the deal, then Sam dies. And that can’t happen.”
“So what are you going to tell Sam?”
Dean paused for a moment, contemplating on what he should say; then it came to him. “I’ll just tell him that we’re gonna take a year to make sure he doesn’t reinjure anything.”
“Think about this for a second Dean. Who was the first one to see your daddy after Yellow Eyes took his soul? Ya, that’s right. Sammy. Now, how do you think he’s gonna feel when he sees his big brother that same way in a year?”
Dean hesitated again before answering. “The day before I’m supposed to kick-the-bucket-“ Dean paused for a moment to get Bobby to calm down after his poor attempt at a death joke. “-I’m gonna drop Sam off here and tell him that I have to go run a few errands by myself and that he needs to stay with you.”
Bobby stood there shocked at the idea that Dean had just thrown at him. “You’re gonna ditch your brother on his birthday, to go and get killed? You know he’s not gonna let you go alone right?”
“I’m gonna spend a little time with him Bobby! I figured that we could do a birthday barbecue slash unbeknownst farewell barbecue lunch. As long as I’m on the road by early evening, I should at least be able to get into the next state. And I know Sam will want to go, but he can’t. I’ll pretend to go to the bathroom and sneak out the window if I have to. Any way to make sure Sam doesn’t follow me. Oh, and I will need you to remove all the batteries from your cars so that Sam can’t follow me.”
“Damn Dean, I don’t know.”
“It’s ok Bobby. I guess we can cross that bridge when we get there. But like I said, Sam cannot know about any of this.”
“Can’t know about what?” Sam asked walking into the kitchen.
Bobby and Dean both jumped, but Dean recovered quickly and put up his mental wall to keep Sam from seeing all the emotions that were really swirling around in his head.
“I heard shouting and whispering, and figured I should check on yall.” Sam leaned against the door frame, “So what can’t I know about?”
“Darn it, you caught us.” Dean said turning towards Sam and smiled. “I asked Bobby yesterday if he could find us a place that we could just chill out for a while, and he had pulled me aside to tell me about it. Didn’t you Bobby?”
Bobby just stood there stunned for a couple of seconds, amazed at how easily Dean could put up his mental wall before he finally nodded at Dean’s question.
“Really? We’re gonna take a break? Why?”
Because Sammy, you are on the mend. And besides, could use a break. We haven’t had one of those in…well, a long time.”
Sam looked at Dean quizzically for a moment, not truly believing him, before smiling and asking, “So where’s it at?”
Bobby quickly racked his brain trying to think of somewhere he could send them, when the perfect place came to mind. “I have a cabin not to terribly far outside of Tampa, Florida. Karen and I got it not too long after we got married. It’s a nice place. Plus it has some nice sights and beaches around the area.”
“Tampa?” Sam asked, getting really excited.
“Yes Sam, Tampa” Dean, grinning at Sam’s happiness.
“And it’s near beaches? I have wanted to back to the beach for a very long time,” Sam said, as his smile grew wider.
“Yup. And there’s a really nice one about twenty minute southwest of Tampa in a town called Clearwater. It’s a really nice town,” Bobby said smiling back at Sam.
“Well,” Dean said breaking away from the small group, “I’m gonna go pack some stuff and get ready to leave. I know this is kinda late notice, but do you wanna go with us Bobby?”
Bobby sat there and contemplated for a second, when Sam spoke up. “Ya Bobby, come on. Lord knows you can use a rest too.”
Bobby smiled at Sam, but it quickly faded as he thought about the events that were to come in a year’s time. Maybe if he went with them, he could convince Dean to tell Sam about his deal with the demons.
So he took in a deep breath and said, “Sure. I could use a little R&R. And somebody needs to keep you boys in check. Don’t need anyone goin’ off the deep end during our little break.”
Sam smiled at Bobby, and Dean just stared. Dean knew that that sentence was meant for him. Maybe he shouldn’t have asked Bobby to come. Oh well, too late now. Plus Dean might need someone to watch over Sam, in case something started happening to him early.
“Alright. While you two start talking vacation stuff, I’m gonna go pack and take a nap. Wake me when food is out for consumption,” Dean said heading upstairs.
As soon as Dean was out of ear shot, Sam’s smile fell and he scared Bobby when he asked the inevitable question, “What the hell is wrong with my brother?”
Hurry Bobby. Think of a lie, quick!”
“He’s scared Sam.
Ok good. I’ve got a good one. And it isn’t even a lie technically.
“Scared? Why the hell is he scared?” Sam asked.
“’Why the hell is he scared?’ Sam, that poor boy just went through one hell of a nightmare. I’m surprised the kid is still vertical, let alone walking around like nothing happened.”
Sam sat down in a chair and looked up at Bobby. “Talk. I want to know everything from when I went missing, to when I woke up from my injury induced coma.”
Bobby let out a heavy sigh and sat down in a chair across from Sam. “He called me the minute you disappeared. I was scared outta my witts when Dean had told me you had gone missing. But I tried to stay calm for your brother, who was quickly going into a downward spiral.”
Sam’s eyes widened at the thought of his brother possibly having a panic attack.
And as if Bobby had read his mind, Sam felt a hand on his shoulder and heard Bobby say, “Don’t worry kid, he didn’t have any panic attacks.”
But of course, Bobby Singer was lying through his teeth. The minute Dean walked through the front door, five hours after losing his brother, Dean had come in bleary eyed and emotionless. Bobby had to shake him several times before he finally got a response; and when he did, he wish he hadn’t.
Dean had looked him straight in the eyes and asked him if he had heard anything about Sam, and when Bobby didn’t answer him right away, Dean freaked out. He had paced the living room, beating himself up mentally for almost an hour for being so careless that he lost his baby brother. It had taken Bobby a good two or three hours before he was able to slip some sedatives into Dean’s system and haul the trembling boy to bed. It took all of Bobby’s might to not help Dean when he called out for Sam in his nightmares.
But when Dean woke up that next morning, his mental stability did a complete 180. His posture was straighter, he walked taller, and his eyes looked stronger. And it was all thanks to that damn mental wall.
Bobby hated that damn thing. The minute it went up, you lost all connections with Dean’s emotions.
“He almost had one when you got stabbed by Jake. You wouldn’t wake up and Dean was panicking, afraid that you were ever going to. After you woke up, I brought Dean in here to make sure that he wasn’t going to dive into any jobs by himself and leave you here. That’s what all the yelling was about. But surprisingly, it was his idea to take the break. But do me a favor, and please watch him. I’m highly afraid that that mental block of his won’t last very long.”
“Why do you say that?”
Bobby laughed, shocking Sam a little, “Because he told me that he’d get you a damn dog if it made you happy.”
Sammy sat there a little shocked for a second before saying, “But Bobby, Dean hates dogs.”
Bobby sighed and nodded his head. “I know. That’s why I said that I think we need to keep an eye on him. If he’s willing to get you a dog, then something’s up.”
There was a crash from upstairs followed by a thud. Sam sat there shocked for a second before Bobby spoke up again. “Hey, can you make dinner while I go check on your brother?”
“Are you sure you don’t wanna cook? I can check on Dean, he’s my brother, and besides, you’re a much better cook than I am.”
“No kid, it’s ok. I trust you to make something edible.”
Sam nodded his head as Bobby climbed his stairs, and wondered why Bobby didn’t want him to check on Dean.