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When Nico Robin first joined the crew, she was welcomed with distrust from everyone but Luffy and Sanji.
Chopper, the little reindeer was afraid of her, often hiding behind the mast or a barrel. Nami and Zoro looked at her like she was a threat, Zoro especially, for protecting Luffy was far more important to him than anyone else. Usopp always looked at her like she was going to murder him in cold blood.
She had become used to people reacting to her with fear and disdain. It was nothing new. So when they started to warm up to her, she didn't know how to react.
One sunny day she stumbled across Usopp on the top of the Merry, tending to his grove of flowers.
“That’s a lovely garden,” Robin complimented.
At first, Usopp would flinch when she talked to him, but now he treated her like an old friend.
“Robin!” he exclaimed. “Come and look, I’ve been working so hard on these!”
Robin crouched down beside him, and he began to point out the names of the flowers, passionately giving her facts about each of them.
“Oh! These white lilies really remind me of you, you know? Their like…” He stared at her for a moment, contemplating. “Mysterious.”
“...People tend to say that about me.”
“Well I mean, I barely know anything about you! You’ve been on our crew for a while now, but…”
Robin stared at Usopp for a moment. He wanted to know more about her? But why?
“My story isn’t very happy, Usopp.” There were things she’d rather not say. After all, If Usopp knew who she really was, would he care about her? But all she saw was concern in her crewmates expression.
“Nobody on this ship has had it easy. But we take care of each other here! Hey, I won't judge you. After all, it couldn’t be crazier then Captain Usopp and his stories.” He pointed to himself with pride.
Robin laughed, a gentle and musical sound, and Usopp looked as surprised as she did. She didn’t laugh much, but ever since she joined the crew, she’d been expressing herself more. Usopp joined her in happiness.
Luffy, laying on the figurehead of the Merry and staring up at the vast sky, heard Usopp and Robin’s fun chatter. His newest crewmate and his sniper were giggling, a joyous melody that filled his heart with warmth. Together with them, he laughed at that endless horizon.
“Do you want to help me take care of the flowers? I could always use some help. Oh, not like I’m not great and powerful myself.” He added.
Robin was surprised at the offer. “I haven’t much experience in gardening, but I’ll try.” The two worked among the flowers under the sun. Usopp told her stories. They were obviously made up and she knew that. But occasionally she’d laugh, and Usopp would always join her.
She hadn’t felt such pure and genuine connections with other people until she joined the Straw Hats. Was it okay for her to feel this free? As she worked with Usopp in his garden, the sound of his voice and the brilliant blooms filling her senses, she contemplated. But the answer never became clear to her, silent like the night sky over water.
The first time Zoro approached her, she felt an air of ferocity. Robin had learned to sense aggressive intent when she’d seen it because it was required to survive. “I dont trust you.” He told her. “And if you dare do anything to hurt Luffy, I’ll sink your corpse into the ocean after i’ve killed you.”
Robin sensed so much within that threat. There were layers of history, of loyalty, of love she could not comprehend. It was too deep for her. She had never felt those emotions. Zoro would walk to the ends of the earth for Luffy- but she did not know how to go the first mile for anybody, not even herself.
All she could do was nod in understanding and walk away.
With time his intent faded. She always sensed his watchful eye, but it became less worried and protective as his suspicion lessoned.
One day, she cornered Zoro in his weight room, exercising like always.
“Why do you want to protect Luffy?” She asked.
Zoro put down the weight and narrowed his eyes. “Are you kidding?”
When no response occurred, he snapped. “Luffy’s my captain. Any of us would protect him. Wouldn't you?”
Robin turned this over in her head for a moment. What was it like to protect someone? Couldn’t they betray you, or backstab you?
There was something in Zoro she didn’t understand, this sheer faith in their captain that he’d take to the grave.
“I would.” She finally responded. Luffy had saved her life after all, but it was nothing like the way the swordsmen felt. Through hell or high water, he would do anything for Luffy, no matter the cost.
The swordsman crossed his arms. “Then why are you asking me?”
Because I just dont understand you. It wasn’t easy to put into words. “You seem more loyal to him than anything else in the world. Even yourself. I dont…” She hesitated. “I don’t understand it.”
There was a silence between both of them. Zoro seemed to think deeply about his words before he spoke.
“Luffy changed my life. He gave me a sense of purpose and a dream greater than my own. He doesn’t always make the best decisions. And he’s an idiot.” Zoro’s voice got so fond and gentle when talking about Luffy, it almost didn’t feel like it belonged to him.
“One day, I’m sure he’ll get into a situation where he’s going to be captured, or die, or worse. When that day comes, I’ve decided to give my life for him.”
Oh.
“That’s because Luffy’s gonna change the world. He’s important, too important. You’ll understand someday.”
Robin looked at her hands. “I’ve never had something I’ve wanted to protect.” Especially not like that.
Zoro stilled. “Not even yourself?” She shook her head, and Zoro looked dumbfounded for a minute. Was it sympathy in his gaze? From the moment Robin had met Zoro, she had considered him so hard-edged, stoic, almost incapable of feeling. How dreadfully wrong she had been. The swordsman was filled with emotions. And his feelings for Luffy were deeper than the ocean and higher than the atmosphere.
“One day you’ll find something worth protecting, and then you’ll understand.” Had he not had anything to be faithful to before Luffy? Their captain must have turned Zoro’s life upside down too.
“And…” He hesitated. “Luffy thinks your worth protecting, so I do, too.” He looked away awkwardly as he said this, but it made Robin’s heart melt. I’m worth protecting…?
She was overcome with emotion over what Zoro had told her. He cared about her, too, just like he did for everyone else on the crew. She had deeply misunderstood him.
“Thank you, Zoro.” She muttered, and she couldn’t hold back the crack in her voice, like a river about to overflow.
Zoro gave a rare smile. “Of course.”
He really can smile. She smiled too, and the two remained together. They now had a better understanding of each other. If Luffy noticed they had spent the day together, or that Zoro seemed happier and Robin looked like she had a weight off her shoulders, he would not mention it.
He’d just feel happy for the people that he loved.
Chopper's presence was quiet, but she could usually tell when she was around. His little hooves would plonk across the floor. It was quite cute, and Robin had to admit there was a deep fondness inside for her for animals. She’d never met a talking one before, either.
But this little guy was so shy. And Robin couldn’t blame him. She was scary. When she looked in the mirror somedays, she couldn't always recognize what stared back at her.
Yet Chopper started getting closer every day, and eventually, he worked up the courage to talk to her.
“H-Hi….” He said shyly, looking down at his hooves. Robin was charmed, he was so cute!
“Hello. I was waiting for you to come talk to me.” She answered him gently.
The little reindeer jumped. “Y-you mean, You saw me?!”
“Yes. Did you want to come to talk?”
“I-I’m….” He looked down at the floor again. “I’m shy.” Oh, he was too sweet! Robin wanted to wrap the little fuzzball in a hug right away.
“And I thought you were scary.” He admitted. Her heart sunk. She was even scary to animals. She must be a monster.
“But then… I realized people used to be scared of me too!” Chopper smiled. “So i thought, maybe you’re nice.”
Her heart soared. “Come sit with me!” She smiled and patted the seat next to her, and the reindeer sat beside her.
“I have sweets.” She offered.
Chopper's eyes sparkled with excitement. “You have candy!?” The deer shouted.
She’d picked some up the last time she’d been shopping. Robin knew of the deer’s sweet tooth, and thought if she had candy, Chopper might come around.
“Here.” She handed him a caramel and Chopper beamed. “You're the best! I’m so glad that we’re friends now!”
Friends..? Robin thought. We’re just crewmates, right? But considering the interactions she and the crew had as they’d begun to trust her more, they probably considered her a friend.
Friendship...she wasn’t overly familiar with that word. She’d never really had it. Did she deserve it?
Her thoughts were interrupted by Chopper learning into her and looking over at her book. He’s as fuzzy as he looks! “What are you reading?” he asked.
“This is a book about science. But.” She reached in her bag and put the novel away, and then took out a kids book. “I have a smaller one if you want me to read to you.”
“Okay! That will be fun!”
Robin began reading to the reindeer. It was a picture book and Chopper enjoyed pointing to the drawings he liked. Robin’s voice was soft and gentle while she read the words, and Chopper relaxed with the sound.
When they finished, they spent time together talking and laughing, and Robin enjoyed hearing about Choppers pursuits as a doctor. Although young, he was so clever!
After Chopper and the others had gone to sleep, Robin stayed awake out of habit. When she slept she often had bad dreams of fire and loneliness. They always involved memories she wanted so terribly to shut away. It was hard- too hard some nights, it made her want to stop existing.
She retreated to one of the smaller rooms, turned the lights on dim, and started reading. Robin had long become used to the heaviness in her eyes and body. It was a part of her now.
About an hour later, she heard a knock on the door. It creaked open to reveal Chopper. His ears were drooping, and he had tears in his eyes. Her heart felt like breaking when she saw how troubled the deer looked.
“I...I had a bad dream…” Said Chopper. Oh, how badly she wanted to hug him and tell him everything would be okay. But she was not used to this at all, and she did not yet know how to be a friend.
“Will you read to me again?” He asked. How could she say no?
“Of course.” She said. “Come here.” When the reindeer sat next to her she wanted so badly to somehow comfort him in some way.
So she told him, “I have bad dreams sometimes, too.” All the time.
Choppers eyes were wide. “You do?”
“Yes..It’s normal.” She patted the reindeer on the head. “Everythings going to be okay, Chopper.” She smiled weakly.
Chopper grinned at her. “Thanks, Robin, I knew you were nice!”
She started reading again, slowly. Chopper yawned and rested his head on her lap. It made her so happy. She lightly put her hand down on the reindeer and pat his fur as she read, hoping it would make him feel comfortable. She kept reading and watched his eyes close.
A few hours later, Luffy came in to see an open book, Robin sleeping on the floor and Chopper asleep beside her. She still had her hand on the reindeer’s fur. He grinned and went to get the biggest blanket he could find. He draped it over his crewmates and settled down next to them.
He put his chin on Chopper's hat, curled up close to him, and stretched out his arm so it wrapped around his reindeer and his new crewmate. Chopper cuddled closely into the both of them, feeling so happy and safe.
Robin was in no way used to this contact, but for the first time in so many years, she actually felt secure and loved. To have positive connections with people and to finally start to trust was a healing experience. She cuddled her two wonderful friends under the blanket, filled with joy. Can life really be this happy…?
She had no nightmares that night.
Nami warmed up to her faster than the other crew members. Maybe it was because they were both girls, or had a few things in common, Robin didn't know.
One day she asked Robin if she could sleep over. Robin had no idea what this meant, but she decided to join her.
The two had an enjoyable time. They read and painted together, making small talk.
“I used to do this with my sister all the time,” Nami said. “It kind of reminds me of home, so thanks for joining me!” She was working on an art piece of a cute tangerine.
Robin looked at her quizzically. “You have a sister?”
“Yeah. Her names Nojiko.” She smiled. “Do you have any family? Where are you from, anyway?”
Robin’s eyes turned sorrowful and Nami realized she may have asked too much too soon. She covered her mouth with her hand. “O-Oh! I mean, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to.”
Slowly, hesitantly, Robin told her. “I... don't have a family.” She confessed. Nami’s expression of sympathy shocked her. She’s… sad for me?
“Robin.” Nami put her paintbrush down and turned so she was facing Robin. She put her hands on the other woman’s shoulders, looking her in the eyes. “We can be your family.”
Robin was shocked and had to pause for a minute to gain her bearings before she responded. “But… Your not my family.”
“Family doesn’t have to be related by blood!” Nami exclaimed. This stirred deep emotions in Robin. Was it longing? A family was what she always wanted, wasn’t it? But did she deserve it?
“I consider everyone on this ship family. Well, I haven’t told them yet, but I’m sure they feel the same way.” She grinned, like all of this was second nature- all these complicated feelings that Robin didn’t yet understand.
“Even me…?”
“Yeah! You’re a part of this too!”
I’m wanted? Robin covered her mouth, her eyes swimming. Nami was so genuine, they all were. To think she finally had a place to belong on this sea, and that other people cared about her made her choke up with feeling.
Nami’s eyes widened. “Ahhh! R-Robin, are you okay?”
“I…” She began to speak and she realized her voice came out like a sob. She brought her hand up to her face and felt tears. Oh. Im crying?
Nami was frantic. “C-can I get you anything? Did I say something?”
“No, you made me happy… thank you, Nami.”
She smiled gently. “Of course! We’re sisters, too!”
The two laughed, even as Robin cried, and she learned all about Nami’s hometown. Nami told her about the people, her experiences, and her happiest memories.
They continued painting over the sound of joyful conversation, yet Robin did not have much to add. She wanted to one day hold happy memories to coexist along with the sad ones, so she could tell stories like that.
Could she find a future like that here?
Later, Luffy barged into the room. “Hiiiiii!” The two turned around, and by then Robin’s tears had dried enough that there was no former evidence of how she’d cried.
“Hi, Luffy!” Nami greeted. “Me and Robin are painting.” She glanced at Robin’s canvas. “She’s a lot better, though…”
“That’s simply not true. Your use of color is amazing, and shows a lot of awareness of your subject matter.” Robin told her, and Nami’s face went red. A-aw, I wouldn’t say that..”
“It’s true!” Luffy proclaimed. “That tangerine tree looks real! Hey, I want to eat it, Nami! Do you think Sanji wou-“
“I TOLD YOU, YOU CANT EAT MY ORANGES!” She snapped.
Luffy laughed as she chased him around the room. Robin couldn’t keep herself from giggling at her crewmates shenanigans. Is this what having a family is like?
“Oh! Robin, what did you draw!” Luffy asked, looking closely at her canvas.
“It’s a haunted ship with the bones of dead sailors…” She said in a spooky tone.
“AAA! Robin, stop drawing morbid things!” Nami shouted.
Luffy, however, was extremely interested. “That’s so awesome! Can we go! We might find a talking skeleton, right, Nami?”
“If we ever see a ship like that, we are NOT going on!”
“But Nami, the talking skeleton…”
Robin stared at the two fondly. If this was how family felt, then she wanted to stay here forever.
Robin awoke from a nightmare only to that the stars were out. It looked like the scene in the picture book she’d had as a kid, the same one she had given Chopper. In her younger years, sleeping on the streets and running from the government, the stars felt like her only friends.
But things had changed. She had people she loved now, who she could wake up to watch the constellations with her. Her crew laid in their sleeping bags and watched the brilliant night sky above them.
“Hahaaha! Look how bright that star is! That belongs to the future Pirate King!” exclaimed Luffy.
“Pirate kings have stars?” questioned Chopper. The universe reflected in his round eyes. “Is there a star just for me?”
“Hey, that’s gonna be mine, Luffy!” Shouted Usopp, and they began tussling.
“Oy, quiet down, the ladies are sleeping!” Sanji complained.
Nami giggled. “I’m pretty sure Zoro’s the only one sleeping.”
Robin interrupted them to point out something in the sky. A big shooting star shot directly over the Merry, and her crewmates watched in awe.
“You all have to make a wish, now.”
“I-I want lots of cake!” wished Chopper.
“Can it make me rich?”
Usopp grinned. “I wanna become a brave warrior of the sea!”
“You’ve already said that.” Sanji pointed out.
“Oh, like your wish is any better, huh!”
“I want to woo a woman’s heart…” Everyone glared at Sanji.
Usopp shoved Sanji in the face gently. “And you think I repeat myself a lot!”
“Oh, yeah, you wanna fight!” Now Usopp and Sanji were wrestling, but Usopp started laughing, and the cook froze and stared at him when he did as if he was entranced.
Robins crewmates continued to laugh and banter. She was completely at peace, tucked in her blankets under the warm light of the moon. She never wanted this moment to end.
I didn’t know living could feel like this!
As the moon sank lower into the sky, her friends banter eventually subsided and they began to fall asleep. She watched them with a gentle smile.
Sanji and Usopp had curled up into each other, Usopp clinging onto him with his arms, his head tucked into the cook’s shoulder.
Zoro was fast asleep, and Luffy was lying on his chest like a pillow, next to Nami who was also using the swordsman as a pillow.
Chopper hobbled over to her and whispered in her ear “R-robin, I’m cold, can we snuggle again?” She felt an immense warmth in her heart. Chopper was so innocent and adorable and she’d do anything to protect him.
“Of course.” Chopper wriggled into the blanket next to her and Robin pulled the fuzzy reindeer close to her chest. “I love you, and I love the rest of the crew, too.” He whispered, and Robin felt herself tear up again, overwhelmed with love.
When Chopper and the others had gone to sleep, Luffy lifted his head off Zoro and turned to face her.
“Robin.” He whispered.
“Luffy?”
His smile was bright enough to blind her. “You're happy, aren’t you?”
Her eyes widened. Everything she’d felt after joining the crew- having the best adventures, smiling and laughing more, and finally connecting with others. Was that happiness? She wanted to tell him yes, that she’d felt better than she ever had in her life.
But instead, she asked, “Do I deserve to be alive?”
She saw a sense of familiarity in Luffy’s eyes like somebody else important to him had already asked him the same question. “You deserve to be alive, Robin.”
“I…” Her voice shook. Nobody had ever told her that before.
“I agree with our captain,” Zoro interrupted. Had she woken them all up? Had they heard her crying again?
“I’m glad you’re alive, Robin.” Chopper's little voice cooed into her chest.
She broke into a sob and held him tighter. “Th-Thank you..”
“Robin-swan! I’m in love with the fact that your alive- Oy, Usopp, Get off me, that spot is for Robin!”
Usopp ignored Sanji and clung to him tighter. “I’m glad your alive, Robin! It’s not a lie this time!”
“We’re sisters, remember!” Nami told her.
She continued crying, tears streaming down her face. This was happiness. They had taught love, and family, and everything in between. Luffy had brought her into the sun.
“Thank you…” She choked out a sob.
Luffy squeezed her into a hug, and Chopper wiped her tears with his little hooves. They told her they loved her and cared about her and she felt as if she was finally beginning to heal.
“Oy, Luffy, get back on my chest, it was comfortable!” Zoro told him after their emotional moment. Back to bantering again! They were too fun.
“Gross. Hey, did you know that’s gross, Marimo?” bickered Sanji.
“You Literally have your arm around Usopp right now, so shut up.”
“I- I do not!” Countered Sanji. Usopp laughed into his chest.
“Uh-huh.”
Luffy giggled and cuddled Zoro again. They continued to chat, joke, and laugh throughout the whole night.
If life was truly filled with times shared with friends and family and adventures by their side, then she knew she could finally figure out how to love being alive. She desired nothing more to cross the ocean together and have a journey filled with discoveries, heartbreak, joy, family. Robin had finally found her answer.
In her dreams, her friends took her away from the tragedy of it all, replaced the empty spaces with flowers and seawater.
And Nico Robin finally wanted nothing more than to be alive.
So she lived.