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Erik really never liked to eavesdrop on anything, he respected people's privacy as if it was some kind of unspoken law of his, and he didn't listen to conversations behind doors, didn't matter how interesting those conversations were — even in public places he tended to shut off any conversation around him so he wouldn't listen to things he didn't need to and because he also wasn't a fan of hearing the stupid things that came out of other people's mouths. And yet, there Erik was, outside Charles' study with his ear glued to the door as his boyfriend and Raven talked inside of it. All because of one loose phrase he had heard coming from inside the room, coming to him through the parted door.
"I'm not sure about marriage."
It had came from Charles' mouth, Charles' voice saying those words, and suddenly Erik couldn't just walk away or shut it out so he wouldn't be nosy, because something in those words made him feel nervous, made his stomach twist in an unpleasant way, and he decided that he needed to hear the rest of it.
"He's good to me but he's not what I want." Charles' voice said again, and Erik felt his stomach twist even more and some heavy weight being put on his chest, pressing down as if it wanted to crush it. "At least not all that I want, and I'm pretty sure I'm not all he wants either."
Erik's breathing stopped for a while as he started to think about what Charles had said, missing a few other words being uttered both by Raven and Charles. Of course Charles was all Erik wanted, he didn't understand how Charles could think otherwise when he made it clear everyday that Charles was all Erik would ever want and need — had he made it clear? Perhaps not, if Charles were saying those things —, but it stung deep to know Erik was not enough for Charles when he was so sure…
"There's just something about Logan. I love him as well, and I know he loves me back, but the two of them just fight over and over again, it makes me wonder if I'm reading everything right, which is ironic for a telepath like myself."
Erik didn't even take notice of how Charles' words sounded flat, as if there was no deeper emotions attached to them, because all of the sudden he felt desperate, picking only the details that he wanted to focus on. So Charles loved Logan. Charles loved Logan and Erik, because Erik was not enough. He thought about what he could do about it, the best course of action now that he knew it, and he wondered if fighting for Charles' love was a good option, if proving that he was enough for Charles would change something, or if just letting Charles and Logan be together would be better, less of a heartbreak if it was Erik's decision to leave — at least that was what he told himself.
He didn't even know that Logan loved Charles, it had never crossed his mind as a possibility. They were friends, yes; Charles had helped Logan out in the past and they grew close, to the point where Logan would so anything to keep Charles safe — something that Erik appreciated on the mutant, since his main objective was also to keep Charles safe and sound. Now, he wondered when it all happened, when they fell in love and Erik was suddenly not enough. Charles had said that Erik and Logan would fight, but that wasn't really true, was it? Yes, Erik liked bickering with the short tempered man and sometimes they would push each other around, but they never really fought for real, unless Logan's opinion on their bickering was different from Erik's all this time. which only made him feel stupid. Clearly he didn't know how to read people.
"If he asks me to marry him, I don't know what I'll do." Charles continued, taking a moment to sigh, and Erik clenched his jaw. He sounded truly distressed then with that sigh. "I don't think I can say yes. Not when Logan is here and not when I know I love the two men and couldn't bear living without one of them."
If he was honest, Erik hadn't even thought about asking Charles to marry him. They had dated for years now, shared a room and were closer than Erik had ever been with anyone he dated before the other mutant, but he never once thought about officializing it, mostly because he already felt like he and Charles were married even if they didn't wear the bands — even the kids at the school thought that Professor Xavier and Mr. Lehnsherr were a married couple. And yet, now he had an answer to a question that he didn't even ask: Charles probably would say no to him because he loved someone else. Because he wanted both him and Logan at the same time.
Some part of him wanted to leave and make the choice for Charles, to let him stay with Logan instead of sticking around, but he felt his heart hurting at the idea of leaving the other man behind, handing him over to someone else when Charles still loved him for all that he said, because, in the end, Erik loved Charles more than anything or anyone. Maybe he could live with it, with sharing Charles' love, even if the idea hurt him. Maybe it would hurt less than losing the man he loved.
He was so lost in his own thoughts that he didn't even notice when the door fully opened to reveal him standing there, Raven holding the doorknob as she looked at Erik with her eyebrows raised, yellow eyes staring at him with curiosity. Behind his desk, Charles had a frown that seemed very relaxed for someone who had just found out that Erik had heard the whole conversation as he held his phone in his hand. That seemed to hurt somewhat more, the fact that Charles didn't care, even if part of his mind told him that there was something that wasn't making sense there.
"Are you listening to our conversation behind the door, Lehnsherr? I thought I heard something by the door, and here you are." Raven asked, just as relaxed as Charles. "How much did you hear? Maybe you can help us."
"Everything." Erik's voice was weak, making Charles frown more, and suddenly there was the feeling of the telepath inside of his mind, trying to find out what was wrong, worry for Erik reaching his mind as Charles looked. He saw the moment Charles' eyes widened, pursing his lips as he waited for the telepath to say something about it. All Charles did was shake his head and grunt slightly.
"Not everything apparently."
Charles' voice sounded a little louder now, as if he was demanding Erik's full attention, mind brushing against Erik's and giving a simpler order, to focus, that Erik quickly complied. The telepath raised the phone he was holding, eyes going to the screen.
"'I can't talk much more, Scott is coming back with Logan and I don't want them to see this conversation by accident. Sorry for dropping this on you, Charles'. To which I responded with 'May I tell this to Raven since she already knows about this thing between the three of you so you can have more than one opinion on the matter?' and got a positive reply." his voice had that same flat tone from before when he read what Erik could only assume was a text, making Erik frown and keep his eyes locked on the telepath for a while more as Charles' blue eyes rose up to look back at Erik. "Jean sent those earlier, asking for advice from me."
It took a moment for Erik to understand what Charles had just said, and then a moment more, where he only stood there looking at Charles with some kind of a vague expression as his mind tried to connect every dot — and Charles seemed to realize that, probably watching the development of that in Erik's mind first hand.
Charles didn't love Logan and Erik, Charles only loved Erik. Jean was the one who loved both Scott and Logan, not Charles. And Logan didn't love Charles. Logan loved Jean — and maybe Scott? That was slightly unclear still, but he assumed it either way. Charles was Erik's. Charles wouldn't leave Erik.
Suddenly, he felt the conclusion settle in his mind and annoyance came right after that. This was exactly why Erik didn't like to eavesdrop on anything, to catch loose information and make assumptions without knowing the full story.
Next to Erik, Raven was looking at him with her brow furrowed, yellow eyes going from Erik to Charles as if she understood that there was something happening but couldn't figure out what.
"Well," Erik finally said, voice hesitant as Charles raised an eyebrow at him. "she should talk to both of them."
"She surely should. Talking does solve a lot of misunderstandings, doesn't it?" Erik pursed his lips at that, cheeks blushing despite himself, and he noticed a small amused smile start to appear in Charles' lips. "Raven, can you leave me and my idiot boyfriend alone for a second? We can text Jean later, she must be busy with her mission right now either way."
"Sure thing." the woman answered, gesturing goodbye and leaving the room, closing the door behind her and leaving Erik and Charles alone.
"Seriously, Erik?"
"I just-" he stuttered for a moment, sighing once he couldn't find a good explanation, walking towards the chair right across the desk from Charles. "Sorry. I didn't mean to listen all of that, I just heard you saying something about marriage and curiosity got the best of me."
"You really thought I would want someone else?"
"...Would you?"
"No!"
"Alright." Charles chuckled at that, looking both amused and in disbelief of Erik's assumptions. "But Charles?"
"Yes, love?"
"Would you marry me?"
Charles choked on his words for a moment, eyes widening and body moving slightly on his wheelchair as Erik only looked across the desk to his boyfriend. Erik saw the moment some kind of pleased and hopeful spark crossed the blue of Charles' eyes, and Erik couldn't help but to smile softly at it.
"Ask nicely and who knows…" but Erik already knew the answer to a question that he would definitely ask sometime soon.