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Make it quick.
That’s what he kept telling himself. Move fast and get back to you. If he could reach you before they either evacuated the city or had him destroyed, it would all be worth it. Why the fuck had it taken him so long to realize how he felt for you?
Maybe he could help create a better world for the both of you.
“Stop there, deviant!”
He turned, and his thirium pump nearly stopped. Another RK800, but it had you and Hank at gunpoint. No, no, no, this couldn’t be happening!
“Sorry, Connor,” Hank called, glaring at the android as it gave you a shove. “Fucker’s an exact copy of you.” Your (y/e/c) eyes met his, and he felt a tug in his chest.
Helpless.
He felt helpless. He had no weapon, no way of saving you and Hank without getting killed. He ran every simulation he could think of, and none of them had a good outcome. He still tried to give you a reassuring nod, anything to keep you calm.
Anxiety: 64%
“Let them go,” he ordered, hoping that the other would listen. “Please.”
“No. Not unless you abandon your mission. I have a task, and I will complete it!”
Mission: save (Y/N) and Hank
He didn’t have a choice. Markus would understand. Connor hoped he would, at least. He couldn’t risk losing you or Hank, or both. He saw you flinch slightly as the gun brushed the back of your head, and your anxiety jumped twelve percent.
“Okay,” he shouted, hands up as he slowly approached. “Just don’t hurt them.”
In the blink of an eye, Hank moved, knocking the RK800 off balance. Connor lunged as well, intent on getting the gun and ensuring your safety. That was all he could think about. Keep you safe, and tell you what he should have said before now. He struggled with his clone, barely registering the gun going off.
When the two finally stood, Hank had the gun. But his eyes were staring past both of them.
Connor followed his gaze, and if his blueblood could have run cold, it would have. You were bleeding. The bullet had hit you, and a quick scan showed that, if he didn’t get you to a hospital, it would be fatal. He watched you barely touch the wound, then examine the blood on your fingers.
“No,” he nearly screamed, rushing to your side as you collapsed. He caught you before you hit the floor, not hearing Hank shoot the clone. “Hank, she needs help!”
Survival: 8%
That wasn’t good. rA9, what he wouldn’t give to bring those odds up. He held you close, trying to get his own panic under control. You needed him to be calm and assured. But he wasn’t even sure he could do that for you. As carefully as he could, he shed his jacket and tried uselessly to stop the bleeding.
“Connor,” you whimpered, and he saw your odds drop.
“Don’t talk,” he soothed. “Save your energy. You’re going to be okay. Just focus on breathing.” He met your eyes and could tell that you didn’t believe him. He wasn’t the best at lying. He knew that. And being in a panicked state probably didn’t help. “I love you.”
Why had he said that now? Was it because he was afraid he wouldn’t get the chance to? Or was it some desperate attempt to give you a reason not to die?
Survival: 5%
You smiled at him. The blood kept coming, but you were smiling. That smile he’d grown so fond of. He made swift work memorizing it, praying that he would get to see it more outside of the memories. He wanted a life with you, even if it would be a hard life. People would never accept it, but he wanted it still.
“I love you too.”
Survival: 3%
“Don’t leave me,” he begged softly. “I’ll call for help. Just hang in there.”
“Connor, if you call for help, they’ll have you destroyed,” Hank pointed out, bringing tears to the android’s eyes. He couldn’t even get you help. He had to watch you slip away, and there was nothing he could do. “I’m sorry.”
He didn’t fail to notice the emotion in the lieutenant’s voice. You had been like a child to him, and he had to experience that pain all over again.
“I’m so cold,” you whispered, and Connor could only hold you closer.
“It’s going to be okay,” he murmured, though he knew it was pointless. “You’ll survive. And I’ll find us a nice house, with a yard. We can get a dog. And if the law allows, I wouldn’t be opposed to adopting a child or two with you.”
Survival: 1%
Your eyes were closed, your breathing shallow, but he kept talking. Anything to distract himself from what was going on. Anything to keep the synthetic tears from falling. He spoke about how you would be a wonderful parent, and how he’d do his best to be the father your future children would need. He told you about Markus, and how he turned out to be twice the leader Connor could ever dream to be.
“Connor.”
Hank’s strained voice made him stop, and he was painfully aware of the flashing statistic in his eyes.
Survival: 0.25%
“Don’t leave me,” he pleaded. “Please. Don’t go. I don’t want to do this without you. Please, please, don’t leave me here alone.”
Your chest rose, then fell. He waited for it to rise again, a few tears falling. But he couldn’t detect even a heartbeat.
You were gone.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A few weeks had passed. The revolution was over. Androids had gotten equal rights, though there were still many things to be worked out. It was a new year, a new civilization, and the city was beautiful in a way, with the snow blanketing it in a pure white.
But to Connor, it just wasn’t as vibrant.
He stood in the cemetery, his eyes on your gravestone. Markus had arranged for it, with help from Carl and Leo. The deviant leader had been a reliable friend for the RK800, especially when he saw the heartbroken android walk up with you in his arms.
Connor hadn’t spoken since that day.
North, Simon, Josh, all of them had tried. But he would simply shake his head and walk away. What he wouldn’t give to trade places with you. What he wouldn’t do to go back in time and spare your life. You deserved to see this. It was your favorite time of the year.
But that had been taken from you.
He lifted his hand and traced your name, the granite cold. He had been quick to have his touch receptors heightened, and thankfully, he had been able to do that without speaking. He feared if he spoke, he’d break down all over again.
“I miss them too, Connor.”
He turned, thankful to see Hank. Hank had shut himself away after the revolution, and many worried he was gone too. But seeing him now brought tears to Connor’s eyes.
“Heard you’ve gone mute on us,” Hank continued, placing a hand on Connor’s shoulder. “Can’t say I blame you. But holdin’ it in won’t do you any favors.” Connor looked away and nodded. “It’s just me and you here. And if anyone knows how you feel, it’s me.”
The thirium pump was going wild. Part of Connor wished he had never gone deviant. Maybe then you’d still be alive. It was a stupid thought, really. But at least it would hurt less if he couldn’t feel.
“I should have told them,” he finally spoke, barely recognizing his own voice. “I should have begged them to get to safety and stay there.” His lip trembled, and the tears he’d barely been holding back started to fall. “I wish I could trade places with them. Every time I go into stasis, I see their face. Why did they have to die?”
That question had run through his head a hundred times. Why? Why did he fight so hard to have a future with you, only to have it snatched away at the last second? Why was the only life he would ever have with you in his dreams and memories?
He was breaking down. He’d avoided it for so long. It was as if speaking it made it all the more real. You were gone. He wasn’t going to walk into the station and see you munching on toast. He wasn’t going to hear your laugh whenever Hank said something you found funny.
You would only ever be a bittersweet memory, and the weight of the knowledge was suffocating.
He was suddenly acutely aware of Hank holding him, both men nearly clinging to each other. It was comforting, in a way. Knowing he could turn to Hank when the memories were too much.
It still wasn’t fair.
“I ask myself that often. And we may never know the answers. All I can say is they died knowing you loved them and could see a future with them. And I hate that it was taken from you, Connor. Just promise me you won’t become who I was when you first met me. Don’t fall into that trap.”
Connor would have pointed out that androids can’t get drunk if he wasn’t so focused on making that promise.