Work Text:
Tine knew what he had done was wrong, he understood that his actions had hurt Sarawat and he wasn’t expecting to be forgiven so easily. The truth of the matter was that Tine had let his insecurities ruin his previously happy relationship and now he was paying the price. It had been over a month since the day Tine had packed up all his belongings and left without giving Sarawat a warning or even a chance to explain himself. Had Pam not found him and given him that USB drive that proved Sarawat loved no one else but him, Tine wasn’t so sure if they’d even be together at this moment. And maybe that would have been better, if Pam had never found him and told him the truth then he wouldn’t have to face Sarawat each day. He wouldn’t have to look into Sarawat’s eyes and see that those eyes that were previously filled with love and adoration for him were no longer the same. Nowadays, it was rare for Sarawat to look Tine directly in the eyes and when he did, they were filled with sadness, doubt, and hesitation. Tine hated it.
Sarawat, he noticed, also wasn’t as affectionate as he used to be before their breakup. He rarely tried to hug him or kiss him these days. Tine remembered how before things turned sour, Sarawat would casually take hold of his hand as they walked around campus and how he would give him quick goodbye kisses before rushing to get to his own class. Sarawat didn’t walk him to class after they got back together. Tine felt like he was in a relationship with a completely different person.
But despite the shift in their relationship, Tine couldn’t picture leaving Sarawat again. At first he thought to himself that it was normal that his boyfriend was acting a little cold towards him, after all, he had broken up with him in a heartless way. He couldn’t expect things to go back to the way they were right away. Tine knew the mistake he made last time was not talking things through with Sarawat, so this time he had tried.
4 weeks ago
“Wat…” Tine hesitantly called out. He was trying to wait for the right moment but it seemed like no moment would ever be the right moment for this conversation. It had been a week since they got back together and things still felt awkward. Tine was nervous to bring up the topic but he knew he needed to for the sake of their relationship.
“Hmm?” Sarawat looked up from the notes he was pretending to study. Tine knew he was pretending because Sarawat had been staring at the same sheet of paper for the last 20 minutes. It hurt Tine to think that maybe his boyfriend was so upset with him that he would rather sit at the desk and ignore him than to come lay down with him and cuddle like they would have done in the past.
“C-Can we talk?” Tine’s voice was shaky but it didn’t matter right now. He just wanted to talk things through and give Sarawat a proper apology. Hopefully then they could move on and pick up where they had left off. Before Pam came into the picture, when they were happy, he craved that more than anything.
“Okay.” Sarawat answered as he turned to face him. “About what?”
“About the… well you know…” Tine hesitated. He didn’t want to say the word “break up” and trigger even more bad memories for his boyfriend. Sarawat stared at him blankly, waiting for him to finish his statement. Tine looked down at the floor, too ashamed to meet the other’s lifeless eyes, “about the whole me leaving thing. I know it was wrong of me and-“
Sarawat abruptly stood up and that action alone stopped Tine from saying anything else. “No need to discuss it. We’re back together now, right?” Sarawat stood by the desk, gathering the notes he claimed to be reviewing and shoving them in his backpack before throwing it over his shoulder.
“Where are you going?” Tine asked as he got up from the bed where he had been sitting and walking over to Sarawat. He didn’t want the other to leave without them discussing everything. It was obvious that Sarawat was avoiding the conversation but Tine knew that if they didn’t talk, it would be detrimental to their already fragile relationship. “Wat… I’m sorry for what I did but I need you to talk to me. Tell me how you’re feeling.”
“I feel fine,” Sarawat answered with a fake smile on his face. He reached out and gave Tine’s head a small pat. It was the first time since they had gotten back together that Sarawat had touched him and Tine realized just how much he missed it. “I have to go study with Man and Boss. But don’t beat yourself up over this Tine, I forgave you a long time ago.” He said nothing else and walked down the stairs and out of their room.
Present Time
Tine recalled that conversation like it was yesterday. Sarawat had said that he forgave him, and maybe he had, but it was obvious that he hadn’t forgotten. Since that day, Tine made several attempts to bring up the topic again but his boyfriend just brushed him off, he didn’t want to talk about it, he refused to talk about it.
He didn’t know what to do at this point. Tine knew it was all his fault, that he had no right to demand that Sarawat address the issues with their relationship when he had been the one to break that trust in the first place. However, Tine also knew that neither of them would ever be happy if the relationship continued like this, they couldn’t be together with little to no communication. They couldn’t keep saying they were boyfriends if they wouldn’t even meet each other's eyes or see each other throughout the day. They couldn’t pretend they were happy together when these days they only saw each other at night because Sarawat would avoid their home like a plague.
As Tine sat there, in the room that felt lonely lately , he couldn’t stop the tears from escaping his eyes. He knew Sarawat wouldn’t be home anytime soon, he never came home early these days, so Tine allowed himself to cry and let out all the emotions he had been bottling up inside for over a month. He missed the old Sarawat, the one that would use cheesy pick up lines and hug him no matter how much Tine claimed to hate it. He missed the Sarawat that reserved his shy, half-smile for his eyes only. He missed the Sarawat that would kiss him and hold him and made him feel loved. Tine missed the happy moments and he realized that at this moment, he was miserable. Maybe their relationship was done for, maybe there was no fixing his mistake, no matter how badly he wished he could.
Tine gasped as he felt a pair of strong arms wrap around him from behind. He looked up and cried even harder upon seeing Sarawat’s concerned eyes staring back at him, “What’s wrong, little buffalo?”
And Tine was hit with another wave of overwhelming emotions. “You haven’t called me that since we got back together,” he managed to say in between sobs. He stood up from the bed and threw his arms around Sarawat to give him a proper hug, like he’s been dying to do for weeks now. His heart started beating faster when he felt his boyfriend pulling him impossibly close and returning the hug, “I missed you Wat.”
Sarawat tightened his hold around Tine and let out a small chuckle, “What do you mean?” he asked while running his hand up and down the other’s back in a comforting manner, “I’m right here, aren’t I?”
“Wat… you’ve been cold these past few weeks.”
Maybe now wasn’t the right time to have the conversation but Tine didn’t know when he would get another chance and the situation had to be addressed for them to move forward. He stayed in Sarawat’s arms and kept his own arms wrapped around Sarawat’s neck but he pulled just far enough away to be able to look into his boyfriend’s eyes. He saw the same hurt, anger and sadness that had been there for a while now, but now he also saw eyes looking back at him with concern and still a whole lot of love.
“You still love me,” Tine whispered as he let out a sigh of relief. Through it all, his biggest concern was that Sarawat had stopped caring for him, had stopped loving him, but he hadn’t. The eyes looking back at him were filled with many emotions, but the clearest one of all was love. Tine could see it, “Wat you still love me.”
“Of course I love you,” Sarawat replied as if that were the most obvious thing in the world, “I wouldn’t be with you if I didn’t.” He momentarily unwrapped his arms from around Tine to wipe away the new tears falling down the other’s cheeks. Tine’s cheeks were soft and Tine looked pretty, even with a tear-stained face. Sarawat smiled, one of those genuine smiles that were always reserved for his boyfriend only. He leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss on Tine’s forehead, “You wanted to talk right? I’m ready now.”
“Why had you been avoiding the topic before Wat?” Tine asked, he was happy they were finally going to address things but he also wanted to know why the wait had been so long. Had they fixed things earlier, maybe they’d be happier at this moment.
“I wasn’t ready Tine,” Sarawat stated with a shrug, “You’re the only person I’ve ever been with, I don’t know how to act in relationships.” He let out a soft sigh and gave his boyfriend an apologetic look before continuing, “All I know is that, as much as I wanted things to go back to how they were before…. I just wasn’t prepared to address the fact that you left.”
“I’m sorry I left Wat… it kills me inside to know that I hurt you,” Tine pressed his forehead against the other boy’s and for a moment, admired how handsome his boyfriend looked. “I’ll never do it again, okay?”
“You better not, little buffalo.”
“I won’t, I promise you.” Tine ran his fingers through Sarawat’s soft hair like he knew his boyfriend secretly liked but would never admit to. He saw as Sarawat’s eyes slowly closed and how he visibly relaxed in his hold, Tine was happy that for the first time in a while they weren’t tense around each other. Goodness he had missed this. “And I’m ready to listen now Wat. Tell me how you’ve really been feeling these past few weeks.”
Sarawat’s opened his eyes up again and he gave a slight pout, “ But we already talked,” he mumbled, “Can’t we just forget about it now and make out? I kinda miss it, been craving it.”
Tine was tempted, really freaking tempted, to take his boyfriend up on that offer. That much was evident from the way his cheeks turned into a dark shade of red as he playfully hit Sarawat’s chest. “I’m being serious Wat! We barely talked at all.”
Sarawat let go of Tine and dramatically fell back on the bed before patting the spot next to him. His boyfriend joined him and Sarawat wasted no time wrapping his arms around him again, “I guess I was just hurt, Tine. We’d just talked about our relationship on that trip before Pam showed up and everything seemed great after that, we were in a good place. I thought we trusted each other.”
“I do trust you Wat,” Tine stated firmly as he rose his head from where it had previously laid comfortably on Sarawat’s chest.
“But not enough to stay and let me explain myself.” Sarawat replied and Tine didn’t really have a response to that. It was true. He said he trusted Sarawat but he had walked out on them, had given up on them because he was so sure that Pam was more perfect for Sarawat then he was. Tine had been so sure that Sarawat would be happier and would love Pam more than he could ever love him. “I’m not trying to make you feel bad, little buffalo. I’ve been distant because it bothers me that you had so little faith in my feelings for you. I thought I made my feelings for you clear.”
Tine laid his head back down on Sarawat’s chest and stared straight ahead. There was a silence surrounding them but this time it wasn’t awkward or uncomfortable. They were both giving each other time to process their thoughts before continuing the conversation. Tine didn’t know what his boyfriend was thinking about but his head was filled with questions about why he actually had doubted Sarawat. The boy had never given him a reason to, he told Tine he loved him every day and he showed it with his actions too. Sarawat was really the perfect boyfriend, despite the fact that Tine was the first person he’d ever been with, he didn’t lack anything.
Tine looked up at the same moment that Sarawat looked down at him. “You did everything right Wat, I let my insecurities get the best of me.”
“No I didn’t,” Sarawat shook his head in disagreement, “Pam is my friend and I’m not stupid, I know the signals she was giving me. I just thought that if I pretended like I didn’t know what was going on, she’d get the hint and we could stay friends.” He gave Tine a squeeze and let out a bitter chuckle as he thought back to the moment Pam had confessed her feelings for him and all he saw was the figure of his boyfriend walking away with tears in his eyes. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell her about us Tine, but I only have a few friends I really trust. Pam was one of them, and I thought that by outwardly rejecting her, I’d lose her friendship. I was trying to protect her feelings but I just ended up hurting you instead.”
“But I should’ve trusted you,” Tine replied. He took hold of Sarawat’s hand and intertwined their fingers, their hands fit perfectly together. “My past relationships have always ended badly and I brought all that baggage into our relationship. I shouldn’t have let what happened in my past ruin what we have now. I’m sorry too Wat, but I really do love you.”
“Wait, what?” Sarawat sat up on the bed and pulled the other up with him. Tine smiled as he saw that Sarawat’s eyes were finally looking back at him without any sadness or anger left in them at all. This time, Sarawat’s eyes were filled with only love, admiration, and excitement, “Tine, say it again, please?”
“Say what?” Tine asked with a smile on his face. He was happy because they were finally okay again. They had talked things through and Tine could see it in his boyfriend’s eyes that there was a shift. The eyes staring back into his were the eyes Tine remembered, he could see the other loved him. And Sarawat was finally holding him again and they were finally talking.
“That you love me…” Sarawat pulled Tine onto his lap and wrapped his arms around his waist, “You’ve never said it before.”
“Never?” Tine asked, eyes wide. He thought for sure he had said it before, he had sure felt it for a long time. But as he started thinking back on all the times he had shared with Sarawat, he couldn’t remember actually saying the words out loud. Tine got comfortable on his boyfriend’s lap and wrapped his own arms around Sarawat’s neck, “I really love you Wat.”
“I love you too, little buffalo.”
Tine flashed the brightest smile ever and pressed his forehead against Sarawat’s, “Wanna make out now?”
“Yes please.”
Tine playfully rolled his eyes before pressing his lips against Sarawat’s and giving him a slow kiss. He wanted to savor the moment, it was their first kiss in a long time and it was obvious from the way they held each other close and the way their lips eagerly moved together that they had both missed it. Sarawat ran his hands up and down his thigh and Tine had one of his hands in the other’s hair.
As if time had stopped, the couple stayed in the same position, Tine on Sarawat’s lap, their lips glued to each other. They pulled away occasionally to come up for air but then they’d go right back to it. It’s like they were making up for all those weeks they had gone without kissing each other, without touching each other, and without being together.
Tine pulled away momentarily, his lips still ghosting over Sarawat’s, “I’m never letting you go again. You’re stuck with me.”
“That’s all I ever wanted,” Sarawat replied with a small smile and a peck to Tine’s swollen lips, “I just want to be with you, forever.”
They were finally okay again, in fact, they were better than okay. They were happy.