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Shadows and shape mixed together at dawn
But by time you catch them simplicity's gone
And so we sort through the pieces
My friends and I
Searching through the darkness to find
The breaks in the sky
(Hero - Phil Collins)
Belle's life was a mess, but it was a good mess.
When she made a deal with the Dark One, she thought her life would nevermore be described as good, but now she discovered herself liking being Rumplestiltskin's maid even more than being a noblewoman living in her father's castle.
She had to work hard, of course, but she never cared about the idleness and always liked to learn doing new things, even the simplest ones, so the work didn't bother her.
Besides, she truly liked Rumplestiltskin. He was rough and tough, but Belle found great the fact that he treated her as a person, not a porcelain doll that could break at any careless touch. She also appreciated the fact that he valued her smartness and talked to her as an equal despite being her master. And, at last but not least, he also had given her a whole library full of books for her to read when she was not working, which was the most generous gesture someone had ever done for her.
So, she was happy about her life, even though it was kind of a mess as she didn't know why it became so hard to not touch Rumplestiltskin lately. He was kind and valued her by who she truly was. Belle could never ask for more.
Despite that, however, she was having a very difficult time at mid-spring as her mother's birthday was approaching.
She never really met her mother, she died when Belle was just a little girl and she had no memories of her. However, always when her life as a noblewoman became too hard for her, she went to her mother's grave to talk to her, and that always gave her some kind of comfort.
In exchange, Belle went to see her at every single birthday of hers, giving her some of her favorite flowers, that Belle's father still cultivated at the palace's garden.
But on this birthday, she couldn't go, because she was attached to Rumplestiltskin's castle by her deal to save her people. Belle knew, by what she always heard of her mother, that she would be very proud of her for saving her people, but she could feel her decisions weight every time she thought about not going to visit her mother this year — and at the next ones, for all she knew.
~~//~~
Rumplestiltskin didn't know what was happening with the little maid of his. She always was happy and full of life, but lately was becoming more closed and full of sadness.
He wondered what he had done to her to make her sad. He was certain that it was something that he had done, because he was the only one with who she had contact on the last months.
It could be about a book she read too, he already saw her sad about sad stories. However, it was taking too long for her to come back to her normal happy and talkative mood. So, it had to be something that he did to her. It was the only available option.
As the days passed, Rumplestiltskin started to watch her from far, afraid that she was sick. She didn't show any signs of sickness, however; she didn't cough or sneeze, she wasn't feverish — as he noted when he touched her neck someday with the false pretense of scaring her —, she wasn't even sleeping or eating less than before. She seemed perfectly fine in every single way except from her mood.
What was happening with his Belle's mood? He had to discover it and solve it.
Rumplestiltskin never thought he would miss her laughs so much.
~~//~~
Belle was determined about not telling Rumplestiltskin about her mother's birthday tradition. She knew he was wondering around trying to discover what was wrong with her and she appreciated the fact that he worried about her well being, but she was afraid that, if he discovered, he would not understand that it had nothing to do with her happiness inside the castle and at his company.
After all, despite being the most powerful sorcerer of all lands, Rumplestiltskin had a lack of self-stem about every single aspect of himself that had nothing to do with his power. Belle knew he considered himself as an ugly and unbearable imp, and all her efforts to show him he wasn't such a thing were in vain.
Furthermore, he knowing wouldn't change anything. Because they had made a deal and he hold his end of the bargain, so she had the duty to do the same. It was fair and she had agreed with it.
She couldn't stop herself from crying on the morning of her mother's birthday, however. She liked the life Rumplestiltskin had given to her, but the fact that she would never see anyone again was disturbing her, and her failure to go see her mother's grave on her birthday was just something that remarked that fact.
Suddenly, she felt two warm hands on her shoulders, pulling her to stand sit. His hands, she knew, because he was the only one at the castle beside her — and even when he had visitors, they were not allowed at this part of the castle. She threw herself against his chest and slowly felt his warmth comforting her as a lullaby comforts a baby. It was good and warm and comfortable and she liked it — being inside his arms.
Her tears started drying as she started feeling his body against hers, and her heart started racing and jumping against her chest. But, when Belle finally felt her crying stopping, her eyes became heavy and her heart started moving on his usual rhythm, as it was just natural for her to stay there, in his arms.
He, however, didn't let her sleep in his arms and pulled her away, looking to her face with concern inside his eyes.
"Please, dearie, tell me what is causing your pain and I will make it stop," he said, touching her cheek softly.
Belle sighed, feeling her tiredness filling her and making it hard to think as she hugged him again. She shook her head twice before feeling waked up enough to give a thought about what he said. She looked into his dark strange eyes and saw sadness and concern inside them. He's scared that I'm hurt, and this is not fair. He shouldn't be scarred about nothing when he had so much to worry about.
She decided he was a good friend, despite being her master. He was the only true friend she ever had, the only person — except from her father — that was concern about her as a person, not a noblewoman who would inherit some land at the future.
"Okay," she said, sighing again. "But, please, don't be mad at me, okay?"
~~//~~
And then, she told him about how her mother had died before she had gotten the chance to truly know her, how her father told her during her whole childhood about her mother's strength and warm-heart, and how she had looked for her mother's help every single time she needed someone to talk after the responsibilities as her father's heir had began to weigh on her shoulders.
She told him about her old tradition to go see her mother's grave at her birthdays, leaving her favorite flowers, which Rumplestiltskin thought was the sweetest gesture of hers. Belle was a dedicated woman: whatever she had to do, she did with her heart.
"Today is my mother's birthday, and I can't go see her anymore," she said and sighed, trying to hold her tears.
Rumplestiltskin caressed softly her hair, looking into her eyes with sadness and understanding. He knew what it was losing a mother, and he knew what was like to have no way to show his grief. Rumplestiltskin didn't remember his mother too as she had died giving birth to him, which was the reason he would always respect and love her, even not knowing her name or the name of the place she was buried — as his father never told him.
"Why didn't you tell me, Belle?" He asked, knowing that he wouldn't like the answered. After all, he was a monster, and why would her open her heart to a monster.
"I was afraid that you would think I don't like being here with you," she said slowly, as she was still afraid of that. "I mean, a like living with you, Rumplestiltskin. It's just— don't having freedom is an awful weight sometimes."
Rumplestiltskin swallowed hard. As always with Belle, her answer wasn't what she would expecting.
He shouldn't let her go see her mother. Despite of what she said, he knew she would run away on her first opportunity and he didn't think he would be strong enough to force her back — she was his only true friend. However, she was his only true friend, and he couldn't let her suffering knowing that his words were enough to free her from her pain.
"You've been working hard lately, little one, you deserve a day off." he said, affectionately. "My only requirement is that I go with you."
Before he knew what had happened, her arms were holding him tighter as she almost yelled her thankful words. She's willingly hugging me!! He had to shake his head some times before snapped his fingers, changing their clothes to something for the journey.
"Where, my lady?" He asked, standing up from her bed and reach out for holding her hand, helping her to stand up too.
"Montgomery's graveyard*," she said, accepting his help and standing up next to him.
"Very well," he said, and transported them to the graveyard.
~~//~~
When Belle opened her eyes, they were stand at the front door of the graveyard.
They looked to each other for a while. He took her face in his hands and dried her tears and, for a reason she refused to understand at time, she had to refrain an urge to kiss him. Then, he pulled his hands from her face and snapped his fingers, conjuring some beautiful white flowers.
"They're not her favorites, but they are from a land faraway from here." he said, with a smile at his face. "The land's called Arendelle, and has the purest and most beautiful white flowers I ever saw."
Belle took them carefully, and looked at him with her teary eyes. Then, with the hand she wasn't using to hold the flowers, she took his hands and pulled him in a walk through the graveyard.
They stopped just in front of her mother's grave. Lady Anne of Avonlea*, it read.
Rumplestiltskin tried to release her hand, but she was holding it firmly. No, she wanted him there with her, she wanted her mother to meet her only friend.
"Hi, mom," she said, putting the flowers in front of the stone grave. "I'm sorry those ones aren't your favorites, but so much has changed and I couldn't get yours for you. But I know you don't mind as these flowers are a present of my only true friend, Rumplestiltskin."
She stopped for a while and looked at him curious to see his reaction. She found he looking at her too, and he was blushing hard at her words, which made her giggle and hold his hand tighter.
"They know him as the Dark One," she said, turning to the grave again and putting her hand on the grave stone in a softly caress. "But that's not true, he's the most understanding man I ever met in my entire life, and he never did anything to hurt me. He was kind and generous, he saved our people, he even gave me a library, which means that my reading habits don't bother him! Do you know any man who wouldn't think you're crazy because you like to read?"
I think I'm smitten by him, is it possible? She thought, but didn't told out loud, because she was not so sure and because he was right beside her. She sighed strongly, trying to keep her mind from those unwanted thoughts.
"Please, look for him as you look for me," she said, finally, managing to not cry. Then, she looked at her master and friend, "do you like to say something?"
Rumplestiltskin looked at her for a moment, not knowing what to answer. Then, he smiled sadly and stepped forward.
"Thank you for bringing Belle to me," he said, putting his hand at the stone grave, just beside hers. "Be proud of your daughter, because she's a hero that gained the friendship of a monster. She's the only one brave enough to make the Dark One calls her a friend. Be in peace too, because she will always be protected."
They stayed in silence for a while, looking to the grave. She didn't know what to think about Rumplestiltskin's confession. she already knew he thought about her as a friend — it was quite obvious —, but he had never said it out loud. Belle wondered what had been in his mind to make him confess it.
Well, never mind.
"Let's go home, okay?" She said.
Belle hugged him tight by his waist. She felt the effects of his magic mixed with the sensation of his arms around her. It was an amazing feeling of closeness that she would miss when they departed from the hug.
~~//~~
Rumplestiltskin watched Belle depart from him with a sadness inside him he didn't know from where it came. They shared a moment in front of Belle's mother's grave, and the sorcerer was yet to know how it would change they relationship — he wasn't innocent to think that it wouldn't change anything.
"Belle," he called her before she left the castle's entrance hall, and she stopped, although didn't turn to look at him. "I— I was thinking, maybe I could read a book to you for a change."
He had no idea of why he was doing this, but he knew his Belle wasn't yet quite alright and felt the need of helping her to feel better. He approached her and took her hand, and when he turned to see her face, he saw her tears on her cheeks.
Rumplestiltskin sighed and wiped her tears with his thumb. Then, he guided her to her library by foot, talking a lot, listening little response, but he didn't quite expected her to be talkative soon after visiting her mother's grave.
When they arrived, she looked at him waiting to see him walking to the many bookshelves to chose a book, suddenly curious about what he was thinking in reading to her. She often read to him — although it was just she reading out loud while he was spinning, and he wasn't really certain if she knew he listened, though he thought she wouldn't read out loud if it wasn't for him to listen —, but he never read anything to her before.
Contrary her expectations, he summoned a book he knew very well from far beyond time, a book that was one of the most treasured possessions of his most treasured person. He sat beside her on the bed he arranged on the library to her, his back against the wall behind them and his body lightly inclined, and coughed two times before opening the book and starting reading it.
It was about a princess who took her brother's place when he died and her father fell sick for to her kingdom remains peaceful, as there were many lords there who would take advantage of the king's lack of an heir to take the power. Some day, she felt in love with a merchant who was passing by and it was then that the story began to get really interesting as she had to hide the fact that she was a woman from her beloved while was guiding her kingdom through a war.
Rumplestiltskin almost didn't realize when Belle hugged him, resting her head on his shoulder, and it was almost by accident that he hugged her waist to, leaning her closer. It was comfortable being there with Belle, although it made things with his body that he didn't know it was still possible. He focused on the history, and he almost forgot that his friend — as she gently put their relationship, he thought — was leaning on him.
He only noted her there when he was almost in the middle of the book, when she made a small noise and he looked at her to see what had happened. And he saw her head must had slipped from his shoulder to his chest, where she was sleeping soundly.
Rumplestiltskin slowly disentangled from her, trying not waking her up. He looked for a while at the book and, then, he left it beside her on the bed. She needed this good story more than him right now.
And, then, he left her friend to her dreams.