Chapter Text
One thing I would never understand- even more so than his asshole-ish ones- were his idiotic tendencies.
Okay, well more like his tendencies to not think about others.
But I guess that traced back to asshole-ish, meaning he was an even bigger asshole than originally thought conceivable. Wow Jean, congrats ya fucking douche!
He had just gotten a job at some new laser tag place in town and wanted go on a double date; him and Armin with me and Levi.
Jean didn’t take into account that it would mean I’d have to ask Levi out on a date! I mean yeah, we were technically together? Like we’d been on things LIKE dates and acted like a couple but never quite called it a ‘date’ or a ‘relationship’ or even ‘boyfriends’.
Mikasa and Armin told me to just talk about it with Levi (well they would have if I had told them about it), but how does one bring that up with him?
That’s right- you don’t. You just accept what you get.
Eveeeeeeeeeeentually I would have asked him about it, but since Jean had already paid for us using his fancy schmancy employee discount, I had no choice but to build up my courage and face Levi.
He would probably say yes. To the date part. I was more worried about the laser tag part.
You see, talking about our ‘’relationship’ would only be one step- laser tag would be the other 99 steps. It was just something he would really rather not do. No doubt he would be excellent at it…he just wouldn’t want to.
I was going to have to bring out the big guns.
I stripped down to my bare bottom and hopped into the shower really quick; not for long, just long enough to get soaked.
I dashed into my room, almost slipping on the bathroom tile, with only a towel sitting on my head and began the search for my laptop. It wasn’t on my bed. Not under my pillow. Not on my desk. It wasn’t in the shower. Godammit.
I pushed the towel down to my shoulders since I didn’t want my hair dry quite yet, and walked into the living room. I had probably left it on the couch or something.
Mikasa was in front of the couch doing yoga. She glanced up at me and raised an eyebrow, “What are you doing?”
I spotted the prize on the kitchen table and crossed the room to retrieve it, “Gonna ask Levi out on a date.”
“You don’t need to seduce him for that. He’ll say yes.” Oh right I was naked. Neither of us honestly cared though. We’d been siblings since we were eight- we were close as fuck. Some may argue that just because we were siblings it didn’t mean we had to be close or that she wasn’t even my sibling for my/her whole life so what was the difference, but her being adopted was exactly what made us closer.
Even though in the movies the adopted child never gets along with the other child…point is we were close- close enough for her to throw condoms at me and not get punched for it- and naked bodies couldn’t change that.
“To go play laser tag,” I finished.
“Oh.” Yeah ‘oh’.
I left her to her intense yoga session and headed back to my room.
I sat down at my desk and opened up skype. There was one sure-fire way for me to get what I wanted. And no, it wasn’t dirty. I was just naked and wet for added special effects.
When it finished loading I clicked on Levi’s profile and called him. His skype username was ‘Raviolli’. Why would Levi ever have such a username? Because Hanji hacked his account once and he never changed it; we all knew he secretly loved the nickname.
After a minute or so of ringing he finally answered. He was sitting at his own desk with a cup of tea in his hand and a curious look on his face. I noticed his lounging styled clothing and the papers around him which meant he had been working previously. I was special enough to stop homework for heheh.
“What is it brat?” Hello to you too, Mr. Grinch.
Despite his grumpy demeanor and grumpy voice and grumpy everything, I could tell he was happy to see me. He was either relieved to have a distraction from work or he was genuinely happy to see me. I imagined it was probably both, but hopefully more of wanting to see me.
I grinned and tugged the towel off my shoulders to toss it away somewhere, trying to bring attention to the fact I was indeed naked, “I’ve got a question for you.”
“Then why don’t you ask instead of announcing it?” he quipped. Man if I wasn’t so dopey about him he so would have been killed long ago. He was just to sassy for his own good. His eyes flickered downwards, “And put some clothes on- don’t tell me you’re naked.”
“Don’t tell me you’re complaining,” I winked.
He rolled his eyes, “You don’t even have the decency to dress yourself after showering when you see me. I guess that shows how much I matter to you?” There were little amused twinkles that danced around in his eyes that I could see, even through crappy camera quality. He seemed to live for teasing and insulting me. It was like he didn’t even need food, or photosynthesis or any of that energy shit, he just needed entertainment from messing with me and he was good to go. A sadistic man, that Raviolli…
He laughed at my silence (which didn’t qualify as silence in my opinion, I was angrily trying to think of a comeback) and continued, “Alright, what’s your question?”
“Will you go on a date with me?” He blinked blankly as I plowed on, “I’ll cover costs and planning and everything, you just have to be your usual charming self!”
He seemed a little surprised at how straightforward the question was, which yeah I understood because I seemed to be beating around the bush (I so wasn’t ok, I just needed time to think of comebacks worthy of his royal sass ass), but still managed to reply without missing a beat, “Yes…uh, what will we be doing?”
I bit my lip and looked away sheepishly then mumbled ‘laser tag’; very quietly.
“If you already know it’s a bad idea, then why are you even going to suggest it?” he mused. He had no way of hearing what I had said, but he could tell by my expression, which was purposeful on my part. I was preparing for my winning move.
I shrugged glumly and turned my gaze up to the camera. I pouted my lip and furrowed my eyebrows just a little bit. Just enough to look pleading. I would make my strike when the time was right. “Please Levi?”
He sighed and put his cup down on his desk, “Fine. What is it?”
“Laser tag,” I audibly admitted.
His eyebrows flew up and I could tell he was heavily reconsidering. His thoughts were obvious; ‘the germs! The people! The unnecessary effort! The noise! The totally not fun experience! Oh me-my, however could my dear Eren have ever even considered such a thing?’
But it was time for my homerun.
I did the puppy dog eyes.
I pouted my lip like I was a little kid that had been denied candy. I made my eyes wide like I was a female shoujou anime protagonist. I tucked my chin a little and looked up at him like he was the senpai I looked up to. And I teared up like said senpai had rejected a laser tag date with me.
“Pleeeeeease? I’ve got it all covered and it’ll be a lot of fun!” All true…sort of! Jean had it covered cost wise and it would be a lot of fun if Levi would just accept the idea!
His gaze softened and he immediately gave in.
He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, “Ugh. Fucking fine. Just stop it with the face.”
I perked up and cheered, “Woo!” Yes. Hell yes. Mission successful. Man I should’ve taken a picture of his face when I pulled the puppy dog eyes- he looked so cute.
“Godammit Jaeger, wipe that grin off your face,” he ordered.
I smirked and rested my chin on my palm, “Or what?”
“Or I’ll wipe it off for you,” he growled.
I wiggled my eyebrows, “With what?”
“His cock!!”
…
Who the fuck was that.
Realizing the outburst came from his room, I glared at him as he turned towards his door to look at the guilty party. “What the hell are you doing shitty-glasses?” he bellowed.
Ah Hanji. Hanji Hanji Hanji.
Hanji’s face suddenly popped onto the screen and they flashed a dazzling smile at me (Hanji and Erwin by far had the best smiles), “‘Sup angry gay boy! I hear you’re taking Levi to play laser tag! How is that even a date though?”
Levi frowned and his anger was instantly replaced with confusion, “That’s a good question. Why laser tag Eren?”
I froze. Oh shit I had completely forgotten to mention the fact it was a double date. Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit.
“Oh don’t tell me it’s a double date with horse-shit and Aryan coconut,” Hanji (correctly) predicted.
My eyes widened and Levi buried his face in his hands, “Ereeeeeeen! I don’t want to go on a double date, what were you thinking??”
Hanji and I simultaneously put on our puppy eyes and waited for him to look up again. After a while with not getting a reply he took a peek at us then promptly groaned and covered his face again. “Fuck both of you.”
“Oh a threesome? I’d definitely be interested.” Hanji- oh my God.
My face flushed red against my will and I dumbly stared at Levi who was shoving Hanji out of my view. I could hear them laughing just out of the camera’s shot as Levi turned and accusingly pointed a finger at me, “And you! Stop thinking about it!”
See, normally I’d have gotten flustered and upset, but I noticed a blush on his cheeks- he was involuntarily thinking about it too. Hah that pervert.
Hanji sat up and their head came into view again. They looked back and forth between us in shock, “You two are nasty!”
Levi shoved them again, but not particularly hard, “Shut up four eyes! It’s not our fault you planted some disgusting idea into our heads!”
Hanji snorted and moved to sit on Levi’s lap. I felt a teensy bit of jealousy but I knew Hanji’s actions were innocent and that they were just naturally a clingy person. There were several occasions in which Hanji would sit on me (or do something else clingy) only to have Levi pull them away and take their spot.
“Back on topic,” Levi began, “…wait, Hanji, why do you care if we go on a laser tag date?”
“Because I wanna go too! Oh! And if you don’t go then I can take Eren instead!” they beamed.
Levi glared at them, “Don’t worry, I’ll be taking him. If you want to go, you’ve got to get your own date.”
Hanji discreetly gave me a wink, as I made a mental note to thank them and always keep them on my side, then turned back to Levi, “So if I get a date I get to come, too?”
Levi’s eyes widened and he looked to me for support but, honestly, I wasn’t on his side. However dangerously eccentric Hanji was, they made anything and everything more interesting. Plus, I owed them a favor so.
After getting no help from me, he turned to Hanji and opened his mouth to protest but was interrupted with a squeal and a hug. “Woohoo! Just let me know the details soon and I’ll get a date!” Then they scurried out of the room before Levi could stop them.
He let out an exasperated sigh and tilted his head back to stare at the ceiling, “Ugh. BOTH of you using the puppy eyes on me? What the fuck Eren?? I thought you understood how I hated that?”
I giggled and watched him be incredibly annoyed with me. I guess the best part about messing with him was that he would never really get mad at me unless I did something seriously bad- which had yet to happen. He brought his head down to face me again and tilted his head to the side. His lips curled up into a small smile and his gaze became as soft as a cloud.
It was super sappy looking and super adorable.
I narrowed my eyes and sat up straight, “What?”
His smile turned into a smirk and he chuckled, “You’re making googoo eyes.”
I scoffed and crossed my arms, “You were too!!” I don’t care how I may have looked, Levi looked like he came right out of Twilight or some shit.
He shrugged and rolled his eyes but didn’t reply.
We stared at each other in silence for a moment. I liked watching him, as creepy as it sounded, he was intriguing and attractive; why wouldn’t I stare?
“Levi, are you my boyfriend?” I blurted out. I don’t even know where that came from, like I wasn’t even thinking about it beforehand but I asked anyway. Maybe Hanji still had wires in my brain and made me say it.
“Only if you want me to be,” he replied evenly.
I frowned and played with my thumbs in my lap. Man I was suddenly regretting the decision to be naked for that conversation; I was trying to awkwardly play with my thumbs and I had to stare down at my dick to do so. “Why would you think I wouldn’t want to?” I glanced up at him hesitantly, “You know I’m nuts…about you and wow that sounded really dumb but you get my point.”
“…same goes to you,” He said slowly. He looked a bit surprised at his response- as if he was figuring out what he was saying as he went.
Well he had me there. He’d told me he loved me. He certainly acted as if he loved me. I knew he loved me.
Why was I so nervous about the whole ordeal?
“I guess…we were both uselessly worried about rejection,” I decided. Godamn Levi making me all self-conscious.
“Hey Eren?”
I snapped out of my thoughts and looked up at him again, “Hm?”
“Why don’t we talk about this another time? When we’re together in person,” he requested.
I nodded solemnly. He was a stickler about contact- which I fully understood- but it felt like rejection. I knew it wasn’t, but it just felt like it.
I just felt a little let down, y’know?
“But I would…like to call you my boyfriend, if you don’t mind.” Hm. It was very unusual for Levi to ask for something so timidly.
I gave him a small smile, “Only if I can do the same.”
He frowned, “What’s with the sad face, boyfriend?”
I don’t knoooow, okay? Don’t ask and just accept me being a stupid over thinking boooooooooooy gooooosh! “Well boyfriend-“
My screen dinged and Levi raised his eyebrows in response of the noise. It was a call from Armin. Hm. Do I talk to Levi about something that was bothering me or change the subject completely?
I clicked accept and a third window opened up, containing Jean’s and Armin’s faces.
“You naked Jaeger?” Godammit Jean could you not notice that immediately and focus on the topic at hand? Which you should probably explain to me because I didn’t know why you called. Well no- I didn’t want to hear it from him, I wanted to hear it from Armin. Someone who actually had intelligence. A douche, true, but a smart douche. My best friend smart douche.
“Shut up. What do you want?” I snapped. Luckily I kept my cheeks under control and didn’t blush when he pointed out my nakedness. Congrats me, you’re finally moving forward in life.
“Connie and Sasha want to join the double date,” Armin answered. “Do you mind if we make it a triple date?”
I stared at the coconut in confusion and Levi snorted, “Psh. It’d be a quadruple date; we already told Hanji they could come once they got a date.”
The horse-douche couple looked to Levi in shock, “What?”
Levi shrugged passively and drummed his fingers against his desk, “Well you didn’t exactly put any rules on this date so I saw no problem with it.” Liar. You totally wanted to tell Hanji no, they just ran away before you could stop them.
The blondie frowned as the muffin top glanced at his phone then matched Armin’s frown after seeing whatever he saw. I secretly hoped it was Hanji asking him about the details.
“Ah…hm…” Jean hummed. Armin peeked at his horse’s phone and his frown deepened in result.
Levi leaned forward and furrowed his eyebrows to complete his usual hermit impression, “What is it?”
“Ymir and Christa want to join us now.” Dammit Armin how did they even know? “Connie and Sasha must have told them”. Oh. Well then. I was actually okay with that. Ymir was a fellow Jean-hater so I’d definitely want her on my team. Actually…thinking team wise, it’d be better to have a big group! It wasn’t really a ‘datey’ kind of thing to begin with, so why not?
“That’s not a bad idea.” We should invite more couples to enhance the intense battling experience,” Hanji suggested. Wait what.
Apparently Hanji had reentered while I was thinking and I didn’t notice. My mom used to complain about me being unobservant of my surroundings and I never listened to her, but I was beginning to wonder.
I cleared my throat and decided to pitch in, “I agree with Hanji. It’d be funner to get more people involved.”
Levi looked a little let down for a moment but he quickly returned to his stoic stare.
“Funner isn’t a word Eren.”
“Shut up blondie.”
“It’d be cheaper, too.”
“Shut up Jean- oh wait you were agreeing with me?”
“Ugh, just be quiet Jaeger.”
“Hey horse-face, why did you make this a date thing at first? It’s not exactly a date-like occasion.” See you could tell it was Levi speaking because he always referred to Jean as ‘horse-face’, Hanji said ‘horse-shit’ and I used a variety of similarly endearing terms.
Jean groaned and rubbed his temples, “I don’t know. I thought it’d be a fun thing since Eren is Armin’s best friend and it’s laser tag, which is generally regarded to as a fun thing, so I thought ‘why not?’. But I’m quickly learning it’s too complex for this group.”
“So let’s just make this a group date thing,” Hanji concluded proudly, “One great big gang bang.”
Jean coughed violently and covered his red face as Armin sat frozen with wide eyes. Levi and I simply smirked- it would seem we had become accustomed to Hanji’s inappropriate interjections.
“Regardless,” Levi brought the embarrassing moment to an end, “Hanji is right. We’ll just have a big group date.”
Jean grunted, “Fine. I’ll see if I can just rent the whole place out for the night in that case.”
Hanji perked and sat up, “Oh! When is this happening by the way?”
We all looked to Jean, as he would be the deciding hand. He shrugged, “Doesn’t really matter. I was thinking tomorrow evening maybe?”
“How long will it be?” Hanji pressed.
Jean furrowed his eyebrows and moved his gaze to the ceiling as he thought, “Weeeeell…hm. I guess it doesn’t matter either. Since I work there, we can stay as late as we want if we rent it. As long as we don’t go into the working hours of the next day.”
Hanji grinned and nodded, “Oh, so this can go on forever, huh?”
Levi quirked an eyebrow and turned to them, “You think you’re going to win or something? Cause you won’t.”
I watched them with great conflict. On one hand you don’t want to test Levi and on the other hand you don’t want to test Hanji either.
Levi was brutal and murderous. He was relentless in a physical fight.
Hanji was quick. They were a genius and fast on their feet. What they lacked in strength, they made up for with by thinking creatively.
Not quite the same as Armin though. Armin had no chance at winning a strict fist fight against Levi, whereas Hanji did.
It wasn’t to say that Levi wasn’t quick though. They were both extremely skilled and both thought outside of the box.
“Eren!”
My eyes flickered back up to the screen where I found four faces watching me expectantly.
“Wh-what?” I stuttered. Dammit. My Mom was totally right about me being unobservant I needed to look into that.
“What do you think about the teams?” Levi, I assumed, repeated.
I tried to pretend I knew what they were talking about, “Uhm…I think they’re fine?”
The boyfriend rolled his eyes and looked to the others, “We’ll just discuss teams tomorrow then.”
Armin laughed at me (douche wad) and Jean said ‘bye’ briefly before ending their side of the call.
The screen readjusted to make Levi and Hanji center screen. Hanji looked back and forth between us expectantly as we both looked at them equally expectantly.
They narrowed their eyes, “You two want me to leave, don’tcha?
We both nodded in response only to have Hanji grin, “Eheh, too bad- we gotta practice for our gang bang.”
Levi was not having any of their shit anymore. He grabbed their shirt’s collar and marched away with them. They left my view but judging by to door slam, the yelp and Levi’s returning alone- Hanji was forced out.
Levi sighed as he sat down again and took a sip of his tea. “It’s too early for this ruckus.”
I snorted, “Dude, it’s like 5pm.”
He closed his eyes and nodded, “Exactly.”
I shook my head and smiled as he put his cup down and opened his eyes to look at me.
“You’re still naked,” he observed.
I blinked and looked down, then after a moment looked up again. “Yes I am.”
He smirked and hummed while trailing his eyes across my body, without even trying to conceal it.
I laughed nervously and rubbed the back of my neck, “Haah…I guess I can get dressed now actually.”
As I began to stand he raised his hand while keeping his eyes on my abdomen, “No no- there’s no need.”
I blushed and looked away awkwardly. He was messing with me and I knew it but I still couldn’t handle it.
“Leeeviiiiii,” I whined. He needed to stop ok. He hadn’t even really started teasing me yet and I was already upset.
He made that sappy face again and smiled, “Alright, alright. It’s just fun getting you all worked up.” I pouted and he waved his finger in the air as he went on, “You make those wide doe-y eyes like you’re a deer caught in headlights. You’re face gets red and you always look so frustrated but can never make a substantial comeback. Kind of like how you look right now.”
Hearing him be dumb again made me wonder why I was ever worried he would turn me down. It seemed very silly and oh my God I had been such a sap with him lately and was just then realizing exactly how sappy we had been and that was VERY. It was almost embarrassing like Jesus Christ I was still doing it oh God somebody kick me before I end up stupid throughout my whole entire life.
He exhaled loudly and looked up at the ceiling once more as he leaned his head on the back of his chair, “So silly…What am I going to do with you Eren?”