Chapter Text
It smells like summer.
Dry air, chilly wind this early in the morning, Jeongguk loves everything about it.
Sunrays filter through the trees, illuminating the spot he is sitting on. His concentration shifts from the sketch he is working on to Dasom. His daughter is playing in the sand a few meters from the bench Jeongguk settled down on.
The trip to the playground at 7:30 in the morning wasn’t at all planned and if Jeongguk had his way they’d still lie in bed, but his little girl knows how to be convincing when she wants it to be.
Which also translates into her jumping up and down on Jeongguk:s mattress, hitting him in the stomach in the process and apologizing to him with a small “but I’m really bored, Daddy.”
And Jeongguk really isn’t strong enough to withstand the big pout and puppy eyes.
So he gathered his drawing utensils and packed some lunchboxes before heading out with a very excited Dasom.
It’s been half an hour since they arrived at the playground and after occupying the swings for a while, Dasom announced that she would make the “biggest and bestest sand castle ever”.
Since then she was immersed in her work and Jeongguk decided it was safe enough to concentrate on his own task at hand, which is finishing up one of his tattoo motives.
Completely focused on his work he flinches at the loud squeal of excitement that reaches his ears after it’s been peacefully quiet for some time.
„Daddy, look, look what I found!“
Jeongguk lifts his head, seeing his daughter run into his direction, a bright smile on her face, little teeth on full display. Her hair, which he put up in a messy ponytail before they left the house, bumps up and down, while she throws herself head on into her father’s arms.
At least she tries to do so but right before she reaches him, she stumbles over her own sandal-clad feet, letting out a surprised squeak.
In the blink of an eye, Jeongguk is up from the bench and catches the little girl, right before she hits the ground.
“Are you okay?” Jeongguk asks worried, situating her on the bench before kneeing down so he is at eye level with her.
Eyes going big, mouth pulled up into a pout, Dasom answers “’m fine.”
“Are you sure?”
She vehemently nods, so Jeongguk ruffles her hair, messing it up a bit more than it already was to begin with, before sitting down beside her.
“So why where you running like that, sweetheart, huh?”
That elicits a spark in Dasom's eyes.
Suddenly energized again, she scrambles onto her father’s lap, shoving something in his face.
“Look, look! I found your flower!”
Jeongguk takes her little hand in his to see a purple Cosmos flower in it. His smile gets soft.
“Beautiful, but it’s actually not my flower.”
“But you have it on your arm.”
Dasom points on Jeongguk's forearm and holds the flower in her hand beside the tattoo which is visible right now since Jeongguk is wearing a sleeveless shirt. Said tattoo shows the exact same flower as the one Dasom found.
“You’re right but I have it tattooed because it is your flower, darling.”
“Mine?”
“Mhm, your birth-flower. Every person has its own flower and yours is this one.”
“Woah!” Dasom's eyes are full of wonder while she looks at the two flowers in front of her.
She lets go of the flower in her hand in favor of retracing the lines of her dads tattoo.
„Does it have a name?“
„Yeah, it’s called Cosmos. But in the language of flowers it is used to show ones deepest feelings of love so it’s also named love flower.“
Dasom stays quiet, seems to think about that for a while.
“I have a really cool flower,” is what she whispers in the end.
Jeongguk tousles her hair affectionately. “Yes you do sweetie.”
“You know what?” It’s a rhetoric question, she doesn’t leave Jeongguk any time to actually answer.
“I’m gonna go make a love flower castle.” And with that she is off to the sandbox again.
Jeongguk squinches up his face. Getting rid of all the sand is going to be a pain in the ass.
But seeing the huge smile on his daughters face as she collects more flowers to decorate her “castle” with, he wouldn’t have it any other way.
8 months later finds Jeongguk and Dasom in a doctor’s room, listening to yet another therapist asking questions.
„How old is your daughter? “
“Five, her birthday was October the fifth last year.” Of course it was last year Jeongguk, what else could it be when it is April right now. He sighs, feeling exasperated. The constant ticking of the clock hanging above the door doesn’t help the situation.
He glances to Dasom, who sits on a high chair right beside him.
She doesn’t seem to be too pleased with being here either, but really, it is hard to tell even for Jeongguk.
The girl isn’t showing much of an emotion. The puzzle, which she got from the therapist so she could play a bit while the grown-ups talked, lies still untouched in front of her.
“And since when did she stop talking?”
Jeongguk's eyes wander back to the middle aged woman, sitting in her comfortable expensive looking office chair, whilst he is seated on a wooden one.
In any other given situation he wouldn’t even catch a minor detail like that. He also quite frankly wouldn’t care.
But Jeongguk went through these questions one too many times already to not be fed up with all of this and he knows that she got a medical report from Hoseok, Dasom's pediatrist and one of Jeongguk's best friends.
So he thought they could actually skip this part but apparently speech therapists do their own diagnosis so he has to go through all the questioning again.
And that even though he had told Hoseok that he has had enough of doctors and people who seem to think they know his daughter better than he himself does.
He already fought with Dasom's psychiatrist, after said one tried to tell him about Traumata in Dasom's past.
Traumata his ass.
That was also his answer back then and the last time they went to the consultation.
Hoseok wasn’t very amused with the outcome and just told Jeongguk to get his shit together.
“Your daughter has mutism and needs help Guk. Don’t be an ass just because you have an inferiority complex.”
He has no inferiority complex.
But it is true that the confidence in his capability to be a good father diminished drastically in the last few months, and it is showing in the way he behaves towards therapists.
He was really trying to keep his cool, but he couldn’t help the feeling that everyone was against him, thinking he was the reason his daughter doesn’t speak anymore.
And what could it be other than his fault? He is her dad after all. It is his job to make sure she grows up healthy and well.
His attitude is a defense mechanism and he knows about it. That doesn’t mean he is able to stop his behavior though.
In the end Hoseok tried to compromise in form of an appointment with a speech therapist instead of a psychologist and Jeongguk promised to cooperate, which is what he is doing right now.
Or not, if the slightly puzzled look the therapist regards him with is anything to go by.
„Sorry, what was the question?“
“When did she stop talking?”
“Ah yeah right. I actually don’t know for sure. I didn’t even realize in the beginning. I mean, she always talked when it was just the two of us at home, still does so. So I was shocked to say the least when I got a call from her kindergarten, asking me what was up with her because she wouldn’t talk with anyone.”
Remembering the past months leaves Jeongguk with a sour taste in his throat. He really should have noticed that something was off way sooner.
“I asked her about it of course, but she wouldn’t explain herself and just started crying. It kind of down spiraled from there and she stopped talking when we went to go to the playground or went grocery shopping. And the newest addition is her not showing much of an emotion overall.”
Jeongguk's voice cracks at the last word and he hates how discouraged he sounds.
Taking notes the therapist further asks “So where does she talk and where not?”
“She sometimes talks outside when it’s just the two of us, and there is one friend of mine she is more expressive towards, but there are never any words involved. Other than that she only talks and behaves freely when we are at home. She doesn’t like the topic of her not talking, so I kind of…stopped addressing it?”
He isn’t at all sure if he is doing the right thing by that and it shows. The way he turns his statement into a question earns him a sympathetic smile.
“Home seems to be her safe place. As long as she doesn’t open up herself it is a good thing to make her feel at ease there.”
Having said so much, the woman turns to Dasom. “Hey Dasom, do you have something like a favorite game?”
There is no reaction, which doesn’t seem to face the therapist at all. She just addresses Jeongguk again. “Is there something she likes to play?”
“She loves drawing,” is his immediate answer.
It elicits a wide smile from the therapist and she leans forward a bit, tilting her head before addressing Dasom again, since the little girls gaze is fixed on the floor.
“Drawing it is then. Dasom what do you say? Should your dad wait outside so the two of us can draw something nice for him?”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Jeongguk voices his concerns, sounding sterner than he intended to.
“I mean maybe it would be better for me to be here as well. I just don’t want to distress her more than necessary,” he backtracks, in hopes he didn’t offend the women in anyway.
She is the therapist after all. She should know what is was doing. Should.
Said therapist doesn’t immediately comment on Jeongguk's behavior, just eyes him, expression unreadable.
“I’d like to try staying alone in the room with her so I can gauge the situation and get to know her better.”
The explanation is reasonable, doesn’t help Jeongguk in feeling more at ease though.
Uncertain he turns to his daughter.“Is it okay if I wait outside honey?”
No answer, but Jeongguk figured there was no harm in trying.
“It’s going to be okay,” the therapist pushes and Jeongguk stands up with a sigh, only really leaving the room after he kneeled down on Dasoms eye level to assure her he’d be right outside.
Waiting for the therapy session to be over has Jeongguk feeling more and more on edge.
The minutes trickle by agitating slowly.
As soon as the door opens Jeongguk is up from his seat, eyes wide and wary. He is met with a smile and the words of the therapist to come in again.
Dasom is still seated on her chair but she does turn to look at her dad when he reenters the room.
“You good honey?”
Their eyes lock and Jeongguk feels more than sees his daughter needing a hug, so he scoops her up in his arms, placing her on his lap as he takes his seat.
“How did it go?” he asks, addressing the therapist now.
“She didn’t want to draw but that is totally okay, after all she doesn’t know me and being here is completely new for her. I tried to draw on her paper to see if it elicits some kind of reaction but she wasn’t all that interested so I just commented on what I was drawing. I’d like to use the next therapy session to establish a therapist/patient-relationship and then we’ll see were we go from there.”
Jeongguk nods his head at the therapists explanations and signs off the prescription she retrieves out of a green file that has Dasom's name on it.
“We’ll see each other next week, same day, same time.”
“Okay.” Jeongguk hoists Dasom up on his hip so he has a better grip on her. „See you next week then,“ he says in goodbye.
„Goodbye. Goodbye to you too Dasom.“
Silence.
Dasom is eerily quiet on their way to the car, even for her standards and Jeongguk doesn’t know what to make out of it.
She still has her face hidden in the crook of his neck, refusing to let go of him and walk for herself.
Jeongguk lets her get her way, until they arrive at the car and he opens the backdoor, so Dasom can take her seat.
When he tries to put her down, her grip on his shirt immediately tightens.
“Honey you need to let go of me, otherwise I can’t drive us home,” he tries to coax her into loosening the iron grip she has on him, voice a deliberate soft murmur.
A vehement shaking of the head is the answer he gets.
“Dasom." Voice firmer now, he forcibly removes her hands from his shirt.
He really just wants to go home so they can calm down and go on with their everyday life.
Maybe they could bake something together. Dasom loves baking.
He just wants to see his little girl smile.
Dasom gives in without further ado and Jeongguk, breathing a tad easier at that, goes to take his place in the driver’s seat.
What he didn't expect is Dasom having a sudden mental breakdown.
As he puts his car key into the ignition, the sound of a gut-wrenching sob pierces through his ear and he turns in his seat to see tears roll down Dasom's cheeks, her body shaking like a leaf.
For a short moment time seems to stop, freeze everything into place like a picture taken for memory.
Then the adrenaline kicks in.
“No, no, no, no, no.” That was definitely not what he wanted. He scrambles back out of the car, tearing open the backdoor and hitting his knee against it in his haste to get to Dasom.
He hisses at the pain. He hit his knee very hard and he can feel a trickle of blood run down his leg, but ignores it in favor of hugging his daughter close to him.
“Dasom stop crying, please. I am sorry. I am so sorry,” Jeongguk repeats over and over again like a broken record, rocking them back and forth.
Dasom just sobs louder, snuggling into her father’s side as Jeongguk nuzzles into the crown of her hair, stroking his hand up and down her back in a soothing motion.
But it doesn’t have the calming effect he’d like it to have.
Not surprising at all though since he himself isn’t what you’d call a picture of great serenity.
Looking at his daughter crying, he is nothing but terrified.
Calm down Jeongguk, you being an emotional mess as well doesn’t help the situation at all.
He tries to breathe, to think of a solution and retrieves his phone out of one of the side pockets of his cargo pants. His fingers tremble slightly as he dials the number of his best friend.
The call goes through immediately and Jeongguk huffs a sigh of relief at hearing Jimin's voice.
“Hey Guk, what’s up? How was the therapy thing?” Jimin quips up in his happy-go-lucky kinda tone but Jeongguk isn’t in the state of mind to actually take note of what the older says.
“Jimin, I’m sorry but can you come get us? Dasom’s crying and I don’t think I can drive like this.”
Another sob full of pain and distress pierces his ear. Yeah, he definitely can’t drive like this.
“Of course, give me 20 minutes and I’ll be there.”
Bless Jimin.
“And Jeongguk?”
“Yes?”
“Try to calm down a bit.”
As he waits for Jimin to arrive he attempts to follow his advice. He soon has to admit to himself though, that it’s a lost cause.
Dasom still cries-albeit silently-in his arms, little shivers running through her body from time to time and he is simply heartbroken.
How was he supposed to stay calm when his precious baby was suffering this much? Not possible.
It’s in that moment that he swears to not let such a thing happen again. Dasom was going to get better. He would just have to try harder and be there for her more.
It’ll get better.
It doesn’t get better.
Jeongguk soon comes to the realization that taking care of a little girl with mutism while working fulltime won’t give him the freedom of being around Dasom as much as he would like to.
Most of their mornings start with Dasom refusing to go to kindergarten and end in Jeongguk being late for work.
This morning isn’t any different to prior days.
Jeongguk enters the tattoo parlor he works at and is greeted with the familiar smell of disinfectant and a Jimin standing at the counter, looking up when the door chimes.
„You’re late. Your client is already waiting,“ is what Jeongguk gets as a greeting.
He walks over to Jimin and let’s his bag slip down his shoulder so he can take off his black bomber jacket before throwing it over the hat rack standing near Jimin.
„I know,“ is all he says back, choosing to forgo an explanation as to not waste any more time.
Jimin is already giving him one of his pitiful looks, so maybe the dark circles under Jeongguk's eyes are more apparent than he thought.
His initial plans for the day were to stand up at 6 o’clock to work out a bit, before waking up his daughter and getting ready for kindergarten and work unhurriedly.
None of it happened, since instead of the ringing of his alarm he woke up by the sound of Dasom crying at 5am.
It took him an hour to calm her down, only for it to be for the birds when it was time to leave the house, because Dasom started crying yet again.
No wonder he is in a bit of a cranky mood by now.
He still greets his client with a smile when he enters his small work space slash studio.
It’s a forced smile but it’s the only one he can manage and a smile nonetheless.
Setting up his workplace gives him comfort though, something he can find solace in.
The familiar procedure eases his nerves and the corners of his lips soon turn up with more ease.
He hums while filling the ink cups up with the colors needed for the client's tattoo and makes small-talk with the woman, seemingly around his age who is fidgeting around in her chair.
Must be the nerves.
“Is it your first tattoo?”, he asks, tone leveled as to not fuel the flurry.
“Mhm,” comes the short retort, voice high and shaky.
Yeah, definitely the nerves.
“No worries.”
As Jeongguk goes to apply stencil solution on the inside of her forearm, his phone chimes up and a quick look on the display tells him it’s Dasom's kindergarten.
“Sorry, that’s important.”
He swipes his thump over the display, answering the call.
Before he can get a word out, he is greeted with a shrill voice on the other end.
“Jeongguk-sshi! I am afraid you have to come and get your daughter right this instant.“
Jeongguk's blood runs cold.
Did something happen to Dasom?
Did she hurt herself?
Did she cry again?
Please gods, don’t let her be crying again.
Thoughts running wild, deafening his ears, he totally misses what else the kindergarten teacher says.
“What was that?”
“She punched one of the kids which resulted in a bloody nose. You must know that we in no way condone any form of violence. I don’t know how you raise your daughter but this is going to have consequences.”
Oh does the teacher not sound amused. And oh do her words irk Jeongguk.
He pokes his cheek with his tongue, tries to stay calm and not start a fight on the phone because what’s important right now is Dasom.
“I’m on my way,” is all he says, before he ends the call and bolds out the room with a quick apology to the client who is still seated in her chair, expression more than irritated.
Jimin calls after him as Jeongguk passes him on his way outside, asking what’s wrong.
“Sorry, there’s trouble in the kindergarten, cover for me please.”
He doesn’t wait for an answer, just exits the shop.
When Jeongguk arrives at the kindergarten he is met with pure chaos.
The room is full with children, parents and teachers, everyone talking all at once.
No one understands what is said but everyone is talking about it.
The only one in the room who is completely quiet is his daughter. No screaming, no crying, not even a muffled sob. All she does is sit on the floor, with a pout on her face, waiting for the whole ordeal to be over.
Jeongguk sighs. Deeply.
He goes to scoop his daughter up in his arms, dismissing the way parents and teachers try to get his attention by what Jeongguk can only describe as a competition on who can reach the highest level of decibel.
His eardrums didn’t sign up for this shit.
“That’s Dasom's father?”
“No wonder the child is misbehaving, with a father like that.”
“Gosh, look at all these tattoos.”
“Guess without a mother the child was bound to be brought-up badly.”
What Jeongguk learned at a very young age is that whenever, wherever you are, there’ll always be people downgrading you for who you are, simply because you don’t fit their idea of a socially acceptable human being.
So he doesn’t take the judgmental words to heart anymore.
“The poor child really has no luck in life with a father like that.”
At least he tries.
As soon as Dasom is up in his arms she goes to hide her face in the crook of his neck. It's her go to motion whenever she wants to escape a certain situation.
Jeongguk strokes her hair in a soothing manner, feeling the lump in his throat grow bigger and he wants nothing more than to leave this place, so he can only imagine the distress the five year old must be in.
While retreating, Jeongguk spots a boy, holding a slightly bloody handkerchief against his nose.
Dried up tears are visible on his face and he is half covered by a woman, supposedly his mother, who is still arguing loudly with one of the teachers in the room.
Said mother realizes that Jeongguk is about to leave and promptly plants herself in front of him, posture telling him clearly that there is no chance in getting another step past her.
The only reaction she gets from Jeongguk is a raised eyebrow.
“Where do you think you are going?” she asks, voice full of indignation.
“Home?” Where else would he go?
“This is absolutely unacceptable! That brute of yours assaulted my son! He is bleeding!” She rabidly waves her hand in front of her son’s face to get her point across, almost hitting him in the process.
Good thing the boy jerks away in time.
Trained reflexes.
“I want to be compensated for the bodily and mental harm that was caused by this ordeal.”
“I’d take care of your son’s injury first, before talking about compensation,” Jeongguk says with a quick look to the boy, standing there intimidated and pained.
“That looks like it hurts,” he adds on.
“Don’t tell me what to do! I for one know how to take care of my child.”
“Yeah I don’t doubt that.”
He definitely sounds like he doubts that.
No wonder with how the little boy shies away from his mother, as said one’s tone gets shriller by the second.
Jeongguk knees down so he is at eye level with the boy and Dasom, who is still in Jeongguk's arms, snuggles closer at the motion.
“I don’t know what happened for Dasom to punch you but I am still sorry about that.” He says. Then he gets up again and looks the woman in front of him dead in the eye before adding “Since violence is no solution.”
That shuts the woman up effectively. It overall got a lot quieter in the room since the two started their back and forth.
Jeongguk decides that this is as good as a chance he’ll get to leave this hellhouse.
So he bows slightly in goodbye before passing the still stunned mother, throwing a “put some ice on the nose, it’ll help” over his shoulder.
He can hear the outraged shouts even outside the building.
Yeah, maybe he shouldn’t have aggravated her even more. Not the most adult-like thing he’s ever done but what can he say? He was but a mere slave to his emotions and she called Dasom a brute.
Not. Okay.
Jeongguk tries to get Dasom to tell him her side of the story, but even after they arrive at home, the girl doesn’t yield.
They sit on the run-down brown couch in the living room, having an intense staring battle as Jeongguk tries to get answers and Dasom tries to avoid giving said answers.
It seems both of them are too stubborn for their own good.
Dasom ends the silence with a huff.
“I won’t tell you…” she seemingly contemplates her next words. “But.”
“But?”
“You can braid my hair.”
Jeongguk smiles amused at that. „And what exactly has one to do with the other?“
“Nothin. I just want my her braided.” She bats her eyelashes at him and Jeongguk bursts out laughing at that, heaving the small girl up on his lap, bumping her up and down a bit, which elicits a happy squeal, tension fully leaving her body at last.
“Then go get your stuff,” he instructs, stopping his movement so Dasom can safely get off his lap. She scramble off to her room in lightning-speed.
“Dasom, no running! You’ll fall,” Jeongguk calls after her, though there is no spite in his voice.
“I won’t,” comes the remark, voice sounding more distant for Dasom is already in her room.
She is back as fast as she disappeared, her chubby small hands full with cute hairpins and colorful hairties.
“And make it cute,” she demands, dropping everything into Jeongguk's open hands as she sits back down.
“Always at your service,” Jeongguk responses, before he readjusts his legs, so both of them can sit more comfortably while Jeongguk works on Dasom's hair.
It soon gets apparent that the little girl is more exhausted than she let on, eyes drooping and her posture getting more and more sluggish as Jeongguk threads his fingers through her hair in a deliberate slow motion.
“Daddy?” Her voice is nothing more than a soft mumble.
“Hmm?”
“M’ sorry.”
Jeongguk nuzzles into Dasom's hair at that.
He contemplates on what to answer as his phone starts buzzing.
And honestly, he is grateful for the interruption since he isn’t about to tell her that she has no need to apologize when he isn’t aware of why Dasom did what she did today in the first place.
But he does want to reassure her somehow so he is in a bit of a dilemma here.
“Sorry, buttercup,” he apologizes for startling Dasom out of her position between his leg as he goes to retrieve the vibrating device from the coffee table.
“S’ okay,” Dasom says and just snuggles into her dad's side as he lets himself sink back into the couch, phone in hand.
One glance on the display and a foreboding dread settles in his gut instantly.
He answers the call of his boss with an unsure “Yes?”
“Heard you angered one of our clients. Again.”
What is it with Jeongguk getting unpleasant phone calls these days.
Could people please start with a friendly hello to proof his foul feeling wrong.
No? well damn.
“I had a situation.”
“You always do. And I get that you don’t have it easy with your daughter and everything going on. I wish I was in a different position, but try to put yourself in my shoes for ones. I am responsible for the parlor and its people. I can’t afford our reputation to get any worse than this.”
Jeongguk gets it, he really does, and it’s not like he doesn’t want to be understanding, he just can’t. He is quite simply out of options. Which is what he tells her.
“Well I am also out of options. Another one of your mishaps and you are fired. You are a good artist Jeongguk but you should set your priorities right.”
He has them set right. His priority is Dasom, has always been Dasom and will always be Dasom. Problem is, he needs a stable income to take care of this priority.
This thing called parenting really isn’t easy at all.
Jeongguk wakes up the next morning to the rustling of his blanket that’s being lifted and a small body, trying to shimmy close to him as much as possible.
He hugs said body closer as it emits a sound of distress, brain not fully awake yet.
It takes a few more seconds for Jeongguk to catch up before his eyes open droopily, taking in Dasom's form.
“You okay?” he asks, voice carrying the tiredness engulfing him like a blanked that is slightly too heavy for comfort.
“Had a bad dream.”
“Wanna tell me about it?”
There is no immediate answer so Jeongguk thinks Dasom fell back asleep.
He nuzzles her hair, nerves being eased by the familiar scent of her strawberry shampoo as he slowly succumbs to the exhaustion tugging at his consciousness.
Drifting off he hears soft whimpers that even though almost nonexistent do register in Jeongguk's auditory cortex, kindly notifying him that the sound equals his daughter crying in misery.
His warning bells go off in more of a chalkboard screeching kind of way than the typical ringing sound you’d usually expect.
This must have been the level of panic people were feeling right before the titanic sank.
Yes, Jeongguk is definitely awake now.
He bolts upright, startling Dasom with the sudden motion.
They both stare at each other like a dear caught in headlights, the room going eerily quiet until another sob bubbles up in Dasom's throat.
Jeongguk still holds her close, never let her go in the first place as he shushes her, swaying them back and forth.
The darkness in the room doesn’t help him to assess the state Dasom is in so he goes to switch on the lights.
It turns out to be a bad idea because Dasom cries out for him to not go away as he tries to stand up, putting some distance between them.
“Dasom I’m not going anywhere. I want to turn the lights on.”
He is met with disapproval in the form of Dasom shaking her head vehemently.
“Don’t leave me,” she repeats trying to hold Jeongguk in place by wrapping her tiny arms around his waist.
“I’m not leaving,” he empathizes again, taking her small hands in his and leveling his face so they can look each other in the eyes. “I am right here.”
They stay like that until Dasom's breath slows down, tears run dry only leaving stains in their wake.
“Now tell me what made you so sad.”
He can feel the pout coming before it actually forms on his daughter's face.
Dasoms averts her eyes, bottom lip jutting out in a stubborn manner.
She pouts.
“Dasom, please.” Jeongguk can’t resist using his whiny voice as he mimics her pout.
That seems to get her attention so he changes tactics and moves his face closer to hers, twisting his neck, trying to make eye contact again since Dasom refuses to look at him.
He moves his head left and right in a choppy kind of motion. It looks a bit like a chicken with a dislocated neck.
He can see a small smile building on Dasom's face, but she still doesn’t cave so Jeongguk goes to poke her with his index finger.
Her nose.
Her chubby cheek, left and right.
Dasom puts her tiny hands in front of her face to shield herself from Jeongguk's insistent bugging.
“Daddy, stop. This is a serious matter,” Dasom deadpans finally meeting his eyes and Jeongguk smiles, scrunching up his nose.
“Sorry.”
Dasom shakes her head, clicking her tongue in disapproval and Jeongguk asks himself who the actual adult in the room is.
“So?”
“So?” Dasom retorts.
„Dasom.“
She huffs exaggerated but gives in. “You left me and I was all alone.”
Jeongguk blinks confused at the statement. “When?”
“Just now.”
He needs a moment but then it clicks. “Dasom, that was a dream.”
“And what if you actually leave me?” There is the infamous pout again, but her jutted out lip starts to wobble slightly, giving away just how vulnerable the tough little girl really feels.
Jeongguk's heart aches at the sight and he wipes away Dasom's tears with his thumbs as they start to roll down her cheeks anew.
“I would never leave you. You are the most important person in my life Dasom. I love you very very much.”
One could see the conviction sparkling in Jeongguk's eyes as he tries to make his daughter understand how much she means to him.
He doesn’t know where the sudden thought stems from but he thinks that maybe it’s the roots cause. It would explain her crying whenever they had to get ready for kindergarten, her aversion against everything that meant he’d be gone for a while and also how she only talks when she is alone with Jeongguk because that means she has his undivided attention and no one else could take him away.
If she was afraid of him leaving and not coming back than everything would make sense.
The epiphany makes Jeongguk feel like he is hit by a train, full force, head on. It makes him nauseous because if that is really it, then what the hell did he do wrong? Other children her age don't normally struggle with abandonment issues, right? Is he a bad dad after all?
The nausea intensifies when Dasom says in a broken whisper, head held low “I don’t want to be alone.”
Jeongguk can feel the skin of his cheeks dampen as well, emotions getting the better of him, spilling over like a pot too full.
He tries to get a grip, hold his tears back, put a lid on the overflowing pot.
He has to fix this.
No, he is going to fix this.
The voice trying to convince him of that drowns out the one telling him that he has no idea how to fix it.
The first step of Jeongguk's grand masterplan to ‘make Dasom feel more secure again’ is to not leave her alone.
At all.
(Funfact, it is no plan whatsoever, just Jeongguk panicking but you didn’t hear it from him.)
One may think it is a very stupid idea and also not convertible in daily life.
One may be right.
But Jeongguk is no quitter.
The first obstacle consists of Dasom having to go to kindergarten and him having to go to work.
He solves this problem by taking Dasom along to the parlor. She doesn’t want to go to kindergarten anyways and he needs to make money.
He is a real pro at setting his priorities right if you ask him. (No one ever asks.)
A new problem arises due to that decision, since Jeongguk still has the warning voice of his boss echoing in his ears to not cause trouble.
But she didn’t say what she meant by that so since he has no specific rule set to go by that would tell him exactly what falls under the term 'causing trouble', he deems himself fairly safe. (He is not.)
Hence why the two of them find themselves at the parlor early in the morning.
Jeongguk sits at his desk, working on one of his newest tattoo motives, applying ink on the sketch he finished a few days ago.
Dasom placed herself on the worn out sofa, currently occupied with becoming a living borito as she wraps her tiny body into a blanket.
The chiming of the bell attached to the entrance door announces someone’s arrival and is shortly followed by what sounds a bit like someone being close to dying.
Turns out it’s just Jimin.
“It’s way too early for me to be standing in an upright position. I prefer horizontal over vertical,” his complaint can be heard, pared with the sound of him rummaging around at the entrance, before shuffling further back to Jeongguk's workplace, where he deems the younger to be.
The first thing Jimin is met with when entering the room are two chestnut brown beady eyes, looking up at him in wonder.
Jimin blinks surprised before flashing Dasom a bright smile. “Hey Dasom!”
Wrinkling her nose she apparently decides that that’s enough interaction for a day, hiding away by burying her head deeper into the blanket.
The only thing left to see is a tuft of black hair, tied to a little bun on the top of her head.
Jeongguk observes the interaction, letting his hand rest for a moment as he takes his cup from the table. Before he is able to take a sip of his coffee though, he is interrupted by Jimin.
“I wouldn’t drink that if I were you.” Jimin looks at Jeongguk rather judgingly, his piercing adorned eyebrow raised high.
“Why not?”
“Because it’s ink.”
One glance confirms that he is indeed holding his inkcup instead of the cup of coffee still sitting untouched on the table.
Squinching up his face in disgust Jeongguk sets the cup back down. Just thinking about the last time he mistook coffee with ink brings the foul taste back on his tongue.
Enough coffee for the day.
Jimin walks over to Jeongguk, eying his work while whispering close to his ear so Dasom can’t hear him “You do know that if the boss finds Dasom here, you are as good as fired.”
Jeongguk levels Jimin with a rather composed expression but his mind goes into overdrive.
The last time he brought Dasom to work his daughter had a ‘small’ mishap that led to spilled ink, ruined sketches and a very pissed parlor-owner.
That was the first and last time she was allowed in the shop, meaning Jimin's words weren’t at all exaggerated.
Pared with yesterday’s call, Jeongguk would quite frankly be fucked if his boss found out.
If.
“Good thing she won’t come in today.” Jeongguk answers and adds on with a playful tone “What the eye does not see, the heart does not grieve over.”
Jimin eyes him with a rather somber expression. “That’s very thin ice you’re treading on right now.”
With a shrug Jeongguk turns back to his work in process. “No risk no fun. Now could you kindly go mind your own business, I think Dasom over there is gonna suffocate if you stay any longer.”
His little girl still didn’t move since their short whispered exchange and by now it was probably getting stuffy beneath all that fabric.
“Dasom loves me!” Jimin states in faux indignation, hands on his hips.
“Sure she does.”
“Did you see the sparkle in her eyes when she saw me coming in? Pure adoration I tell you.”
“Maybe she remembered you changing her diapers.”
“Maybe I am just a very lovable person.”
At that Jeongguk lifts his head back up, eying Jimin up with a thoughtful expression, index finger tipping at his chin.
“Nah, I don’t think that’s it.” Jeongguk finally states, shaking his head in no.
Still in reach Jimin smacks the back of Jeongguk's head, the younger hissing at the pain as one of the silver rings Jimin wears on almost every finger stings especially hard.
“That’s what you get for disrespecting your elders.”
“No that’s what I get for being friends with you. Should have ditched you when we where six.”
“Can’t believe I’ve been disrespected for so long.”
With a final huff Jeongguk decides to ignore Jimin's antics, whereupon the latter just shifts his attention to the other person in the room.
“Dasom you love me right?”
He gets his answer in the form of a nose peeking out of felty red fabric, followed by the rest of Dasom's face. Her cheeks are colored a healthy pink by now.
“Cute,” Jimin coos, wanting to pinch those cute cheeks of hers, but knowing better than to actually do it.
When the doorbell chimes again Jeongguk frowns, not expecting any client around this time of the day.
“Do you have a client?” he asks Jimin while still being focused on getting his lines down.
“Nope,” Jimin responds, popping the /p/. “Maybe someone wants to make an appointment.”
“Yo guys, are you in the back?”
Jeongguk's and Jimin's eyes lock at once, terror creeping up their spines at the voice of their boss.
Next thing Jeongguk knows he is up on his feet, frantically pulling at his black shock of hair as he alternately looks from Jimin to Dasom.
“What are we going to do?” He whisper screams at Jimin who appears to be in an equal state of panic.
“I don’t know, you where the one who said no risk no fun 2 minutes ago.”
“And I deeply regret my life choices right now okay? Now what are we going to do?”
“I don’t know, use your brain.”
“My brain won’t tell me how we are going to hide a 110 cm small girl in a few seconds!”
“Then think about an excuse!”
“Guys are you kidding me right now?” Their boss watches them flabbergasted from the doorframe.
The two of them must offer a great picture, bend close to each other, arguing in hushed voices with wild gestures while Dasom sits open on display watching the two adults intently.
Said ‘adults’ glance up in unison, bowing in greeting before straightening their backs again.
“I can explain,” Jeongguk starts but gets interrupted immediately.
“No need.” The woman gets closer, tone as cold as her expression. She points her tattooed finger in the direction of the door. “Out.”
“What?”
„I don’t want to see you here anymore, Jeongguk. You’re fired.”
Jeongguk gapes at her in disbelieve, before feeling anger bubbling up his throat.
“And why is that?” he asks through gritted teeth even though he already knows the answer.
“I told you on the phone, another one of your mishaps and you are fired.” She nods in Dasom's direction. “She isn’t allowed in here.” She says it matter of factly, as if it would justify being fired, as if Dasom could be hold accountable for it.
Jeongguk has to fight off the tears, threatening to spill over at all the anger and sadness accumulating, making his insides churn.
“Come on, that’s just unfair! Dasom is just sitting here, she won’t make any trouble.” He tries to make her see reason.
“Just like you said she wouldn’t make any trouble the last time she was here?”
“That was because she was afraid of a client and I don’t have anyone coming in until the afternoon.”
“Yes because the client that should have been here canceled any further appointments because of you.”
Ouch, that one stung.
“Jimin can-”
“No Jimin can’t.” his boss interrupts him harshly once again. “We aren’t here to cater to your needs however you’d like us to, Jeongguk.”
“I don’t have a problem with watching Dasom for a while, “Jimin tries to intervene but shuts up at the death glare he receives.
“Jimin I don’t pay you to babysit. I pay you to work.”
Jimin stays quiet, not without sending an apologetic look Jeongguk's way that the younger registers somewhere between his own feelings of despair and the nagging voice in the back of his mind that tells him how he messed up yet again.
“I won’t discuss this any longer. Just go, Jeongguk. I don’t want to see you here anymore.” The words are final, unrelenting.
Thoughts tumbling over in a desperate attempt to make sense of the situation, ending up in a mess of incoherency.
What emerges from the bloody fight of self-doubt and his measly attempt to justify his actions is the fact that by trying to protect his daughter he did the exact opposite.
Even the best of intentions can end up hurtful and Jeongguk learns that in the form of his daughter sitting in a small room, cramped with adults fighting over a matter she can’t yet understand.
But children have sensitive antennas for the emotions around them. They need to have them in order to survive.
They act more on instinct than on knowledge so Dasom can’t know the consequences of Jeongguk being fired, but she can feel his distress over the matter which is what she acts upon.
Full of cautiousness that shouldn’t come from a five year old girl she goes to take her daddies hand in both of her tiny ones.
That pulls Jeongguk out of his stupor. He is met with the pained expression of his daughter as he looks down and the world shifts, all his turmoil forgotten by the immediate need to erase the agony he can see in Dasoms eyes.
All he can think of is to get her out of here and that is exactly what he does.
Jeongguk heads to the only place he knows he will always find solace in. Or it’s more the person living at said place that makes him feel safe and accepted but you get the gist.
He stands in front of Yoongi's apartment door with Dasom secured on his back, her short arms firmly clasping around her father’s neck.
There is no sign of anyone being home even after Jeongguk rings the bell for the nth time, but he knows better than to give up early on.
Yoongi has the habit of getting lost in his work, losing his sense for space and time which results in him being totally unaware of his surroundings. That also includes the sound of the doorbell.
Usually Hoseok would open the door so this wasn’t an issue, with the two of them living together since years, knowing the moods and quirks of each other. A well-established team. (And an almost sickening lovely couple.)
But it’s still early and Hoseok works around this time of the day.
So Jeongguk keeps ringing the bell, uncaring of whom he was possibly rubbing off the wrong way with the noise nuisance.
He isn’t in a state of mind to care anymore.
After what feels like years but could only have been a few minutes Jeongguk is met with a mint-green colored shock of hair-An extraordinary hair color for an extraordinary human being- and a gruff “What the fuck is wrong with you?”
Upon seeing Jeongguk in all his crestfallen glory-red rimmed, puffy eyes and everything-Yoongi's expression instantly changes from pissed to one of concern.
Jeongguk drops his head onto Yoongi's shoulder, as he feels the last of his energy subsiding now that the older one is in front of him.
“What happened?” Yoongi asks, though his tone of voice doesn’t demand an answer. There is also no judgement in the quick glance over he gives the younger.
The act being more one of reassurance that Jeongguk is unharmed, at least physically.
“Got fired,” Jeongguk mumbles into Yoongi's shoulder and the older huffs, placing a hand on the part of Jeongguk's back that Dasom isn’t occupying.
Without another word he lets the two into the apartment, leading them to the couch.
Jeongguk just let’s Yoongi take over, grateful for guidance, for the hands that put a little pressure on his shoulders, indicating for him to sit down.
Grateful for Yoongi, who doesn’t use words to calm Jeongguk down, doesn’t need to use any words.
Dasom shifts from Jeongguk's back into his lap not minding having Yoongi close to her, never minding Yoongi's presence.
Yoongi takes a seat beside Jeongguk and lets the younger snuggle close to him, threading through his hair in a soothing motion.
It is a welcome feeling, warm and reassuring.
His mind and body finally calm down, peace and quiet engulfing his senses and without realizing, Jeongguk slowly drifts asleep.
He wakes up on the same couch, though sluggishly realizing that neither Dasom nor Yoongi are anywhere to be seen.
Who is in his sight of vision though is Hoseok who must have come home during the time Jeongguk was out cold.
The older brunette sits in a winged chair opposite the couch. A Chair that appears to be older than Jeongguk himself with the worn out leather cover and 70’s vibe it gives off.
And really, according to Yoongi the monstrous thing is a keepsake of his late grandma, one he holds very dear to him.
Which is how it looks like in the otherwise modernly furnished apartment. Out of place.
Jeongguk vividly remembers the couple fight over the old thing, Hoseok demanding it to be thrown out since “It is fucking ugly” and Yoongi vehemently disagreeing.
It was the only time Jeongguk ever saw them fight, with both of them being peaceloving people and most importantly them being utterly besotted with each other.
Really, Hoseok was right back then. The thing is ugly. But Yoongi swears he can only deeply relax while sitting in his beloved winged chair, so Hoseok gave up on his aesthetics for the sake of domestic peace and Yoongi's sanity.
Years later the chair still stands in place, being now occupied by Hoseok, as the older eyes Jeongguk with that fond gaze of his that holds more warmth than should be possible to possess for a human being.
The literal sun. (And Yoongi's personal battery for whenever the winged chair isn’t enough.)
“Hey, how are you feeling?” Hoseok greets Jeongguk, voice lazed with concern that would induce Jeongguk to think about just how bad he looks and what exactly Hoseok knows already if there wasn’t a more urgent matter drawing all his attention.
“Where is Dasom?” Jeongguk asks, worry already eating away at him again.
A primary instinct, not possible to suppress.
“She is with Yoongi,” Hoseok answer with a gesture in the approximate direction of Yoongi's studio and Jeongguk deflates visibly at that, knowing she is safe and sound.
Although his muscles seize up again when it oozes into his consciousness that despite his vow to not leave Dasom alone he did exactly that. What kind of bullshit dedication is that?
There is an irritating itch spreading across Jeongguks skin, but before he can focus on the feeling further, his overstrained brain alerts him of yet another oddity.
Hoseok is here, and by the height of the sun shining through the windows, it can’t be all too late yet.
“What time is it?”
“Almost 1pm.” Hoseok answers after checking his watch quickly.
His suspicions were right then, he didn’t sleep that long.
“And why are you here and not at work?” Jeongguk asks further, knowing for a fact that the young doctor wouldn’t be at home around this time of the day under normal circumstances.
Hoseoks smile dims a bit. “Yoongi called me.”
Upon hearing Jeongguk groan in agony he hurriedly adds “Lunchbreak, no worries, I’m not skipping work because of you.”
And oh, is Jeongguk relieved that Hoseok completely mistook his groan as one of remorse instead of what it actually was. Him being frazzled.
By coming here he trusted in Yoongi to not poke into the matter of him fucking up gloriously too deeply.
He came here to rest, to escape reality because he simply couldn’t take it anymore.
He came here in search of a safe place not in search of being confronted with his own failure even though he isn’t emotionally ready for that.
And while Yoongi is a man of few words and silent support, Hoseok is quite the opposite.
There is going to be nagging without fail and Jeongguk can feel his defensive walls building up, rivaling the sturdiness of Hwaseong fortress.
He doesn’t want to offend his friend, knowing the older only wants to help, means well by looking after Jeongguk but one wrong word and Jeongguk will snap.
He just wants to be let alone.
“So how is therapy going?”
Oh wow, what a conversation starter. Hoseok may think that beating around the bush with small talk will make Jeongguk more pliant in opening up to the older about the more dreading matter at hand, which is him being unemployed. The only problem being, the topic of choice isn’t easy to digest either.
So really Jeongguk feels his pent-up anger rise even more.
Damn camouflage-tactic.
“Peachy.”
“Jeongguk.”
“Hoseok.”
“Come on, don’t be like this. I just want to know how you two are holding up.”
“As a doctor?”
“As your friend,” Hoseok empathizes and Jeongguk sighs heavily upon the conviction he can hear in the older's voice. Jeongguk once again chastises his own temper that gets harder and harder to control.
“Nothing has changed. Dasom still doesn’t talk with the therapist,” he answers, if unwillingly, feeling a throbbing beneath his temples. A telltale for an impending headache.
“Well it has only been three weeks, but things sure progress slowly,” Hoseok muses, and the way he eyes Jeongguk he seems to wait for some kind of input from his side.
Input that Jeongguk really doesn’t want to give. He says as much but it falls on deaf ears as Hoseok just continues to talk.
“You know maybe if you’d stop being so against therapy, things would actually progress.”
“Hoseok I really don’t want to talk about it.” Jeongguk breathes out through gritted teeth.
“Okay okay, sorry.” By the tone of it, Hoseok doesn’t seem to grasp just how deep he hit that sore spot of Jeongguk's and the younger really hopes that the roasting hours are over now.
Hoseok sadly has other plans.
“Yoongi said you were fired.”
Jeongguk breathes in.
“Mind telling me why?”
Jeongguk breathes out.
“I do mind, yes.“
Hoseok lifts an eyebrow at that, obviously not expecting to be met with so much animosity, what further proofs Jeongguk's hunch to be correct. Hoseok rubbing salt in his wounds isn’t intentional and Jeongguk tries to earth himself with that thought, tries to stay afloat.
But what he thinks and what he feels doesn’t add up anymore. The itch he's felt before intensifies.
“I’d still like to know. Otherwise I can’t help you.”
I don’t need help, thank you very much, is what Jeongguk thinks but doesn’t say. He tries to breathe through his exasperation that he knows only stems from the hatred towards his own incapacity.
It isn’t Hoseoks fault.
“I took her to the parlor and my boss caught me with her there.”
“Why would you bring Dasom there? Last time she was there she-“
“Yes I know” Jeongguk cuts Hoseok short. “Can we leave that topic the fuck alone, please?”
Breathe in. Breathe out.
Hoseok raises his hands in defense, knowing this time, that he struck a chord.
Everyone knows the Parlor-Ink-Incident is a taboo subject and it shall not be named.
„Still, why did you take her with you? You do know there are kindergartens for a reason, right?“
With that statement, Jeongguk snaps.
“Oh why thanks for telling me Hoseok! It’s not like I have a daughter that hates to go there with a passion and it’s also not like I didn’t try everything in my might to get her to go and oh it doesn’t hurt at all to see her cry every morning upon hearing that she has to go to kindergarten yet again. Nuh-uh, it is a great fucking feeling to make your daughter sad all the time.”
Jeongguks voice somersaults at how aggravated he is and he gesticulates wildly as Hoseok just eyes him in that fucking winged chair of his, still wearing his lab coat, looking all the more like one of those damn therapists who think they know it all.
“Stop looking at me in that damn knowing it all bitch ass way!”
“I am just trying to help.”
“You are not helping,” Jeongguk presses out through a chocked up throat, tears swelling up once again. He hates that he always cries from anger.
“No one is helping. Everyone thinks they know what’s best, telling me what to do as if I’m not giving it my all already. It feels like I am pushed into a fucking corner and whatever I try to escape makes it worse.” Tears are running down his face freely now, dam broken.
“I didn’t mean it in a bad way Guk,” Hoseok tries again, but Jeongguk isn’t listening anymore, too deep into his meltdown already.
Legs pulled close to his body, weighing himself back and forth he cries and cries and cries.
He doesn’t know for how long he is gone, detached from reality but when he comes to, Hoseok has his arms clasped around Jeongguk's body as he murmurs soothing words that the younger still can’t register the meaning of.
The world slowly filters back in as he roots himself through his senses.
Feeling: Hoseok, holding him tight, secure. warmth engulfs him, telling him that he is safe.
Smelling: The scent of Hoseok's perfume, a mixture of citrus and violets.
It’s only feint but Jeongguk’s always been sensitive to smell.
Watching: as little dust particles dance through the air, illuminated by the soft light with its orange hue and more facets to it than the human eye can possibly see.
Hearing: The soft spoken words of his friend that isn’t as composed as his timbre might make him appear. The little quiver in his voice doesn’t go unnoticed by Jeongguk.
“Jeongguk breathe. You’re okay. I got you.”
“I know,” Jeongguk answers, finally finding his voice again, albeit not as stable as he would like it to be and muffled by the fabric of Hoseok's clothes into which he is talking.
“Thank fuck,” Hoseok breathes out at hearing Jeongguk reply, putting some distance between them so he can check the younger over. His hands stay on Jeongguk's shoulders though, serving the both of them as a needed anchor. “Do you know how worried I was? You were totally gone there for a moment.”
Hoseok is crying too. Silent tears run down his face and now that Jeongguk looks at the older, really sees him, he notices how tired Hoseok looks, deep circles ingrained under his eyes, shoulders drooping slightly.
Jeongguk hurts as he is met with his own ignorance, seeing how he didn’t mind Hoseok's own state and well-being at all.
“Sorry…”
The older vehemently shakes his head. “What do you mean sorry? I am obviously the one who should apologize here. I tried to force you into telling me something you clearly didn’t want to talk about. You told me to leave the topic alone, but I didn't. I am sorry.”
“It’s okay,“ Jeongguk mumbles as he lays his head back down on Hoseok's shoulder, letting the older embrace him again as a deep exhaustion settles in his bones. He just took a nap but it feels like he didn’t sleep for days, all energy drained out of him.
Mind clearer but body all the more tired.
“It’s not though.” Hoseok empathizes, stroking Jeongguk's back comfortingly.
“No seriously, I already was triggered because I left Dasom out of my sight, that and all the thoughts and emotions where a bit too much all at ones I guess. You kind of were the tip of the iceberg is all.”
Jeongguk can feel Hoseok stiffen slightly, before the older says in a puzzled tone “Wait, I can’t follow. What do you mean you left Dasom out of sight?”
Jeongguk detaches himself from Hoseok and gives him a quick overview of his newest assumption and the plan that stems from it. He is met with a cautious look on Hoseok's face that seems to portray how-do-I-say-what-the-fuck-is-wrong-with-you-nicely-as-to-not-affront-the-broken-dude-opposite-from-me-even-more?
Hoseok may try to school his expression but he is doing a poor job at it and Jeongguk can see right through him.
“You think it’s a dumb idea.”
“A really dumb idea, yes.”
They both sigh in unison.
“I get that you want to help her feel safe but you sound like one of these helicopter parents. It just doesn’t sit right with me.”
Before Jeongguk can get an answer out, Hoseok's phone chimes up with a tone that equals a siren and really who sets their alarm to the sound of a siren?
“That’s my cue to leave,” Hoseok says, meeting Jeongguk's eyes, his whole demeanor apologetic as he silences his phone. “Work calls.”
Jeongguk makes a dismissive gesture with his hand at seeing the reluctance in Hoseoks movement as the older stands up. “Go on, do what you gotta do.”
Before Hoseok can fully turn around to leave for work (the thing that Jeongguk doesn’t have anymore) he scans Jeongguk, the already apparent frown deepening the longer he eyes him.
“You may not want to hear it…” Hoseok trails off, undoubtedly deliberating his next words and Jeongguk uses that short hesitation.
“More nagging? Really?” His tone is as playful as he can manage in his leached out condition so Hoseok knows he bears no grudge and the older flashes him a thankful smile at that.
“The thing I said earlier about how you should open up a bit more. I really meant that.” He pauses a second to gauge Jeongguks reaction, but continues speaking as the latter encourages him to do so with a tired “might as well get it all over with.”
“I think you are pressuring Dasom too much.”
“I don’t pressure her,” Jeongguk immediately disagrees, tensing up again which earns him a raised brow on Hoseok's side.
“I don’t. I just want her to be happy.”
“Exactly. You can’t accept that she simply can’t be all happy right now. If that isn’t a form of pressure then what is?”
At that Jeongguk blinks dumbfounded, not having thought of that himself yet.
“Dasom isn’t stupid Guk. She feels your stress and exertion so how is she supposed to be less anxious?”
The siren of Hoseoks phone makes itself known a second time and the older ruffles through his hair with an exasperated huff.
He cuts off the nasty ringing as he says “Maybe you should stop running away and start searching for a solution.”
Jeongguk looks at him with an expression that clearly says as if I wouldn’t do that already, which earns him an amused chuckle. “And by that I mean open up to the therapist.”
The growl that Jeongguk lets out is accompanied by an eye roll, just to accentuate how annoyed he is by Hoseoks statement.
Hoseok doesn’t mind his dramatics though, as he leans down to kiss Jeongguks forehead in goodbye before he rushes out the door with a “Gotta go!”
“Don’t let the door hit you on the way out,” Jeongguk shouts after him, but it’s all bark and no bite.
With a tired sigh Jeongguk lets himself sag deeper into the cushions of the couch, staying put for a few more minutes so the last bits of the fogginess in his head can subside before he goes to look after Dasom, still not wanting his little girl to be alone for too long.
Getting off the couch proofs to be more difficult than expected but he is nothing if not a dedicated father so he wills his heavy limbs to move, sluggishly walking out of the living room and into the corridor leading to Yoongis small studio.
Jeongguk has always liked the style in which Yoongi and Hoseok furnished their apartment, with both of them having a very different taste, reflecting in how monochrome meets colorful and simplicity meets playfulness.
Still, the interior is pleasing to the eye as lively little figurines stand on dark wooden shelfs and jolly paintings meet plain white walls.
It doesn’t clash, rather compliments each other like light to the darkness and moon to the sun.
How very fitting as it reflects their relationship as a whole.
Jeongguk sometimes wishes he could have what they have, a person to trust in, a person he can feel safe with, he can love.
But whenever these thoughts surface he is quick to push them in the farthest corner of his mind, knowing better than to trust feeble emotions.
Before entering Yoongi's studio, Jeongguk knocks on the door twice in a row, pressing the handle down after hearing a soft-spoken “Come in.”
What he sees as he enters the small room makes him halt in his steps though.
Endearment rushes through his veins.
Instead of sitting at his desk, situated in the right corner of the room, where Jeongguk would have deemed Yoongi to be, he finds the older man on the floor, with Dasom placed on his lap.
The two of them don’t look up, too engaged into their activity of putting together a jigsaw puzzle, with Dasom trying out all kind of different pieces, none of it fitting and Yoongi laying actual fitting pieces into a row beside her.
Dasom obviously hasn’t realized the unobtrusive way in which Yoongi tries to help her as she struggles to place another piece, looking up at him with a pout and pleading eyes, puzzle piece in question held up so Yoongi can see it properly.
Their silent exchange goes as far as this as Yoongi huffs a laugh, fond smile spreading even farther across his face as he gently takes the piece out of Dasoms small hand.
Rather than placing it for her, he puts it aside and instead takes a piece out of the ones he already arranged into a row before, this one being easier to connect to the ones already occupying the right places.
“Look, maybe this one will fit.” He hands it over and Dasom surveys the open spaces.
She takes a moment to compare her piece with the empty slots but places it unerringly afterwards.
The smile she gives Yoongi thereupon is dazzling and immediately reciprocated, with Yoongi ruffling through her hair. “Well done, Honey.”
Dasom scrunches her nose cutely at that, something she got from her Dad (much to his delight. It’s cute okay, sue him.)
Seeing Dasom interact with Yoongi so freely doesn’t surprise Jeongguk in the least.
The two of them always had a deep bond, since Yoongi has been there from day one, saw Dasom grow up and has been an anchor not only for Jeongguk but for the both of them.
And even though Dasom doesn’t talk in the proximity of Yoongi anymore, she clearly likes being around him, seems to be grounded by Yoongis presence.
Jeongguk understands, the older being one of a kind, a pillar of support.
Still, that pillar of support stabbed him in the back.
“I can’t believe you snitched on me,” Jeongguk says, tone deliberately playful as he walks over to the two of them.
He doesn’t want to let on about his breakdown a few minutes ago. For Dasoms sake.
“My bad,” comes Yoongi's answer, with an apologetic glance thrown over his shoulder that Jeongguk Is quick to dismiss with a flick of his hand.
Dasoms attention was diverted from the puzzle the moment she heard the voice of her father and she immediately scrambles over to Jeongguk as he sits down beside them, an amused huff escaping his lips at his little girl snuggling up to him before he can even sit down properly.
“Hey, buttercup,” he greets her, voice soft but full of endearment as he hugs her close, asking her what she is doing, not expecting an answer, but still trying, always trying.
She averts her gaze to look pointedly at the puzzle and seeing it up close, Jeongguk recognizes the half-finished picture of a house in the woods, cartoony looking animals gathered in front of it.
It’s a cute image. Peaceful.
„Would you look at this, you’re a whole puzzle master,” Jeongguk phrases Dasom, voice a pitch higher than how he would normally talk.
Dasom shakes her head at that, the loose bun that’s still tied on top of it, wobbling around with the motion.
Good thing hair can’t get seasick.
She leans over to Yoongis side, taking his index finger into her tiny fist and shakes it lightly to get her point across.
Which point exactly, only Dasom knows.
The gaze she levels Yoongi with gets more intense the longer both of the grown-ups stay quiet but that’s as far as the interaction goes before Yoongi decides to speak up for her, since it’s clear that she won’t.
“Oh don’t make it look like I did all the work, obviously you did, honey.” Yoongis voice is oh so soft, endearment clear on his face as he lets Dasom hold on to his finger, the girl now focused on playing with one of his silver rings.
Jeongguk grins at the small blush he can see on her puffy cheeks, a telltale on how flustered she is.
She overall looks a lot more at ease, compared to when they arrived and Jeongguk can only describe the feeling that overcomes him as sheer gratefulness.
He is grateful that he can watch his daughter interact with someone that is not him, grateful that she sports a smile, no matter how small it may be, but overall Jeongguk is grateful for Yoongi.
For that he is not alone.
“Thanks ,Hyung.”
“For what?” Yoongi asks, taken aback at the sudden declaration of the younger, not expecting to be hit in the face with the intense emotion of gratitude.
“Everything.” Jeongguk retorts simply but sincere nonetheless.
Yoongis eyes lay heavy on him for a moment, before he averts his gaze back to Dasom who by now abandoned Yoongi's fingers and is back to solving the puzzle.
“You remember what I told you two years ago?” Yoongi questions and continues upon seeing Jeongguk shaking his head.
“We’ll always be here for you, if you need us. And if not, then we’ll support you in silence.”
“Only speak for yourself as this obviously doesn’t apply to Hoseok,” Jeongguk shoots back, tongue quicker than his mind. “Sorry,” he adds on but Yoongi doesn’t take spite in it.
“No you’re right, Hoseok sometimes doesn’t know when to shut up but he means well.”
“I know and I am thankful,” Jeongguk empathizes. “Just a bit tired of daily life and constant nagging I guess.”
Yoongi perks up at that ever so slightly. “So what are you going to do about that?” This time, he can’t hide his curiosity.
“Go on vacation?” Jeongguk answers in a joke, but the underlining wish to just go far far away is still there and Yoongi picks up on it easily.
“What prevents you from doing so? Your job?” He looks Jeongguk dead in the eye before saying “I mean you are fired.”
“Thanks for the reminder,” Jeongguk deadpans and watches on as his pillar of support fights back a laugh that ends in a mixture of a chocked grunt-huff-kind-of-thing.
Jeongguk really needs new friends.
“What I mean is, nothing speaks against it. Take a break if you need one,” Yoongi elaborates more composed albeit still amused.
“I can’t just drop everything and go on vacation simply because I feel like it.”
“Why not?”
“I have responsibilities.” Jeongguks eyes wander to his little girl that is in the process of building a tower out of the puzzle pieces, diverting them form its intended use.
Jeongguk hopes that Yoongi gets the broad hint, not wanting to elaborate anything further in front of Dasom.
He’d never want her to feel like a burden.
Yoongi does not exactly get the hint this time, understanding what Jeongguk wants to say but still vocalizing his own thoughts. “You mean Dasom?”
Jeongguk pinches the bridge of his nose in annoyance, holding back a groan before he answers with a short nod.
The puzzled expression Yoongi directs at him tells Jeongguk that the older still hasn’t caught on, so Jeongguk resigns in defeat and lets him continue to talk, in hopes that Dasom is momentarily too occupied with her own task to listen to their conversation.
Chances are high if the way she pinches her eyes together in concentration as she tries to retract a puzzle piece out of the middle of her tower is anything to go by.
“If this is about Dasom than that’s all the more reason to go. Don’t let Hobi hear that but I don’t think therapy is what the two of you need right now.”
Jeongguk picks up on the way Yoongi phrased his sentence, doesn’t comment on it though as he can already smell a second argument coming on how he should open up more and accept help.
He won’t go there again, not today, under no condition.
Good thing Yoongi doesn’t expect an answer as he goes on. “I say what the both of you need is a safe place to heal. Everyone needs a safe place, why should a little munchkin feel any different?”
“Who are you referring to as a munchkin?”
“Take a wild guess.”
There it is, that adorable gummy smile of Yoongis. Jeongguk almost forgets that he should feel offended as he can’t help but smile back at the older.
What can he say, Yoongis smile is contagious.
“Anyways,” Yoongi continues. “I say get both your minds off all the negativity around here and go on vacation.”
“The catch here is,” A pause. Jeongguk’s always been one for dramatics but he would never admit that one out loud. “I don’t have a job, so no income, and no income means no vacation.”
“Fair point.”
“Where is the fairness in life then?” Jeongguk comments all smugly which prompts Yoongi to roll his eyes at the Youngers antics.
“I wasn’t done yet. Cut the negativity and listen to me for ones, kid.”
“I’m all ears,” Jeongguk says it with a fair share of cheekiness in his voice and he can see the telltale of annoyance brewing in Yoongi by how the older tongues his cheek.
Jeongguk has the same habit and by now he isn’t sure who has it from whom.
Interesting enough the one who fends off Yoongi's trace of displeasure is Dasom as she climbs back into his lap, throwing him off for a moment.
She holds another puzzle piece in her hand, holding it like a priced possession for Yoongi to see and waiting for some kind of reaction.
“What is it?” Yoongi asks, voice instantly softening. Whipped. “Do you want me to show you where the piece belongs?”
Dasom shakes her head at that and just shoves the puzzle piece with half the body of a bunny printed on it into Yoongi's hand, before retreating back to Jeongguk.
Seemingly unsure what to do with it, Yoongi just holds onto the piece giving Dasom a “Thank you?” that sounds more like a question than anything else but Yoongi smiles and Dasom looks pleased as she leans back against her father, fisting the material of his shirt but not looking at him ones.
Jeongguk thinks about Children and antennas and how actions speak louder than words.
He thinks about how children feel a lot but don’t know much and can’t help but squeeze Dasom a little closer to him.
She deserves so much more than what he can give her, being the failure of a dad that he is. But damn him if he doesn’t try his best.
“What where you going to say?” He directs his question towards Yoongi but his attention is still on Dasom, as he takes her little hands in his, kissing her cheek gently.
She ducks away her head at the sensation but scrunches her nose cutely in delight. Jeongguk mirrors her nose scrunch as she looks up to him and both of them start giggling, though Dasoms giggle is void of voice. It still counts.
Yoongi clears his throat to make himself known again. “You remember my grandma's cabin?”
“The one in Daegu?” Jeongguk asks, making Dasom slightly bump up and down in his lap.
“Yes, that one. Why don’t you go there for a while? That way you don’t have to pay for housing and maybe the remoteness of the countryside helps you with finding some sort of solace. It always helped me at least.”
The cabin in Daegu has always been-much like the ugly winged chair- Yoongi's cherished legacy of his grandma. A place full of fond childhood memories and later on a place full of grief but also solace and peace.
There is a reason why Yoongi knows so well what hurting means, knows what to say and what not to say and it doesn’t only stem from empathy.
It stems from knowing what despair feels like, knowing how dark thoughts can eat one alive.
And Jeongguk would know, with how Yoongi was there for him in his darkest moments by simply telling him that he “doesn’t have to deal with this alone.”
That he is understood.
A few years ago, when Dasom was still younger and Jeongguk wasn’t a single parent but still felt very much alone either way, these words were the only thing that kept him afloat.
It is with great gratitude that Jeongguk looks at his Hyung, even now, as he knows how hard it can be to vocalize his darkest inner thoughts.
Yoongi did that, just to make Jeongguk feel less alone, just so the younger knew he had someone to confide in.
The cabin is to Yoongi, what the older is to Jeongguk, a safe place, a pillar of support.
Yoongi offering Jeongguk to stay at the very place he goes to, to ground himself and ease his mind is a token of trust and not to take lightly at all.
So Jeongguk's gaping expression as he listens to the olders suggestion is to be expected.
Yoongi still gives him a quizzical look as Jeongguk doesn’t respond right away, instead stares at him in wonder. “What? Why are you looking at me like I’m some kind of ogre?”
“Not an ogre, an angel.”
A snort is the response, but Jeongguk anticipated as much.
“So what is it? You want to go or no?”
The question isn’t about wanting to go, it’s about being able to go. Jeongguk wasn’t joking when he said he has responsibilities. Well, only one really, but that one responsibility ways more than ten at a time.
Dasom, Dasom, Dasom, Dasom, Dasom, Dasom, Dasom, Dasom, Dasom, Dasom.
Dasom being happy.
Dasom growing up well.
Dasom being healthy.
Dasom going to kindergarten.
Dasom going to therapy.
Dasom being well fed.
Dasom finding friends.
Dasom having toys to play with.
Dasom receiving love.
Dasom loving life.
Really Dasom has nothing of the above, with how she is mutistic and Jeongguk just lost his job.
Nothing is secured as there is no safeguard for Dasom living a good life. But as there is no such thing as instant happiness for the both of them, Jeongguk thinks that maybe looking straight ahead isn’t the solution needed.
A time out.
A place so far off from everyday life, there is no counterpart to draw a comparison to.
And no comparison equals new experiences with an open mind for a five year old child.
Or maybe it doesn’t and therapy really is what Dasom needs and what would make her better with time but really, you can’t break what’s already broken and there is no such thing as “making it worse” so why not try?
Jeongguk eyes Dasom, black messy bun on her head, cute puffy cheeks tainted pink as the room temperature is increasing with three people crammed into a tiny space.
She is still playing around with his shirt that’s a few sizes too big on him and therefore perfect to make tiny knots into it.
Good thing the shirt is old and already worn out anyways.
Eyebrows drawn into a frown, Dasom must feel his gaze on her as she looks up to her father with curious eyes.
He doesn’t hesitate anymore as he asks her “What do you say Dasom? Wanna go on a vacation?”
The way Dasom jumps on her feet, eyes lighting up in excitement is all the answer he needs.
“I guess it’s settled then.”
Maybe he is fucking up again.
Maybe it’s the wrong decision.
But Jeongguk can’t bring himself to care as he takes in the unadulterated glee that Dasom eradiates.
It’s how it should be.
Yoongi's slightly concerned voice tears him out of his thoughts. “You know I haven’t been there in a while?”
“A while as in?”
“A few years? Long enough for it to be in a shitty condition I guess, but if you still want to,” he trails, eyes wandering to the wooden board that harbors a potpourri of keys, indicating for Jeongguk to go and take the one for the cabin. “It’s the one with the sunflower key chain.”
Of course it is.
It’s with a slight grumble of how Yoongi should have taken care of his beloved cabin even if he didn’t see a need to visit anymore since he’s found another safe place now and how he wasn’t all too thrilled of renovating a whole building on its own that he stands up, going to retrieve the key nonetheless.
As he turns around again, key in hand and ready to leave he catches Yoongi smiling smugly in a way that Jeongguk feels like he is missing an important fact.
Before he can question it further though, he is met with the full force of Dasom jumping mid run into his arms that he spreads just in time to catch her, more instinct than anything else.
Well seems like his little sweetheart is as eager to get out of here as he is, now that he has a plan paired with an intent in mind, the finish line so much closer.
“We are off,” Jeongguk informs Yoongi, hosting Dasom up on his hip to have a better grip on her.
“Sure, Sure.” Yoongi is off the ground as well by now, smoothing his clothes down and shushing them away with his hand. “I reached my socializing limit for the day anyways. Just go. No need to say goodbye.”
He sounds a bit gruff but Jeongguk knows better than to take it personally.
Yoongi has never been one for farewells.
“You’re just miffed that Hobi left earlier without giving you a goodbye kiss,” Jeongguk teases the older to lighten up the mood and looks on with delight as a slight blush taints Yoongis usually pale cheeks.
“I am not,” Yoongi stresses with a bit more forcefulness that the situation calls for and Jeongguk cackles at the response.
“Sure you are!”
An idea igniting in his mind, he pokes Dasoms cheek to get her attention (not because he loves poking the soft cheek of his very cute, very sweet daughter, nuh-uh), getting an immediate reaction as Dasom isn’t always as fond of the cheek-poking as Jeongguk is.
The expression she levels him with is at least telling him so. Maybe they need to talk about the cheek-poking Tête-à-tête, but for now-
“Sweety, you wanna give Yoongi a kiss so he feels more loved and appreciated?”
It is meant as a joke but Dasom is a very serious girl when it comes to loving and appreciating her Yoongi, so she immediately wiggles out of Jeongguk's hold and dashes over to the green haired male that looks stunned out of his mind as she pulls on his shirt to make him bend down so she can give him his needed cheek kiss.
She goes back to Jeongguk, all proud stance and pleased smile.
Oh how he loves her.
It takes a moment for Yoongi to regain his posture but it is with a roll of his eyes that he takes in the sight of Jeongguk and Dasom highfiving each other. Like father like daughter.
“If you don’t go now, Hobi is going to be back before you can get enough distance between your sorry ass and Seoul and I don’t think you want that.”
“I am already out the door,” Jeongguk retorts, suddenly in a hurry again.
No one wants to deal with a nagging Hoseok twice a day and there is no way he’ll approve of the decision just made.
He takes Dasom's hand in his, squeezing it ever so slightly as they exit the small studio.
“Oh and Jeongguk?” Yoongi speaks up once more, making the younger stick his head back in at the door.
There is an unspoken plea apparent in Yoongi's whole demeanor and it is with a smile that Jeongguk answers, not needing to hear the whole request, knowing his Hyung as well as the other knows him.
“I won’t tell Hobi that the vacation was your idea.”
“Thanks.”
Both know it was going to be of no avail.