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“Jocelyn, are you sure this is a good idea?”
Maryse looked behind them again, trying to resist Jocelyn as she dragged her towards their secret hideout. When her best friend had asked her to sneak out of the Academy, she hadn’t really thought about the consequences of their actions. If someone caught them, they would be in a world of trouble.
Jocelyn and Maryse were already on thin ground, especially with the older and more traditional shadowhunters who didn’t understand the younger generation’s impassioned beliefs and opinions. This could cost them their place at the Academy, and Maryse wasn’t sure if it was worth the risk.
However, as always, Jocelyn had been too weak to say no to Jocelyn. The two of them had been best friends and partners in crime since birth, and she hadn’t been about to pass up on an adventure with her favourite, fiery redhead. Still, it didn’t mean she wasn’t allowed to be nervous about their nightly excursion. Sure, they had snuck out of the Academy plenty of times before, but only during the day.
Leaving school grounds in the daylight was both easier and safe than doing so at night. As it was, they had to be breaking at least ten different rules, which was enough to get them expelled and maybe even thrown into the mundane world.
Well, maybe not thrown out, but severely punished? Definitely.
“Don’t you trust me?” Jocelyn asked her, turning to look at her and walking backwards as though it was completely natural and not at all dangerous. The Academy grounds were riddled with traps, and Maryse winced at the thought of Jocelyn getting stuck in one of them. “Oh please, as if I would ever let myself fall into one of those little tricks the professors put in place.”
“I didn’t say anything,” Maryse pouted. Jocelyn only snorted, having clearly read the words off Maryse’s face. “And yes, I trust you. You know I do. I’m just not sure this was the smartest plan. Maybe we should have waited until next year, once we were too close to the end to be expelled.”
“We’re already too close to the end for them to cast us out,” Jocelyn rolled her eyes, spinning around to face the darkness again. They were only a few metres away from the gates; once they had passed those, they were in the clear. “Besides, we’re too good, Maryse. They won’t risk losing two strong and capable shadowhunters over a little night time trip. They need us more than we need them.”
Whilst Jocelyn wasn’t completely wrong, Maryse knew more about the political workings of the Clave. Her parents were better placed than Jocelyn’s and, as such, had access to a lot more information. Maryse had heard them and their friends whisper about how the younger shadowhunters were too rebellious, too unstable to trust with Institutes and missions.
She had heard as her own parents threw her to the sharks, mentioning how Maryse hung out with Valentine Morgenstern, of all people. She knew the boy was a bit strange, but his ideas weren’t all bad. With his charm and their group’s determination, there was a chance they would manage to change the world and make it a better place.
For now, though, the latest generation of Nephilim were nothing but a disappointment to their parents and their society as a whole. Surely, Jocelyn had to know that.
Knowing there was nothing she could say to change her best friend’s mind, Maryse stayed quiet. Truth be told, she really did want to leave the Academy for a while. Her entire life had taken place in that building and, sometimes, it was nice to get away and hide out with Jocelyn. It was nice to forget about their responsibilities and training and everything else their parents had been teaching them since they were children.
It was nice to be with the person she loved most in the world, far away from everyone who had caused her pain.
They reached the gate in no time and, after that, it was only a matter of getting over it. All in all, it took them less than three minutes to get off school grounds. As soon as they were past the gate, Maryse let a small smile curl at her lips. She felt lighter than she had in months, and she knew Jocelyn was going through something similar.
The two girls exchanged silly grins, latching onto each other’s hands easily and taking off running. Laughter bubbled past Maryse’s lips as they left the Academy behind and headed towards their favourite place in the world.
On the outskirts of Alicante, halfway between the city and the Academy, stood an abandoned cabin, old enough that no one remembered it but new enough that it hadn’t fallen apart quite yet. Jocelyn and Maryse had found it during their second year at the Academy, when the redhead had finally convinced Maryse that sneaking out without getting caught wasn’t as hard as their professors said it was.
They had found the cabin and had made it their own, filling it with blankets and books and candles, adding mundane touches to the décor in order to make it as homely and welcoming as possible. It was a far cry from the mansion Maryse had grown up in, but it was completely theirs, and she had never loved a spot as much as she did this one.
Years later, it was still there, waiting for more memories to be made within its walls. Some of the best moments in Maryse’s life had happened in that cabin with only Jocelyn at her side. Unsurprisingly, all those moments had involved the redhead in one way or another.
However, the cabin also held other memories, painful ones that Maryse had buried in the back of her mind and locked away in the safety of her own heart. There had been arguments and tears and – on one memorable occasion – a total breakdown. But even those souvenirs mattered, since they had made Maryse the woman she was today and shaped her relationship with Jocelyn.
Her friendship with Jocelyn, of course. Nothing else.
“It’s still here,” Jocelyn breathed out, looping her arm around Maryse’s waist and pulling her closer. The brunette resolutely ignored how fast her heart pounded and how she yearned for more than that simple touch. “I was afraid someone had knocked it down over the summer, but it’s still here.”
“Of course it is,” Maryse huffed. “I’m telling you, there’s magic around this place. How else would you explain the lack of people hanging out here? And talking about magic, let’s go inside and see if your little experiment failed as I bet it would or if I’m going to owe you money for the rest of my life.”
“You wouldn’t owe me money forever,” Jocelyn chuckled. “Stop being so dramatic, Maryse. Besides, you told me you were absolutely certain you were right, so there’s nothing for you to worry about.”
“Except if I was wrong,” Maryse pointed out. “Although I’ll admit that’s unlikely, since I’m clearly the brains of this duo. But you never know when the tides might turn, Fairchild. You can’t lose hope so soon, even if your theory is both outlandish and highly improbable. The odds really aren’t in your favour.”
“Who cares about the odds?” Jocelyn scoffed, shoving the cabin door open and rushing towards the spot where she had left a ‘faerie basket’.
Jocelyn had been convinced that with a little incentive, she would manage to draw a faerie out and walk straight into her trap. Of course, the faerie would have been able to leave the cabin, but Jocelyn had made sure they would know someone had stopped by. It was her way of proving that the cabin was some sort of portal to the faerie world. However, the basket was still there, and Jocelyn sighed heavily before slumping onto the sofa they had dragged there during the Christmas holidays one year.
Maryse sat down next to her, resting a comforting hand on her best friend’s knee. She knew how much this little experiment had meant to Jocelyn. It had seemed stupid to Maryse at first, but she had quickly understood what the redhead was really trying to do. She wanted to prove that she could do something else than fight and draw runes. Jocelyn was a wonderful artist and an even better fighter, but Maryse knew she sometimes wanted something more.
This had been her attempt to lead an experiment and start a research project. The redhead probably wouldn’t admit it, but Maryse knew this meant more to her than she was letting on. Bet or not, the brunette wished the basket had disappeared. At least then, Jocelyn would have had hope, even if it turned out a shadowhunter had been the one to steal the small basket of treasures.
“You were right,” Jocelyn sighed, twisting around and laying down with her head on Maryse’s lap. “I should have never started this thing in the first place. Maybe it was better when I thought this was just an old cabin; I’m too old to be dreaming up these fantastical scenarios about faeries anyways. We all know they’re just a bunch of manipulative people, they wouldn’t care about a human-made basket.”
There had been a time when Jocelyn had loved stories about downworlders. She had dreamed of mixing with the Downworld, learning about their traditions, and creating an equal world. Maryse had loved her even more for it. Now, Jocelyn tended to spew Valentine’s nonsensical propaganda more often than not. Yes, Maryse agreed with some of the things the man said, but…
But downworlders couldn’t all be bad, right? Because then who was to say shadowhunters weren’t just as cruel and terrible as the rest of them? Who was to say the mundanes wouldn’t try to do to the Nephilim what Valentine wanted them to do to downworlders.
It couldn’t be right, but Jocelyn was starting to believe it. Or at least, she was pretending to believe it. Where Valentine was concerned, it was hard to know whether Jocelyn’s feelings and opinions were true or not. After all, her parents had been pushing for an engagement between the two of them, and everyone knew they would eventually get what they wanted.
Maryse had always known her best friend would marry someone else, but it still hurt to think about her with someone as cold and prejudiced as Valentine. She tried to bury her feelings away and ignore the jealousy that festered every time Jocelyn talked about the man, but it was hard.
It was so hard, especially when Jocelyn was right there, her hair so soft underneath Maryse’s fingertips and her lips pulled into a soft smile reserved for the two of them. Was it any wonder Maryse loved her?
(Was it any wonder she was in love with her?)
“What are you thinking about?” Jocelyn asked her softly, her hands playing with the hem of Maryse’s shirt. Every touch sent a shiver down Maryse’s body, and she had no idea how she was keeping a straight face when the only thing she wanted to do was kiss this marvellous girl. “You’ve got that lost and vaguely sad look on your face again. You should smile more often, Maryse, you’re even prettier when you do.”
Maryse’s heart skipped a beat and she knew that, if she were the type to blush, that was exactly what she would be doing right then. Instead, she gulped and looked away from Jocelyn’s earnest eyes.
“Just… Thoughts of the future,” she whispered, trying very hard not to sound heartbroken or miserable. “It’s a scary place, you know? A day will come when we won’t be able to sneak out of the Academy or our family homes anymore. This place will be nothing more than an old cabin, waiting for someone else to find it, and the faerie mystery will never be solved. We’ll be… Far from here, probably. It’s just strange to think about.”
“Maybe,” Jocelyn shrugged, the movement awkward against Maryse’s legs. “But we’ll always have each other, won’t we? Isn’t that what matters?”
A sob rose in Maryse’s throat but she swallowed it down violently, refusing to let her best friend see her so broken over so little. Jocelyn didn’t have to know about all the feelings warring inside her mind or the pieces of her heart she was slowly giving to the redhead without her knowledge or permission.
Maryse wondered if Jocelyn had any idea how much she meant to her. If she knew that she lost her breath every time the redhead walked into the room. If she knew Maryse could barely talk when she was around because of how beautiful she was. If she knew how much Jocelyn’s opinions mattered to her.
Raziel, she loved Jocelyn. She loved her more than she had ever loved – and would love – anyone.
“Maryse?”
The brunette didn’t stop to think. They only had a little over a year before Jocelyn’s parents forced her into a terrible marriage, and a little more until Maryse would have to do the same thing. Life was too short not to jump on opportunities like these.
She kissed Jocelyn softly, bent over the younger girl and letting their lips brush gently once, then twice, then a third time. The redhead made a small sound and Maryse deepened the kiss, trying to map out every part of Jocelyn’s mouth and taste every inch of her lips. She might only get to do this once, so she wanted to do it right.
They stayed like that for a few minutes, kissing lazily and silently, neither of them saying anything in fear of breaking the reverent atmosphere that had settled over them. Maryse knew that, as soon as one of them spoke, everything would go back to how it used to be.
Indeed, as soon as they broke apart, a chuckle slipped past Jocelyn’s lips. Maryse knew what was coming, but it still hurt to hear what her best friend had to say about their kiss. It still hurt to be in love with someone who only saw her as a friend, nothing more.
Never more, not when it came to Maryse.
“I didn’t know you needed the practice,” Jocelyn breathed out. She sounded wrecked and breathless and, deep down, Maryse knew she had enjoyed the kiss as much as the brunette had. But she would never admit it, so neither would Maryse. “For someone who I know has never kissed a boy before, you’re not too bad at this.”
“Yeah, well,” Maryse shrugged, pushing Jocelyn off her and standing up swiftly. She needed to get out of there. “What can I say? I have a lot of hidden talents, Fairchild. And you’re not too bad yourself.”
“Why thank you,” Jocelyn grinned. “Do we really have to go so soon? We only just got here.”
“It’s almost two in the morning, Joce,” Maryse said fondly. “We have to get back to the Academy within the half hour if we want to get enough sleep tonight. We’re going to be tired enough as it is.”
Jocelyn grumbled for a while longer but, unsurprisingly, she eventually gave in and followed Maryse out of the cabin. The two of them held hands on their way back to the Academy, walking at a much slower pace than earlier. It was nice, and Maryse knew she wasn’t imagining things when Jocelyn squeezed her hand a little tighter than usual.
Maybe her friend wasn’t as oblivious about Maryse’s feelings as the brunette had thought she was.
They didn’t say anything else that evening, and Maryse knew they would never talk about the kiss again. Jocelyn would write it off as a one-time thing that Maryse had done in a moment of folly. And Maryse would remember it as the one time she got to kiss the girl she loved. One beautifully broken memory in the midst of a hundred others.
But even if that was all she ever got, she couldn’t regret it. Not when it meant she got to fall asleep to the thought of Jocelyn’s soft lips that night.
Well, that night and every night that followed.