Chapter Text
Chapter 1 Regretting the New Year
Why did I think this was a good idea?
I am breathing heavily, and the swish of my athletic jacket rubbing under my arms is starting to annoy me. My feet don’t ache, but my legs are screaming now? Why did I decide to start running again?
The sun is just beginning to peek out over the horizon, her rays chasing away the night. Above me, I hear the squawk of a crow. They were everywhere this morning perched on traffic signs, telephone poles, and dewy lawns. The last time I had seen a murder of crows was in the fall back on Chandrila’s campus. The crows liked to gather in the tall pine trees and drop pine cones from unsuspecting heights. Something had spooked them once, and hundreds of them went flying out of the tree, darkening the sky into a mass of black feathers.
Crows gather above me on thin telephone poles, their beady eyes study me as I run. I shiver not because I find crows particularly freighting but because I can feel their heavy gaze on my back as I turn into the next street. My turquoise Nikes slap against the payment in heavy thuds.
Starting the new year with a run down to Takodana lake sounded like a great plan last night while buzzing with champagne. Everything sounded like a good idea surrounded by Rose, Paige, and Finn huddled under the porch, champagne bottle between us as we counted down to the new year. Fireworks had exploded into the sky in dazzling streaks of purple, red, and blue. Further down the street, we spotted our neighbor Armitage sweeping money into his home, to symbolize wealth in the coming year. We all laughed and gave him a toast.
Now at the early hours of 6 in the morning, out of breath only a few blocks away from home, was making me reconsider why I bothered getting out bed. But I knew why. If I hadn’t done this today, at this hour, would I have followed through with such a simple resolution?
Probably not.
I spot another crow on a stranger's dewy lawn. The bird hops on skinny legs and stretches out a wing, light reflects off the feathers in a midnight blue color. Even this bird was happy to be up this early in the morning.
I was so going back under the covers after this run and reading fanfiction on my phone.
I had not gone on a run since I moved to Takodana a year ago for university. A year hadn’t been much time. I thought my body would have been able to jump right back into a run. I had only run a few blocks but I was already out of breath. The Tico sisters have been spoiling me with their home-cooked meals ever since I moved in with them at the beginning of the summer.
I was thankful to Rose Tico every day for rescuing me from the musty dorm rooms at Chandrila university. I met Rose during a philosophy class in the spring. Why had we taken such a class when we could have picked from other more engaging topics?
We played ourselves.
We had hit it off over our joint hatred of the class and the Professor. Professor Skywalker was nice, but he tended to rant about the most random things. One class session after a light rain, he had told us he had spotted a snail sludging along the wet concrete. The creature was simply effervescent and assigned us all to observe a snail and write a paper about it.
Was Professor Skywalker always blissfully high, or did he believe his own bullshit? Our final paper had been to come up with a theory an old Greek philosopher would have written. Rose had used Aristophanes and connected his idea of soulmates to penguins, while I had defended Skywalker's effervescent snails as Plato's other allegory.
Suffice to say we both passed.
I push myself forward in my pair of Nikes I had picked up from a thrift store not long ago. They were a bit beat up from the previous owner’s daily routine, but they provide far better comfort than the old converse I use to run in. I catch the first glimpses of Takodana lake just as my side begins to ache.
Starting school at Chandrila gave me hope for my future. I no longer had to tiptoe around my alcoholic parents when I got home from school. I didn’t have to constantly jam headphones onto my head whenever I was home to be able to complete my schoolwork. I didn’t have to sneak money out of my parent's wallets to go to the grocery store.
Admittedly living in the dorms was lonely. I had a roommate in the beginning, but as the semester progressed, she spent less and less time there. Some nights I awoke in our white room, expecting to see the rise and fall of her chest as she slept, but most of the time, her bed was empty. My surrounding dorm mates were loud and could be heard through the thin walls laughing, joking, spewing nonsense.
I often found myself spending less and less time in my dorm and more time at my job at a grocery store and the library.
The crows continue to sprinkle the nooks of the neighborhood of Takodana all the way down to the lake. If I had been more superstitious, I would have probably turned back around and headed for bed. Starting off the new year surrounded by these many crows had to be some kind of sign.
If it was, it was not a sign meant for me. Last year's adjustment to college had been hard on me. My scholarship covered my tuition, and the few dollars left over helped with my rent for the dorm I slept in. For the expenses of food and rent, I had taken a job at a grocery store and another job at the alumni building, asking for donations from previous graduates. When I had come back to my dorm room from those jobs, the library would often be closed for the night, leaving me to retreat to my dorm and to jam my cheap headphones over my ears again. Finally, I just began arriving home exhausted, and my assignments incomplete.
My grades slipped, and I had come close to losing my scholarship that fall. Finn had been in the same boat, but with the help of his new girlfriend Rose, he had pulled himself out of the abyss. Then he came and helped me.
My second semester went smoother, but I still struggled to juggle both jobs. Rose suggested I quit one Finn, too. At the time, I had been debating dropping out of school. All my money was flowing into my living expenses, and I was constantly tired and stressed. I had not wanted to take a loan the school offered; I did not want to owe the university more money later. I had survived, but barely.
This year was different already, the fall semester of my second year felt different. I moved in with the Tico sisters during the summer, and Rose had introduced me to her parents, who ran a small flower shop in the middle of town. Mrs. Tico offered me a job at the store not long after meeting me, and I spent that summer making flower deliveries and as a cashier at Walker Market. I quit the call center job, between my savings from the summer and what I earned now with the Ticos I had enough money leftover not to need a second job.
An older man sits on a green bench and tossing oats at the ducks lucky enough to get a piece. The crows squawk at the man who tries to shoo them away, but they’re determined birds and the muffin the man had next to him becomes their breakfast.
I smile.
On my second lap, I catch the crows trying to steal the muffin out of the beak of another. The old man had run out of oats to feed the ducks instead, he leans back against the bench and observes them with tentative sips of his coffee. My stomach growls at me at that moment, reminding me I had left the house without eating breakfast.
On my last lap, I wonder if the Tico sisters are awake yet. Paige makes the most delicious ham and cheese omelets. Never burnt, always fluffy, and with cute ketchup designs on the plate. My mouth watered thinking about it. Maybe I could cut this lap short, after all, I had run to the lake. That had to count as another lap.
I’m considering it when I spot something white sticking out of the ground a few paces away from the path. I slow down to a fast walk and pant my way over to the object. With my hands on my knees and deep lungfuls of air, I study it.
That’s odd.
Bones rest on the grass in an odd formation. They’re not haphazardly thrown together the way an animal might leave them after a meal rather, their formation looks thought out. Maybe a teenager dabbling in witchcraft? Or someone looking to scare their friends?
My stomach growls again cutting, my curiosity short. I turn away from the bones and run on aching limbs all the way home.
----
The smell of freshly brewed coffee greets me as soon as I walk through the door of the old Tico family home. Paige and Rose's parents had gifted the sisters the house they grew up in once Rose began attending college. Paige graduated law school last year and was now working at a law firm as a paralegal. The Ticos wanted their daughters to get a taste of responsibilities while also giving Rose a taste of the college experience. Rose originally wanted to experience the dorm life during her first year of university but could not pass up the offer.
The rent was cheaper, the space bigger, and her roommate was tolerable Rose had reasoned.
Their parents now lived in a smaller apartment on the second floor of their flower shop. Mrs. Tico says she prefers it this way because she wakes to the smell of fresh flowers every day. They visit often, so the Tico sisters hardly have time to miss them.
Since their parents were their landlords, their rent was cheap and split three ways between all three of us, the house was a deal. I could not ask for a better place to live. The only downside was that the house was not within walking distance of the University, and Paige was the only one of us with a car that she used for work. Rose and I were currently saving up for one. We were both tired of taking the bus at night and walking home in the dark. Although, we did when we had too.
I loved living there and with them, although the sisters fought over petty things such as blaming each other for leaving socks in the kitchen and leaving hairballs in the shower. They were quick to bicker but just as quick to forgive.
I toe my shoes off at the entryway and slip the windbreaker off my shoulders. I head straight for the kitchen and pour myself some water. Paige stands in front of the coffee machine, her eyes staring intently as the coffee percolating into the pot.
"I'm surprised you're up this early," I comment after finishing my glass of water.
"I'm trying to get back in the habit before work on Monday," she sighs just as the coffee machine shuts off. Paige has a mug at the ready and doesn't hesitate to pour herself a cup.
Yes. Monday, when winter break comes to an end, and we all have to return to our regular lives.
"There were so many crows outside when I woke up. I could barely see out the window. Did you see anything weird out there?" Paige asks, blowing the steam off her coffee.
I pause debating whether I should mention the bones to Paige before deciding it’s worth sharing.
“Actually, while I was running laps around the lake, I found some bones,” Paige raises a skeptical eyebrow over the rim of her coffee. “At first, I thought they were leftovers from a coyote’s dinner but, they were in a weird formation” I shrug my shoulders, “probably nothing.”
“I’ve lived here all my life and have visited that lake almost daily, never seen anything like that. Probably some kids, goofing off.” Paige takes a cautious sip of her coffee. “Hey, since I’m up wanna binge the new season of Rebel Hospital? You know how I feel about Poe Dameron. That man only gets finer with age,” Paige dramatically fans herself with her free hand.
I laugh at that, “Sure just let me take a shower first.”
We are only a few episodes in when Rose wakes up, dragging a sherpa blanket behind her. She plops down between us and squints at the tv. Rose adjusts her blanket so that it falls over her head like a hoodie.
“Why are we up so early?” she asks in a sleepy voice before yawning and closing her eyes.
Before either of us can answer, she begins to snore. Paige shakes her head and smiles softly, moving Rose’s head to her shoulder.
My heart aches at the tenderness, and I try to stamp down the feelings of jealously that rise whenever I witness the love between the two sisters. My family might have abandoned me, but I had the Tico sisters now and Finn not to mention all the other friendly people I had met since moving here.
But even with all of them, I could help but feel lonely.