Work Text:
The sun was startlingly bright that day, the kind of radiant that caused one to blink several times before regaining sight after stepping outside.
It shouldn't be, Stein decided curtly to himself.
The day should have been gloomy, and frightfully dull. The vibrant colors surrounding the DWMA seemed to mock the man slouching down the entrance stairs, agitated by the solar rays and unfavorably punchy greens and blues and reds blotted across the scenery.
That's spring for you. Stein cursed the season to himself, even went so far as to damn it all to hell. It wasn't right, such a cheery three months. Not without you.
Being surrounded by life was horribly ironic to the man, it nearly pained him physically to take in the cherry blossoms, giving off their perfumed fragrance and blushing at any who admired them.
"Professor!"
The addressed man halted, pausing in his solemn march to see who called him so enthusiastically.
Maka Albarn was jogging toward him, Soul Evans trailing behind her at a stroll, taking his time.
"Hello, Maka. What can I do for you?" He did his utmost to be pleasant, but he couldn't help the traces of inner gloom that managed to creep out of his heart and into his voice, and came off as more dejected than helpful.
He had been especially distracted today, mistakenly removing the spleen of a pig instead of its heart during their weekly dissection demonstration. For good reason, but it was still embarrassing being called out by Blackstar, of all students.
She had looked concerned when she approached, he finally realized. Her expression didn't change as she said her intended words.
"Well...you seemed...off, during class. Not your usual self. Are you alright?"
Stein held back a scoff. It was kind of her to worry, he knew that and appreciated it, but at the same time, the gray-haired man was indignant at the knowledge that his students could tell he was feeling 'down'. Guess he wasn't as mysterious as he thought he was.
"I'm perfectly fine. Thank you for asking."
The clipped response seemed lacking, and the girl narrowed her eyes at him. Soul didn't seem convinced, either, his gaze seeming to pierce through the scientist in front of him.
However, Stein didn't have the will to remedy his unconvincing words, nor the patience.
"Have a good day, you two." He said steadily, measuring his words so as to appear as close to typical as possible.
Shuffling away from the pair, the man suddenly felt nauseated. The bold, blue sky above seemed as empty and menacing as the hole he felt crumbling into existence within him.
It hadn't been long, he told himself. It had only been yesterday, right? It certainly felt that way.
A pair of eyes gazed at Stein's lab-coat-covered back, from high up in the academy.
Spirit stood at a window, watching the man. He, like his daughter, Maka, wore the same concerned expression as he watched him. Having once been partners, Spirit knew exactly what was troubling the gray-haired teacher.
A blonde woman stood beside him, and she, too, knew precisely what ate at Stein's mind.
The pair stood in silence, a knowing atmosphere converging in their airspace, almost entirely eliminating the need to vocalize what they were both inevitably thinking.
Finally, the woman Marie broke the tense quiet.
"It's that day again. How long has it been? Three years?"
The red-headed man Spirit nodded, looking grim.
"Yeah, that's right. Man, he doesn't look too good."
Marie nodded at that.
"I wish there was something we could do to help."
"Even if there was, he wouldn't let us lift a finger. He's always been the 'suffer in silence' types."
Marie pressed her lips together.
"Still."
Stein's retreating figure had progressed to the gates of the DWMA, and he disappeared through them, out of their line of sight.
Sighing, Spirit left his post at the window.
---
Arriving home didn't provide Stein any solace.
His house was a mess, to say the least. Stein knew it, but didn't have the motivation to do jack about it.
You were usually the one who tidied and cleared away messes, taking the utmost pride in cleanliness. The house was in tip-top shape during the years you lived there with him, not to mention the transformation it underwent when you first moved in.
The previously sparse rooms, metallic fixtures and lacking decorum had all been upgraded to fit a more modern, practical-yet-aesthetically-pleasing interior design. It still screamed 'this is the home of a scientist' with Stein's tools organized in metallic cabinets, his corner desk organized meticulously, but those who visited could tell another, more lively, active soul resided with the man.
Splashes of color were woven into the rooms tastefully, through throws and furniture choice and picture frames (filled with pictures of the happy couple), and even Stein had to admit to himself (as well as to your smug face) that it was well-done.
Now, the man clutched onto one of said picture frames, staring through the glass into the frozen moment encapsulated within. He remembered that day; he had dragged you to a physiology conference. Not that you minded, because to you, any time with your love was worth spending.
The photo was taken outside by a colleague, to your insistence.
"Sweetie, one day, we'll look back at these photos and be grateful we took them. So give a big smile!"
He had obeyed, only because he loved you.
His mouth was, indeed, stretched into an almost unnatural smile; it least, it was unnatural next to your cheesy grin, your arm flung around your partner casually. Unbeknownst to the cameraman, his hand was slipped in your back pocket, which accounted for the slight blush on your cheeks.
That had been so humorous to him at the time, and for a long time after that. Now, however, he felt too much grief to embrace the warmth in this photo, or any other photo that contained you and him.
Setting the picture down on his side table, he shuffled to his desk, the messy room seeming to mock him.
Stein had tried so hard to keep the house up to your standards after what happened, but it became too much, the actions too reminiscent of you. Every time he ran a duster over the pictures frames placed at various points in the home, he thought of you, the fact you weren't there, and the cruel reality that you would never be there again.
The dust particles themselves reminded him of you; the dead skin cells, however gross that might seem, used to be from both of you. Now, years later, the only dust particles he swept were his, and his alone.
Everywhere he looked, you were there. That was impossible to avoid. The academy, the friends you shared, the house. But, by far, the entity most reminiscent of you was your shared bed. Queen-sized, you had chosen a tasteful duvet in a beautiful emerald green color. While the boldness of the shade had initially made Stein wary, he grew to love the duvet. Of course, he loved it most when it was wrapped around your nude form, on those nights you'd beg him to halt his desk work and join you. And join you, he did.
Most figured that the scientist was as cold and unassuming as a robot, but boy, could he prove otherwise in bed. You were always left breathless and feeling completely loved by your gray-haired honey, and would tell him over and over again that was the case afterwards, though your expressive noises and groans during your lovemaking conveyed that exact message to the man perfectly, no words needed.
The morning after was what Stein savored the most, getting to wake up and see your beautiful form splayed across his bed, peacefully slumbering with the duvet half-covering you. He would leave you to sleep for a little, only to gently shake you awake minutes later, a steaming cup of coffee ready for you.
That was his one wish, you see, since the beginning of your relationship. That you always felt loved, cherished, and even worshiped by him. Stein always felt a pang of anxiety when he thought back to you, nowadays, wondering if he had done enough to make you comfortable and happy during your days on Earth with him. In his heart of hearts, he knew he had. It was merely grief that led him to question his prior actions.
A knock at the door shook Stein out of his spiraling, and he jolted up in his desk chair.
He wasn't expecting anyone, who could possibly be there?
The scientist rose from his chair with a creak, shuffling into the living room and over to the door. He hesitated for a moment, but caved in and opened the door, sullen expression unchanging as he looked upon the kind face of Lord Death himself.
"Sir...to what do I owe the pleasure?" Stein made an attempt at a charming smile, but it came off as a pained grimace. Lord Death blinked.
"I merely wanted to check up on you. It's a hard day for all of us, for you most of all. When one of our own departs, it triggers a ripple effect that can be devastating if not treated. If you need anything at all, don't hesitate to ask."
Stein nodded, thanking him and closing the door once more.
Raking a hand through his hair, the man had just gotten back to his desk when his cell rang loudly, startling him.
"Good God, what now?"
Answering it, Stein said gravely, "Hello?"
"Hey Stein, it's Spirit. Maka just called me, asking where you were. I guess you're supposed to be helping the kids with their Soul Resonance today? I can call her back and cancel for you, if you're not up to it."
"Shit, I forgot. No, that's alright, tell her I'm coming."
He hung up before Spirit got the chance to say anything else. Knowing the red-headed man, he would awkwardly try to console Stein, and it would be an unpleasant experience for both of them. Coping with your absence was hard enough on his own, but constantly being reminded of it by his friends was almost unbearable. Every year, on the day of your death, his friends acted up particularly, pitying him and trying to do everything they could to make him feel better. But none of it helped, if anything their tactics made Stein feel worse.
You used to do that, try to cheer him up when things went wrong. You were the best at it, never failing once to make him smile. No one could compare, and ever would compare, to you. The one person who truly understood him, who truly knew how to love him. You could drag him out of bed and beat a wonderfully bright sense of purpose into him without hardly lifting a finger. As cheesy as it sounded, the scientist had discovered what it meant to live because of you.
Drawing in a sucking breath, Stein grabbed his lab coat and house keys, leaving his nest behind to go help Maka and her friends.
---
The afternoon was hot, but it cooled off as the sun got lower and lower in the sky.
Stein had almost lost track of time, but upon seeing the setting sun, he called out to the group of students he was helping. Along with Maka was Soul, Blackstar, Tsubaki, Kid, and the sisters Liz and Patty. They hadn't done too poorly, and Stein could tell that they were greatly improving their Soul Resonance technique.
But he really had to get going or he'd be late.
"Ah, hey guys, we're going to have to wrap it up for today." His words were met with groans of disappointment, mostly from Blackstar.
"We can continue training another day. I'll see you guys in class tomorrow."
"Tomorrow's a holiday, professor. We won't see you until the day after."
"Thank you, Maka. I'll see you the day after, then. Enjoy your holiday."
Stein shuffled towards town, hands jammed in his pockets. A holiday. Just more time for him to mope around at home. At least being a teacher kept him busy, he thought to himself. He'd probably try to grade papers, or avoid Spirit's attempts at dragging him out to get some sunshine.
But, enough of that. For now, Stein had something in mind. He reached the town, striding down street after street, making an occasional turn.
The scientist finally halted in front of the a shop, displays of blooming flowers in the window. He smiled to himself, walking in and approaching the counter. The clerk was the same as always, and he recognized the gray-haired man instantly.
"Ah, Stein. Good to see you. What can I do for you?"
Stein used to constantly gift you flowers, to the point that seeing a flower, any flower, overwhelmingly reminded you of your stony-faced darling. He had loved seeing your face light up when he presented them to you, and even would let slip a corny grin himself.
"Surprise me."
You had loved all types of flowers, never preferring one kind over the other. Stein was well aware of this, so he always told the vendor to surprise him. Even now, the clerk looked unsurprised at Stein's words, nodding and ducking into the back room.
He emerged with a simple-looking bouquet, made up of every color of flower imaginable. A white ribbon tied them together, along with the wax paper. Stein thought it was perfect, and thanked him, paying.
Now the hard part.
He actually visited your grave many times a year, sometimes to talk with you, or sometimes to leave a nice gift, or even just to stand there in silence. It provided him great solace that he was able to come back and say hello, in a sense. Humans really are strange, he thought. He was strange for needing to feel close to you, even when you were dead and gone. The empirical side of him scorned this cushy desire within him, but that didn't stop him from showing up.
Now, he strode towards the cemetery. It was almost hidden away, covered in willow trees and sheltered within a small valley. Only those who had buried their loved ones here really knew it existed, which always seems to be the way of things.
He slowed to a stroll as he got closer to your grave; the headstone was newer than the others surrounding you, still shiny despite being beaten down by rain and wind. Stein halted in front of your grave, and he let out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding.
"I'm here, darling." He said. The first few times he visited, he'd felt embarrassed talking out loud to you, scared that others visiting the cemetery would hear him. But by now, he'd grown used to the peace; it was as though the boundaries of the cemetery held a sense of calm within that couldn't be found outside. The willow trees swayed gently, even when there was no breeze.
Stein knelt, placing the bouquet on your plot. A small cake, wrapped delicately in pink ribbons and paper, had been placed there as well. Your mother must have dropped by earlier, he thought to himself. He really should visit her, it had been a while.
Standing up straight, Stein gazed down at the headstone in front of him.
"It looks like your mother visited you earlier. I'll visit her for you tomorrow, and make sure she's doing alright."
Silence. Stein hated it, but he wasn't exactly expecting you to leap out of the ground and start talking back. He laughed nervously at that image, rubbing the back of his neck.
"It's really hard without you. I know I say that every time I come visit, and I'm sorry for guilt-tripping you like this, but it's true."
He paused, before continuing.
"Three years. It's already been so long without you, I don't know how I've managed to scrape by." He thought back to his pictures with you, then to the sorry state of his messy house.
"I sort of let the house go to hell, and I'm really sorry, honey."
He thought of his friends, the ones who were trying to hard to help him through your absence.
"I know you would've hated seeing me like this. Ignoring our friends, pushing them away. It just...seemed easier than trying to help them understand."
The truth rang through his words, and he could've sworn he saw a wisp of mist flit upwards from your plot of earth. Smiling, he knew you were there. This wasn't the first time you'd manifested at your grave like this, though Stein never saw much more than that little wisp. He would've given anything to see you again, in full form, smiling up at him.
The wisp lingered, almost waiting.
Stein continued.
"I'm going to try harder to socialize, and clean the house, and...find joy in life."
Still silence, but the wisp lingered as a sign of encouragement, flitting to the side.
"I'll do it for you, because..."
The wisp floated closer to Stein's face, resting just in front of him.
"...I love you."
You loved him, too.