Chapter Text
It was three months into their relationship, a month before he was due back in China, when Yifan asked the question that Junmyeon had been dreading. “Aren’t you getting old?” Yifan says out of nowhere over breakfast. “ Hyung, what does that have to do with Hapkido?” To be fair, Yifan had not had his morning coffee yet and there was a logical train of thought going on in his head. Instead of explaining that though, yifan places a soft kiss to Junmyeon’s forehead, earning him an eye roll. “Please don’t call me that. It doesn’t suit you. I just meant that your turning 30 soon, shouldn’t you be in the military by now?” Yifan explains, not noticing how his boyfriend suddenly became tense. “Actually… I’m leaving in a couple months.” Junmyeon answers. Yifan drops his chopsticks in shock. “And you’re only mentioning this now?”
“I didn’t think that it was a big deal. You’ll be back in China by then anyway.” Junmyeon says trying to save face and Yifan knows it but lets it go. “How long will you be gone?”
“About 18 months.”
“Were you even going to tell me? Or was I going to open Twitter one day, and find out through an official statement with all your fans?”
“Fan ah.”He just says, not knowing how to respond. He wants to say that he was going to tell him before that could have ever happened but he also knows that he’s had plenty of opportunity to say something over the past three months and yet here they are.
Junmyeon gets up from where he was sitting across from his boyfriend, only to sit down right next to him. Junmyeon wraps his arms around, a frowning Yifan’s left arm and leans into his giant boyfriend. “You’re right. I’m sorry.” Junmyeon says switching to formal Korean. Not for the first time, Junmyeon is such an enigma to Yifan. Yifan thinks back to that first morning three months ago, that kiss they shared in Junmyeon’s doorway. He knows a goodbye kiss when he gets one. Yifan has ghosted people out of sheer necessity, enough times to know when it’s about to happen to him. Maybe that’s why he went a little out of his mind and confessed his love to someone he had known for less than 12 hours, most of which were spent sleeping. Junmyeon has that same look in his eyes that he had back then. Yifan doesn’t understand how someone with one foot out of the door can look at him with those eyes. How he can apologise so easily and make sure that they are okay every time they fight, even though he’s still convinced that they won’t make it. “I love you.” Yifan hopes that Junmyeon gets everything he’s trying to say with those words. “Me too.” He says back to casual Korean, unable to look Yifan in the eyes. Yifan knows that it’s hard to take him seriously when he says those words. Especially seeing as they have only known each other for three months, so Junmyeon doesn’t know that despite all the trouble that Kris gets into with his unconsciously flirty persona, Yifan doesn’t just throw around those words. He would never say them if he didn’t mean it with everything in him, but Junmyeon is not ready for that conversation.
It was about a week a later, Junmyeon and Yifan’s 101st day. They hadn’t gotten a chance to meet up the day before between Yifan wrapping up his movie and Junmyeon’s idol schedule and Junmyeon was getting anxious. He could tell that Yifan was still upset that he hadn’t told him about his enlistment and he still felt guilty, even if Yifan was quick to forgive him. Guilt. Seems like that’s all Junmyeon knows how to feel these days. He feels guilty for being in a relationship and having to keep it secret. He feels guilty every time he has to lie in interviews. He feels guilty for avoiding his parents’ calls ever since his mother found out about said relationship. He feels guilty for neglecting his friends and giving all his free time to a man who’s leaving in a couple weeks. Most of all he feels guilty for keeping this thing he’s got with Yifan going on for this long. Their love was not made to last, Junmyeon has known that since day one. If it’s not the fact that them both being male makes the best case scenario for them illegal, then it’s that they live in different time zones. If not that, then there’s the military. Yifan and he are about to become just another statistic. One of the many couples broken by the military and long distance and yet Junmyeon just can’t seem to do the right thing and stop things here. Before things get too deep.
Junmyeon is snapped out of his thoughts when he hears someone putting in the code for his apartment and letting themselves in. “Who told you that you could just come in?” He yells from the kitchen where he was getting started on dinner. “Yeobo, listen to how your son greets us. Is this how you raised him?”
“Why is the rude one my son all of a sudden?” An all too familiar voice grunts in his living room and Junmyeon almost cuts his finger at the shock. He puts the knife down and rushes out to the living room, desperately hoping that his ears deceived him. Please! Not today!
“Omonim! Abonim! Why?” Is all Junmyeon could say with how flustered he is. “You would know if you bothered to answer your phone. Why spend so much money if your own mother and father can’t reach you? There’s no use in raising children.” His father is in full lecture mode. He doesn’t have time for this. “Leave my son alone. My Junmyeon ah have you eaten?” His mother coos before walking into the kitchen. Junmyeon is too busy trying to figure out when he became her son again to follow. “Son, since when do you like japchae?” His mother asks from the kitchen and he’s back in panic mode. Of course she can tell what he’s making just from seeing all the ingredients laid out. “I just chose it because it’s quick.” Junmyeon explains hoping to get his parents out of his place before his boyfriend shows up. “ I brought you some more banchan (side dishes), but I see that you’ve been making your own. Isn’t this too much food for just you? Oh! Is my son in law coming?!” Junmyeon watched as his mother goes from confusion to glee when she realises what her son’s plans were for tonight. She is definitely not going anywhere. “Ya! Is this what you were going to feed him??!”
“You were fine when you thought that it was just me eating it. Your actual son.” His mum ignores him in favour of searching his kitchen, to see what she can do to spice up the basic meal her son was preparing. Junmyeon takes out his phone to tell Yifan not to show up but it’s too late he can hear him keying the passcode to unlock his front door. “Honey, I’m home!” Yifan says jokingly like he always does and Junmyeon wants desperately to disappear. “I see that they just let anyone past security these days.” Junmyeon hears his father say gruffly and rushes in to save his boyfriend.
“Yifan! I was going to call you. My parents just showed up out of nowhere. I’m sorry about our date.” Junmyeon says the last part softly so that only Yifan can hear. “Don’t worry about it.” Yifan says trying not that hard to suppress his small smile at how flustered Junmeyon is. Unable to resist he leans down to peck the top of Junmyeon’s head but is interrupted by a throat loudly clearing. Yifan jumps, having forgotten that they weren’t alone. “Umm here.” Yifan says in Mandarin, he needs a bit to remember how to speak Korean. It’s only then that Junmyeon notices that Yifan is handing him some golden balloons. A one and two zeros. “Did you walk in here carrying those? What if someone saw you?” It’s hard to take the lecture seriously when Junmyeon can’t hold back the obvious awe in his eyes. “I was careful don’t worry about it.”
“But sti…”
“Does this friend of yours not know how to greet his elders?” Junmyeon’s father interrupts his son’s protest and Yifan blushes. “My apologies. Hello sir. I am Wu Yifan.” He introduces self bowing deeply. Junmyeon had no idea that his boyfriend could be so intimidated by anyone. Junmyeon’s father gives Yifan a stern look. “How dare you look down on me!” He scolds the taller male. Yifan is on his knees before he can stop to think about it, ready to apologise profusely for his genetics. “Dad! Stop it!” Junmyeon whines and his father immediately drops the act and chuckles. “You’re no fun, my son.”
“Yifan get up, he’s just making fun of you.” Junmyeon says giving his boyfriend a hand. If Yifan wasn’t embarrassed before he certainly was now.
Surprisingly, Junmyeon’s mother was on her best behaviour that night. Not once, did she do anything crazy like call Yifan her son in law to his face or ask when they getting married. No she’s a grown woman who knows how to pretend to be normal until Yifan was no longer around. Junmyeon really loves her. He really doesn’t acknowledge enough how blessed that he is to have her. She didn’t even bring attention to the fact that they were wearing matching shirts until Yifan had left. Junmyeon had complained and said that it was super cringey when Yifan got them. Yifan was nice enough not to point out that his words lose their meaning if he’s trying the shirt on unprompted while he’s saying them.
It’s funny really how good his mum’s act was. Yifan was practically sweating the whole evening, trying to gain his parents’ approval, meanwhile back at the ranch his mother is still referring to Yifan exclusively as Son in Law as if he didn’t have a name. Junmyeon really needs to treat his father better, the poor man must have had such a hard time if his wife is this good at playing games. It’s no wonder he was so obviously – well obvious to his son anyway – entertained by how nervous Yifan was the whole night.
In spite of it all, Junmyeon had a great time that night and he could tell that Yifan did too. For a moment, the end wasn’t something that was niggling in the back of his mind. For a moment, Junmyeon let himself have this. For a moment, Junmyeon let himself believe that maybe love could be enough.
Spoiler Alert: It wasn’t.
Six Months Later
“Aren’t you in the military? Why do I hear from you more often these days?”
“Sorry Mum. I promise to be a better son.”
“You are the best son.”
“I’m telling hyung you said that.”
“That’s fine.” She says unbothered and making him chuckle. “I love you, Mum.”
“I love you too. Now tell me what’s wrong.”
“Nothing is wrong.”
“When did I become the mother of a liar?” Junmyeon stays silent not knowing what to say. Or rather he knows what to say, he just doesn’t know how to say it.
“I can’t help if you don’t tell me what’s wrong.”
“Minseok hyung was there. You already know.”
“You still have to say the words.”
Let’s break up. Yifan’s voice in his head replays for the millionth time since they were first spoken three and a half months ago.
“Does it have to be today?”
“No but it would be better if it was.”
“I know… Tomorrow. I’ll say the words tomorrow” Junmyeon just wants to lie to himself for one more day. It’s been just one more day for almost four months now.