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Friday nights were special for Troy. Abed and Annie both had evening classes, and Troy had the apartment to himself for two, sweet hours. And these hours were dedicated to one thing. Downton Abbey.
Troy loved Downton Abbey; the drama, the emotion, the excess of it all. But he only had time to watch it when he was alone in the apartment, as Abed hated the show and refused to be in the same room when it was on. So, Friday evenings were reserved for Troy to escape into the world of melodramatic period dramas.
This particular Friday, however, Troy’s private evening was cut short. Abed’s class usually ran until 8:00, but at 7:23 Troy was alerted by the sound of keys in the front door lock. Troy couldn’t help but feel concerned as his boyfriend entered the room, but didn’t have time to speak.
Abed did a quick scan of the room and when his eyes landed on Troy, he spoke quickly, “Can we go lay down in bed please?”
Troy knew what the request meant immediately, something was wrong. “Of course,” he tried to sound as reassuring as possible, pausing the TV, “Whatever you need.”
As the two of them made their way to their bedroom, Troy took note of the quick determination with which Abed walked despite his hunched shoulders and noticeable demeanor of discomfort.
Once safely in their room, Troy made quick work of shutting the blinds on their two windows before sitting on the bed waiting for Abed as he changed clothes. On days like this Abed always changes into the same outfit, a pair of thick sweatpants and one of Troy's high-school sweatshirts. He liked the weight and feel of the fabric, and they were some of the only clothes he could wear when worked up like this.
Once appropriately dressed, Abed grabbed a sleep-mask off his bedside table, equipped it, and made his way under the covers to lie down. Troy took his place next to Abed in bed, careful not to touch him.
When Abed was like this he had two settings. Either he did not want to be touched at all , or he desperately needed the comfort of physical affection. When Abed extended his arm expectantly to troy, he took that as his sign that Abed needed the latter that day. He carefully shifted so he was laying on top of his boyfriend, head on his chest, applying what he assumed to be the needed pressure. Abed had explained to him before how sometimes he gets so in his head and disconnected from the world, he needs literal physical weight to keep him grounded. And this had become a common practice on Abed’s bad days, for Troy to provide that weight. From this position, Troy could feel the quick, shallow breaths the other man was taking, and it made his chest ache to imagine whatever feeling of panic Abed was experiencing.
“Do you wanna talk about it?” Troy asked softly, careful to keep his voice even and quiet.
Abed mumbled a tired, “Not yet.” So Troy left it there.
This was just something that happened sometimes, it came with the package that was dating Abed (not that Troy minded in the least). Some days were just too much for him. Sounds were too loud and lights were too bright and his skin crawled at every sensation. Or days when one thing after another would go wrong and things got a little too difficult and it was just too much for him to handle. Some days Abed just needed to decompress, in the dark and the quiet. And, when needed, Troy was always right there to help, happy to offer any slight comfort he could.
They laid together in silence, Troy paying attention when Abed’s breaths started slowing and evening out.
“Can we switch places?” Abed murmured softly.
“Yeah, yeah of course, hold on” Troy carefully climbed off of Abed, rolling over onto his back.
Abed pulled the sleep-mask off, replacing it by burying his face in Troy’s neck, throwing an arm and a leg over the younger man to settle comfortably.
“You feeling better?” Troy asked.
“Some.”
“Wanna talk now?”
Abed was silent for a moment, considering, before making his decision. He carefully shifted downwards, removing his face from the crook of Troy’s neck to rest his head on Troy’s chest. “It was just… a hard day.”
“What happened?”
“Just too loud and too bright. You know how it gets sometimes, but I was handling it fine. And then that Women’s Lit professor who I can’t read tried to get me to discuss the reading in class and I couldn’t understand what she was saying or what she wanted me to say and I just sat there and didn’t say anything. So now she and everyone in that class thinks I’m even weirder than they already did.”
Troy could hear the distress in Abed’s voice and tried his best to comfort the other man, one hand rubbing Abed’s back reassuringly, the other gently combing through his hair.
“Then my dad called me before my last class and it didn’t go well and I couldn’t go to class after, I needed to come home.”
“What did your dad say to you? Was it about us?”
“Not exactly, at least he didn’t say it outright. He was mostly mad because he found out about the celebrity impersonators thing. I tried telling him it was fine and I didn’t owe any money. But he was still upset that I did it in the first place and gave me a lecture about how I’m never going to grow up or learn responsibility or earn his trust and-” Abed had to stop himself when his voice cracked a bit. He took a shaky breath and was quiet for a moment, calming himself, before he continued, “He said that it wasn’t appropriate for me to be so codependent on another man, meaning you, and that we shouldn’t live together anymore or I’ll never learn to be independent.
Troy scratched the base of Abed’s neck comfortingly, “I’m sorry-”
“I’m not done,” Abed cut him off, effectively shutting him up, “When I didn’t go to class, I realized I would have to come home and do this with you. And I hate doing this because I hate always having these problems and making you worry and being so high maintenance. So the whole bus ride home I was thinking about that and I started spiraling and I don’t wanna talk about that because it was really bad. And I know it’s not healthy to get so in my own head but I can’t help it sometimes, it was a bad day. And the fact that I needed to come home and be with you so badly makes me feel like my dad is right and I’m too dependent on you but I don’t know how else to deal with this and-”
“Abed, stop,” Troy cut off his prattling, not willing to let Abed talk himself further into this hole, “breathe, okay?” Abed did as he was told, taking a series of deep breaths.
“Look, first off, I’m sorry today was overwhelming, and also about your lit teacher. That shit sucks. But more importantly, your dad doesn’t get to say that stuff to you. We resolved the whole impersonators thing; you and me talked about it. Like, yeah you made some mistakes but we handled it and you learned and grew from it. That’s like, the whole point of growing up, making mistakes. Yeah?” Abed nodded slowly, though Troy wasn’t sure Abed fully believed him.
“But I promise, you do not need to worry about being high maintenance or anything like that, okay? Look, I love you. Like, every single part of you, even the parts that take a little work. Which, for the record, everyone takes work; every relationship means dealing with the other person’s problems, that’s just what dating is. You help me when I have bad days, how is this any different? What you need on bad days is just more, like, specific I guess. But it doesn’t matter, I love you and it’s both our jobs to take care of each other because that’s what people do when they’re in love.
Abed was quiet for a moment, taking his time absorbing Troy’s words.
“Was that okay?” Troy asked quietly, “I didn’t say something wrong, did I?”
Abed took another moment before responding, “No, that was good.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. It was a good speech. And I think it made me feel better.” Troy let out a breath of relief, “I guess you’re right. I shouldn’t really blame myself for having problems if everyone else in the world is also having problems. And if we both help each other with our problems, then that equals out. That makes sense.”
Abed pulls himself up slightly, lifting onto one elbow next to Troy. “Thanks for helping me, you’ve gotten really good at it. I love you.” He said, cupping Troy’s cheek and leaning down to give his boyfriend a grateful kiss.
Troy grinned happily, “Thanks, I’m happy to do it. And I love you too, so much.” he reached up to carefully run his thumb over Abed’s cheekbone, “What now, you want something to eat? Or we could watch something ”
Abed considered his offer, “I’ll eat but then I want to go bed, I’m kind of exhausted”
“Yeah, we can do that. Come on.” With another quick kiss, they clambered out of bed and found their way to the kitchen.
Annie wasn’t in the kitchen or living room, but the light was shining from under her door so they knew she was home. Troy happily fixed two servings of buttered noodles, not minding when Abed distracted him with the occasional kiss. They ate together peacefully, rehashing their definitive ranking of the Alien movies. It was a conversation they had had many times before, but Abed always enjoyed going over it again and Troy never had a reason to complain.
After eating, they made their way back to their room. Once comfortably back in their bed, the two of them curled up together, Troy’s head on Abed’s chest.
“I know I already said thank you but I want to say it again.” Abed spoke up, “So, thank you for making me feel better and for making buttered noodles and for always loving me.”
Troy looked up at him, grinning “You don’t have to thank me for loving you, it comes naturally.”
“Noted.”
Troy pressed another soft kiss to the other man’s lips. The two of them settled comfortably into each other’s warmth, happy to have the day behind them and only have each other to concern themselves with.