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Tsukishima really couldn’t study in his dorm room for the life of him. Or sleep, for that matter.
His irritating roommate was always either entertaining guests in their common area or snoring like a jackhammer. The other residents in the building always talked in such loud voices that challenged the limits of the campus police. If he didn’t have to walk a full hour to get to school from home every day, he would have moved out of the dorm in the first semester of his freshman year.
It was only a relief to him (although he would never admit it) that Yamaguchi began working part-time at a nearby 24-hour café. It was a small place, almost a hole-in-the-wall, so regular hipster assholes weren’t bumbling about and ordering fancy drinks that were poor excuses for coffee. It was in this place that he escaped to for a little peace and quiet in the wee hours of the morning.
Well, as peaceful and quiet as things could get when he was around his best friend.
“Tsukki!” Yamaguchi kept his voice low as Tsukishima sauntered toward the counter even as his friend came up behind it. “An americano, the biggest one?”
Tsukishima sighed, then nodded. Yamaguchi was awfully chipper for someone who has to stay up in the ungodly hours of the day.
“Is it noisy in your dorm again?”
A vein jumped in Tsukki’s temple that had Yamaguchi smiling wanly. “There always seems to be a party somewhere in the building. How are they not getting kicked out?”
“Maybe they have the grades to show for it?”
“Grades they probably haven’t gotten themselves.”
Yamaguchi clicked his tongue as he arranged Tsukishima’s coffee. “That’s mean, Tsukki. You don’t know that.”
“That’s neither here nor there.”
Yamaguchi placed a cover on the cup firmly and grabbed a set of tissues before giving it to Tsukki. “Will you have a booth, or stay here?”
Tsukishima paused. He hardly ever saw Yamaguchi during the day since they graduated high school. Not only were they in different universities now, but Yamaguchi also hasn’t moved out of his parents’ house. He was either working in the café or sleeping at home when he wasn’t in school. And when he wasn’t resting on weekends, he was away in Tokyo.
“I’ll take the bar.”
Yamaguchi beamed. “It’s all yours.”
Tsukishima took his coffee and sat himself on a high stool, the closest he could be to the counter. He had a paper to finish and a problem set for chemistry, so he whipped out his laptop and punched out his linguistics paper first as it was the easier of the two tasks.
Yamaguchi on the other hand finished his rounds of clearing tables and checking on the other customers before coming back inside the counter for his study break. He took a stool and sat himself across Tsukishima on the bar, laying out his papers between them.
When he saw what his friend was working on, Tsukishima wrinkled his nose. “Ugh. Physics.”
Yamaguchi’s lips quirked up in a smile. “Why? What’s with physics?” He seemed too good-humored for someone filling in equations in some alien language.
Tsukishima shrugged. “I don’t get it.”
“You never failed it though.”
“Doesn’t mean I was good at it. Damn numbers and letters.”
Yamaguchi snickered. “You’re like Yacchan. Art people always have something to say about hard sciences.”
Ah, there it is. If he thought he was going to have an evening without one mention of the girl his friend was pining for, Tsukishima was in for a long think. It didn’t help at all that Yachi decided to go to an art school in Tokyo, leaving Tsukishima to suffer through Yamaguchi’s complaints of the distance.
The blonde boy kept his mouth shut and went on typing. Yamaguchi grew curious and peeked over his screen. Then laughed.
“I have a paper for my English class due this week. Be a friend and help me out?”
Without so much as a glance up, Tsukishima replied, “If you would help me with my chem set.”
“Ah, figures. No wonder you’re roasting my physics.”
“Shut up, Yamaguchi.”
Yamaguchi sniggered. “Gomen, Tsukki!”
The two boys settled into a comfortable silence, punctured only by Tsukishima’s fingers on his keyboard and Yamaguchi’s pen scratching on paper. After a while, when Yamaguchi was on a five-minute round in the shop, his phone on the bar vibrated with an incoming call.
Yacchan.
Tsukishima frowned. It was about four in the morning; how was Yachi awake? He glanced up to look for Yamaguchi, but the other boy was in the comfort room hall. Tsukishima didn’t feel like getting up just to give him the phone. He sighed and answered the call.
“Yam—”
“It’s Tsukishima. Don’t embarrass yourself.”
There was a high squeak in the other line, and Tsukishima could all but imagine Yachi’s face turning red. After a few seconds of settling her breathing, Yachi spoke again.
“Tsukishima-kun! Where is Yamaguchi?”
“He’s in the CR area, cleaning. Should I take a message?”
“Ah, no. It’s okay. I’ll text him to say I’ll call again.” A pause. “How are you, Tsukishima-kun?”
“In the middle of a paper.”
“O-oh, are you?” Nervous laughter, fidgeting. “I’m in the middle of a plate myself. This is due in a few hours.”
“Mhm.”
She paused again, a longer one this time. “You never come with Yamaguchi on weekends. You should come next time; let’s all go out. Tokyo has a lot of cool places to be.”
“I’m sure you’d appreciate me not cockblocking you guys.”
Yachi squeaked again. Tsukishima rolled his eyes. Some things never change, particularly with the anxiety squad.
“Wh-what does that mean?”
“You tell me.”
“We don’t… I don’t really… I mean, I do, but…”
“So, what’s stopping you?”
He heard Yachi sigh, ultimately giving up on words. Tsukishima didn’t know what pushed him to say what he did. It must have been because of the time. Four in the morning was always the time for sappy things such as heart-to-heart talks—not that he was ever awake for one (except for the times back in high school when Yamaguchi would stay up talking his ears off, thinking Tsukishima was asleep).
Unfortunately for him, Yachi is the sappy sort. No wonder she and Yamaguchi get along well.
“I’m scared, Tsukishima-kun. Yamaguchi is nice to everybody.”
He felt a stab of annoyance right along his jaw. There was a snap in his voice that he was sure Yachi would have picked up. “Yachi, get over it. You know it, everyone knows it. Take a hint and give the guy a break.”
Why he was giving relationship advice to his best friend’s crush at fucking four in the morning was beyond him. Maybe it was the time, after all. Maybe it was the coffee. Or maybe it was a demon in the name of procrastination because he had hit a wall with his paper.
Whatever the case, he said what he said.
Yamaguchi has pined for Yachi since their first year, and it only got worse as the years passed by. By the time they entered their third year, only a fool wouldn’t notice it. His friend tried to hide it; oh yes, he did, but even the dense twins in the form of Kageyama and Hinata noticed something was going on. Or something wanted to go on but couldn’t.
After receiving the baton from Ennoshita, Yamaguchi was always stressed with club activities, but nothing lifted his spirits more than when Yachi comes over to lighten his load. Sure, the members both old and new would help out some, and he always bore the brunt of Yamaguchi’s stressed rants on their walks home. But Tsukishima saw, as did everyone else, that Yamaguchi smiled differently with one “Yamaguchi-kun, are you okay?” from Yachi. Eventually, the stressed rants targeted toward him have decreased exponentially, only to be replaced by endless “Yachi this” or “Yachi that”.
Yamaguchi was never the subtle sort, after all.
In some way, after a considerably long think, Tsukishima soon realized that Yachi was the one filling in the gaps in Yamaguchi’s life that he never bothered to.
Yamaguchi has always been by his side, but it was not because Tsukishima did anything to keep him there. Between the two of them, Yamaguchi was always the one drawing near, making the effort, taking the extra step. And Tsukishima had gotten used to that, had enjoyed not being a total outcast because someone actually managed to befriend him.
He never once considered that things might change between them, that Yamaguchi might have been in need of something from him as well. To his chagrin, he never was good at empathizing, never made the effort to improve on that aspect. How was he supposed to know that it would cost him his best friend?
And would he have done something if he knew?
He still had no answer for that.
But now, even he couldn’t deny that his place in Yamaguchi’s life was slowly being taken over by one Yachi Hitoka. Something about that didn’t set well with him at the moment.
“But he never said anything about it…”
Her voice on the other line brought Tsukishima back to the present. Yachi wasn’t dense; Tsukishima would argue that Kageyama remained as the top blockhead in their batch. But she was always careful, and rightfully so. His friend would travel for hours to meet up with her in Tokyo but would never say anything about his feelings.
It drove Tsukishima nuts.
“To be fair, that’s on him.” Tsukishima felt a headache brewing and considering cutting his morning classes. “But you two are like two peas in a pod. If you said something that would confirm that he has a chance with you, he wouldn’t hesitate.
Open up an advice column on the school paper, why don’t you, Kei?
“But I do like him…”
“Then tell him.”
“Tell who what?”
Yachi gasped sharply even as Tsukishima jolted on his seat. Yamaguchi had come back into the counter, looking at his best friend with a brow raised.
“Why are you on my phone?”
Tsukishima drew the phone away, but saw that the call had ended. Clearing his throat, he said, “That was Yachi.”
The change was imminent. Yamaguchi’s face became dusty pink under his freckles, and his body shook as his eyes shone. And still, he tried to play it down. Who he was hoping fool, Tsukishima didn’t know.
“Was it? Why didn’t you give it to me?”
“You were busy. We were catching up.”
“Oh. Right. I’m at work. How is she?”
Tsukishima placed the phone down on the counter as a message came in from Yachi. “She was in the middle of a plate, she said.”
But Yamaguchi was gone, grabbing his phone and checking the messages. Tsukishima could all but disappear and he wouldn’t notice. He tried to get back into his paper, but found his eyes wandering toward Yamaguchi, who didn’t bother hide his excitement over his phone.
Time ticked by. Customers came and went. Yamaguchi got up every so often to refresh the coffee shop playlist and clean tables, hand glued to his phone all the while. Tsukishima finished his paper and put his laptop away to work on his problem set. He realized with irritation that he probably won’t be able to get his friend’s attention long enough to help him with it.
After a few word problems, Tsukishima put his pen down and massaged his temple. Where in my life will I ever need to know how to balance an equation?
“Did you finish your problem set?” Yamaguchi finally asked.
“It’s not due till Friday. I have time.”
“Let’s finish it now! So you can sleep when you get back to the dorm.”
“Fat chance.”
But he let Yamaguchi guide him through the problems, except every so often the phone on the counter would ping with a new message. His patience grew thin whenever Yamaguchi would stop in the middle of an explanation to punch back a reply.
“Isn’t Yachi done with her plate?” Isn’t this girl planning to sleep at all?
“Oh.” Yamaguchi grinned, and it was not hard to see that she made him happy. Something lurched in Tsukishima’s stomach. “She said she’s stuck, so she’s procrastinating.”
“She should just sleep instead.”
There came a concerned sigh. “She really should. She’s extra fidgety when she hasn’t had enough sleep.”
Says the guy who works graveyard shifts.
It was quiet for the most part as they both finished their work. Soon enough, the sun started to peek over the horizon, and Tsukishima realized that he hadn’t slept at all. He had told himself he’d only stay long enough to finish his paper—
Screw it, he came into the coffee shop to spend time with Yamaguchi, and he wasn’t about to lie to himself. It’s not like he hasn’t stayed all through Yamaguchi’s graveyard shift before (it’s just been a few months since). When he finally finished his problem set, he started on a project that wasn’t due till the end of the semester, only for an excuse to stay.
Yamaguchi peered over the counter. “You have a lot going on, Tsukki.”
“Mhm.” Not really. “I’ll have another coffee, and two banana cake slices.”
“Is that going to be breakfast?” He punched in the order and put it on Tsukishima’s tab. “You’re staying till I get off, aren’t you?”
Yes. “I can’t work in the dorm.”
Yamaguchi’s smile was borderline teasing. “Sure.” When he pushed fresh coffee and a plate of banana cake towards Tsukishima, the blonde boy poked the other slice. He knew Yamaguchi often slept the day away after work and often went to class without eating.
“Eat that.”
Yamaguchi paused, then grinned wider. “Aw, Tsukki—”
“Shut up, Yamaguchi.”
“I literally haven’t said anything yet.” Yamaguchi took a new fork and took a bite of the cake. “Thank you, Tsukki.”
Fortunately, Yamaguchi’s shift ended before Tsukishima could finish his damn project. The clock on the wall finally struck 7AM. Yamaguchi untied his apron and gathered up his school things before timing out. He greeted his reliever before stepping out of the shop with Tsukishima.
They walked home together for the first time in a long while. The way home had changed in the last year, and instead of being the first to turn into his house, Tsukishima now had to watch Yamaguchi arrive home first. The path they walked together was also significantly shorter, but he never told Yamaguchi that he chose to walk the long way back to the dorm just to be able to walk with his friend.
He had also long stopped using headphones when they walked together. Yamaguchi’s chattering voice had become more welcome now that he didn’t get to hear it every day.
Distance makes the heart grow fonder, or some shit like that. Tsukishima grimaced at the realization.
“Ah, Tsukki, I’m here.”
And the path seems to grow shorter every day. “Oh, okay.” As he was about to put his headphones on, Yamaguchi called him.
“Come with me to Tokyo this Saturday. Yachi probably wants to see you too. Kageyama and Hinata can’t be helped, but it would be fun to catch up, even if it’s just the three of us.” With a pause, he added, “Maybe you can go see Kuroo-san too!”
Tsukishima resisted an eyeroll. As if that was an added bonus.
In truth, he wanted to come with. They haven’t hung out in each other’s houses since going to uni. He wanted to spend time with Yamaguchi too.
But the thought that Yamaguchi only invited him to squeeze him into a tight schedule made him feel rotten inside. He knew his friend didn’t mean it like that, but that was what it felt. It was pathetic to be considered as if he were some side-quest, even if it wasn’t on purpose.
“I’m doing errands with my brother.” To cover up his lie, he quickly added, “You idiot, just go enjoy your time with Yachi. You don’t need a damn chaperone.”
Yamaguchi grew beet-red; otherwise he would have picked up on the lie. “Wh-what’s that supposed to mean?”
Tsukishima scoffed. They’re really alike. “You tell me.”
“Wait! Did Yacchan say anything while you were talking to her?”
“Nothing important.” Tsukishima narrowed his eyes at his friend. “Yamaguchi, you’re not an idiot. You’re not blind either.”
“Tsukki…”
“I’m not coming to Tokyo.”
He put his headphones on and walked away. When he turned the corner, he peeked back to see Yamaguchi answer his phone. In the light of the early morning sun, his freckles glowed on his face as he grinned and talked excitedly, his voice floating down the street. He really did look happy.
Tsukishima has always known that he was inferior to a lot of people. He was inferior to Hinata’s overwhelming drive to succeed. He was inferior to Yamaguchi’s hunger for improvement. He was even inferior to his brother, only because Akiteru was able to keep going at a thing he loves to do despite the repeated disappointment.
And now, he knew he was inferior to Yachi, because only she could make Yamaguchi smile like that; as if he was the happiest man in the world. And when it came down to it, all Tsukishima really wanted was for Yamaguchi to be truly happy.
Even if Tsukishima wasn’t the reason behind his smile.