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When Mammon first came to a realization that he was, in fact, crushing on you, he felt his whole system shut down.
It was back in 7th grade, when the two of you happen to have been seated next to each other, that he had this sudden rush of feelings that he couldn't seem to contain in his body. He was beet red, lips bruised from biting, and the sweating of his face was terrible enough for you to take note of. He remembered how embarrassing it was for him when you pointed it out and how he struggled to look for his handkerchief in his pockets but still, it was one of his most beloved memories with you. After all, it was the first time he's ever heard you laugh. And it was terribly cute that his heart could've leaped out of his chest.
The days became more fun than he remembered and much to his surprise, the two of you became closer than ever before. Not only was he happy about how he always seemed to end up being in the same class as you every year, but your house was also in the same area as his, giving him an excuse to pick you up in the morning and go back home together after classes. Although it may not seem that much to you, it meant the world to him, to be able to spend as much time with you as possible. And it's all thanks to this blessed coincidence that he still thinks it's too good to be true.
As the years went by, he found himself growing more and more fond of you each day. There were times when the two of you would spend lunch together under the bleachers in the gym, laughing and giggling about the players being scolded by their coach for not focusing during practice. Sometimes, Mammon would even try making ridiculous conversations out of them and going out of his way to dub them for you, just so he could hear your sweet laughter that brought a smile to his face. He found it more endearing that he’s the reason for your laughter, a sense of pride filling his heart to the brim. But of course, this is Mammon we’re talking about and he couldn’t bring himself to admit that he did, in fact, find your laughter to be one of the most valuable things to him. Not the great Mammon, no.
But life was cruel to him and it was becoming more and more difficult to keep his feelings hidden, or at least, try to convince himself that it was nothing more than platonic love.
He knew in himself that you were his best friend, that you were someone dear to him, but a part of him refuses to acknowledge the romantic feelings blossoming in his chest, threatening to burst out of his system like fireworks. You, whom he promised to protect with all his heart no matter the circumstances, were the reason for this sea of emotions that plagued both his mind and his heart–
–and he couldn't sit still about it any longer.
If there was something that Mammon knew more than anything in this world, it was the fact he couldn't bring himself to keep quiet about this anymore, not when it's constantly screaming at him for every time he sees you smile or hears you laugh at his jokes. He wanted you all to himself, no one else's, and just the thought of seeing you with someone that wasn’t him stung his heart like a thousand needles.
So he did what needed to be done.
Mammon, after finally coming into terms and acknowledging his feelings for you, gathered up all of his courage to confess to you, to tell you how he’s been head over heels for you since the day you chose to sit next to him and go out of your way to befriend him, to tell you that you, his best friend, was the very first person he’s fallen in love with.
And with a shaky breath, Mammon awaits for the last bell of the day.
The first time you realized that you had been crushing on your best friend, it all came to you with a sudden bang.
It was subtle, almost unnoticeable had it not been for the times when your classmates pointed out his habits to you. They mentioned how he’s often acting differently depending on the types of people he’s with and before you could assume that he’s around a lot of them, they tell you that there are only two kinds of people in Mammon’s eyes: you and everybody else. Of course, this was difficult to believe; you two had never seen each other in a way that wasn’t platonic. You were merely close friends, almost like a family since his brothers had already welcomed you as if you were their own, but when you pointed this out, they all gave you knowing looks before you could even reiterate what you had meant.
“I mean, to them, they probably see you as their own–”
“–But maybe to Mammon, it was a different kind of family.”
You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion. Your friends, on the other hand, simply gave you smiles that were full of mischief. As you were to open your mouth to say something else, the school bells rang deeply in your ears, bouncing from the walls of the room.
“We’ll see you tomorrow,” they said, waving goodbye before you could even ask them what they had meant until finally, you were left on your own in the empty classroom, with your thoughts that continue to spiral around their words.
But maybe to Mammon, it was a different kind of family.
What was it that they meant ‘a different kind of family’? Maybe they understood that the two of you were almost like siblings despite having known each other for only five years but somehow, a part of you felt… hurt? Why were you hurt when you think that Mammon sees you as a sibling? It’s like being punched in the gut, wrenching and painful, and you couldn’t figure out why you were beginning to grow more upset, more worried, more anxious about the idea that he saw you for what you claim your relationship with him to be.
“Hey.”
You flinched, a sudden wave of emotions flooding your body like tidal waves. You could feel your heart rate rising as the footsteps grow closer, louder, until it comes to a halt just a few feet from where you were sitting. You wanted to turn and face him but it’s difficult when it feels like something was pushing you down on your seat, preventing you from looking into his azure eyes, your heart stuck in the back of your throat. He’ll start to get suspicious if I stay silent like this any longer, you thought, and just as you were about to stand, the man in question moves to the seat in front of you, pulling the chair back but not bothering to turn it around as he sits himself down to finally meet your eyes.
“Can we talk here for a bit?”
You swallowed but nodded.
“I’ve been thinking a lot lately,” Mammon murmured, hand scratching the back of his neck, “About us.”
You bit your lip in anticipation and nervousness, to which your best friend quickly took note of.
“I-I mean, like how we’ve been friends and all that, not like as a couple– wait no, that’s– ”
You can see the tension in his face, his words, and practically his whole body as he tried to gain back his composure. It was painful to see him struggle with what he has to say but you didn’t want to dismiss him. You wanted him to tell you what was going on in his mind, what’s causing him to be so jittery and nervous, so you cautiously placed a hand on his arm.
“Mammon, it’s just me,” you reassured, “It’s just us here.”
The look on his face grew from being tense to soft, like a wave of calmness finally washing over him as he regained back his fortitude once again. It takes a few minutes for him to finally speak again, this time, less stuttery and hesitant, and he even found himself looking at you in the eyes.
“I know I’m not the best kind of guy you’ve met–”
“Now you know that’s not true.”
“Can ya let me finish first before you lecture me?”
You smiled, restraining a laugh from bubbling inside your throat.
“I’ve never been fond of the idea of love or romance, mostly because it felt like I wasn’t fitting for it. Unlike Asmo, I’m not the type to flirt with other people or even try to.” You nodded, patiently listening to him ramble.
“But then, at some point, I felt like… like I could try, just this once.”
His face flushed red as he took ahold of the hand that was once on his arm, his thumb running circles across the back of it.
“Whenever it comes to you, I find myself at a loss for words. It’s like you’ve taken them out of my mouth–out of my system that I feel myself shutting down.” He gritted his teeth, eyes shutting close as he lowered his head against his arm, your hand still in his own, “The things that you do to me, it’s so confusing. I couldn’t bring myself to face you without feeling like I’ll combust into a million pieces.” Now it was your turn to blush at his words.
“I’m sorry–”
“That’s not what I meant!”
Mammon’s grip on your hand tightens as he met your eyes once more.
“You… You make me feel things that I never knew I was aware of. Everything, from the way you’d greet me in the morning, from the way you’d smile at my direction, even from the way you’d say my name… All of those things, they gave me a different kind of feeling that no other person could ever make me feel.”
You could see the determination practically shining in his eyes the more he talked and it made your heart flutter at each word until you felt his fingers tangle with yours, bringing your hand up to his face as he closes his eyes and places a soft kiss on the back of it.
“What I’m saying is that–” his eyes fluttered open.
“I love you. I’ve always been in love with you–”
His face inches closer to you as you remain seated in your place, not wanting to move away.
“–and I don’t know how much longer I can take it without telling you how I felt.”
It doesn’t take long until you’ve found yourself with your eyes closed and your lips crashing into his, tasting sweet like his words, sweet like his love for you, and you didn’t dare to doubt him or yourself ever again.