Archive of Our Own

Steve stood at the threshold of the penthouse kitchen as he watched Tony prepare his morning coffee. Apparently the second one of the day he observed. A wave of fondness came over him as he observed Tony trying to brew coffee, argue with JARVIS and fiddle with some complex looking schematic at the same time. He hadn’t noticed when Tony had come to bed last night as he had been working late to get ready for an important board meeting today. But he’d woken up to Tony’s sleeping face illuminated in the early morning light. It was the only time when Tony was actually still although Steve had woken up to Tony talking to Dummy in his sleep on occasion. JARVIS could technically make their room pitch dark but darkness freaked them both out a bit. Steve always thought it was funny that they were both afraid of the same thing but for reasons that were polar opposites. Tony due to the darkness of space and Steve due to the darkness underwater.

He had kissed Tony on the forehead and got out of bed to get ready for his customary early morning run. It had started out as a reason for pushing himself out of bed in the morning, instead of lying in bed staring at the ceiling while trying not to think. The idea of having a semblance of routine in a chaotic new world had appealed to him. But over time, he had slowly fallen in love with it. There was something mesmerising about seeing the usually noisy city rouse itself sleepily to begin a new day.

Tony always said that there wasn’t enough money in the world that could make him wake up at the ass-crack of dawn. Except he always woke up to say goodbye to Steve if he had an early start for a SHIELD mission. Or maybe it's more the not sleeping than the waking up part that was involved there. Either way it was cute. It also served as a reminder that someone was waiting for him back home. He needed that reminder on the hard days. He shook his head to clear off those thoughts. No use dwelling on such things so early in the morning. Especially not today.

He smiled to himself as he snuck up behind Tony to wrap his arms around Tony’s waist and whisper a quiet good morning in his ear.

“Jesus Steve for a man so tall you sure know how to sneak up on people,” Tony said, as he clutched his heart dramatically. “Someday you’re going to be the death of me Steve you know I have a weak heart,” Tony continued.

”Sorry you just looked so adorable,” said Steve as he raised his hands in mock surrender.

“I only accept penance in the form of kisses you know,” Tony said, pouring out the coffee into his favourite mug. It had a picture of Hulk and Iron Man with their arms around each other with the caption ‘Super Smash Bros’. Tony found it endlessly amusing.

“I hope you don’t say that to everyone who’s ever wronged you,” Steve said as he took the mug into his own hands and leaned down to kiss Tony.

“Okay I’m liking where this is going but before we get distracted I need to give you something,” Tony said as he fished out a hastily wrapped present from his robe pocket. “Wait what’s this for?“ Steve asked.

“Why do I need a reason to buy something nice for my boyfriend?” Tony replied. Steve just stared at him impassively. “Ok fine, no need to use your Cap face. It’s our 6 month anniversary. Just thought I’d commemorate it with something. Nothing too special,” Tony said.

“Wait, you remembered our anniversary?” Steve asked, surprised. Tony was the kind of person who forgot his own birthday. He’d once joked that one of the best things about dating Steve was that his birthday was so easy to remember.

“You wound me Steve. Of course I remembered. Well fine, Jarvis reminded me. And Pepper. And Rhodey. Come to think of it I'm sensing a pattern here of people who don’t trust me and I’m offended, ” he said and Steve laughed.

“Happy anniversary Tony. I love you. But how is it that you’re a genius but you cannot seem to get the hang of wrapping paper?” Steve asked with amusement as he began to unwrap the gift.

“Look I have you to do the wrapping for all the Christmas presents this year don’t I?” Tony smirked.

“Yeah that’s why you keep me around don’t you? Steve smiled. His smile vanished however when he saw what the gift was.

“Did you-did you just get me Kolinsky Sable brushes?” he asked .

“Ok I’m going to be honest I’m so glad you pronounced that because I had no idea how to say it. But yes. Do you like it?” Tony asked.

“Do I like it?” Steve said, incredulously. “Tony these are 300 dollars a brush.”

“Okay I’m sensing something is wrong here but I’m not sure what it is.”
“Oh you don’t know what it could be? Are you sure about that?” Steve asked. He was angry. He was feeling a lot of things but anger was the easiest one to distinguish at the moment. And wasn’t that the story of his life. Shield hadn’t had to stretch their budget to accommodate for more punching bags for nothing after all.

“Look I’m not not sure why I feel like I’ve walked into some kind of trap. So why don’t you just tell me Rogers?”

Rogers. Tony only called him Rogers when he felt defensive. Steve knew that. He knew he was being irrational. But knowing didn’t help. It just made him feel even worse. “These brushes are way too expensive Tony. They belong with some real artists. You know I’ve just started dabbling into watercolour. These brushes are just- they’re too much,” he said.

“Steve, you are a real artist. And it’s a couple thousand dollars. It’s not that big a deal. I thought you’d be happy. I saw you watching a video about how they were made and so I got them for you. Why are you making it into such a big thing?” Tony asked. “Other people usually love receiving gifts,” he added.

Steve could see the defensiveness in Tony’s posture. Any good humour had completely vanished. He knew he should stop. It was just a gift. He needed to just say thank you and deal with his own feelings. Why was that such a hard thing to do? Other people loved gifts Tony had said. The spike of hurt on hearing that had been unexpected. A reminder of how Steve wasn’t like ‘other’ people. People who received expensive gifts from their boyfriend and didn’t have a breakdown over it in the kitchen. Other people who didn’t make a big deal out of things. That’s what people had told him his whole life. Hell that’s probably how people would have described him- Steve Rogers - guy who makes a big deal out of things. Who just can’t shut up and let things go. Steve had thought it was a good thing. Today it didn’t feel good. But he didn’t know how to stop.

“A couple of thousand dollars is a big deal Tony. At least to me it is. How could you even spend so much on something like this?” He knew the moment he said it that it was the wrong thing to say.

“Wait a minute, what are you trying to say here Steve? I didn’t just throw away money on some random shit. I bought my boyfriend something I thought he would like as a gift. Apparently that isn’t allowed anymore. Jesus Christ if you don’t want it so much just give it away to somebody. I don’t give a damn,” Tony said.

“You’re deliberately misunderstanding me Tony. That’s not what I meant at all,” Steve replied, feeling more and more like the situation was spinning out of control but with no idea what to say to stop it.

“So then what did you mean Steve? That I’m an irresponsible person who doesn’t know how to spend his money? That I don’t actually deserve all this money I have? What did you mean exactly? Why don’t you share with the class Steve?” Tony added viciously. He was using that tone he used only when he was really hurt but was pretending to be angry instead. Alarm bells were ringing in Steve’s head. He knew he should say something. He needed to explain that that wasn’t what he had meant at all. But he couldn’t entirely tell Tony what he had meant. Because he didn’t really understand it himself.

“I just-” he began before JARVIS interrupted them. “Sir you have an incoming call from Miss Potts” JARVIS announced.

“Tony where are you? The meeting is about to start. The board members are already here. Don’t tell me you forgot Ton-”

“Pepper. Pep. Pep. Breathe. I didn’t forget. I’m on my way as we speak.”
“You still haven’t left the house have you?”

“Ye of little faith Miss Potts. I’m wounded.”

“Just get here as quickly as possible Tony” Pepper sighed as JARVIS ended the call.

“Well clearly, I have to go,” Tony said. “I won’t be home for lunch. I’ll see you for dinner. Probably.” And with that he stalked off, his leather shoes echoing on the floor. Leaving Steve holding a half full mug of lukewarm coffee and wondering how things had gone so wrong so fast.

Steve just stood there for a minute unsure of what had just happened. They’d had fights before but this one seemed different. He was jolted out of his misery by the sight of the red and blue wrapping paper lying discarded on the floor. He had been careful not to tear it as he had opened the gift so that it was fit for reuse. He picked it up and smoothed out the wrapping paper when he noticed the note attached to the paper. ‘Happy six month anniversary of our first “official” date. Love you!’ it said. Steve smiled as he remembered their first date.

The first date they had been on, Steve hadn’t even known it was a date. In his defense they’d had dinner and watched a movie on the common floor. Steve had just assumed that Tony had invited the rest of the team and they had been busy. They had watched Toy Story because Tony loved animated movies and Steve loved the art they involved. It was the first time spending time with Tony had felt easy. They had repeated the ritual a couple of times until one day Tony had kissed Steve on the cheek while saying goodnight and Steve had been left stunned. He couldn’t deny that he had been developing feelings for Tony but this was definitely new and unchartered territory. He hadn’t been able to sleep that night, wondering if it was even possible that someone like Tony could have feelings for him. Tony was suave and charming and so damn smart. And Steve was just...Steve - awkward and inexperienced and always trying too hard. But Steve was nothing if not brave. The first thing he’d done the next morning was to go to the kitchen on the common floor to confront Tony.

“Was last night a date?” he’d blurted out.

“Wait, what?” Tony had asked. He had looked shocked. Like he couldn’t believe Steve would ask such a question. Steve felt like he had been punched in the gut.

“Oh. Uh I just thought - never mind. Sorry. Umm have a good day,” he’d said while trying to walk out of the kitchen as fast as he could without actually running. Jesus the whole team had been there to witness this. This humiliation.

“Wait Steve! What do you mean? Did you not think we were dating?” Tony had asked.Steve had stopped in his tracks and turned to Tony, finally meeting his soft, brown eyes. He looked just as confused and out of sorts as Steve felt. Clearly they were missing something here. But hope had sprung in his chest making it slightly easier to breathe.

“Okay since both of you are massive idiots who wouldn’t know healthy communication from a mile away, I’m just going to step in here for a bit,” Natasha had said. “Tony did you think you and Steve were dating?” she had asked.

“Well I didn’t think we were officially exclusively dating or anything. But I was pretty sure we were going out on dates. Now I’m not sure what those even were. For God’s sake Steve we were cuddling on the couch every night! I got you a bouquet of roses the other day. What did you think was happening?” Tony had asked.

“You never said anything. You never did anyth- I mean we never even kissed!” Steve had exclaimed.

“Wait Tony when you asked him to watch a movie and have dinner with you did the words ‘date’ actually appear in that sentence?” Clint had interjected.

“Okay when you put it like that it sounds bad. But I just assumed he knew. We were spending so much time together, just the two of us. I fell asleep on your shoulder Steve. Did you think I can just do that with anyone?” Tony asked.

“Tony, anybody with eyes could see how gone you are on Steve. Steve is the only person on the planet who could be surprised by this information. But why didn’t you actually say anything?” Natasha asked.

“Well I thought we were taking it slow. Not what you’d expect from me I know but I didn’t want to scare him away.” Tony had said. “This means a lot to me okay? I just wanted to do it right.”

“Tony, I get taking it slow, but this was practically glacial. By your count we went on at least 6 dates and you didn’t even try to properly kiss me,” Steve had said with righteous indignation.

“Okay let’s fix that then,” Tony had said. And that’s how they had had their first kiss. With brilliant sunlight streaming in through the kitchen windows on an ordinary Sunday morning and the whole team watching on in poorly-disguised amusement. Steve wouldn’t have it any other way.

After many whoops of joy from the team, Bruce had herded the rest of them out of the kitchen with Natasha muttering about how she had to be the one to do everything on this team.

Finally alone, Steve couldn’t take his eyes off Tony.

“What are you looking at?” Tony had asked.

“You,” Steve had replied.

“Uh huh. And do you like what you see?” Tony had asked, shimmying his hips in a ridiculously exaggerated manner.

“You’re ridiculous” Steve had burst out laughing.

“Yeah? But you still like me.” Tony had singsonged.

“That is true.” Steve had said. “You know I don’t think it really counts as a date when the other party doesn’t know it is one. So maybe we should do something about that. Want to go out with me today?” Steve had asked, feeling almost giddy with happiness and excitement.

“Yes. I’d love to. But on one condition.”

“What’s that?” Steve had asked.

“If Rhodey asks we have to tell him I asked you out first,” Tony had said.

“Deal,” Steve had said.

Steve smiled to himself as he remembered that day. They’d gone out for dinner to a lovely Italian restaurant and Steve had had the time of his life. Things had just been easy since then. Until today.

He was brought out of his musings by the Shield communicator on his wrists beeping shrilly. ‘Rooftop. Extraction in 5’ he read. Clint and Natasha were both off in some corners of the world on undercover SHIELD missions so he was going to be the only one suiting up today.

“Jarvis please let Tony know I’m going out on a SHIELD mission.”

“I will Steve. Good luck on your mission.” Jarvis replied.

“Thanks Jarvis. And could you just tell Ton - never mind. I’ll talk to him later.”

He took a couple deep breaths and he centred himself as he collected his shield. He had a job to do. That was the one thing he knew he was good at. He needed to focus on that.

He joined a team of 6 more Shield agents on the Quinjet who were all armed to the teeth. They were briefed by intelligence agents as they made their way to the site. An unidentified scientist had taken about 30 civilians hostage in an apartment complex in Portland. He had been under investigation for suspicious activity after complaints from neighbours. The police had suspected that he had been working on building explosives in an in-house laboratory. When police had shown up to investigate he had set off a couple of explosives and had managed to take the inhabitants of the building hostage. The mission seemed like a standard in and out mission although Steve could acknowledge a certain amount of horror at having a hostage rescue mission be ‘standard’. However, the building was getting more and more structurally unsound by the minute with all the columns the guy had blown up. It was going to be a race against time to get the civilians out as soon as possible before the whole structure collapsed.

It took Steve a couple of minutes to figure out the plan of action for the best way to enter the building without setting off any of the explosives that the guy had rigged. He gave the team a short pep talk, checked their SHIELD issued comms and got ready to storm the building.

It was early afternoon before Steve was finally able to enter the building and incapacitate the guy with his shield. The rest of the team focussed on getting the terrified hostages out of the room as quickly as possible while Steve escorted the guy outside to hand him over to SHIELD custody. A middle-aged woman who had apparently passed out with terror was carried out by a team of paramedics.

He drank a few sips of water handed to him by a junior agent as the adrenaline rush faded. It had been a difficult mission and Steve was so relieved that they had been able to get everybody out. None of the team had suffered too much damage and Steve couldn’t wait to go home and sleep off his exhaustion. It had been a long few hours.

“I take it the mission went well then,” a familiar voice echoed over the comms.

Steve smiled. “Tony we talked about not hacking SHIELD comms. You know how much Fury hates it,” he said. He could feel himself relax, his muscles unwinding as they slipped into the familiar banter.

“First of all I’m insulted that you think Fury would even find out. You know I have better skills than that. You and I are on a private line anyway so don't worry about it. Just - are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” he said.

“Okay that was so obviously a lie I’m just going to ignore it. It was a rhetorical question anyway. I’m taking off now, I’ll be there in 10.”

He couldn’t deny the prospect of seeing Tony had just made everything seem so much better. But Tony had an important meeting scheduled today. Steve would be fine for another couple of hours. “Tony you don't have to do that. I’m okay,” Steve managed.

He couldn’t hear the rest of Tony’s reply as his attention was caught by some commotion happening near the ambulances. He jogged over there to check what was happening and saw the woman who had passed out had woken up and was trying to get out of her restraints and was screaming hysterically. The paramedics were trying to restrain her but she was thrashing wildly trying to get out of the ambulance.

“Hey hey, it’s okay” Steve said as he caught her flailing arms and squeezed her hands gently. “Shh you’re fine. They won’t take you from here until you can tell me what you want to say okay? Just breathe. I’m right here” he soothed as he took deep breaths to encourage her to match his breathing.

“My niece. I asked her to hide in the bathtub when I heard the first explosion. She’s still in there. I have to get her out. They won’t listen to me. They’re not letting me go” the woman said, her voice hoarse from screaming.

“Hey. Look at me. What’s her name?” Steve asked.

“It’s Ava. She’s in the apartment on the second floor. First door to the right.”

“Okay. I’m getting her out okay. Just stay here. I promise you. She’ll be with you in no time” Steve assured her.

A gaggle of Shield agents and law enforcement had gathered around them by then. He suspected Tony had heard what was happening and alerted everyone over the comms.

“Captain that building is about to collapse any minute now. You can’t go in there” Maria told him.

“Well lucky for you, I’m not asking for permission.” Steve said as he jumped over the yellow barricade tape.

“Steve please don’t tell me you’re running into a building that could collapse any time. Just hold on for 5 more minutes okay? I’m almost there.” Tony said, his voice pleading.

Just as Steve was about to enter an almighty crash echoed as the top floor of the building collapsed and the whole structure started swaying dangerously. Screams echoed from all around him as people started running in the opposite direction as he darted towards the building.

“There’s no time left Tony. I have to go in.” Steve said as he leapt up the stairs. He could hear Tony arguing but he wasn’t paying attention anymore. He knew what he had to do. Tony would make the same call. In their line of business, civilians always came first.

He entered the apartment and rushed to the bathroom to find Ava sitting in the bathtub, clutching her knees, frightened and alone. She couldn’t have been more than 6 six years old.

“Hi Ava. Your Aunt sent me to get you out of here okay. She’s waiting for you outside. I’m going to take you to her” he said in the most soothing voice he could manage. Ava looked petrified as she tried to stifle her sobs. Steve’s heart ached at the sound.

“Hey, I noticed you have an Iron Man poster on the wall outside. When we get out of here I can introduce you to him. I’m sure he’ll sign that poster for you. If you ask very nicely he may even give you a ride. You just need to be brave for a little while longer, okay?” he said.

At the mention of Iron Man she relaxed a little and Steve asked for permission to carry her.
She nodded and Steve quickly picked her up. He started running as fast as he could and was almost at the entryway when the whole building creaked and chunks of debris started falling down rapidly. The exit was blocked and there was no way they were going to get out of there quickly. He quickly lay Ava down on the floor and lay down on top of her to protect her while using the shield to protect their heads as the building started coming down around them.
Steve could feel Ava shaking with terror and asked her to close her eyes as he reassured her that Iron Man was on his way.

Parts of the ceiling started to cave in , plaster raining down around them and chunks of concrete crashing around them. He didn't have time to think of a plan before a huge piece of debris landed on his legs pinning him down and he felt more and more debris falling on top of him with nowhere to go. The pain was indescribable but he clutched Ava as close as possible while taking care not to crush her under him.
He couldn’t think about the pain now. Tony just needed to get here fast enough to get her to safety. Then it would be over and he could allow himself the luxury of passing out. He kept up a litany of nonsense words for Ava as the pain started to get worse. He knew that his suit had been pierced by the debris and he was pretty sure the warmth he could feel near his head was blood.

He must have drifted out of consciousness for a second because when he came to he could hear Tony shouting on the comms. He sounded panicked in a way Tony rarely ever did on missions.
“Shit. Shit. Shit. Goddamnit Steve. Just hang on okay. Steve can you hear me?” Tony asked. The tone of his voice indicated that it was probably not the first time he had asked that question.

“Language,” Steve managed to huff out.

“Oh thank God!” Tony exclaimed. “I’m here Steve, just hold on for a few more minutes okay. We’re trying to figure out how to get you both out without making it worse okay honey?”

“Ava first,” Steve mumbled.

“Yes I know babe, we’re going to get her out okay? Tony said. “Just don’t go to sleep.”

“Uh huh” Steve said. Now that he knew Tony was here, it felt increasing tempting to go back to sleep. Just for a little while. He was beginning to feel floaty. The pain had receded and he felt almost disconnected from his body. He could hear Tony screaming on the comms but he couldn’t figure out why.

The last thing he remembered was the sound of the repulsors before everything went black.

Steve woke up to the smell of antiseptic. It felt like his entire body had been run over by a truck. Every muscle of his body ached. Oh god. He needed to wake up. Why wouldn’t his eyes open? Ma and Bucky would be so worried. They couldn’t afford for him to spend any more time in the hospital. He needed to open his eyes. He could hear a shrill beeping sound somewhere next to him. He was finally able to open his eyes enough to see a room with white walls and machines hooked up all around him. And with that came the realisation that he was in the future. No, the present. He hadn’t thought of it as the future in a very long time.

But he had no recollection as to how he had ended up here - in this room in SHIELD medical. The room was vaguely familiar because of how many times he’d visited the rest of the team here when they were injured.

Steve tried to take a deep breath but oxygen seemed terrifyingly elusive. Had something happened with the serum? Why was he having an asthma attack after so many years? He tried to sit up to open up his airways. Ma had drilled that into him - always sit upright when you have difficulty breathing no matter how much you were tempted to lay down. But his fear increased when he found he couldn’t bring himself to do that. His whole body felt heavy with exhaustion and deep-seated pain and the act of even raising his head slightly seemed impossibly daunting.

Just when he was about to summon every last bit of his willpower to haul himself up to finally draw a full breath of air, the door opened and a harried looking Tony darted into the room.

A part of Steve was relieved to see Tony alive and unharmed. At least Tony hadn’t been involved with whatever had happened. But he had started feeling lightheaded as he drew breath in short pants. The cacophony of the heart monitor ringing in his ears was making it hard to think.

“Steve. Steve. Shh. You gotta listen to me baby. You’re okay. You’re in the hospital. Everything is just fine,” Tony said as he came over and squeezed Steve’s hand carefully.

Steve tried to focus on the feeling of Tony’s warm calloused hand in his.

“Close your eyes and just focus on the sound of my voice okay?” Tony said. “Just match my breathing darling. In through your nose, out through your mouth” Tony said as he brought Steve’s palm upto his lips for him to feel Tony’s soft exhalations of air.

It took a few minutes until Steve’s racing heart calmed down and he was able to breathe comfortably again. He opened his eyes to see Tony looking at him with a worried expression on his face which changed into a relieved smile when he saw Steve looking.

“Hey baby, you scared me a little there.” Tony said.

“Did something happen to the serum?” Steve asked, his voice hoarse.

Tony immediately picked up the glass of water at Steve’s bedside and elevated the bed slightly with the push of a button so Steve could have a drink. The water brought some much needed coolness to Steve’s parched throat and he felt marginally better.

“Nothing’s wrong with the serum,” Tony reassured him.

“There must be,” Steve said urgently. Why was Tony not understanding? “I haven’t had an asthma attack in years Tony. The serum cured me of all my lung problems,” he added.

“Steve,” Tony began, his voice impossibly gentle. “That wasn’t an asthma attack baby. It was a panic attack,” Tony explained.

Oh. Steve processed that information. He’d never actually had a panic attack before but he’d helped Tony with them a couple of times after he’d had nightmares. That made so much more sense. He noticed that Tony was still in the business suit he’d worn for his board meeting that day, although he’d draped the jacket over the back of his chair. He looked pale and haggard.

A SHIELD nurse came in then to check up on Steve. It was a middle-aged woman whose kind smile instantly reminded him of his mom and his chest ached at the thought. Some wounds would never heal completely. And that was okay. She asked Steve how he was feeling and if he could remember why he was here and a few other basic details. She noted down Steve’s vitals and left, assuring them that a neurologist would be by for a complete checkup soon.

“I’m sorry,” Steve said as soon as she left. “I just woke up in this room with all the machines and the white walls and for a minute I just couldn’t remember why I was here and I just -” he trailed off not really knowing how to explain. A childhood spent in hospital rooms struggling to breathe had left him traumatised by this environment.

“That’s perfectly fine Steve. Please don’t apologise. I’ve been here waiting for you to wake up for two days straight. Figures you’d wake up in the one minute I left to visit the washroom,” Tony said, shaking his head fondly.

“I’ve been out of commission for two days?” Steve asked, shocked. “Wait, is Ava okay?” he asked, suddenly panicked as he remembered the brave little girl who’d trusted him with her life. Oh God. Please let her be okay.

“Ava is fine,” Tony assured him and Steve let out a relieved sigh. “You took the brunt of all the damage so we managed to get her out mostly unscathed. She was treated for a couple of minor scrapes and bruises and was reunited with her aunt. I gave her my card to call in that ride you promised her” he continued.

“Oh thank God!” Steve muttered feeling almost dizzy with relief. Ava was safe. That’s all that mattered.

“You on the other hand have spent two days in the hospital doing a whole lot of not waking up,” Tony said as he glared at Steve in mock accusation. “You’d lost consciousness by the time we got to you and your head wound was bleeding profusely. Not to mention the blunt force trauma on the rest of your body. Pieces of concrete had actually pierced your suit Steve. You were bleeding everywhere. They had to put you into an induced coma yesterday to let your brain heal. The serum was working overtime trying to heal all the parts of your body,” Tony explained.

“Uh huh. So how many times have you designed and redesigned my suit in the past two days?” Steve asked with a small smile.

“Honestly? At least six times. I was thinking - trauma plates. But better. I think nano materials would work well. Their strength to weight ratio is much better than other options, but I need my workshop to actually run the numbers. I can probably have a working prototype in a day. Or maybe -”

“Tony,” Steve interrupted, shaking his head in amusement. “Were you scared?” he asked, gently.

“Scared? Pfft! I wasn’t scared. I was sure you were going to be okay. You’re Steve,” he added as if that explained everything.

“It’s okay to be scared Tony. But I’m going to be just fine,” Steve said.

“Wait, are you trying to reassure me? Is that what’s happening here? You’re the one who was fighting for his life. I was just sitting here uselessly by your side, waiting,” Tony ranted. “I fix things Steve. That’s what I do. And just sitting here waiting, knowing that I couldn’t do anything to help you, it was torture,” he continued, breathless with remembered panic.

“I get it Tony. That’s exactly how I feel when you get hurt. Or when you put yourself in danger doing something reckless,” Steve said.

“Oh you have no room to talk Mr-runs-into-collapsing-buildings,” Tony retorted.

“In my defence” Steve started, “well, on second thoughts, you’re right, I have no defence” he laughed.

“Good. I’m glad you’ve seen the light. Now get some sleep. I can see you struggling to keep your eyes open,” he said.

Steve felt exhausted. But the thought of going to sleep was scary somehow. He didn’t really want to examine why. “Will you be here when I wake up?” he blurted out. He immediately felt embarrassment heat up his cheeks. That wasn’t what he’d meant to say. It sounded so childish.

“I’ll be right here. I’m not going anywhere baby,” Tony assured him, cutting off Steve’s internal monologue.

He finally allowed himself to close his tired eyes as Tony began to gently stroke his hair, careful not to disturb the bandage. The last thought he had before sleep took him was that he’d never felt safer than today with Tony by his side.

Steve woke up to a dry mouth and Natasha sitting by his bedside, shaping her nails with a very sharp knife. Tony was slumped over on his other side fast asleep, his hand still clutched in Steve’s. The sun had set and he could see the dark sky through the windows.

“Glad to see you’ve joined us, Sleeping Beauty,” Natasha quipped, without glancing up.

“What are you doing here?” Steve asked, surprised to see her. Clint and Natasha had been on a deep cover mission and weren’t expected back for a while yet. He pushed the button to adjust the bed and elevate his upper body so he could sit up.

“Well, when news of our good Captain being injured reached the international media, let’s just say certain timelines were sped up,” she said coolly.

“Oh God Nat. Why would you jeopardise your mission just to get here? I would have been fine” Steve said.

Natasha shot him a glare that could cut glass as she finally looked up at him. She looked exhausted. There were dark circles on her pale face and a small cut on her cheek.

“You underestimate me Steve. We knew we needed to get back. Figuring out how wasn’t really that hard. If it leads to a higher than expected kill count, well that’s just to be expected,” she smirked.“I’m kidding!” she clarified at Steve’s horrified look and Steve huffed out a laugh.

“Wait, you said ‘we’. Is Clint here too?” he asked in dismay. He really hadn’t meant to create such a big fuss.

“He’s asleep in the hallway right now. Bruce was trying to corral him into going home with Tony but he was adamant about seeing you once before he left.” she said

“I didn’t intend to cause so much trouble,” he muttered, guiltily.

“Steve, you didn’t wake up for 2 days. What did you expect? We're a family. This is just a part of the deal. Maybe it's the first time you’re realising this deal goes both ways huh?” she added, observing Steve with her shrewd green eyes.

Steve didn’t know what to say. He felt overwhelmed with emotion. He knew in an abstract way that they cared about him, as a leader and a friend, but knowing they were here was a different feeling altogether. Family, she’d called them. And Steve knew in his heart that it was the truth. The team were his family. A family he’d never thought he’d have after waking up from the ice.
It wasn’t like before when it was Ma and then later just Bucky (even thinking his name hurt, it always would)who cared about Steve Rogers and whether he lived or not. He had a whole team now. And Tony. The one who had given him a home and a family.

“Thank you,” he said. It didn’t encompass all that he was feeling. How grateful he was for them. But it was the only thing that he could manage at the moment.

“Like I said Steve, it’s all just a part of the deal,” Natasha said, her eyes softening. “You really scared him Steve,” she added after a slight pause. “He doesn’t know how to deal with problems without trying to solve them somehow.”

“I know Nat,“ he said with a tired sigh.

“The fact that you’d had a fight the day you got injured didn’t help the situation. I’m sure he kept going over and over it in his mind in a loop of self-recrimination.” she said.

The fight. With everything that had happened since, he’d almost forgotten about the fight. Shit he’d missed their whole anniversary. There were a lot of things that Steve regretted missing over the years. But this one stung.

“Did he tell you about the fight?” he asked, surprised.

“Not exactly. But it wasn’t hard to guess something had happened between you two based on the state he was in, in the waiting room,” Natasha replied. “Go easy on him Cap, it’s been a long couple of days for all of us.”

As if on cue, Tony stirred.

“Hey how are you feeling?” Tony asked, squeezing Steve’s palm in both of his.

“A lot better. Most of my injuries seem to have healed,” he replied gesturing to his body, where most of the cuts and bruises had faded. “I’m pretty sure I could walk out of here tonight” he said, although his words were contradicted by a slight wince of pain as he tried to move his legs more. He shot them an annoyed look for the betrayal.

“Woah there mister! Hang on to your horses now. You aren’t leaving here until the doctors give you a complete clean bill of health.” Tony declared.

“Did you hear Tony say something Nat? I couldn’t hear him over the sound of his hypocrisy!” Steve said, rolling his eyes. “I’m going to remember this the next time you try to escape medical after a mission,” he added.

“Let’s come back to that when the time comes, okay? Right now this is about you. Nobody knows how the serum works exactly Steve. Just please, for my peace of mind if nothing else, wait till at least Bruce gives you the all-clear. Please,” Tony beseeched.

Steve looked away from him. It was impossible to say no when Tony turned on the full power of his puppy-dog eyes on you.

‘I know you hate being in the hospital babe. I can imagine it brings up a lot of bad memories for you. Maybe I can get somebody to paint the walls in this room. Just brighten things up a little in here. Red and gold maybe?” he winked.

“Okay I’m going to leave you two alone now before I have to watch this progress into something else. You have a lot to talk about anyway,” Natasha interjected, shooting Tony a meaningful glance. She kissed Steve on the forehead, whispered a quiet ‘get well soon’ and left, the door closing softly behind her.

“Do you think our friends are a bit too involved in our love life?” Tony asked, feigning annoyance.

“Well being all up in each other’s business is part of being a family, apparently,” Steve smiled.

“Look about that morning, I know you got -” Tony began.

“Tony can I please go first?” Steve interrupted.

Tony looked a little alarmed but nodded his assent.

“I want to start out by saying I’m sorry. I overreacted. You got me a really amazing, thoughtful gift and I shouldn’t have been so dismissive of that. I fixated so much on the price of it that I lost sight of the gesture. So, I’m sorry,” Steve apologised.

“Okay, I accept your apology. Buying something for the people I love is a way for me to show affection. It’s not a bad thing to spend money on the people you love, Steve. You know that right?” Tony asked, softly.

“I do. I’m truly sorry Tony” Steve said.

“Hey, it’s okay Steve. I forgive you. I know you didn’t mean to be hurtful. But can we talk about this? I want to know where you’re coming from. I want to understand your perspective,” Tony said.

Steve was silent for a few minutes as he tried to gather his thoughts. He tried to remember exactly what he’d felt in that moment. The confusing tangle of emotions he needed to present Tony with. “This is a bit hard for me to talk about” Steve began and he swallowed down a little lump in his throat.

“Steve,” Tony said. “We don’t have to talk about this now. Just forget I said anything.”

“No, I need to tell you this,” Steve said. “But please just let me get through the whole thing,” he requested and Tony mimed zipping his lips.

“You know how the great depression hit America in 1929?” he asked and Tony nodded.
“We were already struggling for money before then. But we had just enough to scrape by. Ma was working double shifts at the hospital and we were okay. We were getting by. But when the depression hit its lowest point around 1933, things had gotten much worse. Ma’s salary was cut but the worst part was that I got really sick with pneumonia around that time. The hospital used to help us out with the bill before because Ma worked there but they couldn’t afford to do that any longer. She had to borrow money from friends and neighbours just to pay the bill. She started sewing at night to help earn some more money. All the while I’d just be there, too sick to go to school, completely useless while she worked her fingers to the bone. She often had to make the choice of food for herself or medicines for me and she always, unfailingly chose me. I’d pretend to have a stomach bug sometimes and claim I couldn’t stomach any food just so she would eat something. Bucky and his family tried to help as much as they could. But everybody was struggling. When Ma passed away, I didn’t -“ his voice cracked, overcome with a sorrow he was so used to burying deep inside.

He took a deep breath and continued. “I didn’t even have money to pay for the service. I had to sell every single painting I’d ever made along with all of my art supplies to get some money. I sold almost every single thing in our house that could fetch some money just so I could bury my mom. That’s all I could give her. When I stood at her grave, all I could think was that it should have been me instead. The sickly kid who had nothing useful to offer the world.”

“Steve,” Tony said, his expression heartbroken.

“Bucky knocked some sense into me. After everything Ma had done to keep me alive, I owed it to her to survive. But there was so much anger in me. I was so angry at God for taking her away from me. I got into fights with bullies twice my size. Bucky had to come save my ass so many times. And then I got the serum. For a while I felt like I could finally be useful. I could finally do something to help. But then I woke up in this crazy new world 70 years into the future and I was lost again. The world was so overwhelming. SHIELD gave me all these years of backpay that I had earned from the military. They thought I’d go crazy spending it all quickly, like a kid in a candy shop, buying all these amazing things that the future had to offer. But I couldn’t bring myself to spend it on anything other than the bare essentials. I’d go to the store and be paralysed with indecision. There were these huge stores just selling art supplies Tony. Things I’d never even dreamed of. But whenever I went to buy something, a voice in the back of my head cautioned me against spending so much money on things that weren’t essential. That I could live without. Deep down I’m scared about what would happen if somebody could do something to the serum. Where would I be in this new world if I wasn’t Captain America? What use do I have?” Steve paused, swallowing hard. He couldn’t bear to look at Tony so he just stared at the wall in front of him.

“I get up in the middle of the night sometimes and ask JARVIS to check my bank balance. Logically, I know how much money is in there, and that it hasn’t changed since the last time I checked but I need to hear it again. I need that reassurance. I worry about what would happen if I went against SHIELD someday and they froze my assets. Where would I be then? A part of me knows that you would always help me Tony. The team would never let me starve. But I just think about my Ma going to bed hungry for days at a time and that’s enough to make me stop spending.”

“So you buying those brushes for me just triggered something in me. All I could think of was how much food I could buy with the 300 dollars you’d spent on every brush. And then I felt guilty for even thinking that way. Here you were, buying something nice for me while I was just-” he cut himself off. He felt drained and empty after all that. But strangely light too. Like a weight he hadn’t even known he was carrying had been lifted.

“Baby,” Tony said, looking strangely as if he was trying not to cry. “Look at me for a minute,” he said as he gently tilted Steve’s chin towards him. “I want you to listen to me carefully, okay?” he asked and Steve nodded.
“Steve you’re the kindest, bravest person I’ve ever met. But I’m not talking about killing Nazis or fighting aliens. I’m not talking about Captain America. I’m talking about Steve Rogers,” Tony said gently tapping his finger on Steve’s chest.

“You’re the guy who woke up 70 years into the future in a completely new world and survived. You once told me that you weren't living when you met me but Steve you were surviving. And I’m so damn proud of you for that. And that’s the thing that I’ve always admired about you. Your resilience. Dad always admired you for what you did as Captain America. But I admire you for being the guy who got beat up by bullies who were so much bigger than him but never stayed down. You always got back up Steve. You always tried. Every day you get out of bed even when you’re not feeling the best, when it's hard and you try. That’s pretty damn brave Steve,” Tony said. He paused as though contemplating how best to word what he wanted to say next.

“Your worth as a person isn’t tied to Captain America, love. We don’t love you because you’re our leader or because you can lop a man’s head off with your shield.” Tony said, soothingly. “Although not going to lie, that is pretty useful to have,” he added with a rueful smile. “To me, being Captain America is like your job. It’s a part of your life but it's not what makes you you. It doesn’t change anything about the person you are underneath. I’m in love with Steve.” he said.

“As far as the thing with money - I just wanted to spoil you baby. Because you deserve to be spoiled and cared for and loved. But I understand where you’re coming from now. We can set a budget for gifts if you want. It will physically pain me to stick to a budget, but I’d do it for you.
It hurts me to know that you were going through all of this alone. But you’re not alone anymore Steve. You have the team and you have me. I will always try to help you. And if I can’t or if you don’t want my help, then I’ll always listen. You can always tell me what’s on your mind baby. This relationship is a no-judgement zone.” Tony added.

Jesus. Steve loved this man so much, he could burst with it. Sometimes it felt like he couldn’t contain all the love he had for Tony. Who wouldn’t love him less if he lost the serum. Who cared more about Steve than Captain America. Who wanted to spoil Steve and take care of him.

“Did we just solve our relationship problems with healthy communication?” Steve teased, settling into the familiar banter while he tried to gather his thoughts.

“Hell yeah! Go team!” Tony exclaimed, holding his palm out for a high five. “Look what you’ve turned me into. Natasha would be proud of us.” he smiled. “Uh oh,” he added, the smile dimming a little as he looked at Steve. “You’ve got your ‘serious contemplation’ face on. What’s wrong?” Tony asked.

Steve cleared his throat. He needed to tell Tony how much he meant to Steve. He wasn’t always the best at expressing emotions but for Tony he could try. For Tony, he could do anything.

“I know I’m not great at talking about how I feel but Tony, you’re the best thing that has ever happened to me. You know how people view Captain American as someone who always knows what to do ?” Steve asked.

“Yeah. You’re the star spangled man with a plan” Tony said, humming the tune under his breath.

Steve let out an amused huff of breath. “Yeah. Him. I think the hardest part about waking up in the future was the fact that I had no plan. For so long my plan was just to stay alive. For my mom and Bucky if not for myself. And then my plan was to join the Army. And a part of me knew I wasn’t coming back if I went in. But then I got the serum and I met Peggy. The last plan I made was the one I made with Peggy when the plane - well you know” he cut himself off as he took a deep breath. It was always going to be something that was hard to talk about. But it was getting easier. Tony made it easier.

“So when I woke up in the future that was something I found so hard to reconcile with. That I had no plan. My whole life I had something to live for. Someone to live for. But here I was all alone in a world that had long moved on. I felt like the world would prefer to remember me as a beloved hero than the bitter and lonely man I had become. But then you came into my life. And Tony you made me feel something. Even if it was extreme irritation at first,” he teased and Tony rolled his eyes.

“It’s like your presence thawed the parts of me that had become numb to everything. I felt like life was just happening to me but you made me feel alive again Tony”, he finished

“Steeeeve. That’s enough emotional talk for now. I think I’ll actually combust if we express any more heartfelt emotions,” Tony joked but Steve could tell he was touched. Tony put up a front for the media and for the outside world as a self-centred playboy but when anybody came close to expressing genuine gratitude and affection, he’d always deflect with humour. But that was okay. Steve had the rest of their lives to convince him.

“Can I ask you something though? Why didn’t you mention you got me a gift on the day of our anniversary?” Tony asked.

Steve looked up at Tony in surprise. “How did you know I got you something?” he asked.

“Because I know you. And I know anniversaries mean a lot to you. So there’s no way you didn’t get me anything. So spill.” Tony said.

“It was just a t-shirt Tony. It was nothing special.” Steve replied.

“And?” Tony asked.

“And what?” Steve questioned.

“You’re really bad at lying babe. So what aren’t you telling me?” Tony asked, his eyebrow quirking up.

“Fine it was a t-shirt that I painted on. I painted you as Buzz Lightyear and me as Woody, with us flying off into the sunset.”

“Because that’s the movie we watched on our first not-date” Tony said, his mouth quirking up at the realisation.

“Aww Steve! That’s so cute. I’m going to wear it everywhere. Pepper will probably try to get me fired for wearing to a board meeting, but I don’t care. It’s my company anyway,” he proclaimed.

“No Tony!” Steve laughed.

“But why didn’t you tell me you got me something that day?” Tony asked.

“I was about to mention it when you gave me your gift. And then when I saw what it was, well mine just seemed so pale and cheap in comparison. I should have gotten over myself and got you something nice. Something classy.” Steve said.

“First of all don’t say bad things about my gift. You made it for me and it's mine now. And I won’t accept anyone talking it down. I have all the money in the world Steve and you gave me something money can’t buy.

“Tony, it was just a 20$ t-shirt.” Steve added, embarrassed.

“And how much time did it take you to paint the whole thing?” Tony demanded.

“About 8 hours,” Steve replied.

“Then you know what that makes it for me? Priceless,” Tony said.

Steve smiled shyly at Tony’s words. ”You’re so cheesy Tony,” he teased.

“Says the guy who cried his eyes out while watching Bambi because the deer had brown eyes!” Tony said, with mock offence.

“You know I have a weakness for brown eyes,” Steve whined as Tony smiled in amusement.

“Come here you,” he gestured to Steve to lean forward a little and kissed him. Tony tasted like warmth and home and Steve relaxed into it.

“You better have a good reason to stop kissing me right now baby,” Tony complained as Steve pulled back after a while to just stare at Tony.

“You know what Tony?” Steve laughed. “I can do this all day!” he quipped as he pulled Tony closer and they both couldn’t stop smiling into the kiss.