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Quinn is reapplying some red lipstick on her lips when Rachel walks in the bathroom, with a worried expression on her face. Instantly, Quinn knows something is wrong.
“Hey,” she says, getting closer to the blonde and making sure the cheerleaders are leaving them alone. Quinn quirks an eyebrow in the mirror and Rachel continues. “Look I need your advice about-- about an adult problem.”
Quinn instantly thinks of the worst possible situation. “Holy crap, are you pregnant?” she says, already making a list of the things to do and--
“No!” Rachel hurries and gestures with her hands awkwardly. “Look, I’m coming to you as a friend and oddly because I also think you’re the only person that’ll give me just a straightforward and thoughtful answer about this.”
Quinn nods seriously. She likes having Rachel has a friend so she’s gonna be as helpful as she can. Whatever the problem is. “You’re right. I’m sorry. Yes, I can keep a secret.”
Rachel nods but then Quinn can see the anxiety building up in her face and her hands are shaking a little bit. Rachel swallows hard. “Well um… Finn… asked me to marry him,” she says and she forces a smile at the end.
Well she wasn’t expecting that . She’s not sure why it feels as though her heart just dropped in her chest and the air has been sucked out of the room but suddenly, her whole world goes dark. She gasps a little, opening her mouth for a couple of seconds before figuring out what to say.
“Well-- What did you say?”
“I said I- I needed to think about it.”
“Well you can’t.” Quinn says when she finally remembers how to breathe properly. There’s just no way Rachel and Finn can get married. Not because Quinn still has feelings for Finn, she’s over him but it just can’t happen. It can’t.
“Why?” Rachel asks almost trying to convince herself. “I mean, plenty of people our age get married and I know that he and I haven’t lived together or anything but you know I… love him and he’s the one, I know it.”
Quinn resists the urge to roll her eyes. Rachel and Finn has never made much sense as a couple and she’s never understood why the girl has always been so fixated on him. After all, this is Rachel Berry, the girl with the biggest dreams in all of Ohio and it’s 99.9% sure she’s going to achieve them. Why is she so obsessed with some small town boy when she’s so much bigger than that?
“Rachel…” Quinn starts slowly. “I’ve dated Finn, Puck, Sam… even thought I loved some of them,” she says with a small chuckle because the idea of that is ridiculous now. “But by the time the snow falls in New Haven next winter, I won’t know why.”
Rachel furrows her brows, shaking her head. “So are you-- are you saying Finn and I should break up?”
“I’m all for making the most out of the next few months. But I’d hate the idea of dragging an anchor into the bright lights of my future,” she says as she feels her heart beating hard against her sternum. “Rachel, you have an amazing life ahead of you. Women are finding themselves in their thirties now, every magazine says it. We hardly know what we’re going to want in 15 years.” Rachel is slowly shaking her head at her but Quinn powers through. “You haven’t known anything outside of Lima yet. What if next year in NYADA, you meet the perfect guy? Or- or girl? What about experimentation?”
Rachel looks taken back. “What?”
Quinn swallows hard. “I mean-- Every girl goes through some sort of experimental phase in college, right? Do you want to miss out on that because you’re still hung up on Finn Hudson? I know I wouldn’t.”
She’s personally looking forward to a place where she gets to experiment a little more. They don’t call Yale the gay Ivy for nothing. Not that she’d ever tell anyone else that.
What is she even talking about anymore? Oh right, Rachel wanting to marry Finn and how Quinn cannot let her do that.
“Experimen-- Quinn are you talking about sleeping with girls?”
Quinn can only shrug because well, she is. “Sure. Rachel, you have so much to live for and so much you haven’t seen. I mean, have you even ever kissed a girl?” Rachel stammers for a second before shaking her head and Quinn nods because she saw that coming from a mile away. “Exactly. If you tie yourself up to Finn too soon, you’ll regret it. You’re going to New York next year. Don’t you want to live a little? Party, kiss boys and girls, I don’t know do whatever you want?”
The diva rubs her arm, looking almost uncomfortable and Quinn wonders when this conversation turned this way. “You sound like you know what you’re talking about.”
Quinn has to admit she does. Not only did she try a lot of new things during her skank phase like cigarettes and weed, she’s had her first kiss with a girl way before she even kissed a boy.
Let’s just say, sometimes Brittany and Santana and her made the most out of cheerleading camp.
But that’s neither here or there.
“If you really want to be happy, you’re gonna have to say goodbye,” Quinn says before exiting the room except when she’s out of the bathroom, she doesn’t feel like she can suddenly feel breathe again.
She just feels worse.
---
Rachel ends up saying yes and it feels like the breath has been knocked out of Quinn’s lungs. It’s foolish. It’s foolish of Rachel and Finn to think they’re fit enough to last a couple and Quinn knows Finn is only going to hold Rachel back and she wishes so desperately she could do something about it.
But she can’t seem to be able to get through Rachel’s head so she does the only thing she does have control over which is the amount of alcohol she can drink tonight at Puck’s party. There’s no real purpose to this party, his parents are just out of town and he decided to invite everyone he knew for one big party. Quinn is currently seating on a couch squished between Santana and Brittany who are making out and Sam who’s seconds away from passing out. She looks at the rest of the vodka in her red cup with a bored expression and chugs all of it. It burns her throat in the best way possible and she decides to get herself another drink because she hasn’t let herself drink this much in at least 2 years.
She gets up and Sam’s eyes open quickly, a hand grabbing her wrist. “Don’t sleep with Puck,” he slurs and she laughs. Before the party started, she took him by the shoulders and told him to make sure she didn’t sleep with the boy because she didn’t need to make that mistake again and she’s glad to see he’s keeping his promise.
“Just getting another drink,” she says and he nods, closing his eyes once again. She stumbles her way through the kitchen and grabs the first bottle of liquor she can find. She’s about to take a sip when a giggling Rachel appears through the doorway with an equally happy Finn. Quinn rolls her eyes and brings the cup to her lips to drink half of it in one gulp.
God, this is a really shitty night.
Rachel notices her and her eyes widen. Quinn quirks up an eyebrow as she watches Rachel stand on her tiptoes and tugging on Finn’s shirt so he can bend down. She whispers in his ear and he licks his lips in a weird way before nodding. Quinn decides she’s seen enough and she tries to walk around them with a small “excuse me” when Rachel grabs her wrist.
She sighs and turns towards the couple. Soon to be married couple. Quinn takes another sip from her drink before she says “What, Rachel?”
Rachel is drunk. Quinn can see it by the dilated pupils but it’s confirmed when Rachel tugs on her wrist and forces Quinn’s body to touch Rachel’s. The blonde’s breath hitches because suddenly, her world smells like mango which is probably the shampoo Rachel uses and it drives her crazy.
The diva leans to whisper in her ear and Quinn can barely hear her over the sound of her beating heart.
“I’ve thought a lot about what you said about experimenting,” Rachel says in a husky voice and the words send shivers down Quinn’s spine.
Exactly 12 minutes later, Quinn still finds herself standing in front of the couple but this time, it’s in Puck’s guest bedroom where they can hear the muffled sound of the party happening downstairs. The blonde’s heart is hammering in her chest and she wonders how the fuck she ended up here. She thinks back of what made her say yes to this and she thinks the way Rachel had kissed her ear had a say in that decision.
Her whole world had went dizzy from the second Rachel’s lips had touched her skin so when the suggestion of a threesome had been brought up, she barely knew what she was agreeing too. All she knew is that she wanted to feel those lips on her skin some more.
She suddenly feels very sober as she stands in the room with the couple. She can’t even bring herself to watch as Rachel and Finn kiss but when the boy makes a move towards her, her eyes flicker to the brunette’s dilated eyes before cupping Finn’s cheek and accepting the kiss.
She had never enjoyed kissing Finn. Puck was a good kisser but his lips were dry. Sam was good too and his lips were soft because of the amount of chapstick he used but he and her kissing just felt weird, which is why they decided to just stay friends instead. Finn was just simply a bad kisser and it was all too evident right now.
The fact that he’s intoxicated too doesn’t help because it just makes him even more sloppy. He shoves his tongue in her mouth without permission and she tries to repress the urge to instantly pull away. She thinks of Sam telling her not to sleep with Puck and she hesitates for a second.
Well neither Finn or Rachel were Puck.
And drunk Quinn was never the best at making decisions, was she?
They pull away and Finn takes a step back to sit on the edge of the bed. He looks at the two girls expectantly and she turns to Rachel who’s suddenly looking a lot more shy than how she looked in the kitchen before. Finn expects them to kiss and she suddenly gets grossed out at the fact that he’ll probably enjoy watching two girls kiss way too much.
She wishes she could say she doesn’t feel her stomach flip in a good way at the thought of kissing Rachel Berry but she can’t even lie to herself right now. The brunette takes a step towards her and Quinn mimics her and suddenly they’re right in front of each other. Finn rests his chin on his hands and he’s watching intently for the moment the two girls will finally lock lips.
They’re Rachel Berry and Quinn Fabray. There’s such a rich history between the two of them, one that definitely isn’t full of rainbows and unicorns. She’s not sure a moment like this happening was ever written in the stars but for some reason, it’s happening. Quinn has almost given up at trying to figure out what life throws at her so she’s mostly embracing it now. All she knows is that right now, in this moment, as the floor shakes with the loud bass coming from the music, she’s drunk enough to admit to herself she desperately wants to kiss her.
“I’m going to kiss you now,” Quinn says breathlessly because Rachel looks as nervous as she is and she wants to make sure she 100% has her consent.
Rachel nods and Quinn cups her cheek with a shaky hand and she leans down in the slowest way possible. As if she thinks it’s not going fast enough, Rachel leans in and their lips touch for the very first time.
Suddenly, everything in Quinn’s world quiets down.
The music downstairs disappears completely and her hands stop shaking, moving down to Rachel’s hips to bring them closer. Rachel’s bottom lips slide between her lips and Quinn knows this is the best kiss she’s ever had. Her lips move skillfully against Quinn’s and they’re so soft, the blonde feels as though she’s on a cloud. She knows Rachel is the best kisser she’s ever kissed and she wants to make sure the diva realizes what she’s missing out on by sticking with Finn for the rest of her life. She swipes Rachel’s bottom lip with her tongue, asking for permission and Rachel grants it eagerly. The latter instantly moans when their tongues first touch and the blonde can feel the vibrations in the kiss.
Rachel’s hands move from her cheeks to her hair and tugs on it a little. Right away, Quinn moans as she feels the action deep in the bottom her stomach. She wants Rachel to do it again so bad and as if she’s reading her thoughts, Rachel tugs on it another time. The blonde whimpers, continuing the kiss passionately and bringing them even closer so there’s absolutely no distance between their bodies.
Quinn makes sure to keep her hands on her waist but Rachel unexpectedly reaches out to put her hand on top of Quinn’s. Slowly, she moves it down so Quinn is cupping her butt and the blonde gets the message quickly and she squeezes, making Rachel’s hips buck into hers. Quinn feels a wave of pleasure everywhere in her body and she’s gladly drowning in it.
They’ve been kissing for what feels like forever now and she’s pretty sure if Quinn had a choice, she would choose kissing Rachel over breathing. Air is overrated anyways. The blonde is about to change angles when she hears someone clear their throat next to them.
“Uh, guys?” Finn asks and they both pull away slowly, neither of them wanting it to end. Rachel turns to her fiancé but Quinn keeps her gaze on the side of the girl’s face, not wanting to see Finn’s expression.
She tries to take long deep breaths to calm her beating heart but everything in her is screaming to kiss Rachel again. Her lips are tingling and where Rachel’s arm is still around Quinn, the skin is burning.
The brunette takes her arm away and Quinn immediately mourns the loss. Rachel looks at Quinn and Quinn looks at Rachel and everything falls away once again. The blonde’s whole world was just shattered and she needs to go home right now. She can’t go through with this, there’s just no way.
“I--” Quinn says through her dry mouth, uttering the first words since Finn pulled them back to reality. “I gotta go. I can’t do this,” she says, already shaking her head. She doesn’t look at Finn once, she simply turns her back to them and walks out the door. She makes her way through a crowd of sweaty people and gets out of the house to call a cab.
The tears start to fall before the taxi even gets here.
---
It’s awkward. It’s awkward between Rachel and Quinn, it’s awkward between Finn and Quinn and it’s also awkward between Rachel and Finn.
The Glee club is starting to notice it too.
Well, they’re starting to notice it’s awkward between the engaged couple, no one really notices Quinn is part of it because well it’s always been stilled between Quinn and Finn and Quinn and Rachel have such a complicated history that the other members have given up trying to understand it.
Rachel has been the only thing on Quinn’s mind since the party two weeks ago. The diva occupies every single one of her thoughts during the day and as soon as Quinn falls into a slumber, they’re back in that guest bedroom where Finn is definitely not there to make them stop.
She knows it’s wrong. Well, it’s not wrong for another girl to like another girl but she knows it’s wrong for her to like another girl. Sure, her dad isn’t with them anymore and her mother is way less strict without Russell around but Quinn still doubts her dating a girl is an option she has.
Not that she wants to date Rachel.
Except, she totally does.
It was hard to admit at first but now it’s painfully obvious how all of this weird love triangle they’ve been apart for too long now has always been about Rachel. She used to think it was all about Finn but she was wrong. At the center of that triangle was Rachel, as always. Because Rachel is made to be in the center of everything.
Dating Finn was never about dating him, it was about keeping him away from Rachel. She sees it now, if Quinn couldn’t have Rachel then nobody could have her. It was possessive and wrong and she can’t believe she fooled herself into thinking she was actually attracted to the quarterback.
The kiss plays on her mind in repeat. She lives and breathes the memory of the kiss, her lips longing for the chance to taste the cherry chapstick once again. She can’t look at the girl without traveling back to that room where Quinn’s whole world changed.
All because she somehow agreed to a threesome with Rachel Berry and Finn Hudson . What the hell had she been thinking? The worst part is if she could go back she’s not sure she’d even decline the opportunity because that kiss… that kiss will always remain in her memory.
She watches Rachel and Finn from behind stumble through the choreography of Paradise by The Dashboard Lights and they keep messing up their steps and it’s awkward to see. They’re not in sync anymore and it’s obvious they’re almost afraid to get close to each other now. When Finn steps on her foot again, Mr Schue sighs loudly.
“Alright, everyone take 5.”
Instantly, Quinn bolts out of the auditorium to go splash some water on her face. She just needs to have a moment without Rachel right in front of her, reminding her of what she’ll never get.
At this point, she’s not even surprised to hear someone come in and to meet the diva’s gaze when she turns. Of course Rachel would follow her here.
After all, everything seems to happen in this damn bathroom.
“Hi,” Rachel says in a quiet voice.
Quinn shakes the water off her hands. “Hey,” she answers, trying to walk around Rachel to get out of the bathroom but the latter won’t let her. She sighs, taking a step back to put some distance between them and refusing to look at her. “Rachel, please let me go.”
“These are the first words you’ve said to me in two weeks,” Rachel states and Quinn sighs, looking uncomfortably at the sinks. “Can you just look at me?” she pleads and for some reason, Quinn does.
Her stomach immediately flips and she’s reminded of the way the two of them looked at each other as their faces were slowly moving towards each other.
“What do you want, Rachel?” Quinn breathes out. She’s exhausted mentally and physically. She just wants a break.
“I want you to talk to me.”
“I can’t,” Quinn immediately says.
“Why not?”
“Because, Rachel.” Quinn sighs, looking away from those hypnotizing chocolate colored eyes.
“Look, I’m-- I’m sorry about that party,” Rachel says and Quinn squeezes her eyes tightly shut. “I was-- drunk and quite frankly, I’ve been having trouble getting over what you told me in the bathroom that other time.”
Right. When Quinn had suggested Rachel should experiment more. Because that’s what two weeks ago was, an experiment. God, she brought this on herself. She’s such a fucking idiot. Quinn doesn’t say anything back and Rachel takes a step towards her. She’s not sure who she surprises more when she doesn’t take a step back.
“Quinn, please. Talk to me.”
“I-- I can’t stop thinking about you,” Quinn says in a broken voice and instantly a tear fall from her eyes. Rachel walks to her and Quinn doesn’t look up, keeping her eyes on the ground as another tear falls from her eyes and she watches it hit the tiles.
“What?” Rachel says, as though she didn’t hear what Quinn said.
The blonde looks up, suddenly angry. “I’m going crazy. You’re all I think about. Every single time I close my eyes, I see you and I’m back in that guest room. I want to kiss you again, Berry and it’s killing me. It’s killing me because you kissed me like that and you were-- what? ready to have sex with me? Alongside Finn? But you’re with Finn and you’re going to marry him and I hate it. I hate that I like you so much when I was just an experiment to you.” She wipes the last angry tear away and drags her eyes away from Rachel has she slowly realizes what she just admitted to and her face gets red in embarrassment.
Rachel is silent for a long time. Way too long. And then, Quinn hears it. “Finn and I broke up.”
“What?” she says, eyebrows shooting up to her hairline.
The diva takes a big breath and nods. “We broke up. It was… weird after the-- the kiss. He kept telling me I asked him to do that to have an excuse to cheat on him and honestly I-- I think he might be right.” Quinn’s heart skips a beat as she waits for Rachel to continue. “I can’t stop thinking about you too, Quinn. As soon as your lips touched mine, Finn wasn’t an option anymore.”
As soon as she processes the words, she surges forward and attaches her lips to Rachel’s. The girl kisses back immediately and it’s like both of them can finally breathe again. Rachel’s back hits the wall and Rachel moans into her mouth. Quinn’s hands cling onto her waist as the diva’s hand travel to her hair again and she seems to have a liking to pulling on it which makes the blonde smile into the kiss.
They kiss until they hear a knock on the door and Tina’s voice is heard. “Hey Quinn, Mr Schue wants everyone to come back to the auditorium. Tell Rachel if she’s with you.”
They both look at each other with a smile on their faces and Rachel pecks her lips quickly again before taking her hand and walking out of the bathroom. Quinn grins looking down at their intertwined hands and she’s glad to see their hands fit together as well as she imagined they would.
Maybe she doesn’t have to keep everyone away from Rachel if she’s the one that gets to be by her side.