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I walk down that same path, through the thicket, lined with statues, the gate looms ahead. It’s that village again. Am I awake or am I dreaming?
The snow flutters down, numb to its coldness, I see a manor, it’s snowing. I lost you in there, are you still there, waiting?
The stairs creak under my weight, my hand slides open the door. The tears come so easily as I enter the Osaka house. Are you here?
Memories long past bubble to the surface of my mind. We promise to stay together forever…
I forget that we are still together, my hand gently strokes the mark left by the ritual, so visibly upon my neck, the crimson sacrifice that I shall never forget. I smile weakly, I lift my head.
There you are, standing, watching me. You turn and run, my hand reaches for you, my weak voice raises.
“MAYU,” I cry out desperately. I summon the will, the desire. I chase after you. “Please… Please don’t leave me… Not again.” The tears flow more strongly now, blurring my vision, the darkness envelopes your back running from me.
I stumble to the ground. The dust and dirt cling to my tears. I make a sound as I choke on my tears. You, who now runs faster than I.
You, who was injured, because of me.
You, whose knee seems fine in this world where it was not before.
The memory floods back to me, that day where you fell because of me.
-
“Mio, please don’t leave me,” your small voice calls out as I run ahead, laughing, enjoying our little game. The path was not the safest, but I was confident in our skill, we are children, light and nimble. “Mio please,” you shrilly call.
Then a scream.
Your scream.
You fell over the edge of the small cliff.
“Mayu?” I question as I turn, you were gone. I delicately move to the edge. “Mayyyyuuuu?” I call louder now, my heart beats louder, my mouth dries.
I see you.
You weren’t moving.
You were crumpled down below.
I ran to you, to your side, to help you.
I repeat it like a chant.
“I’m so sorry”
-
Shaking my head clear, I shakily got to my feet. My knee throbs, I look down and see that some skin was taken off during the fall. This was nothing. Nothing compared to you, this was so simple, so pointless. I need to find you.
I push open the door, the house of sorrows, of the past now being replaced by a location I have never been. Is this where you are now? Can I get to you here?
A voice calls to me, I glance over to the man pursuing me, it’s our uncle, do you remember him? He’s been so kind since that day. I’m sorry dear uncle, I must go. I turn away and resume walking ahead. I must find you.
“Mayu,” a single name I emit as I close the door behind me. I must keep going, towards the place of my torment, the place where the crimson butterflies played, the place where I can see you again.
I look up, is that you there, waiting for me? Please don’t let it be my imagination playing tricks on me…
That day still haunts me, I remember it as if it happened yesterday.
I spot a cell, I walk to it, it surrounds me, like that memory. I sat in the place where you were once sitting. Were you really here or is this place playing tricks on me?
The memory rises above all, I let it come so vividly to my mind, the day where you left me because I killed you. I look to my hands, burning with the feeling.
-
As if being drawn to your delicate throat, my hands encircles it. The tears threaten to fall, you whisper your desire to me, was it really yours?
“Kill me”
Oh, how the sadness and tears welled deep from within. The dread of the outcome filling my belly, but I had to do this, this is what we wanted, right?
I start to squeeze, my hands knowing what they must do.
I felt your breath catch, your heart race or was it my own? I held, you smiled, I cried, you grew cold as the life escaped you, I took it from you.
Many hands pulled me away, they took you from me, they threw you in and I let them, I was in shock, you were really gone.
Fear, sadness, guilt. They consumed me, I look around, praying it was all a dream, wishing it wasn’t real.
It was real.
“Thank you”
I hear you; I look to see your butterfly flying away, leaving me. Every emotion welled up from inside me, I call out one word.
“Mayu.”
I cry out, the tears overflowing, I rush after you, I stumble, I cry, and I call. Do you even hear me? Could you even hear me? I wish to hear you call back…
Forever apologising, wishing you would never leave me, bound together in eternity knotted by the rope of your death
I was never the same after that day, a part of me left with you.
-
I can hear him again, our Uncle Kei, he is standing near the door you know.
He says he wants to help me but why do I need help? when I don’t wish to be saved. He is such a kind person.
I want to be with you again, even if it means staying here forever. Searching forever, just to be with you.
I want to tell him to go but I am so consumed by the thoughts of you.
Please go, stop trying to save me.
If it means being alone again…
A smile twitches on my face, but here I am not alone, you are waiting here for me dear sister.
I can never live alone in that world without you, Mayu, you complete me. I touch our mark on my neck.
But we are never alone, Mio. Your hand on mine, bound in eternity. Together Forever.