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momo watched sana as she got dressed, her face having the most playful smile as she winked momo’s way. sana’s face illuminated by the bit of moonlight coming in through the curtains. her features so sharp, yet adorable at the same time, her blonde hair shining beautifully down her back.
watching sana get up and get dressed after they shared such intense moments of euphoria together make momo regret ever agreeing to such a painfully exciting deal with her best friend. because that’s what they are. they’re best friends. and this? this whole thing they have going on is just sex. they’ll never be anything more than best friends and they’ll never go beyond that. momo knows that, but she can’t help the way she’s hopelessly in love with her best friend.
it all started last year, their deal. it kind of... just happened. they were both feeling needy, clingy, lonely - it just happened. for momo, that singular moment was life-changing. for sana? momo doesn’t think so.
it happened once and then it didn’t happen again until a few months later. sana proposed the idea. it took momo a few days to agree to it. she’s hopelessly in love with her best friend and agreeing to such a deal was her essentially breaking her own heart. but she couldn’t deny sana, didn’t want to deny sana. because sana reassured her that no matter what, they’ll always be best friends. they’ll always just be the same old momo and sana that met in fourth grade. momo wanted to love sana more than anything.
after the first time, momo was stuck. it was impossible for her to remove all traces of how beautiful sana sounded when she would moan her name - so whiny, so needy, and it was all for her. it was the way sana would tug on her hair while she was nestled between her thighs licking away messily, just the way sana liked. it was the way sana was so clingy and cuddly after sex, laying on top of momo happily. so, momo was stuck. she was stuck in a constant loop of sana. it was the way sana’s soft, slender fingers would curve perfectly inside of her to bring her that much closer to spilling over the edge. it was the way sana would mark her territory - up and around momo’s chest, stopping to place sweet kisses and warm licks on her nipples; heading south to the inside of her warm thighs, squeezing them and leaving wet kisses as she made her way up to her dripping center. momo was stuck.
her feelings for sana came way before their first sexcapade, so she knew agreeing to the deal was insane. she knew it. but she also knew that after she experienced sex with her best friend for the first time, there was no going back. because falling in love with your best friend is a dangerous game to play - and momo is certain she’s losing the game horribly.
their deal was simple. there was no rules. except for sana jokingly telling momo not to fall in love with her - so momo had already lost. she started off losing. being in love with sana way before sex between them was even a thought. the deal is insane, though. no sane person would ever have this kind of deal with their best friend. especially if you’re already in love with the other prior to going into it. so momo knows she’s insane. she knows she’s slowly breaking her own heart. but it’s impossible to stop. she’s stuck in a constant loop of sana.
and she wouldn’t have it any other way.
momo is being clingy today. not that sana minded because of course she doesn’t. she never does. momo is her baby and if her baby wants to cuddle all day, then so be it.
“momo-chan, i have go use the bathroom.”
the blonde girl got up cautiously, easing out of momo’s arms. momo pouting cutely, earning a cute bop on the nose from sana.
momo sighs heavily and keeps the frown on her face. she’s aware she’s being extra clingy today, but she hasn’t been feeling her best. her hormones being in charge and leading her to an emotional rollercoaster of nothing but sadness and feelings of insecurities, especially when it comes to how she feels about sana. but today just isn’t her day, so if sana allows her to be cuddled up to her all day, then that’s what she’ll do.
sana comes back quickly, getting situated into their previous position. momo immediately throwing her leg over sana’s front and wrapping her arm around the front of sana’s tummy.
“why are you still pouting? i’m back,” sana chuckles softly, playing with momo’s hair. “you feeling okay today?”
momo nods, lying about how she’s really feeling. it’s all too much.
“no you’re not, momoring, i know you. tell me.”
of course sana wouldn’t push past momo’s lie. she knows momo like the back of her hand. knowing momo better than momo knows herself. learning all of momo’s mannerisms throughout the past decade that they’ve been best friends. so sana can’t just ignore momo’s pouting.
and momo hates how well sana knows her. if only she could scream out her true feelings and insecurities. she’s tired of holding everything in. she’s tired of being just sex. she’s tired and she can’t bare to look at sana any longer. she just wants to be in sana’s arms in silence. sana won’t let that fly.
“i don’t want to talk about it.” momo says barely above a whisper.
“honeyyy, just talk to me! i want to help you. you’ve been down for the past couple days,” sana points out, moving from their current position into one where she’s looking at momo’s face. “you know i don’t like seeing you like this.”
momo huffs, pushing away from sana. wishing she could just disappear right here, right now. because sana makes it really, really difficult to not scream her feelings out for everyone to hear. it’s like she’s taunting momo with the concern.
“don’t worry about it. i’ll be fine.” momo hums, getting up from their spot on sana’s bed and gathering her things to walk out. she doesn’t know what’s gotten into her. she can’t bare to look at sana anymore. she blames it on her hormones.
she doesn’t want to talk. she feels like she’s going crazy and sana’s persistence isn’t doing any good right now. so she’s doing what she does best, running from her problems in hopes that they’ll just disappear. because momo feels like a glass full of water that’s threatening to spill out at any moment and being here with sana; worried, sweet, concerned sana, she feels like she can’t breathe. neither of them need this right now. neither of them need momo to spill over as messily as she would in this moment. she needs to be calm and collected when she confesses to her best friend.
“where are you going? come here!” sana says, rushing to get up and follow.
worried, sweet, concerned sana. momo thinks she doesn’t deserve her. she broke their deal. she fell in love.
“i just remembered i have to go help my mom with something,” momo lies. “i’ll call you in a bit, okay?”
sana rolls her eyes, tugging on momo’s sleeve to stop her from moving. they’re standing in sana’s living room now. momo’s eyes full of something sana doesn’t recognize, a look she’s never seen in momo’s eyes. she looks hurt and defeated, mixed with something else. sana doesn’t recognize the look in her best friend’s eyes.
“momo, you’re lying. what’s wrong? why can’t you just tell me?”
the older girl pulls her arm away from sana. she so badly wants to run away and not face this situation at all. she’s really threatening to spill over now.
“sana, i’m fine! i’ll talk to you later, okay?”
sana frowns, a look of confusion all over her face. and rightfully so, momo thinks.
“why are you being so weird lately? we were fine not even half an hour ago!” sana points out.
momo sighs heavily. sana’s right. she has been acting weird. extra clingy most days and the opposite on other days. now momo can tell just how much she’s confusing sana. and for the billionth time, she comes to the conclusion that she doesn’t deserve sana. because sana just wants to help her, wants to ease her worries, but she can’t. sana can’t help her with this. she feels she has to do it and deal with it all on her own.
“please, i’ll just talk to you later. i really gotta go.”
sana scoffs, grabbing momo’s hands to stop her from leaving again. momo’s on the verge of crying. sana is being so persistent. momo is so in love with her. momo is so so tired of being used as just sex by the person she’s in love with. she wants to cry and run away.
“sana, let me go! seriously!” momo spits out, starting to get annoyed. but not with sana - never with sana. she’s annoyed with herself and her lack of courage to finally tell her best friend how she feels.
“i’m not letting you go until you tell me what’s wrong! i’ve never seen you like this!” sana yanks her arm harder.
momo pulls back again. “why do you want to know so bad?! why do you care? just let me go!”
sana yanks her arm back once again. “why would i not care, momo? you sound stupid! i always worry!”
momo pulls back harder this time, finally freeing herself from her and sana’s tug of war. “you want to know so bad?” she questions.
sana nods. momo’s mind is racing - she’s dizzy. “i’m in love with you, okay! there, i said it! i’m in love with you, sana.”
before momo can stop her mouth from having a mind of its own, the words have already spilt out. and she’s crying. tears streaming down her face rapidly as she stares at sana. who is staring right back at her with a blank expression on her face - she’s stunned.
momo’s heart breaks into a million pieces as she watches sana stay silent and look dumbfounded after her confession. the silence weighing on her heavy. the world freezing around them. the only sound making its way around the house being the tick-tock of the clock sana adorns one of the walls with. it feels like it’s been hours of silence. and momo’s angry and embarrassed now, regret instantly filling her entire body up.
she scoffs, picking her bag up off the floor. she shakes her head in disappointment at sana’s silence. the tears starting to pour down her face impossibly faster. because momo just confessed to her best friend, the love of life, that she’s in love with her and all she’s getting is silence.
“i knew agreeing to being your sex toy was a mistake, but i still did it because clearly i’m a dumbass. and you told me not to fall in love with you, but look what i went ahead and did.” momo mutters, chuckling angrily as she wipes her tears away while watching a still silent sana’s tears pour out of her eyes.
and now momo’s angry at sana - because why in the world is sana crying? momo thinks she has no reason to be crying when she’s the one who just embarrassed herself.
momo starts rushing out. hoping, praying sana will run after to comfort her and tell her it’ll be okay. tell her that she’s in love with her too.
“momo, i-“
so momo stops, her hand on the door handle. she doesn’t turn around to look at sana. a glint of hope coming to the surface.
but sana stays silent again.
“wow.” it’s the last thing momo says before she opens the door, letting herself out. the door slams harder than momo intended.
-
day one without sana
momo wakes up, eyes puffy and red after a whole night of crying. her heart feels heavy, as if a fifty-pound dumbbell is sitting right over her chest. and there’s tears threatening to slip out again because sana doesn’t love her back. she lost her best friend. she ruined their decade long friendship. sana’s blank stare engraved into momo’s mind, making her relive yesterday’s moment.
so she decides she’ll lay in bed all day. or her body, heart, and mind decide it for her. she’s too wrecked to even find the energy to get up. her heart feels too heavy, it might weigh her down when she attempts to get up. and she has two classes today, but screw those. she feels lifeless. it’s like everything is moving in slow motion.
she gets snapped out of her thoughts by her phone ringing.
ignore.
and her eyes go back to being closed.
she’s thinking of everything but nothing at the same time. momo’s experiencing heartbreak for the first time and it hurts like hell. but what’s hurting the most is that she lost her best friend. things will never be the same. sana has been a constant in her life for so long that momo’s not afraid to admit that she doesn’t know how to live without her. her comforting hugs. her bubbly personality. her smile so bright that it instantly makes you forgot about your problems. her optimism that makes you feel like you can conquer the world.
momo’s experiencing heartbreak for the first time and it hurts like hell. she’s experiencing heartbreak because of her best friend. but it’s not like she even wants to blame sana because she can’t. sana does no wrong. sana told her not to fall in love. sana made it very clear that their whole deal was just sex. just sex as best friends. nothing more, nothing less. momo feels... well, she actually doesn’t know what she’s feeling. momo’s experiencing heartbreak for the first time.
has sana texted her? has sana called? or is sana never going to reach out? is she going to stay silent like she did yesterday?
it’s not like momo even has the energy to check her phone. her phone is too far and it’s not like she thinks sana’s reaching out to her. she’s sure sana will stay silent like she did yesterday.
so she does stay in bed all day. only ever getting up use the bathroom. did she even drink water? she doesn’t remember.
-
day one without momo
sana wakes up the same way momo does. eyes red and puffy from crying all night.
she lost her best friend in the blink of an eye. she lost the only person who has seen her at her worst because lord knows her own parents haven’t seen her as low as momo has. she lost her best friend and the thought of it being her fault is eating her up inside. she didn’t speak up. she was stuck. she ruined everything.
momo’s words replaying in her head like a broken record: “i knew agreeing to be your sex toy was a mistake, but i still did it because clearly i’m a dumbass. and you told me not to fall in love with you, but look what i went ahead and did.”
and she fully believes it’s her fault. she didn’t speak up. she feels the same way. she’s so madly in love with her best friend but the shock of it all, the rush of the moment, the way momo was yelling at her about being concerned - sana was confused. the moment was jam packed with emotions and before she realized that she had stayed silent for far too long momo was already running out of the door.
she so badly wants to scream and run into momo’s arms, but now momo isn’t picking up the phone.
momo isn’t just her sex toy and hearing her refer to herself as that has sana feeling dizzy and nauseous. she isn’t a sex toy. momo is so much more. momo is the feeling of the warm sunshine hitting your skin after cloudy days. momo is the comforting rain that helps you sleep soundly at night after a rough day. momo is so much more.
so sana calls... again, but to no avail. texts also. momo is ignoring her. and sana can’t blame her. she has every right to ignore her after the way she acted. everything was moving so fast in that moment yesterday. her and momo were arguing, she wanted momo to stay, momo was pushing her away, then she confesses her love for her. it was all too much. sana was dizzy, shocked. much like now.
sana can’t afford to miss class like momo can. she’s presenting a group project today and people are counting on her. she figures letting one person down is one too many and she can’t let anymore down. so she goes to class.
“i’m sorry for this, but are you okay? sana, you look terrible.” her friend mina tells her as they walk out of class, concern taking over her features as she lays a comforting hand on sana’s shoulder.
sana chuckles. “oh, thanks so much, minari. i appreciate it.” she says sarcastically then smiles mina’s way. “i’m fine. i will be. thanks for worrying.”
mina sighs, pouting as she looks at sana. “i’m here if you need to talk, you know? i may not be momo, but i’m here for you.”
momo. momo. momo. momo.
sana nods slowly, just wanting to get away from everyone. she can’t bare to look at mina’s concerned face. it’s taunting her. she feels like she doesn’t deserve the concern. not after the way she also feels like it’s her fault momo and her aren’t speaking. she’s sure if mina knew what she did to her best friend, she wouldn’t be looking at her like that.
“thanks, minari.” she throws the best smile she can mina’s way.
social interaction drained her to no end all day. when she gets home, she plops down in bed and finally looks at her phone. praying, hoping momo miraculously texted her back... but nothing. and momo’s absolutely valid in wanting to ignore her.
sana’s chest feels heavy, permanent lump in her throat all day. she can’t breathe. going without speaking to momo for a day is hell on earth.
and she doesn’t even realize when the tears start spilling out of her eyes. before she knows it, her face is all wet and her eyes are impossibly puffier.
she didn’t notice when the sun started setting. by the time she gets up from her initial spot on her bed, it’s pitch black outside.
she decides to call momo again.
no answer.
-
day four without sana
it’s saturday today.
momo wakes up with her eyes red and puffy for the fourth day in a row. and oh, is she already tired of crying herself to sleep. it’s draining and she hates it.
saturday’s are reserved for her and sana. much like every other day of the week, but to them, saturday’s are different. either sana comes over or momo goes over; they watch a movie, eat popcorn, and enjoy each other’s presence without thinking of any school work. it’s a tradition they picked up when they started college.
but not this saturday. the first saturday in three years that they’re not getting together. so momo cries. she’s sure her eyes might run out of tears any second now. she’s filled her crying quota for the next few years at this rate.
her phone has been on ‘do not disturb’ for the past few days. has sana called? has sana texted? she doesn’t know, but she does know that if sana cared enough, she’d be here. she’d try.
her parents have caught onto her bad mood, but them constantly being at work is something that momo is really thankful for right now. she doesn’t think she can handle explaining to her parents why her and her best friend have been distant. not that her mother hasn’t tried to pry it out of her, because momo and sana being apart for three days just isn’t right in her mother’s eyes.
as she buries herself into her sheets even deeper, she hears a knock on the front door. with a heavy sigh she gets up and starts making her way to find out who’s on the other side.
it’s jeongyeon.
her closest and dearest friend, after sana of course. but jeongyeon holds a special place in her heart as well.
momo opens the door and lets jeongyeon in. not bothering to check how she looks. she doesn’t want to lie to jeongyeon. she figures she has to tell at least someone instead of holding all of it in.
“where the fuck have you been?” jeongyeon scolds, pushing past momo. “why haven’t you answered my phone calls? my texts?”
momo sighs and shrugs as she plops down on the couch next to jeongyeon.
“okay,” jeongyeon crosses her arms across her chest in annoyance. “what’s going on? and don’t lie to me, because by the look of your face, you look like you’ve done nothing but cry for like a month straight.”
“it sure does feel like a month has gone by...” momo mutters, shifting in her spot to look at jeongyeon in the face.
jeongyeon stares back, waiting for momo to spit it out.
“i did it, jeong. i told sana how i feel about her.”
jeongyeon’s eyes go wide and her mouth forms an ‘o’ shape.
“what?”
momo sighs, pouting. “i was at her house about four days ago? i don’t know, i lost count of how many days i’ve been sulking. she was asking me what was wrong because i was being extra clingy, but i didn’t want to talk about it. she was being so persistent, i got annoyed, said i had to leave, but she wouldn’t let me. i ended up exploding and telling her that what was wrong with me was that i was in love with her.”
jeongyeon sighs, instantly pulling momo into a hug. “and you know what she did, jeong?” momo says. jeongyeon hums in response as she rubs momo’s back. “she didn’t do anything. she didn’t say anything. i would have rather her tell me that she hates me for falling in love with her, but instead i got silence. i’d rather her pity me.”
momo’s crying again and jeongyeon’s focusing on comforting her.
“she hasn’t called?” jeongyeon asks softly.
momo shrugs. “i don’t know. i haven’t checked my phone since that night. she would be here if she cared about me.”
and jeongyeon knows she can’t disagree with that because momo’s right. sana should be here.
“any thoughts on how you want to proceed with the friendship, if at all?”
momo sighs and lifts her head up from jeongyeon’s chest, wiping her tears away. she shakes her head. truthfully, she hasn’t thought about that at all. she knows she’s going to have to talk to sana at some point, it’s inevitable, but her mind is blank when it comes to the direction they should go in. because momo knows sana is such a big part of her life, whether it be romantically or platonically, sana has always been there. she’s never known life without sana.
“take your time, alright? don’t force yourself to act like everything is okay because it’s not. you’re allowed to be hurt about this. i can’t tell you what to do, but i will say to do whatever you feel is right. don’t be too hard on yourself,” jeongyeon says with caring eyes and a soft smile. “i love you, okay? i have to go to work now. i’ll be calling to check up on you so you better take your phone off silent.” she smiles, leaning over to peck momo’s cheek.
momo smiles for the first time in days. “thank you for coming all this way to check up on me.”
“it’s no big deal. not for you. plus, you know i work this way. don’t forget to answer my calls!” jeongyeon says as she makes her way to the front door with momo following behind her.
“i won’t, i promise!”
-
day five without momo
it’s sunday today.
sana doesn’t have any school obligations today nor does she have to go work. it’s her first day off since her and momo argued and she’s glad for this day off to breathe.
it’s been her busiest week in a while.
she’s called and texted momo several times but to no avail. the older girl isn’t getting back to her. of course sana doesn’t blame her. it’s expected.
but she also knows what momo must be thinking. it’s been five days and sana hasn’t made a move to go see her. it’s her busiest week in a while, after all. she’s barely had time to sit down and enjoy a meal. from school to work and immediately back home to continue that same routine the next day. but she doesn’t want to give herself a pass.
today, she’s changing that. she’s going to see momo. no more moping around. she decided she’s going to see momo today, no matter what. momo deserves it. momo deserves to know she’s more than just sex to sana. momo deserves to know how madly in love sana is with her. sana can’t hold it in any longer. her heart might burst at the emotions she’s keeping to herself. she’s so madly in love with her best friend.
and as if by a miracle, sana’s phone rings. it’s a call from momo’s mother, but she’s thankful for the contact nonetheless. it’s the closest she’s been to the girl in five days. she loves momo mother’s and the amazing relationship they’ve built for the past decade her and momo have been best friends.
“hi, mrs. hirai. how are you?”
momo’s mother chuckles lightly at the formality. “i’m doing fine, sana. thank you. judging by the look on momo’s face for the past few days and by the way you haven’t stepped foot in my house, i don’t think you nor her are doing so well,” she pauses. sana’s eyes welling up with tears. “listen, i hate seeing you guys like this. come over. i won’t tell her; that way she can’t run from you. her father and i are going to work in about an hour, so feel free to come over whenever. you know where the spare key is.”
sana sniffles and wipes her tears.
“she’ll listen to you, sana. don’t worry.”
“okay,” sana whispers. “i’ll be on my way.”
they end the call with goodbyes and momo’s mother making sure to tell sana to be safe on her way over.
sana slips on the first jacket she sees and grabs her phone and her own pair of keys.
she’s a frantic mess. her head is spinning. her chest feels tight and she’s nervous. she’s terrified.
her journey to momo’s house is full of overthinking and thoughts of backing out. she cries the entire ride there. she feels guilty and realizes that maybe she should have practiced something to say to momo because she feels like she’s going in blind.
she’s outside momo’s house now - taking several deep breaths as she holds the spare key that momo’s mother keeps in a potted plant next to the front door. after several attempts of convincing herself to go inside, she backs out. with a heavy sigh, she drops the key back into the plant and sits on the ground next to the door.
she’s crying now and her heart is racing. she feels terrible and doesn’t know how to face momo. doesn’t want to say the wrong thing. she’s terrified momo doesn’t want to see her. now she’s sitting outside of momo’s house in tears.
“stupid, stupid...” she mutters to herself, wiping away her tears. she chuckles angrily at herself.
after an hour of sitting outside of momo’s house giving herself multiple pep talks, she grabs the key and unlocks the front door. she enters the house with shaking hands and a heartbeat so loud she’s sure the entire city can hear it.
the front door is closed gently and she stands there frozen. the house is eerily quiet, like it’s never been any of the times she would spend here - momo’s laugh would always fill up the room. the staircase up to momo’s room is looking incredibly long and steep to sana right now. she thought unlocking the front door was a feat, but forcing her legs to work and walk up the staircase proves to be another, more difficult task.
she takes a deep breath and lightly knocks on momo’s bedroom door. there’s no going back now. it’s closed tightly - no sounds coming out of it all. as if momo’s just sitting in her room in silence.
“mom, it’s open!”
sana freezes.
and oh does momo’s voice sound heavenly to sana in this moment. tears well up in her eyes again and she doesn’t realize the true extent of how much she missed momo until this very moment. simply hearing the older girl’s voice makes her feel better.
sana forces her hand to open the door. she takes cautious steps forward. she might pass out at how nervous she is.
momo comes into view. sana nearly shoots forward, wanting to engulf the girl in a tight hug. and there’s tears pouring out of her eyes rapidly by now, but she doesn’t bother to wipe them away.
“mom?” the older girl questions, turning her head in the direction of the door - being met with the person she least expected.
momo freezes, dropping the clothes she was folding on the floor. sana’s staring back at her.
“momoring,” sana starts, taking another cautious step forward. momo sits down on her bed, looking away from sana. this prompts the younger girl to simply get it over with - she fully makes her way over to momo. standing in front of her before she crouches down so that they’re face to face.
they’re both crying. sana places a soft hand on momo’s knee.
“hi,” sana throws out a sad smile.
momo doesn’t speak, afraid that her voice will give out. because sana’s here. after five excruciatingly painful days, sana’s here.
“if i talk, will you listen?” sana questions softly, caressing momo’s knee with her thumb.
silence.
sana sighs. the silence is making her feelings of guilt weigh heavier on her. silence is what she gave momo when she confessed. and she knows momo isn’t trying to get back at her - but silence is definitely what she deserves.
momo finds it impossible to speak. she finds it impossible to stop the tears from flowing. she’s having an internal battle. she so badly wants this to just be over with this and to hug sana - wants to forget about her confession of love and just pull sana into a hug, but she also wants to run away - wants to act like none of this is happening and simply run.
“momoring,” sana is looking at her with the softest eyes. momo can’t take it.
what is sana even doing here? momo’s mind is swirling with thoughts. is sana here to apologize and ask to go back to being friends? because clearly, she made her stance crystal clear when she stayed silent five days ago. what more is there to talk about?
“please listen to me, honey.” sana’s begging as the tears pour out of her eyes and momo can’t take it anymore. she fully looks sana in the eyes for the first time.
sana smiles sadly.
momo hates this.
they’re still in the same position. sana crouching down to look momo in the eyes as momo sits on her bed. none of them dare to make a move - as if moving would somehow rid them of this moment.
“will you listen? i can’t force you to if you don’t want to or aren’t ready to, honey. i’ll keep coming back until you are.” sana’s voice is soft and shaking, but she continues to speak despite that because momo deserves it.
momo’s heart is racing. sana is being so gentle. and seeing her cry the way she is makes momo cry harder. she doesn’t like seeing sana cry - so she nods, her heart clearly taking over.
sana squeezes her knee lightly and stands up, holding a hand out for momo. “come on. let’s go sit together.”
momo decides to stop fighting. she takes sana’s hand and nearly cries harder at the contact. she missed her so much.
sana leads them to the couch momo has beside her bedroom window. the same couch sana proposed the idea of being fuck buddies at - that moment comes rushing into momo’s mind as she sits. she’s nervous.
they’re at the same level now. eye to eye, with their hands never parting.
“momo,” sana starts, wanting to make sure the older girl is paying attention.
momo looks at her, face wet with tears.
“i took a while, didn’t i? i apologize for taking so long to come back to you. you’re important to me, honey. i shouldn’t have taken this long. i apologize.” sana says with a sudden burst of confidence.
there’s silence for a few seconds. momo’s processing those words and she knows sana’s being genuine. it’s all too much. the softness in sana’s voice. the look in sana’s eyes. the gentleness in sana’s touch as she caresses her hand. momo can’t believe this is happening.
“you’re important to me, momoring. the most important person in my life. you didn’t deserve for me to take so long to come to you,” sana’s crying harder now but she refuses to stop talking. “you didn’t deserve any of the things i did to you. you didn’t deserve to feel like you were just sex,” momo shuts her eyes upon hearing that. “you didn’t deserve the silence i gave you after you told me that you’re in love with me. you didn’t deserve for me to take so long to come back to you. so, i apologize.”
sana sniffles and takes a deep breath. momo doesn’t take her eyes off of the younger girl now.
momo sighs, deciding she needs to speak up and let her feelings be known. “you really hurt me, sana. your silence that day spoke volumes to me. i was embarrassed and full of regret after seeing you not say anything. then, you continued to stay silent. i truly didn’t know if i was ready to speak to you. i thought you would’ve shown up sooner, though, at least.”
“i really do apologize and regret the way i reacted. the silence i gave you in return after you confessed your feelings for me - that was me in shock. god, that moment was filled with so much emotions, right? but it was no excuse. you deserved more.” sana pauses, shifting in her seat.
momo stares at sana. she’s terrified. she doesn’t know where this conversation is going. it could end up with sana saying she doesn’t love her back and that she can’t be friends with someone who has feelings for her. momo doesn’t know. but she does know that she forgives sana. the apology is so genuine, if sana’s tears are any indication.
“i need you to really listen to these next few words, okay, honey?” sana pleads. not that she needed to - momo is giving her her undivided attention.
sana smiles softly. she’s grateful for the confidence she gained while talking. she’s grateful that momo’s listening.
“i’m in love with you, momo,” sana pauses, looking at momo directly in the eyes. “i’m so in love with you.”
momo freezes after pulling her hand away from sana’s for the first time.
“you’re not the only one who broke the deal,” sana chuckles. “i’d even say i broke it before you. i’m so in love with you.”
sana takes both of momo’s hands into her own and forces momo to look at her. she smiles softly, caressing her hands.
it’s all too much for momo. she doesn’t believe it. there’s no way sana has been in love with her all this time as well. there’s no way.
“do you believe me, honey? i’m so in love with you.”
the repeated confession is making momo’s head spin. her mind is moving a mile a minute. she looks into sana’s eyes and finds sincerity. her eyes filled with tears are full of sincerity and love - momo might collapse. she can’t bring herself to speak.
“you don’t have to say anything. i understand if it’s hard for you to believe me,” sana starts. “i think you and i stopped being only best friends ages ago, right? you were never just sex to me, momo. you’ve always been so much more, honey.”
momo still hasn’t uttered a word. and sana understands. she doesn’t blame her.
“i wanted to tell you that. i understand if you don’t believe me. i’m going to go home now to let you think. i’m sure you need time, right?” sana questions.
the younger girl moves to get up, seeing as momo hasn’t said anything, so she takes that as her answer to momo needing to be alone. she’s okay with giving her time.
“s-sana,” momo stutters, grabbing onto sana’s wrist as the older girl gets up. momo’s voice is barely above a whisper, but sana hears it.
she turns back around, her eyes filled with hope and excitement. she waits for momo to speak.
“i forgive you.” momo says, tears spilling out of her eyes.
sana smiles sweetly, nodding. her heart could burst in this moment with the amount of relief she feels.
“i-i love you too.” momo confesses.
and sana starts crying again. tears of joy and relief this time. it feels better. the tension in the room finally dissipates, leaving a light, soft aura.
“yeah?” sana giggles as she wipes her tears. “can i hug you?”
a cute giggle escapes momo’s lips as tears make their way down her face and she nods. it’s funny hearing sana ask to hug her. she would never ask before, she would always surprise her.
sana wastes no time pulling momo into the tightest hug. they both cry harder at the contact. the hug is yelling out everything momo finds hard to say right now. the hug is filled with so much love, it’s making their heads dizzy. they don’t want to pull away.
“i’m so in love with you, momo.” sana’s voice comes out muffled by momo’s shoulder and her tears.
“do you mean it?” momo asks. she believes sana, but can’t seem to wrap her head around hearing those words.
sana pulls away immediately, holding momo by the shoulders to look directly into her eyes.
“i have never been more sure about anything else. i’m so in love with you.”
momo simply pulls sana back into the hug and they hold each other for what feels like ages. the hug finalizing the five days of hell they went through to get to this moment.
“are you tired, honey?” sana breaks the silence after a while with a concerned tone to her voice. they’re still holding each other. sana’s rubbing momo’s back softly.
momo nods, causing sana to smile. momo’s clingy when she’s sleepy. sana loves it.
“i’ll go ahead and go home to let you sleep, okay?” sana says. she doesn’t want to bother momo any longer and she assumes the older girl must want time alone to think.
“can you stay?” momo asks softly.
sana smiles and leans down to kiss the top of momo’s nose. “you really want me to?”
momo nods and sana smiles again - happy to indulge momo in whatever she wants.
“take a nap with me, please?” momo asks.
sana takes momo’s hand into hers and leads her to the bed where they plop down happily, ignoring all the clothes on the floor that momo was folding and dropped when she saw sana at the door. all the weight on their shoulders from the past five days gone now. they cuddle like they usually do when they’re together.
“you know we still have stuff to talk about, right?” sana mentions, sleepily. she didn’t realize how tired she was until her head hit momo’s soft pillow.
momo hums in response, fully understanding what sana means.
-
sana wakes up with momo’s head on her chest and she smiles as she rakes momo’s hair out of her face. they only napped for an hour, but she feels so much better. she slept well for the first time in days. all thanks to momo.
she feels momo stir. “sana?” momo mumbles, taking sana’s hand into hers.
sana smiles. “hi, darling. i’m here.”
she feels momo smile on her chest.
“sleep well?”
momo hums happily, raising her head up from sana’s chest to look at her.
“we should get up, right?” sana chuckles as momo nods. “you’re hungry, i can tell.”
“there’s leftovers in the fridge. we should eat.” momo mentions rounding the bed to make it over to sana’s side. she holds her hand out and sana takes it happily, momo helping her off the bed.
sana nods. “we can talk while we eat.”
they make their way to the kitchen in a happy silence as they hold hands. and their hand holding feels different now, it’s better, feels warmer.
momo makes quick work of heating up the leftovers and placing them on the coffee table in the living room so her and sana can eat together.
sana grabs her chopsticks and picks up a piece of chicken, she blows on it, and holds it out in front of momo’s mouth. the older girl takes it happily.
“you don’t have to feed me, you know?” momo smiles shyly after swallowing the chicken.
“i know, but i want to.”
they eat in silence for a few minutes, sana feeding momo here and there.
sana eventually clears her throat - ready to address the topic that’s sitting between them.
“it’s important to me that you feel comfortable, momoring. our friendship took a huge turn after i proposed us having sex for the first time, so your comfort is the most important thing to me,” sana pauses to look over at momo who’s chewing cutely with blown up cheeks. she chuckles at the sight. “we need to work on our communication, that much is evident. assuming you do want to be with me as much as i want to be with you, we’ll move at our own pace. i want you to be comfortable, honey.”
momo swallows her food and nods. “of course i want to be with you,” momo starts, making sana smile widely. “i don’t have a problem starting off wherever you want to start off in regards to our relationship. i’m so comfortable with you, satang.”
“if you’re not ready to kiss, have sex, or just... any of that so soon, let me know. i’ll always respect your boundaries. i understand that us confessing our feelings is a big change.” sana tells her while holding her hand.
momo sets her chopsticks down to fully look at sana. “just... don’t act like you’re walking on eggshells around me. if you want to kiss and touch me, you can. i know our previous situation starts us off on a weird foot and i don’t mean to sound funny, but i am so not opposed to us having sex so soon.” momo looks down shyly after saying that.
sana giggles and teases, “oh, yeah?”
momo groans in embarrassment.
“oh, please. it’s time to stop being so shy about your wants and needs around me, momo. we’ve been having sex for quite some time now. at the end of the day, you’re my best friend, darling, and you have been for ten years,” sana says genuinely, caressing momo’s hand. “which brings me to this. momoring, look at me.” sana asks.
momo lifts her head, looking at sana directly. their eyes meeting and both girls smiling immediately.
“hirai momo, would you like to be my girlfriend?”
momo’s eyes widen. she should’ve expected this. it’s what she’s wanted for a long time now. her heart rate picks up and she can’t help the smile that graces her lips. that happy smile where her nose scrunches up cutely without her knowing. sana’s favorite.
“yes, i’ll be your girlfriend, satang.”
they’re both smiling from ear to ear. their hands never parting as sana leans forward and kisses momo’s forehead.
“i love you... so much.” sana says as she presses their foreheads together.
“i love you.”
they smile again. sana places her hand on momo’s cheek and pulls away, looking at her lovingly. momo feels like she might pass out. sana’s stare is so soft and full of so much love, it’s intoxicating. she feels like she’s dreaming. everything feels surreal.
they eventually finish eating and sana helps momo clean up. it all feels incredibly domestic and incredibly perfect.
“i have to ask because i know everything about you and it’s absolutely wired in my DNA to be up in your business, so, what have you been up to for the past five days?” momo asks curiously as they get comfortable on her bed again.
sana laughs loudly at momo’s choice of words. it’s adorable and true. sana wouldn’t prefer to have anybody else in her business.
“i had that big group project due and an exam, remember? plus, i worked more than usual. one of my coworkers fell sick and needed a week off.” sana replies as she plays with momo’s fingers.
“the project and exam?! i’m sorry, i hope it went well.” concern laces momo’s voice.
sana chuckles. “don’t be sorry, darling, it’s not your fault. i did fine. what about you? it’s wired in my DNA to be in your business too, you know?” she teases.
“nothing special. i just went to school, work, and back home.”
sana nods with a smile as she makes grabby hands so momo can come closer. she engulfs momo in a hug as she lays her head on her chest.
“you know, five days was way too long. i never want to be apart again.”
sana feels momo smile. “mm, i know,” momo hums. “one day itself was torture.”
“i missed you, honey.”
“i missed you more.”
sana chuckles. “that’s impossible.”
they laid in momo’s bed, cuddled up with each other as they watch the sunset from momo’s window. rain began falling from the sky, creating a soothing sound pattern that eventually lulled momo to sleep. sana stayed up a bit longer, just holding momo in her arms - rubbing the older girl’s back softly. sana more than happy to hold her while she sleeps. there’s no other place she’d rather be.
momo is the comforting rain that helps you sleep soundly at night after a rough day...