Work Text:
yoongi stares at the messy words scrawled on the page in front of him before ripping it out and scrunching it up into a tight ball, tossing it onto the floor along with all the other torn out sheets from his notebook. he’s been at it for hours and the pile just keeps getting bigger and bigger. with a huff, he throws his pen down and brings a hand up to run through his already messy hair, noticing how desperate it is for a wash.
but he doesn’t have time for that right now. he just wants to get these lyrics finished so it can be put out of his mind for the time being. he wipes his clammy hand on his jeans and turns his attention back down to the blank page of his notebook, willing his mind to come up with something—a line, a word, anything.
time passes and nothing comes to him.
groaning in exasperation, he closes the notebook and tosses it onto the floor as well, not bothering to check where it lands. he’s been at it for days. one song. that’s all he wants but it just won’t come to him no matter how hard he tries to force his brain to concentrate.
he knows what he needs. it’s been weeks since he last slipped, and he knows it will help ease the anxious bubble he’s been stuck in but he hasn’t let himself because he’s been too busy. it doesn’t stop him from thinking about it though. he wants it so bad and his mind keeps wandering off to his hyung and the gentle ways he takes care of yoongi. how he always seems to know exactly what yoongi needs.
but he can’t right now. it’s been three days and he has yet to write a single decent line that could be used, and his frustration is growing by the minute. he knows that the stress isn’t solely because of the song. he knows it has a lot to do with him not having been taken care of in so long but he knows that if he slips, the song isn’t going to get written.
and yoongi knows that seokjin has been stressed too. if he slips, seokjin will have to take care of him and he doesn’t want to burden his hyung. he just needs to focus on writing for the moment and push every other thought from his mind for as long as he can.
huffing, he looks around. he’s cold but his favourite blanket is all the way across the room and he doesn’t have the energy to get up and grab it right now. he doesn’t even know what time it is or when he last ate. how long has he been shut up in his room? he decides that he doesn’t care. with another huff, he bends down to retrieve his notebook from the floor and picks up his pen before opening up to a new page.
♡
yoongi isn’t sure how much more time has passed before there’s a soft knock on his bedroom door, bringing him out of his thoughts. he slowly peels his eyes away from the still blank page in front of him and looks towards the door. seokjin is standing in the doorway, his head peeking in through the crack with a clear look of concern on his face.
“yoongi-yah? is everything okay?” he asks as he steps into the room. “you’ve been in here all day. come have something to eat.”
yoongi doesn’t have time for this. he needs to write this song while he’s still able to hold onto his big headspace. he knows that being around seokjin will make it a lot harder for him to maintain it and he doesn’t want to get distracted. just the warm sound of his hyung’s voice is already starting to make him feel fuzzy.
“i’m fine, hyung,” he mumbles, looking back down at the page in an attempt to ignore seokjin, but the emptiness only makes him annoyed. he wants to tear it up into a hundred little pieces and throw the notebook at the wall. the irritation on his face doesn’t go unnoticed by seokjin, who starts taking slow steps over to the bed.
“yoongs,” seokjin says, crouching beside the bed, “we’ve barely seen you in days. i know you’re not eating or sleeping nearly enough as you should be. come out with hyung.”
yoongi leans back against the headboard, stubbornly refusing to meet seokjin’s eyes.
“when was the last time you were little, sweetheart? you know it would probably help you a lot, hm?”
yoongi stretches out his legs and turns around, batting away the hand that seokjin reaches out to him. he knows that the physical touch will only make it harder for him. “don’t wanna.”
seokjin hadn’t been expecting yoongi to hit his hand away or refuse comfort. he’s honestly surprised that yoongi has lasted this long without slipping considering how worked up he seems, but he’s close if the slurring of his words is anything to go by.
“let hyung take care of you, baby,” he says, but yoongi shakes his head in answer.
his concern only grows as he watches yoongi stare at the empty page with unfocused eyes, his bottom lip between his teeth and hair a mess from all the times he’s run his hands through it. he can’t stand seeing yoongi like this. he knows he needs to help. reaching out a hand, he tentatively places it on yoongi’s shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze. it doesn’t go unnoticed how yoongi tenses at the touch or the way he takes purposeful deep breaths to try to calm himself.
“no,” yoongi whines and seokjin can see how harshly he’s gripping the pen. “not now.”
seokjin wants to push but he knows that yoongi won’t respond well to it. with a sigh, he pulls his hand away and stands. he sees the pout forming on yoongi’s lips but chooses not to mention it.
“fine,” he hums. “but i’m gonna stay in here for a little bit, okay? i’ll be right here if you need me.”
“stop worrying ‘bout me, hyung.” yoongi’s voice is a murmur but he doesn’t deny seokjin. he has his eyes closed and seokjin can see how hard he’s trying to stay in his big headspace. it breaks his heart but he won’t push yoongi.
with a sigh, he makes his way towards the chair in the corner of the room and pulls out his phone. “i can’t help it, yoon.”
yoongi can feel his mind becoming fuzzy and he tries hard to stop it and stay focused but it’s a lot harder than he thought it would be. he feels seokjin glance over at him every now and then and he wants nothing more than for his hyung to come back over and cuddle him.
he knows he isn’t little yet but he doesn’t think he’s big either. he feels stuck in between the two and it’s not a nice feeling at all. he wants to cry. he can’t make himself big but he’s too uncomfortable to slip fully. he feels the first tear roll down his cheek but he tries to wipe it away without seokjin seeing and becoming worried. more follow the first and soon he’s unable to help the small whimper that escapes his lips. he just wants his hyung.
♡
seokjin is scrolling through his phone when he hears the faintest of whimpers from across the room. his head immediately snaps up at the sound and before he can think about it, he’s hurrying to sit down beside yoongi.
he feels yoongi shaking as he places a hand on the crying boy’s back and begins rubbing soothing circles. “what’s wrong, my love?”
“need help.” the words are so quiet, so hesitant, but seokjin knows the boy and he understands right away what yoongi needs from him.
“can you roll over for me, baby?” he moves his hand from yoongi’s back to his shoulder, gently guiding him to turn around. yoongi does what he’s told, of course. he always does.
seokjin’s heart aches as he’s met with yoongi’s big, teary eyes but he’s quick to give him a fond smile. “there we go, love. do you think you can stand up for me? we’ll get you out of these scratchy clothes and into some comfy pj’s. how does that sound?”
yoongi looks down, giving the smallest nod before crawling off the bed. seokjin keeps his hands on him to steady him. “good boy,” he whispers, taking yoongi’s hand and leading him out into the hallway.
yoongi clings to him as they make their way to seokjin’s room, taking slow steps together. seokjin sits him down on the bed and moves away. yoongi still isn’t fully in his headspace and seokjin sympathises with him. he knows this can’t be easy for the boy.
yoongi stares down at the floor and avoids eye contact as seokjin rummages through his closet. he knows that yoongi loves to wear his clothes when he’s little as opposed to his own, and seokjin can’t deny that he loves seeing yoongi snuggled up in his clothes that are way too big for him.
he finds his biggest, comfiest hoodie—yoongi’s favourite because of how fluffy it is—and some soft pyjama pants that will fit him, then grabs a diaper from the box that he keeps at the bottom of his closet. he’s not sure if yoongi will want it but he decides to try, giving yoongi the option if he thinks he needs it..
when he turns around, yoongi is watching him with wide eyes free of tears, but as soon as their eyes meet he quickly looks away, embarrassed. seokjin kneels back down in front of yoongi, placing the clothes on the bed beside him and taking both of his hands, giving them a squeeze for reassurance.
“hey baby, would it be okay if i change you?” he’s careful when he speaks. he doesn’t want to make yoongi uncomfortable by pushing boundaries because he knows he isn’t quite in his headspace yet but he also knows that the diaper will help him feel little. he’s not sure he quite expected yoongi to look up at him and give a small nod.
“thank you, sweetheart,” he says with a smile, helping yoongi out of his jeans and t-shirt before quickly putting him in a diaper. when seokjin looks back up at him, he can see the blush forming on yoongi’s cheeks and knows he’s likely feeling extremely vulnerable, but he doesn’t shy away from seokjin. he lets himself be taken care of and looked after and it makes seokjin’s heart soar with pride to know that yoongi trusts him this much.
when he’s finished getting yoongi dressed, he sits down beside him on the bed. careful not to startle him too much, he gently coaxes yoongi to sit on his lap with his legs straddling seokjin. yoongi doesn’t hesitate to melt against seokjin’s chest and wrap his arms around his shoulders, burying his face in the crook of seokjin’s neck.
“appa.”
seokjin almost doesn’t hear the soft whisper but he smiles when yoongi tightens his hold on him, trying to get closer. he smiles, pressing a kiss to yoongi’s hair.
“there’s my little angel.”
yoongi melts further into seokjin’s hold, seeking out his warmth. seokjin guesses that his clinginess means that he’s fallen into baby space and it makes him smile. he loves it when yoongi is like this, although it doesn’t happen very often. only when he’s particularly stressed or in need of some extra care and affection.
and seokjin is always more than happy to give it to him.
seokjin picks him up, letting yoongi cling to him as he makes his way out of his bedroom and into the kitchen. the apartment is quiet, everyone else long gone to bed. the only sounds come from seokjin as he manoeuvres around the kitchen to make a bottle.
even when yoongi’s headspace is slightly older, he still loves it when seokjin carries him, and seokjin had long ago gotten used to the added weight and having to do things with only one hand.
“bot?” yoongi lifts his head from where it rests on seokjin’s shoulder to watch him. seokjin can’t help the fond smile that spreads across his lips at the sight of yoongi’s tired eyes and small pout. he’s too cute like this.
“yes, baby.” seokjin kisses him on the cheek, getting a nose scrunch in return. “appa’s got your bottle.”
seokjin knows that yoongi has likely not eaten since breakfast when he had forced him to eat a banana. he would’ve liked to get some proper food into him now but with how tired he is and his smaller than usual headspace, he knows it just won’t happen, and seokjin isn’t about to force it. a bottle will have to do until morning. for now, yoongi needs to rest. he needs to shut his mind off from the pressures of the world and let himself relax. seokjin will do anything to help make that happen.
when he’s finished preparing a bottle, he makes his way back into his bedroom and climbs onto the bed with yoongi in his lap, resting against his chest and sitting up enough that he won’t choke while drinking.
yoongi makes grabby hands for the bottle and seokjin places it into his mouth, holding it steady as yoongi’s hands came up to rest atop his, trying to pull the bottle closer. he laughs. “slow down, love. it’s not going anywhere.”
yoongi keeps his eyes closed as he drinks, a content look on his face. seokjin feels a wave of affection spread through him as he watches his boy with a soft smile.
“i love you, baby.”
yoongi doesn’t answer, of course. his eyes remain closed as he drinks, but he hums and squeezes seokjin’s hands tighter, and it’s enough for seokjin to feel all of the love that yoongi returns.
when yoongi finishes the bottle, seokjin carefully removes it from his mouth and places it on the nightstand before readjusting them so that they’re both laying down, yoongi curled up against his side with seokjin’s arms wrapped around him, holding him tight.
yoongi shifts to cuddle into him, and it doesn’t take long for seokjin to feel his breathing even out, and he knows his baby has fallen asleep. he places a soft kiss on yoongi’s forehead before closing his eyes, a small smile still on his lips as he too drifts off to sleep.