Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Caity and I decided to take a well-deserved vacation. She just finished filming Legends of Tomorrow's fifth season and I had a rough couple of months at work so she convinced me to go with her to Nihue Rao. Which is an ayahuasca healing center in the Amazon rainforest to heal our soul. I was really skeptical at first - like why can't we go for a holiday on the Maldives or something? – but then I realized, that she is right, maybe this is exactly what we need to clear our mind and rebuild ourselves. Cait thought this could be a great place to reconnect with each other after spending six months in a long-distance relationship. And I agreed to go, not to mention the fact, that I didn't want to be away from her for another two weeks. When the time came I was actually excited about our secret trip. I watched every video that I found about the place, read every article that was available, and made sure my holidays were booked, nobody will disturb us with work.

On our last day, we had terrible rain in Nihue Rao, but luckily the temperature didn't drop dramatically so it was still around 28 Celsius degrees with high humidity. We decided to have our free afternoon on the porch, in this case, we have a roof over our head and we still can enjoy the green surroundings. Caity took my JBL speaker from the nightstand and put our summer playlist in, on a low volume for background noise. I picked up a fully filled water bottle, 2 mugs, and prepared some diet-friendly snacks (chopped bananas and apples) in a bowl for our afternoon outside. When we had everything that we needed, we placed ourselves in a comfortable position on the sofa with her laying between my legs and resting her head on my chest.
I was completely drained from the activities we had in the last couple of days, mostly exhausted mentally which had a little impact on my body too. But Cait... She just became fully charged, energized and I couldn't take my eyes off of her. She vibrated, even though she was mostly silent the whole time reading a screenplay, that has been sent to her as an optional directing possibility. Taking an example of her, I was also reading one of the books that she suggested to me on our third date.

When I mentioned her my struggle with creativity, she told me that her TV show sister, Katie Cassidy recommended a book to her which is called "The Artist's way" and how it helped her. Not long after that night, I bought the book and I read it, but I didn't finish the twelve weeks exercise properly, so I decided to give it another shot.

While I've been deeply in my thoughts about this moment and thinking back to those dating days, she suddenly dropped her papers on the table, popped off with a huge smile on her face, and started dancing in the rain. She welcomed every raindrop with open arms and heart wrecking joy. Her hair, clothes, and body got soaked in the lashing rain, her feet covered with mud, no makeup or fancy stuff, just Cait in the forest enjoying herself and embracing this moment.
And God, she was beautiful. If I wouldn't fall in love with her last year, it would have happened in this very instant.

Caity in the rain

After a couple of seconds, she jumped back under the roof, took my book out of my hand and put it on the table. Then she turned back to face with me and sat on my lap with a smirk on her face. She suggestively placed my hands on her breasts and looked into my eyes - she always knows how to have my attention the most desirable way - and kissed me hungrily. My hands started wandering around, exploring every inch of her bare skin. She was only wearing a burgundy sports bra with matching running shorts, so most of her body was exposed. We've been kissing for minutes or even hours, I don't know, time became extremely relative when our lips connected this way. She is a great kisser on television but an even better one in real life. Soon enough my fingernails were playing on the soft skin of her toned thighs and her body immediately responded to my touches, giving her chills. In a fast move, she pushed me to the backrest, leaned as close as she could, and deepened our kiss. In this position, I was able to feel her fast-paced pulsing and my heart rate picked up the pace of hers as our bodies became one. Through the drumming sounds of our heartbeats, a melodic refrain of "You are my Sunshine" danced into my ears which amazingly resonated with the rhythm of the rain, causing an idyllic atmosphere. We both looked at each other as the realization hit us and she pressed our lips together, the same way she did the first time we kissed.

- Auuuuch! – I whimpered, forming a pouting expression on my face.

It was everything but sexy. It was awkward, a little unexpected, but mostly strange. A terrible, shyish, hurried, teeth clicking kiss. Which we agreed to never talk about or bring up again and we made sure to correct that "mistake". We've been having a romantic picnic date in Griffith Park on a sunny, slightly windy day, with a mixed smell of jasmine and freshly cut grass in the air. The only sounds that broke the silence were the birds tweeting and a street musician's "You are my Sunshine" performance. Every single detail of the moment was perfect. Caity reached out to take my hand, which I willingly gave and helped me stand up. I stood there like a puppet for a second before realizing what she was up to and how she took over the situation. She placed my hands around her neck, put hers on my waist, and started dancing to the rhythm of the song from the distance. We were extremely close to each other, her sweet smell of vanilla and rosewater was sensible and drove me crazy. The feeling of failure from earlier and the shyness soon flew away and desire took its place. Caity bit her lower lip and I felt the invitation of her mouth. Slowly the gap that was still between us disappeared, and she kissed me like she wanted to be kissed like no man had ever kissed her, soft and moist and hot and breathy, not trying to win a battle but seeking union and closeness and the sharing of one breath, one sensation, one timeless and passionate moment.
That was our exceptionally perfect second attempt or as everybody else knows "the first kiss".

- You. Are. Adorable. – She said, pausing a little between every word and her dimples finally showed up again on her gorgeous face.

- And you're cheeky. Was it necessary to ruin this moment? – I asked playfully with a little reproach in my voice.

- Who said it's ruined?! How I can feel it, you are more than ready to continue...– Caity whispered into my ear, as her fingers gently brushed against my bikini bottom.

Chapter Text

- Who said it’s ruined?! How I can feel it, you are more than ready to continue…– Caity whispered into my ear, as her fingers gently brushed against my bikini bottom, making little circles on the fabric.
- Gosh… I’ve missed you. – I breathed the words into her neck, dropping light kisses on her wet skin as she tilted her head back to give me more access to her delicate spots. She shivered at the sensation, desire blooming hot and fast within us and her lip immediately parted for my guesting tongue. Kissing her is like coming home, sweet, familiar and exciting. We started slowly, almost lightly but then it changed as the tension between my legs grown and my nails scrape against her skin, making her muscles bunch beneath my fingers. She muffled, and I couldn’t keep my hands away from her sweet spot. The intensity of my touch on her clit made her give a small moan and our lips were pressed more firmly. She only allowed herself a taste of the warmth of my mouth, before pulling back. Then she stopped me in my tracks, grabbing both of my wrists and lifted above my head, pressing them against the walls. With a goofy grin splitting across her face, she looked into my eyes with her sparkling icy blues of hers, waiting a little in this position to catch her breath. She let my arms lower and a look of confusion crossed my face as she stood up to her feet.
Shortly after she held her hand out, I gently wrapped my fingers through hers and we started moving to the direction of the entrance.
I followed her into the house. As soon as the door closed, I pulled her back to me to feel her lips again, but instead, she pushed me to the door and as my back connected to the cold wooden object, a surprised groan left my mouth. She smashed our lips together in a long, heated kiss which we only broke once, when she lifted my white summer dress over my head, leaving me in my bikinis. Our bodies pressed together firmly, hands roaming around and the temptation became irresistible. In a quick move I turned her around, catching the soft skin on the back of her neck in my mouth, my palms sliding up on her arms to her shoulders, then down to her breasts, massaging them gently over her bra. A little moan escaped her lips and my fingers started discovering the contours of her muscles unhurriedly going down, leaving light scratches on the surface of her stomach. She grabbed my thighs, squeezing it tightly as I reached her shorts, slipping my fingers inside of it and finally feeling her wetness…

*********

We were spooning in the bed, darkness filled the room when the sun settled down, the only noises in the house were the calming, rhythmic sound of the raindrops and our breathing.

- We should start packing, we have to leave early in the morning – I said, breaking the peacefulness and I lifted my arms up from our cuddling.
- Please, let me stay like this… In your arms… For 10 more minutes – Pleaded Caity with tiredness in her voice.
Without saying a word, I placed myself back to the “big spoon” position where we were before, wrapping my arms around her waist, pulling myself closer to her back and pressing my lips to her shoulder.
- Thank you. – She said a couple of minutes later and the weakness in her voice gave me the sense that it wasn’t about the packing.
- For what exactly? - I asked her, genuinely not knowing what she meant behind it.
- For holding me right now. For not leaving. – Caity answered.
I still didn’t understand what she tried to say, so I remined silent and tightened our clasp. Feeling her in any possible way is something that I could never get tired off so I just wanted to embrace every minute of this unforgettable journey together.
- I mean… For staying with me despite all of the craziness in my life. – She continued and freed herself from my arms and rolled over to look into my eyes. Cupped my face into her palms and added – I’ve missed you… so much. – then she kissed me softly, and the way her moving tongue connected to mine told the tons of emotions behind her words. And I finally understood why she felt the need to express her feelings.

After we became a couple we were only able to enjoy our honeymoon effect for a month before Caity’s shooting schedule started. But we still weren’t out. Her agent required her to appear with Denny, her ex-boyfriend, on several events to keep the illusion of a happy couple. It went on for months before she finally ended the agreement with Denny in December. It was hard for everyone, she used to love him, she still did but not the same way as before, not romantically. She was with me now, but our relationship remained taboo from the public eyes for obvious reasons. We talked about it a lot, together, with her agency and the studio as well and we all agreed to keep it in a secret at least until the end of season. There are so many people who wants her to be a bisexual role model, which she already is some way, but opening up about it and introducing me at the same time seemed too risky.
Also she spent most of her time in Vancouver shooting the Legends and we wanted to see how our dynamic works during this crazy workaholic period. And oh boy, it was hard but we did everything from our energies and sources to make it through those months. I visited her multiple times and asked for jobs there from my agency to be able to spend some days together. She came back to LA for the holidays so we visited our families and throw a huge party for her birthday. We were fine and blindly in love, but we had a few arguments over the last couple of months. We missed each other and it made us anxious. So when we decided on this retreat program, I liked the idea of spending those 2 weeks away from everything and everyone.

Her sweet lips touching mine with a bit of sadness brought up dozens of memories of my struggle, how I actually felt, but when our lips finally disconnected, and we looked each others eyes again, I just said:
– I’ve missed you too. – after a small pause. Because this was my strongest and loudest thought of all. Even tho I wanted to scream. I was happy with her, no doubt about that, but these last months were extremely hard on us. I was fed up with all the hiding, lying and being far from each other with a hectic working schedule from both of our sides. I thought of ending our journey millions of times, but my love towards her is more powerful than any of my insecure thoughts. So I remained silent and supported her without letting her know I started falling apart.
- You’re even quieter than usual. – Said Caity breaking my inner monologue.
- Sorry, I was in my thoughts, enjoying every last bit of our trip.- And I gave her an assuring smile and leaned on kissing her on the cheek.

Chapter Text

Tom was already waiting for us at the airport when our flight landed at Lax at 6 pm on a beautiful, sunny day. Caity planned to spend the next week with her parents and I was invited too, but I got booked for photoshoots at the last minute so I had to wait for a bit longer to join them.

I got introduced to Marie and Tom as Caity’s girlfriend last Christmas. She knew they will take the news well, because they were forced to have this conversation before, when she started playing Sara Lance, one of the first bisexual characters on national television. However, I was still a little afraid of the early introduction. Now I know I worried for nothing, they are amazing people with huge hearts. I’m happy that at least this part of our relationship went easily, they accepted me as their daughter’s partner and even better as a new member of their family.

We were sitting in the backseat, holding hands and sharing every detail of our journey with Caity’s dad. Since it’s an hour drive to get to my apartment from the airport, we’ve had just enough time to tell everything to him. When we arrived at my place, Tom being the gentleman as he is, offered his help to carry my bags to the door.

- Please, just put them next to the counter. – I gave the instruction to Tom after Caity opened the door for us. He put them down and looked around in the room. I lived in a studio apartment, not much space for anything, but it was cozy and felt like home to me.

When I moved to LA “as a starving artist” I got placed by my agency in a house full of people and there was no room for my creativity. Months later when I decided on moving out, I specifically looked for apartments that were unfurnished because I wanted to decorate them to my taste.

- This place looks even prettier than I imagined it by your stories. – Said Tom with a warm smile on his face.

- Thank you, I really appreciate your comment. – I said blissfully, then I asked. - Can I offer you a cup of coffee or something before you leave? Tom had a quick look at his watch, then politely excused for not staying.

- Sorry kiddo, but it’s already late, and I don’t want Marie to wait even longer for us. You know how excited she gets when Caity is coming home. But I can give you guys a couple of minutes to say your goodbyes. It was really nice seeing you and promise me, you will join us as soon as you can. – Said Tom in his charming voice and gave two kisses on my cheeks.

- Thank you for the ride and your help. I hope to see you soon Mr. Lotz and give my best wishes to Mrs. Lotz. – I said after I returned his kisses.

– I’ll be waiting in the car. – He said as he squeezed his daughter's hand on his way out.

- I really like him. – I said to Cait.

- I know you do. He likes you too. – Said Caity revealing her dimples for a second before it shaded. - I really hate saying goodbye to you, even if it is just for a couple of days. – She continued on her pouting voice. Before she could finish her sentence I grabbed her shirt and pulled her closer to give her a sensual kiss.

– I’m going to miss you my little Pumpkin. – I said in my baby voice when our lips parted.

- Don’t forget, we are 2 hours drive away this time, so I’m not on the other end of the World. – She reminded me to give more delight to our mood.

- I know. If tomorrow’s photoshoot goes well and we finish in time, maybe I can visit you. - I said, playing with the idea of seeing her in less than 24 hours. - Spending the night there… – I added with a cheeky wink.

- You are a naughty girl, miss. – Commented Caity with playfulness in her voice.

- That’s why you love me. – I said with a serious face then I shrugged my shoulders.

- Not the only reason, but part of the package. – Caity corrected then winked at me.

- Happy to hear that, now come here. – I said as I invited her into my arms. We hugged and kissed for a while before we finally released each other.

- It’s time to go. – She said as she parted and looked into my eyes, her thumbs still caressing my arms. - I love you. – She added after a pause and she gave me the last kiss.

- I love you too. Take care, my Love. – I said, then she turned around to leave the studio.

After she left I closed the door, took off my jacket, and hung up on my new coat rack. I just bought it before our trip to Peru, because I got fed up with the clothes on my bar chairs and counter. I stared at it for a minute admitting I made an excellent purchase then I turned around and headed to the bathroom to have a nice, warm shower. When I finished, it was already 9 pm and I was drained from the traveling so I decided to go to bed early. My shooting started at 6 am the following day, but I planned to be there at 5 in the morning. Every time when I work with rented grips I have a habit of checking every piece of equipment beforehand. Caity knew of my routine, so she wasn’t surprised when I sent her a nice pajama pic from bed with the caption “time to slay”. I always wear something cozy for sleeping, mostly oversized shirts, and that day I chose the one that had Beyonce’s Formation album cover on it and I paired it with a pair of Brazilian knickers. In response, she sent back a short video starring Beezlee as he joyfully runs towards her.

- I guess u arrived. Happy to hear that. Please give my greetings to Marie and Beezlee as well. – I texted back with some kissing emoji.

- Sure thing my Dear. We miss U. Have wonderful dreams and sleep tight! Good luck with tomorrow. – She replayed, not missing any meaningful heart-related emoji out of the message.

- Thank u, Babe, I miss u all. Love u so much, good night. – I wrote back, ending it with a heart and a sleeping emoji.

- Love you! – She texted back, then sent a gif where a rabbit rapidly sending kisses. I smiled and closed the messenger app, set my alarm at 4 am, plugged my phone into the charger, put it on the nightstand, and fell asleep. 

Chapter Text

The shooting went well, but we finished later than I hoped or expected. It was already 8 pm when I finally had the chance to check my phone. Caity’s been texting me all day, she always does, even though she knows I probably won’t have time to respond.

- I’ve just finished. I’m hungry, tired, and craving or a glass of wine, and of course you. – I messaged before I started scrolling up to read back the things she sent. There wasn’t much reading at all, but even more pictures, and videos to watch. She made some dancing videos and a lot of selfies with Beezlee, and also with her mom and dad and titled it “we miss you a Lotz”. I instantly laughed at the corny joke as another message appeared from her on my screen with an attached picture.

- Do you have the energy to join us tonight? I can satisfy all your desires. – She wrote with a winking emoji and a currently taken naked picture from the bathtub.

- You’re very convincing, I guess there isn’t a girl on this planet who could say no to this… - I sent the message and started my car’s engine.

- You comin’? – She asked with an added surprised face emoji.

- Yes, see you in a bit. – I answered with a winking emoji.

- I’m waiting for you, drive safe, Honey. – She wrote back as I was backing out of the parking spot, then she sent a gif with the motion of opening a bottle of champagne.

The driving time passed quickly, I listened to my playlist “songs that make you feel like it’s time to kill the hero” and I was singing, screaming, and dancing in the car until the last 30 minutes when fatigue reached me. When I lived in Europe it was easier to stay awake, the roads are more winding, the cars are mostly without intelligent cruise controls and automatic gears so you have to pay much more attention to your driving. As those thoughts run through my mind, my eyes became heavy so I decided to hop into the next gas station to buy an energy drink or a coke, or anything that would drive out drowsiness. Luckily I found a Chevron in less than 5 miles so I pulled over and texted Caity.

- I’ll be 10 mins late, I had to stop for a break. See you soon, love you! – I sent the message then I walked into the convenience store to collect some snacks, a bottle of wine, and a can of energy drink. I was walking towards the cashier when my phone buzzed. I quickly paid for the items and went back to my car. I put the things in the passenger’s seat and pulled my phone out from my pocket to see the message.

- Are you okay? Talking to me would help to keep you awake? – Wrote Cait.
I started typing to her when my phone rang with her name on the screen. A big smile appeared on my face, it always amazes me how caring she is and knows how to make me feel better.

- Hey Babe, I’m already back in my car, ready to continue my journey. - I answered her call and put my phone on the magnetic mount to free my hand and be able to open my RedBull.

- Hey, I’m happy to hear that. How are you? How was the shooting? – Caity started the conversion, and I was happy to hear her joyful voice.

- I’m totally fine, no worries needed. – I said, then I stopped for a sec to take a sip off of my drink, then I continued. - The shooting went surprisingly well but the model acted like a little diva so we had 2 hours of overtime at the end nevertheless, I’m mighty pleased with the photos. Luckily this time the hiring company takes care of the raw images sooooo – I held the letter “o” longer while my speaking voice went higher before I continued on my regular tone. - my job ended when I put down the camera. – I smiled a little as I held up both of my hands like it’s not my problem anymore, and slowly shrug my shoulders. – How was your day, tell me about it? – I asked then speeded up my drinking process, to finally leave the gas station.

- Ugh, firstly I missed you terribly. W… - She started.

- I missed you too Babe! – I inserted in on my baby voice before she could continue her sentence. But she wasn’t offended by this move, because her beautiful dimples showed themselves on her cheek and she gave me her most gorgeous smile.

- We woke up around 9 am, went for a walk with Beezlee, he is getting slower and slower so I think I’m going to take him to the vet. I already called the doctor and made an appointment for a check-up for my little buddy. Can you come with me next Monday at 5 pm to the vet? – She continued while I pulled out from the parking lot and hit the road again.

- Yeah, I don’t have anything booked for that day so you can count on me. – I answered

- That’s great, thank you, because I need some comfort, I love him so much he was there for me in my lowest and highest moments in the past 13 years and it makes me anxious when I have to take him to the vet.

- I know Babe, I love him too, and of course, I’ll be there for you. – I paused for a little to change the subject. – So, tell me more about those pictures that you sent. :P

- Which one exactly? The first picture was actually my mother’s idea, to let you know we miss you. The seco…

- You know which picture I’m talking about. The nakie, bath takie picture?- I said in a playful voice.

- Oooh, that one? You know, I really missed you, so planned a little self-care, and I was still deeply thinking of you so I decided to give you a little sneak peek of what you missing. xP

- You totally got me, Babe! – That’s when I realized that I’m driving much faster than the speed limit, probably because my unconscious mind wanted to be with her as soon as possible and it took over my feet.

- I have an idea. Where are you now? Never mind. Let’s meet at the Hilton La Jolla Torrey Pines hotel in 10 mins. I give you the GPS address. – Then she texted me the address. - 10950 N Torrey Pines Rd, La Jolla, CA 92037, US – Appeared on my screen and I put it on my navigation system. – See you there Honey, and leave your shyness behind… - She said on the phone and hung up after I said my goodbyes.

Excitement flooded my veins, I couldn’t be more awake than at this moment.