Work Text:
Jungkook had been working more than full time job since before he was fifteen, he worked hard, practiced in his free time, kept his grades up and managed to maintain good relationships with everyone he was around. He never complained, this was the life he wanted and he got to spend it surrounded by people he loved and who loved him back, but the heavier than normal work load was starting to get to him in small ways. He didn’t notice it at first, but his hyungs knew him too well and picked up on subtle changes.
With Jungkook being the youngest of the group, and having basically been raised by the rest of the members, they could always tell when something was off about him. It wasn’t big things, but there was a change. After a long day of practicing they’d all get home and shower and settle in to watch a show together, before going their separate ways or off into little groups to talk or work on a project. It wasn’t unusual for Jungkook to go off on his own, he liked time to himself to think and the others respected that, but lately it wasn’t just that he wanted more time alone, it was that even when he was with the others he’d become quiet or zone out. They’d have to call his name multiple times to get his attention. Tonight was no different.
They were sitting together in their living room watching a Korean drama and making jokes, enjoying each other’s presence after a long day of work. Jungkook was sitting on the couch next to Jimin who sat beside Namjoon in the middle with Yoongi on the far right. Jin, Taehyung, and Hoseok were sitting on the floor in front of them, and there was a large bowl of popcorn being passed around. Jimin took a handful and passed the bowl to Jungkook, when he seen no sign of the younger male going for it, he looked over and noticed that distant look in his eyes. Jimin passed the bowl to Namjoon then put his arm around the back of the couch, behind Jungkook.
Minutes passed, but slowly Jimin noticed Jungkook leaning closer and closer until his head rested on Jimin’s shoulder. Jimin smiled and moved his arm so he could ruffle up Jungkook’s hair and pet him like he often did. Jungkook looked at up at him with partially lidded eyes and Jimin just smiled back at him and played with the hair at the back of his neck to let him know he was welcome to stay close. Jungkook gave him a soft smile and relaxed, closing his eyes and resting against him.
Once they finished a few episodes of the drama they were watching, they spilt up, Jin and Yoongi went to prepare food while Hoseok went off with Taehyung to go play a game. Namjoon was checking something on his phone before getting up to help in with kitchen, which mostly just meant watching as he wasn’t really much of a help. Jimin put a hand on him to stop him from getting up. “Hmm?” Namjoon turned to him with a questioning expression.
Jimin looked over at the maknae on his shoulder, checking that he was in fact asleep. “Have you noticed anything off about Kookie?” he asked, quietly, looking back to Namjoon.
Namjoon leaned over Jimin to look at Jungkook. He nodded. “He has seemed a bit…” He paused trying to find the word he wanted. “drifty,” he said. “He doesn’t seem present a lot of the time,” he explained. Jimin nodded, he knew exactly what the older male meant. “Do you think we should be concerned?” Namjoon asked.
“I don’t know,” Jimin replied. “I think we should at least be aware and keep an eye on him.” He sighed, “Do you think the work load stress is finally catching up to him?” It was common knowledge among the members that they all had struggled with the work load over the years and had breakdowns on occasion but not Jungkook, he always said he was fine. His only concern was for his hyungs and their mental health. It wouldn’t be surprising if finally, it was his time to struggle, his turn to need extra help and words of encouragement.
“I think he’d tell us,” Namjoon responded. “Maybe he’s just tired, we’ve been working a lot. Why don’t we take tomorrow off and let him rest, if he doesn’t seem okay we will talk to him, agreed?” Jimin nodded in agreement and they smiled at each other again before Namjoon got up and headed into the kitchen. Jimin was stuck on the couch for another half hour while Jungkook slept on him.
When Jungkook finally woke up, he groaned and slowly opened his eyes then lifted his head quickly when he realized he’d fallen asleep on Jimin. “Sorry,” he said with a slight blush rubbing the sleep from his eyes.
Jimin smiled, “It’s okay Kookie,” he said sweetly. “Jin couldn’t make me help with dinner because he didn’t want to wake you,” he added with a grin. Jungkook laughed and Jimin felt a bit better, maybe he was just overthinking, Jungkook was still laughing and joking with them as he always did. “Did you not sleep well last night?” Jimin asked.
“I slept fine,” Jungkook answered. “I’ve just been feeling more tired lately,” he added. Jungkook didn’t know why, but recently he felt like he was fighting against himself, fighting to act like himself, he’d get these moments where he felt the urge to snuggle up to one of his hyungs, or just sit quietly without people expecting him to respond to things, or act a certain way. In those moments he’d have to put effort into acting like his normal self and it took all the extra energy he normally had.
Jimin nodded in understanding. “If anything’s wrong you’d tell one of us, yeah?” he questioned.
“Yeah,” Jungkook replied. “If anything was wrong I’d tell you,” he repeated back. He would, that was true, but he didn’t feel like anything was wrong exactly, just off, and anyway what would he tell him? No, he was fine. “Thank you for taking care of me.”
“Of course, Kookie, we are all here for you,” Jimin reminded. “Now, let’s go eat,” he added, getting up and taking Jungkook’s arm and pulling him into the kitchen with him. Dinner went as it normally did, they sat together and talked as they ate, making jokes and poking fun at each other. When dinner was over Yoongi got up to do the dishes but Jungkook stopped him. “I’ll do them,” he said with a smile, taking the plates from his hyung. “You helped cook while I slept, it’s the least I can do.” Yoongi smiled and thanked him, ruffling his hair as he walked past, heading off toward his bedroom.
“I’ll help him,” Hoseok said, getting up to help Jungkook with the dishes. They agreed two people was enough to clean up so the rest left the kitchen to do various tasks around the house. “Hey, Jk,” Hoseok said in a silly voice as he slid over beside Jungkook to dry the dishes after the younger washed them. Jungkook laughed and splashed him with water. “Don’t splash your elders, Hoseok teased. Jungkook went quiet again and Hoseok poked his side. “Jk, you with me.” He leaned into the younger man’s line of sight and Jungkook pulled back.
“Sorry, my mind drifted,” he replied. “What were you saying?” They spent the next little while cleaning up and discussing the dances they’d been working on, pausing often to do silly dances to make each other laugh.
Later that night when it was finally time for bed, Jungkook was ready for sleep, he was tired again and he hoped whatever was going on with him would be better by tomorrow. He changed into his sleep clothes and got into his bed in his room. They lived in a bigger space now and all had their own rooms, it had been a bit of a weird change at first, despite wanting his own space it was weird to sleep alone after all this time. He snuggled with the Cooky plush he had and tried to fall asleep. Despite how tired he felt he struggled to fall asleep, rolling back and forth for hours before eventually passing out.
Namjoon, wanting to make sure they all took a much needed break, especially Jungkook, planned a day for them the next morning. They were going to drive an hour out of town to farm country where they could walk around and enjoy nature without needing a whole security team. It was important for them to step away from the cameras and the crew and be able to enjoy the outdoors as the young adults they were.
Jungkook was woken up by Namjoon gently shaking him awake. He rolled onto his back and looked up at him with sleep deprived eyes. “What time is it?” he groaned before looked at the clock on his bedside table. He shot up in the bed. “Oh shit, we’re gonna be late for practice,” before he could jump out of bed and rush around to get ready, Namjoon put a hand on his leg to calm him.
“Relax, we took the day off,” he replied. “We’re going on a little trip to the countryside, it’s a nice day and we could all use it.” Namjoon gave him a wide smile, his dimples appearing on his face.
Jungkook felt his stomach sink. Their leader had planned this for them and as much as he would normally love getting to travel somewhere with his hyungs without needing security and a whole team, he was still so tired. “I’m sorry hyung, but do you mind if I stay home? I’m not feeling well,” Jungkook responded.
Namjoon looked concerned and put a hand to Jungkook’s forehead. “Do you think you’re coming down with something?” he asked, finding his temperature to be normal.
Jungkook shook his head no. “I think I’m just tired, I couldn’t sleep last night,” he answered, never wanting to worry Namjoon or give him more stress than he already had as leader.
Namjoon pondered for a moment and then gave a firm nod. “Okay, we will reschedule and stay inside today,” he stated. “I’m sorry for waking you, get some more sleep,” he smiled and got up to leave but Jungkook stopped him, grabbing his arm lightly.
“No, you guys should still go, we don’t get time off all that often and it’s lovely outside,” he motioned to the window where the sun was coming in through the curtains. “Please, don’t miss out because of me, go and have fun.”
Namjoon smiled softly. Of course Jungkook would worry more about them missing out than anything else. “Are you sure?” he asked. Jungkook nodded. “Okay, we will go and bring you something back.”
Jungkook smiled brightly. “Have fun,” he said cheerily. “Tell the others I said the same, I don’t want to see them just in case I am sick.” Jungkook didn’t think he had a cold or a flu, but he didn’t want to risk it when they still needed to be working on their next album.
Namjoon leaned closer and kissed his forehead, an action that wasn’t unheard of but was definitely a rarity. “Okay, sleep well Kookie,” he said, before leaving the room.
Namjoon talked to the others and they all offered to just stay home and plan for a different day, but they discussed it and knew that Jungkook would feel worse if he felt responsible for them missing out, so they packed a small bag with snacks and got ready. Half-way through the process Jimin changed his mind and decided to stay home. “I’ll say I didn’t feel like going,” Jimin said to Namjoon while the others were off grabbing a few things. “I don’t like the idea of him being here alone right now, what if he is depressed or something? I’m sure he’ll be fine but if I go I’ll spend the whole day worrying and I know you will as well and probably Yoongi hyung, I’m sure he’s noticed at least if the others haven’t.” Jimin doubted that any of them didn’t notice, Jungkook was the baby of the group and no matter how old, tall, or strong he got that wasn’t going to change. They all watched out for him in a different way than they did everyone else. “If I stay, you guys can have fun knowing Jungkook is okay.” Namjoon agreed and the rest of the five members headed off towards the peace and quiet of country life.
Jimin waited a bit before poking his head into Jungkook’s room, checking if he’d fallen back asleep. “Kookie,” he whispered, looking at the man in his early 20’s who he still sometimes saw as the fifteen-year-old boy he’d grown up next to. He was laying in his bed, his hair a mess on his pillow that he was hugging as if it was another person. Slowly Jimin seen him open his eyes and look up at him, clearly having not fallen back asleep.
“I thought you guys left,” Jungkook said, releasing the pillow and adjusting so he looked less like a small child.
“I didn’t feel like going,” Jimin with replied with a shrug. “I have a song I want to work on,” he added. He stood in the doorway, leaning against the frame and watching Jungkook carefully, something was definitely different.
Jungkook nodded. “Do you need help with anything?” he asked, always putting others needs above his own.
“No,” Jimin replied sweetly. He stepped forward and Jungkook sat back to allow room for Jimin to sit beside him on the bed. Jimin took a seat and smiled at him. “Do you?” he asked softly.
Jungkook gave him a confused look and shook his head. “No, I’m okay,” he replied, pulling at the sleeves of his oversized sleep shirt.
Jimin reached over and put a hand on bare knee. “Kookie, something is going on with you. I don’t want to push, but I’m scared,” he admitted, always so worried about everyone’s mental well-being. He hated seeing any of them cry, or feel pain or hurt, he would do anything he could to comfort them in those situations.
“I’m sorry I worried you,” Jungkook said quietly. “I don’t know what’s going on,” he replied, keeping his eyes cast down.
“Hey,” Jimin said softly, getting Jungkook to look up and meet his eyes again. “It’s okay, just tell me how you’re feeling, maybe I can help.” He gave a warm smile and Jungkook felt that urge to cuddle closer hit him again.
Jungkook let out a puff of air and sat up straighter, looking at Jimin while he spoke. “Lately I haven’t felt like myself. Well, more like, I’ll have these moments where I feel like ‘being myself’ takes effort, like it’s a character I’m putting on. I hate feeling this way, I just want to feel like myself again,” he explained, looking hurt as he spoke. He was mostly scared that Jimin would take his words wrong and think Jungkook meant he had to be fake around them, which wasn’t how he felt.
“Mhmm,” Jimin nodded and made a noise of understanding. He moved a bit closer and smiled at the younger. “Thank you for telling me your problems,” he said, wanting Jungkook to know he was in a safe and non-judgemental place. “Can I ask you to do something for me? Just till the others get back?” he asked. Jungkook nodded instantly, always willing to help any of the members in any way he could. Jimin reached over and ruffled his hair in thanks. Jungkook felt that feeling again and forced himself not to push up into Jimin’s touch. “What I’d like you to do is until they get back, every time you feel like you have to try to be yourself, don’t” Jimin said, smiling at him. “Don’t ‘try’ to be anything, just do what you’re feeling, or at least tell me what you’re feeling. Can you do that?”
Jungkook felt his cheeks heat as blush spread across his face. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “I…” he trailed off.
“Hey, Koo,” Jimin, said getting his attention again. “This is me you’re talking to, you’ve seen my best and my worst, you can talk to me,” he reminded.
“Right…” Jungkook muttered. “It’s just… I keep feeling this desire to be closer,” he said, feeling his blush deepen. Jimin gave him a question expression, so he explained in more detail. “Remember yesterday, when we were watching that show and I ended up falling asleep on you.” Jimin nodded. “I just wanted so badly to be close to you… But it’s not just you, it’s everyone, I…” he paused, forcing himself to form the words he was scared to say. “I want to be held and cuddled and cared for.” He instantly felt regret when the words left his mouth. “Not that you guys don’t care for me,” he added, rushing his words, scared Jimin would be hurt. “You all take such good care of me and I’m so lucky that-“
Jimin cut him off with a hand on his shoulder. “It’s okay Kookie, I know what you mean,” he replied, calming the youngers anxiety. “It’s okay,” he repeated, “For you to want that, it’s okay.” His warm smile and words of acceptance made Jungkook feel better than he had all morning. “I know I certainly don’t mind snuggling you more,” he said with a teasingly wink. “And I doubt the others would either,” he added. “You’ll always be our baby, Koo, we want to make you feel happy and special.”
Jungkook felt tears in his eyes and reached his arms out, doing like Jimin had asked and not trying to fight this feeling. Jimin wrapped his arms around him and pulled him tight, letting Jungkook climb in his lap and rest his head on his shoulder. “Hyung?” he questioned, once he was calmed by the comforting embrace of Jimin. “Do you think there’s something wrong with me?” he asked, afraid of the answer he might get.
Jimin held him impossibly tighter. “No, Koo, there is nothing wrong with you,” he insisted, running a hand through his hair. “You are perfect as you are,” he added. Jungkook accepted his answer for now and stayed quiet, letting Jimin’s steady breathing calm him down. Jimin played with his hair and smiled to himself, it was crazy how his Kookie was all grown up now, taller than him and stronger, but he still seemed so small in his arms. “Koo?” he asked, getting the youngers attention after a moment of silence. Jungkook pulled back enough to look at him, encouraging him to finish his thought. “You know we all love you, right?”
Jungkook nodded. “Yeah, I know that,” he replied. “I’m so lucky to have a family like you guys,” he added, smiling at Jimin. “I love you, too.” His smile grew and Jimin felt satisfied that Jungkook was in fact okay. That smile wasn’t one he could fake.
“I know,” Jimin replied. “Now, how about we lay down for a bit and you get some more sleep?”
“You’ll stay with me?” Jungkook asked, hating how much he sounded like a small child.
“Of course, Kookie,” Jimin answered softly. “I will be here the whole time,” he added. “Just like the old days when we used to share a bed. Though you were a lot smaller then,” he added with a laugh. “Glad we have double beds now instead of singles.” Jungkook nodded, in agreement but he also wouldn’t have minded being squished together in a single bed with Jimin right now.
They adjusted until they were comfortable in Jungkook’s bed, Jimin lay on his back and Jungkook snuggled close to him. “You’re sure this is okay?” the younger asked for the 5th time since they’d settled into the bed.
Jimin chuckled and ruffled his hair. “When has this ever not been okay?” he responded. “You’re adorable, warm and sweet, Kookie, no one has ever minded cuddling you,” he said, knowing full well the others felt the same. Jungkook smiled up at him feeling comfortable for now, he closed his eyes and silence filled the room for a while until Jimin heard Jungkook’s breathing slow down and even out, clear signs of him having fallen asleep. He smiled to himself and took a picture of Jungkook sleeping on his chest, texting the pic to Namjoon. ‘Our boys okay,’ he texted.
Namjoon texted him back a smiley face and the words. ‘I’m so glad, thanks for letting me know. Talk when we get back?’
‘Yeah, I think we should do that.’ Jimin responded before putting his phone down and closing his eyes. He had an idea of what might be going on with Jungkook, but he wasn’t going to bring it up until he felt more certain. Slowly, with the help of Jungkook’s steady breath, Jimin also drifted off into the world of sleep.
When the rest of the boys got back that evening, Jimin and Jungkook were sitting side by side on the couch playing a game together. Jimin found that nothing really changed with Jungkook. He sat a bit closer than he otherwise would have maybe, but it wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. “Hey, Jungkook, we missed you,” Hoseok said as they entered into the apartment, dropping his bags at the door.
Jungkook went to stand up but sat back down, trying to act like he’d just been adjusting his position. Jimin noticed it and put a hand on his back. “Go give the hyungs a hug for me, I’m tired,” he said, giving Jungkook an excuse to do what Jimin assumed he had wanted to.
Jungkook looked at him then back at the others, his face warming again. Before he could think about it too much though, Hoseok walked over to the couch with outstretched arms and Jungkook stood up and gave him a hug. “Welcome back,” he said with a smile directed at the members he could see behind them as he rested his head on Hoseok’s shoulder. The others all came over and Jungkook blushed, but he hugged them all happily.
“We were worried about you,” Yoongi said, ruffling his hair.
Jin put his hand on Jungkook’s forehead “How are you feeling?”
“I’m fine,” Jungkook replied. “Thank you all for worrying about me,” he added with a warm smile. He knew he was always safe surrounded by his Bangtan family, he felt secure.
“I’m glad you’re doing better,” Namjoon replied, his wide smile lighting up the room.
Taehyung sat down on the couch and pulled Jungkook down with him, Jungkook now wedged between him and Jimin. It was so normal for them to be like this, in each other’s personal space, Jungkook wasn’t sure why he’d been so worried about it. “I took some pictures I want to show you,” Taehyung said. “Next time you have to come with us and bring your camera, you’d love the scenery.”
“Yes, next time,” Jungkook agreed with a bright smile.
They all sat around in the living room and talked about the trip. Jin attempted to tell a story of some mishaps that had happened but they were all interrupting and adding in their own versions till it became a mess and they were all laughing at a frustrated Jin. “I’m not making it up!” he said in annoyance. “I swear!” They all laughed harder. There were certain things that could only happen to Jin, and even though they seemed impossible, they all fully believed him.
After another couple hours it was turning to nighttime and some of the members were tired from the long day. “I’m gonna turn in, it’s getting late and I’m sure we’ll have to work extra hard tomorrow to make up for an unplanned day off,” Hoseok said, getting up from the coffee table he’d been sitting on. Taehyung and Jin agreed and they all headed off to their rooms to sleep.
“Before you head off to bed can I talk to you for a minute?” Namjoon said, turning his attention to Jimin. “On the ride back I had an idea for your song and I want to discuss it before I forget,” he added. Jimin nodded, knowing what he actually wanted to talk about. He gave Jungkook a small smile before getting up and following Namjoon down the hall and into one of their bedrooms.
The living room went from loud and high energy to a comfortable silence as just Jungkook and Yoongi sat across from each other. Yoongi spoke up, breaking the quiet atmosphere. “Oh, I almost forgot.” He got up and rifled through a few bags before he took out a box and passed it to Jungkook. “Since you weren’t able to join us I wanted to get you something,” he explained taking a seat on the couch beside him.
Jungkook took the box wrapped in a flower paper and smiled. “Thanks Yoongi,” he replied, carefully unwrapping the paper. He found that it wasn’t in fact a box but a book that had been wrapped up like one.
“It’s a sketchbook,” Yoongi said. “We went to a small farmers’ market and there was a woman who made hand bound sketchbooks and I remembered you saying yours was getting full,” he added. Yoongi was always thinking of others and always listening when they spoke, Jungkook hoped that was one of traits he’d picked up from his hyung. The binding of the sketchbook was a soft leather and has a camera picture stamped into it.
Jungkook’s face lit up and he leaned forward to hug Yoongi. “Thank you,” he said, holding him a moment longer than he maybe would have before. That, or he was just much more aware of it now.
“I was really worried about you today,” Yoongi admitted after a moment. Jungkook opened his mouth to apologize but Yoongi didn’t allow him to. “You don’t have to be sorry,” he said. “I should have spoken to you before I let it to get to a point where I was this concerned,” he added. “You’ve been different lately, I assume Jimin has noticed as well and that’s why he stayed behind.”
Jungkook nodded, wanting to be honest. It was so hard to look Yoongi in the eyes and tell him anything that wasn’t the complete truth. He had the most kind and trusting eyes and it made Jungkook want to tell him everything. Unlike Jimin, who encouraged Jungkook by using words, Yoongi encouraged him by giving him time. He gave him his full attention, kept a soft expression and stayed quiet, allowing Jungkook all the time he needed to say what he wanted to say. There was a reason Yoongi was the best listener.
Jungkook took a deep breath and spoke. “I don’t know why, but sometimes when I’m around you all I feel like I want to be my younger self again,” he said, explaining it the best way he could.
“Hmm…” Yoongi made a sound of understanding. “I can understand that,” he responded, putting his hand on Jungkook’s arm.
“You can?” Jungkook asked, confused how Yoongi possibly could understand when he didn’t even understand it himself.
“Yeah,” Yoongi replied. “Maybe you haven’t noticed it since it’s been gradual, but we’ve all been trying to allow you room to grow. As hard as it is at times for us to accept, you’re not the young boy who first joined us anymore, you’re a grown man and we realized sometimes we still treated you like that child. We all pulled back a bit because we didn’t want to make you feel like you had to still be that person, that you couldn’t grow.” Yoongi explained and Jungkook listened intently. He hadn’t noticed the changes, but now that he was told, suddenly he became aware. Remembering times when things had felt a bit off.
“I didn’t notice,” Jungkook muttered. “I just thought you guys had been busier or tired from the long days of practice.”
“No, we were actively trying to treat you more like an adult, and I can understand why you would be feeling like you wanted to go back to being younger, back to when we more openly showed you affection, I’m sorry if you’ve felt like we didn’t love you the same.” Yoongi looked at him with hurt eyes and Jungkook hugged him.
“It’s not that I didn’t feel loved, I know you all love me, you’re my family. You’ve always allowed me room to grow and change and I appreciate that so much, but sometimes I just…” Jungkook pulled back and looked down. “Feel like I want to be treated that way, like I am still younger,” he said. “I didn’t realize how much it helped me relax after a hard day, or comforted me when I was struggling, but it does, and I miss it.”
Yoongi gave him a soft smile. “Just say the word and we will all take care of you like we used to; you’re our baby boy.”
Deep blush spread across Jungkook’s cheeks. He nodded and looked up at his hyung with a smile. “Thanks Yoongi,” he replied. “I don’t want it all the time,” he explained. Not wanting things too change too much. Most of the time things great how they were, he wouldn’t change them for anything, it was just small moments when he’d feel he needed something else.
“How about we discuss it more tomorrow?” Yoongi questioned. “We can talk about how and when and all that after a good sleep. Sound good?” Jungkook nodded, he was getting sleepy as well and knew it would be better to talk when he was in a more coherent state. “Come on then,” Yoongi got up and waited for Jungkook to follow. “Want to share a room?” he asked, looking at the younger male.
“You’d be okay with that?” Jungkook asked, surprised. They’d all been sleeping in their own rooms for a while and he didn’t think any of them would want to change that.
Yoongi smiled. “Having your own room isn’t all it’s cracked up to be,” he replied with a shrug. He didn’t want to admit that maybe he also missed the company and warmth of another person. Jungkook smiled and nodded, following him down the hall and into his room.
Meanwhile in Namjoon’s room, him and Jimin were still talking. “So, you think it’s what, exactly?” Namjoon asked after Jimin explained what had happened earlier.
“Well… I don’t want to put words in his mouth,” Jimin said, pausing to decide if should say what he thought. “Keep in mind I don’t know if this is true, he didn’t use this words,” he added, before sharing his thoughts. “I believe Jungkook may want to try age play.”
Namjoon’s eyes went wide but he quickly composed himself. “Like, sexually?” he asked, not really wanting to know about Jungkook’s sex life.
Jimin shock his head. “No, I don’t think so,” he answered. “In a comfort way, to ease his anxiety and lower his stress.”
Namjoon let out a thankful sigh. “Okay, in that case let’s say age regression cause age play has connotations I don’t want to consider right now.” Jimin nodded in agreement. They sat in silence for a minute, each in their own thoughts. “Tomorrow I think we should all talk. I will talk to Jungkook and see if he’s comfortable having a group meeting to discuss it.”
“Yeah, I think that would be best,” Jimin agreed. “If that is something he wants, how would you feel about it?” he asked, wondering if the others would be as accepting as he assumed they’d be.
Namjoon smiled softly. “If he just wants a little extra attention and more close contact like we used to have, I am more than willing to indulge him,” he replied. “If anything it’s been difficult to avoid doing that in the first place,” he added with a laugh. Jimin nodded in agreement, glad they were on the same page.
With plans made to speak as a group tomorrow, Jimin headed off to his own bedroom to sleep, content they would solve Jungkook’s problem as a group, like they always did everything.
The next day went the same as any other normal day for them. They all got up early and headed down to the studio to work on choreography as a group and then split off to work on their own different things, parts of a song or individual projects. Jungkook took his break after many hours of work and headed up to the apartment to grab something to eat. Namjoon, who’d been working on something with Yoongi, noticed him leaving. “Hey, Yoongi, can we take a break?” he asked.
Yoongi followed his eyes and seen him clearly looking at Jungkook packing up. “Yeah, go,” he answered. Namjoon nodded and got up running to catch up with Jungkook who’d left the studio.
“Hey, Kook, wait up for a sec,” Namjoon called, causing the younger to stop and turn around, looking at him.
“What’s up?” Jungkook asked. “Is it not okay that I’m taking a break?” he questioned. He hadn’t asked since he didn’t have anything specific to work on right now and the others had all taken breaks today and no one had minded.
“No, no, it’s not that,” Namjoon said with a smile. “I just wanted to talk to you about something if that’s alright.”
“Sure, hyung,” Jungkook replied. Namjoon started walking again so Jungkook walked beside him on the way back to the apartment. “What do you want to talk about?” he asked, feeling a tad nervous.
“I think we should have a group meeting tonight, and I think we should address what’s going on with you,” Namjoon answered. “But only if you’re comfortable doing so, if not I won’t push you.” Jungkook froze for a moment and Namjoon turned back to look at him. He seen Jungkook’s obvious nerves and stepped closer, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Hey, only if you want to,” he repeated.
“Have you all been worried about me?” Jungkook asked. Namjoon nodded. “Do you think the others would feel better if we talked about it?” Namjoon nodded again. “Okay,” Jungkook agreed. “We can talk tonight, as a group.”
Namjoon beamed at him, so proud of Jungkook for being willing to open up to them all. “Good,” he responded. “Now let’s go eat.”
When the evening rolled around they all returned to their apartment, finally all together as a group again. They ordered in food and ate together in the living room, everyone talking about their days and their feelings. It was how they tried to end most days since their chemistry was very important they liked to talk a lot and make sure no one had anything they needed to address.
Once everyone had say what was on their minds and the conversation quieted down into a comfortable silence Namjoon spoke up drawing the attention of the rest of them. “Jungkook,” he said softly, watching the youngers eyes so wide for a second as if he’d forgotten their agreement, or maybe he thought Namjoon had, but of course he hadn’t. “I think we should talk about you for a minute,” he said, giving a gentle smile to try and calm the nerves he knew Jungkook was experiencing.
Jungkook put his chopsticks down and looked around at the other members. “Right…” he muttered his cheeks warming.
Jimin quickly spoke up. “You don’t have to say anything, Kookie,” he said. “Just… With all of us being worried about you, I think we need to address it at some point.”
Yoongi nodded in agreement with Jimin’s statement. “I agree,” he added. “You know we’re all here for you, no matter what,” he reassured, pretending like he didn’t already know just so he could give Jungkook support.
Jungkook nodded, he understood that this was the best approach, this was how they dealt with everything. They didn’t have secrets. “Thank you all for caring about me so much,” he said, trying to ease into what he had to say. The other members all smiled at him encouraging him to keep talking. “I…” he tried to say it but he still didn’t know they words to use which made it a lot harder. He looked to Yoongi, seeing his comforting smile. “Can you tell them?” he asked, blushing.
Yoongi put his hand over Jungkook’s. “You sure you want me to?” Jungkook nodded and with his permission granted Yoongi spoke up. “You know how we all have started to pull back to try and give Jungkook room to grow?” The others all nodded but Hoseok, Jin and Taehyung also looked confused. “Well,” he turned to Jungkook again and smiled. “Lately he has been feeling like sometimes he wants to be treated the way we used to treat him, he wants the extra attention and affection, not always, but sometimes.” Yoongi explained. He looked to Jungkook with a nod wanting him to finish.
“Like Yoongi said, lately I’ve had the periods of time where I want that back and I feel like I have to force myself to try and act adult because I don’t want to put any of that on you guys,” he explained. “You all take such good care of me already and I never want you to put yourselves out for my sake,” he added, scanning the faces of the other members for disgust, disappointment or anger. All he seen was a bit of confusion and smiles.
Jin looked at him with his mouth slightly parted in surprise. “So, you’re telling me I’ve been trying so hard to act less like your parent this whole time and you never minded it?”
Jungkook laughed. “I don’t mind it,” he assured.
Jin smiled and put food on Jungkook’s plate. “In that case, eat well,” he said with laugh as Jungkook shoved the food into his mouth with a content smile.
Hoseok spoke next, having processed. “What does that mean exactly, like what can we do to take your worries away?” he asked. “I’m more than willing to do anything that puts your sweet smile back on your face.” He had noticed the way Jungkook’s smile had seemed a bit less wide lately and he missed seeing the way his eyes would almost completely shut when he couldn’t help but smile with his whole being.
“That’s what I’d like us to discuss,” Namjoon said. “But first I want everyone to express how they feel and if anyone is uncomfortable with it they are welcome to leave the discussion.”
Everyone glanced around the table to see the reactions, no one seemed to react badly. The only one who hadn’t spoken was Taehyung. “How do you feel Tae?” Jimin asked, looking at him. “You’ve been quiet.”
Taehyung sat up straighter and shrugged. “Cause I don’t care,” he said with his normal nonchalant attitude. “I’m just waiting to hear how we can help Kookie out,” he added with a smile aimed at the mentioned male. Jungkook smiled back, thankful none of them looked at him with judgement or anything other than concern, curiosity or kindness.
Namjoon spoke again, often leading their group conversations since he was the one who insisted on having them. “So, Jungkook, what exactly in terms of affection is something you want?”
Jungkook blushed. “More hugs?” he questioned, feeling selfish for asking anything more of his already incredible hyungs.
“Well that’s easy,” Hoseok said with a wide grin, getting up and moving to sit beside Jungkook, pulling him into a hug.
Jin nodded. “We can always do that,” he agreed. “Just ask, or even just poke us or anything that gets the message across. I can’t speak for the others, but for me it’s never an inconvenience to hug you.”
“I’m pretty sure that applies to everyone,” Namjoon said, the almost unison nod confirmed that.
“What else?” Taehyung asked. “Hugging, cuddling and snuggling are all good things, but is there anything else?” he sounded genuinely curious as if he wanted to know all the information to best make Jungkook happy and that alone made him happier then Taehyung could know.
“I don’t know,” Jungkook admitted, I didn’t think past that, I tried to not even let myself think that for a while.” He looked down for a moment. “I’m sorry I kept my feelings from you all and caused you to worry.
“You don’t owe us any kind of apology,” Jin said kindly. “I’m just glad you felt comfortable confiding in us.”
“How about cheek kisses?” Jimin asked, looking to Jungkook.
Jungkook blushed and felt Hoseok hug him tighter, probably sensing his light discomfort. “I am okay with those,” he muttered.
“Okay with, or want?” Hoseok asked, ruffling his hair.
“Want,” Jungkook replied his blush getting deeper.
“Okay,” Namjoon nodded. “Anyone opposed to that?” he asked. “I think it’s important that we all set our boundaries, though of course they can change.”
With no objections Jin spoke up again, “How about forehead kisses?” he asked.
“Same with those,” Jungkook answered. “Also head pats,” he added with a laugh as Hoseok had been absentmindedly playing with his hair.
Again, with no objections voiced they moved on. Jimin spoke up again. “How about actual kisses?” he questioned.
Jungkook’s eyes went wide and he paused for a second, thinking it over. “Maybe?” he said, unsure. “I guess it depends on how you guys feel about it.”
Jimin smiled. “I’m okay with it, but only if you’re comfortable,” he replied. “I don’t view a chaste kiss as a strictly romantic gesture but I recognize most people do.”
“Okay,” Jungkook replied. “Then I am as well,” he smiled softly back at Jimin.
Namjoon spoke next. “I’m not against it but I’m not comfortable with it either,” he said, being the first to object to something. “I have nothing against kissing a man, but…”
Jungkook finished his sentence. “It’s weird cause you helped raise me?” he said.
“Exactly,” Namjoon agreed. “It would feel weird, not because I don’t love you, but because I do, if that makes sense.” Jungkook nodded, then their eyes met and they smiled, knowing they were on the same page.
“I have to agree with Namjoon on this,” Jin joined in. “The age difference makes me a bit uncomfortable, even if it’s not supposed to have a romantic meaning, It would feel weird for me.” Him and Jungkook shared the same look of understanding. Namjoon and Jin had been parent figures to him so he got it.
Yoongi spoke next. “Does that make me weird for being okay with it?” he questioned with a chuckle. “Not often, but once in a while would be fine.”
“I don’t think so,” Jin said. “Just cause we’re not comfortable for our own reasons doesn’t mean you have to feel the same, I don’t think anyone here is saying any of this is morally wrong in any way.” Everyone shook their heads in agreement.
“I’d be comfortable kissing Yoongi,” Jungkook admitted with a blush, he could feel that mindset coming on and making him feel a bit less restrained with his words. He blamed Hoseok’s warm embrace and gentle touch, it made him feel safe and let his mind slip.
“I’m fine with whatever,” Taehyung said. “I’m with Jimin, a kiss doesn’t have to mean anything other than just wanting contact with someone.” Jimin smiled at him and nodded.
Jungkook nodded as well and then looked to Hoseok. “How about you Hobi, you never answered.”
“Can I think on it?” Hoseok responded, he wasn’t sure, he’d never really thought about it but he kind of agreed with Taehyung and Jimin, it didn’t have to be a big deal.
“Of course,” Jungkook replied. “I hope none of you feel pressured to do any of this, I appreciate you all even being willing to discuss it without judgement.”
“We’d never judge you for this,” Jimin said reaching over Jin and the table to put a hand on Jungkook’s leg.
“Right now we are all in new territory, so it might take us a bit to get used to it, but for now I think we’ve discussed everything we need to.” Namjoon said. “Anyone got anything else to say?”
Jin raised his hand. “No, but I’d like to speak with Jungkook alone if that’s okay.”
Jungkook nodded, “It’s okay with me,” he answered.
“Okay.” Namjoon got up from the table. “I’m going to the studio and work for a bit. Jimin, want to join and we can work on that song. For real this time?” he asked with a light laugh. Jimin agreed and they both left.
“I’ll leave you guys,” Yoongi said, getting up from the table. “If you need me I’ll be in my room.” He looked to Jungkook making sure he knew the offer was mostly for him in case he needed it after speaking with Jin.
Hoseok pulled Jungkook in for one more tight hug, “Okay, I’ll go,” he said reluctantly, releasing his hold on Jungkook. “Be nice to Kookie,” he teased, tapping Jin’s shoulder as he walked past and left the room.
“After you’re done with Jin, can we talk?” Taehyung asked, looking to Jungkook.
“Yeah, I’ll come find you,” he agreed with a smile. He couldn’t blame them all for wanting to talk, this was definitely a weird thing to spring on them all and he was certain if the roles were reversed he’d want to speak with them as well. Taehyung ruffled Jungkook’s hair with a fond smile, before leaving the room. Leaving Jin and Jungkook alone.
“What is it hyung?” Jungkook asked once they were alone.
“It’s nothing big, I hope I didn’t worry you,” Jin said softly, he moved closer and allowed Jungkook to rest his head on his shoulder as he put an arm around his waist. “I just wanted you to know, I understand,” he said.
“Why are you all saying that?” Jungkook asked, his voice quiet. “Yoongi said the same, and I don’t get it. I don’t understand it so how can you?”
“Because,” Jin replied, pressing a kiss to the top of Jungkook’s hair. “When I was younger I also had moments like that,” he answered. “I used to play around with you because you were young and needed the attention, but also because it allowed me to feel younger with you.”
“Really?” Jungkook asked, looking up at him.
“Yes, really.” Jin replied. “I don’t have those same feelings anymore because I no longer feel the need to act put together and grown up all the time around you guys, so it’s like that mindset and my normal one merged,” he explained.
“Do you think that will happen with me?” Jungkook asked.
“I don’t know,” Jin answered with a shrug. “It doesn’t matter though, what matters is that now we know and we can be there for you.” Jungkook nuzzled into his shoulder, again reminding himself he was the luckiest man alive.
“Thank you, hyung,” Jungkook replied softly. “I was the most worried for you to find out,” he admitted.
“Why is that?” Jin asked, a tad bit hurt that Jungkook seemed to think he’d be the one to react badly or judge him.
“Because, you took care of me and helped raise me, I know everyone helped with that but with you being the oldest I think I kind of viewed you as a parent at times and the idea of disappointing you…” Jungkook trailed off.
“You could never disappoint me,” Jin replied. “You took on the best qualities of all of us and grew into an incredible man that I am so proud of, don’t ever doubt that.” Jungkook pulled away from his shoulder so he could meet his eyes. “You’re also handsome and tall, which I am choosing to take credit for,” he added with his signature Jin laugh that lit up any room.
Jungkook smiled wide. “I promise I’ll keep working hard to make you proud.”
“I know you will,” Jin replied. He leaned forward and kissed his forehead. “I love you, Jungkook.”
“I love you too, Jin hyung.” Jungkook snuggled close again and they stayed in comfortable silence until Jungkook started nodding off and Jin gently shook him awake.
“You promised Tae you’d speak to him before you went to sleep,” Jin reminded when Jungkook looked at him in confusion from being woken.
“Right,” Jungkook said, thankful for the reminder. “I will go find him,” he got up but before he could leave, Jin got his attention again by reaching for his hand and holding it briefly, he gave him a kind smile, expressing his fondness then released his hand allowing him to go find Taehyung.
Jungkook knocked lightly on the door to Taehyung's bedroom. He opened it when he didn't get a response and poked his head inside "Tae?" He questioned.
Taehyung turned and seen him, removing the ear buds from his ears. "Sorry, didn't hear you knock," he said with a smile. "Come sit." He patted the bed beside him and Jungkook closed the door behind himself before plopping down on Taehyung's bed. He always felt comfortable on Taehyung’s bed since they often used to share in the past.
Taehyung on the other hand, didn't look nearly as comfortable. He was the type to rarely worry, often just going with the flow and smiling through it. Jungkook hoped he had some of that quality in himself as well. But Taehyung was looking at him with a question he was clearly nervous to ask.
Jungkook smiled at him. "Tae, it's me, whatever it is just say it," he said with a chuckle. Jungkook felt confident that whatever Taehyung wanted to ask wasn't actually a big deal, he was just sensitive and afraid of hurting people's feelings.
"How long have you been struggling with this?" Taehyung asked, looking at him with wide eyes, attention fully trained on him.
Jungkook thought for a moment, going over it in his head. Now that he knew what he was feeling it was easier to see when those feelings started. "About 3 months," he answered. "I didn't really notice it until a few weeks ago though."
Taehyung looked unmistakably saddened. "Why didn't you tell me?" He asked. "I don’t want to make this about me but I can’t help feeling a bit hurt. Like you said, whatever it is we can always tell each other," he added, meeting Jungkook’s eyes. "We've shared a space, a bed, and a life for years. We've taken care of each other when we were sick, held each other while we cried. Did you really think this would be different? That I, of all people, would judge you?"
"No," Jungkook answered immediately. "I knew you wouldn't," he answered. Taehyung was right, they'd always been there for each other. Ever member was, but with them being closer in age and Taehyung being so carefree but also empathetic he'd been the one who would sit with Jungkook when he'd cry himself to sleep because he was homesick. He'd never mention it afterwards or acknowledge it unless Jungkook did, Taehyung was just like that. A quiet comfort always willing to be there.
"Then why struggle alone instead of letting me help?" Taehyung asked.
“Because, I was scared,” Jungkook answered honestly. “I didn’t know what I was feeling, but I knew once I told you it would be real. I wouldn’t be able to just push it down and ignore it.” Jungkook sighed. “I knew you wouldn’t judge me, but I judged myself. I know you’d accept me but I was scared that I’d accept myself and I didn’t know what that would mean for me.” Taehyung put his arms around his shoulders and pulled him close, not knowing the rights words so choosing to be stay silent. Jungkook snuggled closer and rested his head on his shoulder. “Are we good?” Jungkook asked, wanting to be sure before he let himself drift off to sleep. He hated sleeping when he wasn’t on good terms with any of the members. They tried to have a ‘never go to sleep angry’ policy.
Taehyung pulled back so their eyes were on each other and gave Jungkook his signature boxy smile that he swore created a light source all its own. “Yeah,” he said, his happy sounding tone having returned. “You wanna sleep in here tonight?”
Jungkook nodded. “Yes,” he replied quickly. “I’ve realized having my own room is great for when I want to be alone with my thoughts, but it’s not great for actually sleeping,” he added with a chuckle. “Too used to being shoved into a small space with all of you it feels weird.”
Taehyung nodded in agreement. “You’re always welcome in here, you don’t even have to ask, you can just come in, whenever.”
Jungkook smiled brightly at him. “Thanks Tae.”