Chapter Text
Thomas Shelby was not the sort of man who cried at the smallest inconvenience. He would never tease any man who did, but that’s just not how he dealt with his problems. He was more of a ‘take the horse by the reins’ kind of man. This mentality had benefited him since he came back from the war. Whenever there was an issue, like the Lee men getting a little too comfortable at the Garrison or his father returning to Birmingham under the guise of adoration for his sons, he never reacted emotionally. He closed his eyes, imagined he was back in the thick dirt walls of the tunnel and devised a plan that would not backfire. And, for the most part, he always came out on top. As he was a Shelby and, more importantly, Tommy Shelby. He would not cry over spilled milk.
That is, until he met Grace Burgess. At first, she was nothing more than a pretty barmaid who was a little too friendly and a little too interested in the family business. Looking back, Tommy should’ve known then. But he was in love, even if he didn’t want to admit it. And love blinded people, even Tommy Shelby. Grace made him feel things he hadn’t felt since before the war. She stopped the constant shovelling and quieted his racing mind whenever she was around him. One of Grace’s best attributes was that she was adventurous like him. Tommy needed someone who wanted to ride the same thrills as him and Grace did just that. She followed each plan he had happily and assisted him in every way she could, no matter the danger. She was his equal and that is what Tommy needed. He needed her and he thought she needed him.
When he found out that she was a spy, Tommy fell apart. His notions of not crying and ‘taking the horse by reins’ quickly dissolved. The first month without Grace was a complete haze. He barely spoke and just worked along Arthur and John. He never instructed them or bossed them around and they knew why. Tommy was different and it was because Grace betrayed him. When Tommy wasn’t in the company of his family or friends, he was in his room and he was crying. He never would weep loudly (god forbid Polly heard anything and went to New York to kill Grace herself), but he would weep hard and scream into his pillow. He cried until his throat burned and he cried until he heard Grace’s voice call out for his name. He thought his mother’s death was hard but he never experienced a loss like this, and Grace wasn’t even dead. To heal properly, Tommy swore to himself that although he would never stop loving Grace, he had to push past his feelings for her. His brothers needed him. Polly needed him. There were people that depended on him. He couldn’t let them down.
Then, a year later, Tommy got devastating news. Grace was getting married. She had already moved on. He was a rich banker and lived in New York with her. He had no idea how they met or why she decided to marry him, but she had. If her leaving hadn't broken Tommy, this definitely did. Here Tommy was, still devastated over Grace’s betrayal, and she had already moved on and gotten married. The only reason he had found out was because she had written him a letter. She had always written him letters after she left but he rarely opened them and instead burned them. But, when he got that letter, he opened it. He had felt a weight in the envelope and was curious as to what she could have sent to him. As if the letter wasn’t enough, confirming that she indeed had gotten married to a kind man (her words), she also attached a picture of herself. It was newly taken and she had aged in that year but she had done so beautifully. Her hair was pinned up and she wore a striped blouse, two things he had never seen her do before. The Grace he knew from Birmingham rarely wore anything bold like stripes and he didn’t think he had ever seen her with her hair up. She looked more refined and more mature in just that one year. Tommy knew what this meant. She was a true woman now. She loved him too and she would never stop but she was married now and was mature now. They were not the same children they were last year. Tommy had to try and move on.
Soon, without Tommy realizing it, one year turned into two. Tommy had excelled at the ability to push down his feelings and was no longer the man he was when he was with Grace. He thought of her every second of every day but it no longer felt painful but bittersweet. This wasn’t the biggest improvement but Tommy only occasionally cried over Grace and that definitely was an improvement.
When May Carleton entered the picture, Tommy knew she would be a good distraction. Lizzie was a distraction but he still thought of Grace as he fucked Lizzie. May was different. She was quick witted and funny. She was beautiful. She would never compare to Grace but she would do. She didn’t need to fix him, she just needed him to forget Grace. And, as his business with May ventured into a romantic partnership, she was helping him dull the memory of Grace. Tommy knew the memory of Grace would never be gone but he wasn’t trying to erase Grace, only dull her.
Then, just as he started to feel a little better, May invited him to New York. There was a race horse that she needed his opinion on. At first, he didn’t want to go. He had just signed a deal with Alfie who he could tell was only loyal to the person who paid him the highest and Campbell was pressuring him to kill the Lieutenant. He was in the most stressful situation of his career and he didn’t think Arthur could handle it by himself for even two weeks. As he explained to May his situation in person, she persisted.
“Tommy, please. You owe me. You know you do.” May pleaded, locking her suitcase. The boat left for New York tomorrow.
“May, there’s just too much to do in Birmingham.” Tommy stood his ground but he could feel himself caving in. He knew he deserved a vacation.
“Tommy Shelby,” May started, playfully eyeing him. “You will not argue with me.” This reminded him so much of Grace, he felt himself tearing up.
Tommy finally caved. It was way too much effort to argue with May. She had her mind made up and that was that. When Tommy told Arthur, he was surprised to see how his brother reacted. Arthur was delighted to hear Tommy was taking a small vacation. Arthur knew that ever since Grace, Tommy had not rested. His brother may have thought he could hide his emotions but Arthur could read Tommy like a book. Arthur was convinced that this trip would be crucial in Tommy’s recovery. It had been two years but Tommy still acted as if it happened only yesterday. The only thing that had improved was that Tommy was getting better at hiding it.
Polly was the only one who was unwilling to let Tommy go. Tommy had told her the plan and about the award winning horse May had told him about and although Polly was happy there was something Tommy was excited over, she still was worried. Tommy could tell and asked for her to voice her grievances.
“She lives in New York.” Polly said coldly and Tommy instantly knew who she was referring to.
Grace lived in New York with her husband. He had thought the same thing but doubted he would ever run into her. It was New York, the biggest city in the world. Besides, he would be mostly in the barn while Grace lived in the financial district. There was a one in a million chance they would meet. Although he was afraid to be in the same city as her, he knew nothing would come of it and he made sure to promise Polly that nothing would happen. Although she was still skeptical, she gave her blessing to Tommy. She loved him and trusted him.
So, with Arthur and Polly’s blessing, Tommy boarded a boat at Liverpool headed to New York. The entire trip to New York took four and a half days. Before the newest advances in technology, it would’ve taken fifteen days but now, with ships dominating long-distance passenger movements, it cut the time in less than half. Those four and a half days were wildly uneventful. The entire time, May was too busy with her dead husband’s business in New York to speak to Tommy. They had dinner once the entire trip to New York and the rest of the time, she was in meetings. This left Tommy with a lot of spare time. Most of it consisted of watching the sky as the boat passed hundreds of white clouds. He sometimes stood close to the ledge and watched as the boat cut the waves in half and pushed through the currents. With all this time to think, it drove Tommy a little mad. The shovelling had returned in his mind after Grace left and now was only getting loud as he let his mind wander. He thought of Grace and of the war. He thought of Arthur and Polly. He thought of Finn and John. He thought until it made him feel nauseous. Going inside didn’t help. When he left the upper deck and went back to his quarters on the ship, he only slept and dreamed vividly. In his eyes, dreaming was worse than thinking. When you think, at least you have some control. When you dream, you have none. He dreamt of Grace at her wedding. She was wearing a beautiful ivory dress that cascaded down the steps of the church. He dreamt of her walking down the aisle, bouquet in one hand and her other arm around her uncle. She was smiling brightly at him and Tommy felt himself bubbling over, ready to cry any minute. This was his wedding with her. The wedding he wanted. Where Grace wasn’t married and everything had worked out the way he wanted. He always woke up from that dream sweaty and his heart racing because he always woke up before he got to seal the marriage with a kiss.
Finally, May and Tommy docked at New York. With only their luggage in their hands, Tommy and May hailed a taxi which took them to the hotel May had booked for Tommy. Besides the traffic, Tommy found New York very fascinating. It truly was a city that never slept. It was always working and bustling, never letting a small problem set it back. In some ways, New York was similar to Tommy.
May’s prior husband owned a ranch and May told Tommy that was where she was staying. She had offered a place for Tommy to stay at the ranch but Tommy had declined the offer. His mind was too busy to properly pay attention to May. Coming to New York had brought up unresolved feelings Tommy had for Grace and he felt as though he was cheating on May every time they spoke, even though they were not together and Grace was no longer his.
When Tommy had settled into his hotel room, he went to bed. It wasn’t particularly late and he still was craving the taste of some whiskey but he was too tired to call for room service. His brain had been working over time and he just prayed that he would not dream tonight. But he did. This time, he didn’t dream of his wedding with Grace. He dreamt of himself on a farm that was not familiar to him. His feet sunk underneath the soil as he stepped forward. The fog lifted away and there stood Grace, in a white blouse and red skirt. She stood beside a black horse. She smiled at Tommy and he felt himself run forward but the faster he ran, the farther away Grace got. Finally, he stopped and yelled Grace’s name; his voice coarse. She didn’t respond and only smiled at me, beckoning for him to come to her. Before he could take a step forward, Tommy was awoken in a cold sweat. He’s panting and his heart is racing. He looks to the clock in the corner of his room and notices it is 4am. He knows he can’t fall back asleep. Even if he could, he would not want to. He doesn’t want to think about Grace.
Tommy spent the rest of the day drinking whiskey and smoking and occasionally reading the paper, trying not to let his mind wander to the woman he doesn’t want to think about. Finally, after hours of smoking and drinking, Tommy starts to get ready. The entire time Tommy gets ready, he is focusing on the horse and his itinerary for the day. Every time Grace popped in his mind, he swallowed the image of her and focused on May. When he was finished dressing, he went down to the lobby of the hotel and checked his pocket watch. May told him she would pick him up at 5pm.
As Tommy waited, he watched out of the window. He observed the already bustling city with men in proper suits running down the sidewalk with briefcases and women with short skirts latching onto their husband’s arm, laughing hysterically at something he said. Tommy is beyond surprised. Nothing will compare to New York. No matter the time of day, these people will be busy with their lives, whether that be actually working or partying. If Tommy knew anything about New York, he knew the parties were outrageous. He promised himself that he would go to a club tonight, with or without May. He was only staying in New York for a day before getting back on the boat back to Liverpool so his logic was that he might as well make the most out of it.
Finally, May’s car pulled up in front of Tommy’s hotel. Discreetly, Tommy entered the car, not even bothering to say good morning. He had a rough morning before he even spoke to May and seemed to be in a bad mood. May instantly noticed his mood and scoffed under her breath, still smiling.
“My ranch Will.” May says to her driver before looking back at Tommy. “Good afternoon to you too.”
Tommy showed no emotion, only nodded to show her that he had heard what she said. After moments of silence, he spoke, “Have you named the horse?”
May looked to her lap where her purse lay. “No. Would you like to?”
Tommy only cracked a small smile but looked away from May and instead looked out the window and watched many buildings pass from beside him. “Yes.”
May chuckled. “And what would you like to name her?”
Tommy only glanced at May for a second before closing his eyes contently. “Grace.”
May, of course, knew nothing of Tommy’s past life or his past love so she only reacted happily. “Hm. Seems religious.”
Tommy indignantly shook his head. “No. Just someone who means something to me.”
May did not indulge the man before her and thought nothing of it. She only nodded, thinking it was the name of a family member before even considering it was the name of Tommy’s true love.
When they finally arrive at the ranch, Tommy smiles genuinely for the first time. The first thing he sees is a bunch of women riding side-saddle in a row. There seems to be a lesson going on and Tommy can’t help but scoff. May notices his scoff and only speaks to him once she gets out of the car and stands beside Tommy.
“What’s so amusing?” May walks forward, across the path to the barn. Tommy falls in step beside May.
“You teach these women to ride side-saddle?” Tommy asks, still bemused greatly as he watches all of these young women focus so intently on something so simple.
“Their husbands pay us a great deal of money, so yes we do.” May nods, waiting at the door for Tommy to open it for her.
Tommy obliges, opening the door for May. She nods her head in an effort to say thank you and Tommy nods back, a smile no longer visible on his face. May continues to speak to Tommy about the horse she wants him to examine and Tommy only listens to her for a while before he is interrupted. He has not even made his way through the threshold of the door before he hears a familiar voice call his name.
“Tommy?”
Tommy pivots quickly, recognizing the voice right away. Grace. He thinks his mind is playing tricks on him but that is disproven quite quickly when he comes face to face with the woman he hasn’t seen in two years. She’s even more beautiful than before. The picture she sent him did not do her justice. Even the way she is carrying herself is different. She stands tall as she watches Tommy, confident as hell. He can see the bewilderment in her eyes, scared to see if he will cuss her out or kiss her. He wants to do the latter but he can’t. She’s married. She moves forward tentatively, closer to Tommy. Although she is wearing chunky brown boots, her clothes are so elegant. She’s wearing a green skirt that touches her shins and a white blouse tucked into her skirt. She has a white shawl wrapped around her body because of the breeze and she looks ethereal. Her hair, although pinned up, is even more wavy than before and is shorter. Although she looks stunning, the bling on her ring finger is what catches Tommy’s gaze.
He swallows harshly. “Grace.” He says it in a way that makes it more of a statement of disbelief.
She nods. “Hello.” There is a long moment where they are just looking in each other’s eyes and wasting precious moments before she speaks again. She knows Tommy will not speak first. “What are you doing here?”
“I came here to examine a racing horse.” Tommy states, his breath just above a whisper.
Grace smiles, bemused. “You haven’t changed then.”
Tommy wants to smile but he knows he can’t. This entire encounter is bringing him too much pain. “You have.” He says defiantly, nodding towards her ring.
Grace frowns and looks down at her ring before looking back at Tommy. “He’s a kind man.”
Tommy rolls his eyes slightly. “A kind man who you never told that you can ride a horse.”
Grace frowns even more. “There’s some things as a wife you need to let your husband indulge in. You wouldn’t understand.”
Tommy’s heart hurts for her and he knows it is stupid. He can’t help it. He still loves her. He never stopped. He wants to tell her right then that he hasn’t spent one second of everyday thinking about her. He wants to tell her he has spent days on end dreaming of her and what their wedding would look like. But he can’t. He has to remember that she is no longer his. She never was.
“You’re right. I don’t understand.” Tommy agrees with Grace.
“Tommy -” Grace starts before sighing and reaching out to him to grab his hand. “I wrote you so many letters.”
Tommy nodded. “You know I couldn’t answer.” He grasps her hand tightly, this small action already calming the storm that has been brewing for two years.
Grace nods. “I know. I just -” She doesn’t want to finish but then she takes a deep breath and speaks again. “I wish we fell in love under different circumstances.”
Although he wants to be angry and cold, he knows there’s no point. He has already forgiven her. He forgave her the second he found out. Mostly because he knows that Grace feels the same way, whether she has married someone or not. He tried to convince himself through those past two years that maybe she moved on and he was the one that fell too deep but the feelings were mutual. She has been suffering as much as he has.
Then, Tommy does something stupid. “I’m only here for today. I’m at the Rockefeller Hotel.” He knows he shouldn’t and he thinks maybe Grace will slap him in the face for suggesting she come alone to his hotel room but she doesn’t.
She smiles. “I’ll come tonight; around 8pm.”
“Tommy?” May’s voice comes from behind him. She steps out of the barn and watches intently as Grace and Tommy take two steps away from each other and let go of each other’s hand.
“Hm?” Tommy says as nonchalantly as he possibly can. “Sorry, I was just speaking to -”
“Hello.” Grace speaks up, a little flustered. Although she was caught off guard, she also wants to know why this beautiful woman knows Tommy. She knows she has no right to be jealous but she is anyways.
May makes eye contact with Grace and extends her hand. Grace shakes it, smiling brightly. “I’m May Carleton.”
“She’s my business associate.” Tommy pipes in as the ladies let go of each other’s hand.
Grace watches as May glares at Tommy and Grace instantly registers the tension. She realizes that even if Tommy does not think they are serious, May definitely has feelings for Tommy. Although this makes her blood boil, she has to realize she can’t judge because she’s married but still talking to the man she truly loves.
“Grace Burgess.” She decides against using her husband’s last name. He’s not here and definitely not her property; although he might think he is sometimes.
May gives Tommy a look of astonishment. Finally, the dots connect as to what this woman means to Tommy and how she should be worried. Of course, Grace doesn’t understand why May is so astonished but she ignores her as she watches Tommy uncomfortably shift in his stance. She can feel the tension get thicker and thicker and before anything can get too explosive, she tries to make a quick getaway.
“Well, it was lovely meeting you May. And you Tommy. Have a wonderful day.” Grace nods quickly before turning on her heels and leaving that encounter a little breathless. Not only can she believe she’s seen Tommy after all this time, but also that it is as if nothing has changed. He still makes her feel as breathless as when they first met. As she walks back to her lesson, she smiles so widely. Maybe they can be saved.
“That’s the Grace.” May said, a little breathless with a hint of jealousy. She knew she had no chance against the woman Tommy had affectionately named an award winning horse over.
"Indeed." Tommy says, watching as the woman he never stopped loving walks farther away. "Let me take a look at that horse."
May understood Tommy was trying to change the topic, unprepared to see the two women he was involved with come face to face. All she could think about was Grace as she watched Tommy examine her horse that was now ‘affectionately’ named after the woman he loved the most. May never had to work for a man’s attention and she was not about to start now. In the end, she knew Tommy had to choose and, although she doesn’t want to admit it, she knows who Tommy will choose. May has to convince herself that even if he doesn’t choose her, she will be okay. She recovered after her husband’s death (something she never thought she would do) so she believes that she can get over Tommy. She cares for him but she’s an independent woman not ready to fight for anyone that would not do the same for her.
Once Tommy had examined the horse thoroughly and gave the stableman a gruff nod, he looked back to May. He could see the wheels turning in her mind and he wanted to calm her. He wanted to tell her not to worry and that Grace was an old flame that meant nothing to him but he couldn’t. He couldn’t lie to May because he respected May.
Instead, he said, “She’s a reliable thoroughbred and a fine racing horse. I’ll help you get the paperwork once we’re back in Birmingham.” Tommy stepped forward, closer to May who was now standing beside the threshold of the door.
May nodded solemnly, moving away from Tommy and through the door. She couldn’t bear to look at him, scared his eyes would tell her something she didn’t want to admit yet. Tommy followed her out of the barn, not looking at her as he did but instead towards the field where the women still stood, now combing their horses. His eyes scanned the entirety of the farm, as far and wide as his eyes could see, trying to find the blonde woman he hadn’t forgotten about even two years later. Unfortunately, she was no longer there. Tommy’s eyes traveled back to May, who was now getting back into her car. She had yet to say even two words to Tommy and he knew why. She knew the truth about Grace and what she meant to him. There was no point in Tommy denying it either.
When they got back into May’s car, she finally spoke but not to Tommy. “The Cotton Club, Will.”
Tommy finally looked May in the eyes. “The Cotton Club?” He asked in confusion.
May nodded, her face contorted in confusion. It was almost as if he didn’t want to party. That was not the Tommy Shelby she knew. “Yes. It’s a speakeasy jazz music night club located in Harlem.”
Tommy nodded, not wanting to tell May he couldn’t go but knowing he would have to. He had made his decision already. He chose Grace. Every time. “I can’t.”
This time, May’s face contorted from confusion to indignation. She instantly knew why. It was her. “It might not be as tremendous as the Garrison but it is an interesting place.” She thought maybe some convincing would help her case but when she saw his face, she knew it was no use.
Tommy shook his head, a small grunt forcing out through his nose. “Although I appreciate the invitation; I can’t.” With that, Tommy looks away from May and to the window where the environment is slowly turning back to city buildings and not flat grasslands.
May nods, glancing at her hands. They’re in her lap and she has them clasped together, restraining any emotions she has towards this encounter. She can’t let him see her show any type of emotion. The only emotion she will show is anger. “It’s because of her, isn’t it?”
Tommy does not move. He continues to look out his window, his face a solemn expression. May is right but he is afraid if he shows the emotions he’s hiding, she’ll be even more upset with him. So, he stays quiet and that’s enough of an answer for May.
“Nevermind Will,” May calls, her driver now turning his head slightly, pretending as if he hadn’t been listening so far. “Take Mister Shelby back to his hotel.”
Tommy nodded, still looking at the window. The rest of their trip back to Tommy’s hotel was uneventful. Mostly due to the fact that they did not speak to each other. May was at a loss for words and Tommy’s entire personality was to enjoy the silence. And this time, for Tommy, there was true silence. The shovelling noise that usually pounded against his temples had quieted considerably. He knew who had to thank for that. And he planned to do so tonight.
Finally, when the driver reached Tommy’s hotel, he looked back to May for the first time since he got in her car. “Thank you for the lovely trip. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
May nodded, a scowl evident on her lips. Her eyes, although they looked cold, were tearing up in the corners. Tommy felt horrible. His gut was churning because he knew May was a good woman and she did not deserve this. Finally, she spoke, “I hope she knows…”
When she can’t continue, Tommy does it for her. “She does.”
May nodded quickly before looking at her lap. Tommy took this opportunity to get out of the car and shut the door behind him. He looked through the window and only when the car started it’s ignition over again did May look up with a smile on her face. She waved goodbye to Tommy and he did the same, watching the woman he deeply respected drive away. May was not the woman for him and she deserved someone who truly loved her. Tommy knew he couldn’t give that to her. In fact, he couldn’t give unconditional love to anyone until he got over Grace.
~
Grace’s fingers were cold. As she applied her minimal makeup for the evening, she realized that only the tips of her fingers were colder than the rest of her hands. She placed her brush down and attempted to warm them up by rubbing them together, creating some friction. It only helped a bit but the second she picked up her brush, her fingers turned cold again. She finally realized why they were so cold; she was scared. Scared not only to lie to her husband but also to see Tommy again. They were in public last time and if anything happened, she would be at least a little protected but now they would be alone and although she was excited to see him, she couldn;t understand why he had forgiven her. Tommy Shelby, gang leader, killer and mastermind, had put the past in the past? Although this seemed plausible, she still was unsure. It had been two years, but was that enough time?
“That’s sure a lot of makeup for your aunt.” Clive, her husband, spoke from behind Grace. He came up right behind her and stroked her neck.
Grace could smell the alcohol from behind her. He was drunk, again. “I take pleasure in doing my face, sweetheart.”
In the beginning, Clive was kind. That’s how he wooed her. She was a pitiful mess, still crying over her relationship with Tommy ending and Clive was some type of crutch. He listened. Of course, she couldn’t tell him about Tommy but he had comforted her when she told him she was having a stressful day (code for missing Tommy) and he bought her an exuberant amount of gifts. He flattered her in every way possible and when, after only six months of courting, he asked her to be his wife she gladly accepted. He was nothing like Tommy and he would never compare to her first true love but he did an amazing job at letting her mind wander away from Tommy and to wedding planning. She still wrote Tommy letters. Even as she planned for her wedding and wrote her wedding vows. She knew this was not fair to Clive but she couldn’t help herself. Although she was not cheating on Clive with Tommy physically, she was cheating on him emotionally. He didn’t deserve this and Grace knew it.
Then, three months into their marriage, he would start yelling at her or getting a little too physical with Grace. He would call her dreadful names and push past her way too forceful, but Grace took it because her heart belonged to someone else and this was her punishment for betraying Tommy. When Tommy never responded, she realized he wasn;t reading her letters and she started writing about each harsh word her husband would say or every hurtful action and she felt a small amount of comfort writing everything down. She knew Tommy would never read it and it would eventually be lit on fire or tossed away so there was no harm done. This was a way to vent without speaking to anyone.
When she saw Tommy that evening, her heart jumped to her throat. It was as if her entire life after leaving Birmingham was blurry and finally, Tommy came back to make everything clear again. And, the most surprising bit was that he seemed excited to see her. She was scared to see if he had moved on but the look in his eyes told Grace he hadn’t. It was so comforting for her to see his feelings mirrored hers.
Clive leaned down and kissed her cheek. Grace tried not to gag. While Tommy smelled divine with the smell of tobacco, Clive smelled putrid. “Well, you look beautiful to me.”
Grace forced a smile. “Thank you sweetheart.”
Clive moved away from his wife, stumbling a bit over their large carpet. Grace stopped herself from rolling her eyes. “Have a wonderful time dear.”
And with that, Clive was gone. Probably sleeping off the alcohol in the spare bedroom. Sometimes Grace wondered if there was something she was doing wrong because it seemed as if she was doing something to turn her husband off. Even though she hadn’t done anything yet. This was the first time they spoke all day. She had gotten up at the crack of dawn to go to the horse lessons he pressured her to go to and only now had he awoken from his nap to say hello and she supposed he’d go straight back to bed. She wanted to thank God for giving Tommy to her now but she didn’t want to seem cruel. In her life as of right now, she felt as though there was nothing to live for. She woke up most days disappointed that death hadn’t called her name during the night. But she was thankful tonight that death had been so gracious.
~
Tommy was pacing the room. He had the entire evening planned and yet, here he was, rethinking his entire strategy. He wanted Grace back, that’s what he knew for sure. But did she? Had he mistaken the love in her eyes with greed? It was so hard to tell with Grace sometimes. She was his equal but at the same time, she was almost better than him sometimes. She had tricked the infamous Thomas Shelby, after all. Maybe this was another one of her tricks. Tommy shook his head, trying to stop the shovelling from getting louder and louder. With every passing second, he started to feel as though maybe he had made a mistake. Polly’s voice entered his mind, telling him that this was one of his worst ideas. He had just started to finally get over the woman that lived in his mind, rent free, and now he was about to welcome her into his hotel room to do God knows what. Initially, his mind went to sex. But now, he wasn’t so sure.
KNOCK! KNOCK!
Finally, someone knocked on the door. This stopped Tommy’s mind for a moment. He knew who it was and all the questions that were floating in his mind would be answered soon enough. With one swift movement, Tommy flung the door open, revealing Grace.
“Hello.” She said, a little breathless. Tommy had opened the door so fast that it caught her by surprise just a bit.
It didn’t help Tommy to see how beautiful Grace looked. Once he took off her coat, it revealed a beautiful green dress with sequins covering her shoulders. The dress was long but elegant, stopped right before her ankles. Although a little loose, it still showed off what curves she did have wonderfully. Her makeup, although minimally applied, only enhanced her already dainty features. Her lips were a darker red and it killed Tommy knowing that her lips were right in front of him but he still couldn’t kiss her. If any colour belonged to Grace, it was green. And she knew that too. That’s why she wore it tonight. Tommy knew it would be harder to get upset at her when she looked so beautiful.
“Hello.” Tommy replied coldly, moving to the parlor to sit down on the couch. His legs were growing weak and he knew if he looked at Grace any longer while he stood up, he would surely faint.
Grace quietly followed behind him and took a seat on the couch to the right of him, clutching onto her purse for dear life. Barely any words had been spoken yet she knew they both sensed the tension growing between them. She was right; it would feel different between them when they were alone.
“The horse you saw today,” Grace began, “what did you think of her?” She believed that maybe if they started their conversation off with niceties, then Tommy would feel relaxed enough to speak to her more about their relationship later on.
She was wrong. “She’s a good racing horse, but I doubt she’ll win more than five or six races.” All Tommy could think about while he spoke was the unanswered questions he still had for Grace.
Grace nodded, glancing at her purse then back to Tommy. “Then why did you come all this way to see her?”
Tommy leaned forward, clearly amused that Grace was so interested. He knew what she was trying to accomplish. “I wanted to see with me own eyes if she was truly just that adequate.”
Grace knew that the comment he just made had a double meaning. She bit the inside of her cheek, which was now turning red. “Maybe you came to prove something to yourself.”
Tommy looked at Grace, bemused. “And what would I have to prove?”
Grace shrugged her shoulders, noticing how Tommy’s voice sharpened at her comment. “Maybe that you didn’t need her anymore?”
Tommy chuckled this time. Grace wanted to take it as a good sign but she knew better. Their conversation was just getting started. “You know Grace,” Tommy said, lighting his cigarette for the first time. “I had this entire evening planned out tonight.”
Grace smirked, touching the clip in her hair. “And what did you plan?”
Tommy leaned back on the couch and took a long smoke. Finally, he spoke, “I was gonna tell you how I hadn’t stopped thinking about you. Then, I was gonna forgive you for everything you did and serve you about three whiskeys. Then, I was gonna sleep with you. But, just before you knocked on my door, I decided I wasn’t gonna do that.”
Grace knew Tommy was trying to be hurtful but she still couldn’t help but frown. Although she did frown, she recovered quickly and turned her frown into a scowl. “Really?”
Tommy nodded, taking another long drag of his cigarette. Although Grace indulged in the smell, she also didn’t want to be foolish and think with her heart. If Tommy was going to be hurtful, then so was she.
“What makes you think I would get into bed with you after three whiskeys?” Grace scoffed, glancing toward the cabinet in the corner of the room where a glass full of whiskey and two glasses lay.
Tommy shrugged. “It doesn’t matter. I’ve already decided I don’t want you anymore.”
Grace’s heart hurt. He was purposely trying to hurt her and Grace knew that but it didn’t make her heart hurt any less. “You decided?” Grace said, her voice raising already. When Tommy nodded, she continued. “Well I decided, Tommy, that no whiskey in the world would make me sleep with you. I’m married.”
When Grace brought up her marriage, it angered Tommy. He was yet again reminded of the union she was a part of. His anger turned into hurtful words again. “Then why are you here?”
Grace scoffed, rolling her eyes. “I’m here because -” She couldn’t say why. The reason she was here was because she still loved Tommy. She loved him more than her husband and she would choose him every time. But if she admitted that and Tommy had already moved on, her heart would break forever.
Tommy leaned forward, wanting to hear the reason she came. “Why?”
Grace looked down and shut her eyes. “My husband is a kind man.”
“Christ Grace!” This was not the answer he was looking for and Grace knew it. Tommy couldn’t sit any longer. He felt as if he was going to scream. This was not how he planned for his night with Grace to go. But he had been caught up in his own revenge because she had hurt him, he had forgotten why he truly wanted her to come here in the first place.
Tommy quickly got up from his seat and strode away from Grace and to his room. He had hid some Snow in his luggage and he promised himself he would only use it during a stressful time. This was pretty damn stressful. Before he could properly look through his luggage, Grace entered the room. She stood at the threshold of the door and watched as Tommy haphazardly threw his clothes out of his luggage. She was quite frightened at the sight of a frantic Tommy; a sight she had never seen before.
“Tommy…” Grace said, her voice just above a whisper.
Tommy stopped for a moment and looked to Grace. He knew he was scaring her a bit and he tried calming himself down. His heart was racing. He could barely breathe all because the woman he loved the most would not admit to him that she loved him too.
“Sorry…” Tommy apologized, pushing the mess he made off his bed and onto the floor. He sat down on the edge of his bed, already very tired.
Now Grace was truly scared. Tommy rarely apologized and he definitely would never apologize for something that was not his fault. Finally, Grace stepped into the room and sat beside Tommy. Tentatively, she reached for his hand and he was too tired to pull away.
When she felt him grasp a hold of her hand, she spoke, “Tommy, I’m so sorry.” Tears were sliding down her face so quickly, she barely had time to wipe them away. She didn’t want Tommy to see her cry but it was too late; he already had.
“Just tell me Grace,” Tommy said, his breath already becoming even again just from the simple action of Grace holding his hand. “Why did you come here?”
Grace took a deep breath, looking at the man she couldn’t stop thinking about, even after all those years. “I came because I love you Tommy. I always have.”
Tommy’s heart skipped a beat. Finally, she admitted it. Throughout their relationship, he had harboured the words of Campbell in his heart, telling him that no woman could ever love him. But now, the woman he was in love with loved him too. Tommy was supposed to be a man that never found happiness, but here in that hotel, with the love of his life holding his hand, he had.
Tommy reached up to cup one side of Grace’s face. She was looking down at her lap but the second Tommy’s hand touched her cheek, they made eye contact. Slowly but surely, Tommy leaned forward and connected his lips with hers. It was as if those two years meant nothing. He felt as if they were back in the chapel, where they shared their first kiss. No time had passed and their lips rejoiced at the sensation of being connected again.
When they broke, Tommy finally spoke. “I love you.” His lips were burning and the pit of his stomach was fluttering like a school boy but he didn’t show it. With his jaw set, he didn’t give Grace time to speak before he pressed his lips back on her own.
Once again, minutes later, Grace broke the kiss this time and spoke to him. “I need you Tommy.”
Tommy nodded, his eyes boring into her own. He leaned down once again and this time, as he kissed her passionately, his hand roamed to her back where the zipper of her dress was. As they made love that night, they spoke nothing of the future, only soft “I love you’s”and grunts of each other's name. There was no talk of the future or Grace’s husband. Tommy didn’t want to think of what would happen afterward. He didn’t want to imagine Grace still going back to her husband after this. He just wanted to savour this moment with her, focusing on the positive for once in his life. Finally, when they both reached their ends, Grace was the first to speak.
“That lady, May. Is she yours?” Grace reached for the bedding to cover her and Tommy. She lay on his chest as he lay on his back. The sound of his heartbeat calmed her in ways she couldn’t explain.
Tommy shook his head. “She doesn’t deserve me.” The shoveling had stopped completely. Finally, he could truly rest.
“Tommy Shelby,” Grace taunted, smiling widely at the man she loved so very much. “You are like this city that never sleeps. Get some rest and when you wake up, I will show you what you deserve.”
Tommy smiled genuinely. For the first time in two years, the silence comforted him. He was with the only woman he loved and for now, everything was perfect.