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He had always been there, witnessing bits and pieces of their relationship as if watching a romantic drama. He was there when they were just mere friends, happy playing tag and wrestling in the garden. He was there when the friendship started blooming into something more, something new, and he was there when they reached their full bloom. He had seen the glances, the smiles, the small touches, had heard the merry laughs and the giggles.
He had always been there, had seen all, and yet.. he still couldn't understand. Couldn't understand just what made Hakyeon so special in Taekwoon's eyes that he would suddenly neglect Sanghyuk himself. Couldn't understand what Hakyeon had he didn't seem to have, couldn't see the reason why Taekwoon would play with him less and spend more time in Hakyeon's room instead whenever he went over. Couldn't understand why Taekwoon gradually started to focus solely on Hakyeon, why they needed to meet up under favour of the night, why they looked so-- so fond of each other.
"You'll understand when you get a little older, Sanghyuk-ah," Hakyeon would pat his head affectionately each time he questioned.
"And when will that be, hyung?"
"When you stop being a child," Taekwoon answered one time, eyes a bit annoyed, and that was enough for ten-year-old Sanghyuk to stop asking.
It hurt, for some reason. He never wanted to be someone who made Taekwoon annoyed, for he knew the cold of his stare, which then, directed at him, froze all of his being.
*
"They're dating, obviously," Hongbin enlightened him during a gaming session of theirs. "Why? Are you jealous?" he laughed, mercilessly finishing Sanghyuk's character off.
Sanghyuk huffed.
Jealous .. He wasn't jealous, per se, he was just annoyed that his own brother and his favourite hyung couldn't tell him the truth-- no, couldn’t tell him anything . Sanghyuk felt betrayed. And when he thought more about it, when he thought more about the soft smiles Taekwoon only seemed to reserve for Hakyeon, when he thought more about Taekwoon's hands being intertwined with Hakyeon's, when he thought about the high possibility of them kissing-- yes, Sanghyuk might have had been a little jealous.
And by the time he became fourteen, he knew he had the largest crush on his brother's boyfriend.
*
He had always been there, so it was only natural that he was also there when the flower that was Taekwoon and Hakyeon's love started to wither. He saw Taekwoon's downcast eyes, saw the worried lines between Hakyeon's eyebrows, heard the troubled sighs, the heartbroken sobs. He was also there when Hakyeon closed the door after Taekwoon for the last time.
"I'm sorry Sanghyuk-ah, Taekwoon will not be coming over anymore. You can still be friends with him, though, I know you liked him. I just--" Sanghyuk had never seen or heard Hakyeon cry that hard in all his fifteen years of life, so he hugged the older close as he cried, and he hoped to dear god at least Taekwoon was okay, that at least Taekwoon wasn't crying.
He hoped, that out of anyone, anywhere, at least Taekwoon had a peaceful night.
And Han Sanghyuk, at the age of fifteen, learnt what it felt like to love someone who was in pain that night.