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All around him was endless, bottomless darkness. It envelops, embraces Levi, offering him a chance of release, a gift of rest.
And he is ready, he is so ready to finally succumb to it. To close his eyes and let go of all his sorrows and heartbreaks.
He is so tired…
But suddenly, he hears a voice. A voice, achingly familiar, even though he can’t remember to whom it belonged to, can’t recall the face of its owner.
Stay with me, ‘cause you’re all I need…
Levi startles. He knows that voice, he knows that words, remembers the song, which was sang in the moments of deepest despair and grief.
His mind begins to fill with unwanted, painful memories…
He remembers feeling broken, completely shattered. He remembers insufferable pain and immense grief as the faces of the ones under his command, the ones he trusted and believed in, the ones he lost, were refusing to leave his mind. He remembers lying in his bed, trying and failing to hold in his quiet sobs.
He remembers a warm, comforting hand, which was caressing his shoulder. He remembers that same voice, mumbling the words of the same song into his skin.
And then, another image flashes in Levi’s mind.
He remembers a figure, hunched over someone’s bed. He can’t see their face, can just make out the outline of their brown-haired head, and the voice that whispers the words of the song into the fabric of someone’s brown leather jacket.
As Levi quietly approaches the figure, they raise their head. Levi still can’t see their face, but tears in their eyes and their shaking whisper breaks Levi’s heart.
“Mike isn’t going back home, is he?”
Levi tries to come closer, wants to touch them and soothe their pain, but he can’t. As soon as he takes a step closer, the memory changes again.
Now he stands in front of a crowd of faceless, unknown soldiers.
Their attention, same as Levi’s, is directed at the figure in the center. Levi sees a tall, proud silhouette, their head is raised high as they speak of “how much of an honor it was to serve under late Commander Erwin Smith, how much they’ve learned from him, and how they hope they wouldn’t let him down, when serving as his successor.” Their voice is confident and loud, it carries through the whole parade ground.
Their hands, hidden behind their back, are shaking.
The memory changes once more, and Levi isn’t at all surprised to see himself standing on graveyard.
The same figure, the same familiar silhouette, which Levi still can’t put a name on, kneels in front of a tombstone. One hand clutches a bouquet of pink lilies, while the other squeezes the tombstone so tightly, their knuckles are as white, as the stone beneath them.
They quietly sing the same song. From time to time, it is interrupted with broken sobs and hiccups.
They turn their head, sensing Levi behind them.
Levi still can’t see their face.
“I brought lilies,” they began. Levi can hear a wistful, sad smile on their lips. But his eyes can’t see it. “They were Erwin’s favorite, I remember how he always smiled when he saw them. I guess, they reminded him of someone, but he never told me about it.”
Marie, Levi suddenly remembers. He remembers seeing that woman briefly a couple of times. Remembers, how in one hand she carried a bouquet of pink lilies, while her other was holding the hand of a tall and dark-haired man. Remembers seeing the sad look on the usual stoic face of his friend.
“I’ve never asked what flowers were Moblit’s favorites,” the figure beside him continues. A bitter laugh rips from their lips. It is a horrible, broken sound and Levi’s hands are itching to hold them close, to hide them in his hands and never let go. “He had done so much for me, sacrificed his life for me, and I’ve never even asked what flowers he liked.”
“They left us, Levi, even they left me. Oh god, what am I going to do now?”
Levi’s heart breaks, shatters into a million pieces, as he watches the figure in front of him crying. He feels their pain, suffers from an unbearable amount of guilt and grief, which settles over his shoulders and refuses to leave.
He can’t remember that person, even their name still eludes him, but Levi knows with an iron certainty that they’re important to him, that he cares about them deeply, that he loves them.
And then, he hears that song again.
Stay with me, cause you’re all I need…
The voice calls him, and as Levi tries to reach its call, he knows that he has to, must, answer them.
Levi knows that this person needs him, desperately so, and a moment later another realization hits him: he needs them too. Whoever they are, even if Levi can’t remember their face, their goddamn name, he knows that he can’t let them go, can’t leave them all alone in this cruel world.
And so Levi breaks out from the comforting embrace of the darkness, gets away from the greedy hands of the death itself.
It hurts, it hurts so much, it seems like every part of his body is on fire, every cell of his organism aches and protests, but Levi doesn’t give up.
He has to come back, he has to come back to her.
And slowly, painfully slowly, Levi comes back to his senses.
He can’t open his eyes yet, but he feels the droplets of cold rain on his face. He feels warm and trembling hands on his chest. And he hears that familiar voice, singing a song that brought him an inapprehensible amount of pain every time he heard it. He hears a voice, so well-known, so loved.
Stay with me, cause you’re all I need…
The voice is desperate, broken, the uncontrolled sobs mixing with quiet whispering.
Hange, Levi suddenly remembers.
His mind begins to fill with a dozen, hundreds, thousands of memories.
He remembers a boisterous laugh and loud voice, he remembers a smirk on a face and teasing words, he remembers soft voice in the darkness of the night, whispering secrets into the crook of Levi’s neck, he remembers screams of rage and the fire inside brown eyes, he remembers a stone-cold stare and unwavering voice as it shouts commands during battle, he remembers gentle smile and even gentler gaze as this voice spoke of love and devotion.
He remembers a wistful, sad smile and quiet words as the same voice spoke of a future, of a quiet, peaceful life, spent together.
Hange.
How could he even think of leaving her, when just her name fills his heart with so much longing, with so much love?
“Hange,” Levi tries to call.
His voice is too weak, too quiet to be heard in the thunderous sounds of rain.
But Hange’s sobs stop, as her gaze focuses on his face.
“Levi!” she starts crying again, but this time it’s out of relief.
Levi opens his eyes, his eye, and looks at Hange. She looks like a mess – hair wet and sticking to her face, glasses fogged, face red and swollen from crying.
She’s still the most beautiful person Levi had ever seen.
“You bastard!” Hange’s presses her face into his wet and bloodied shirt. Almost like an instinct, Levi’s healthy hand comes to caress her hair. “You scared me so much, Levi. I thought I lost you too. I don’t know if I could continue alone.”
“I’m here,” Levi reassures, his fingers tangling in Hange’s messy locks. “I’ll never leave you, Hange. I’ll stay with you,” he promises, and his words sound louder than the merciless rain. “Always.”