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Shrek in the MCU

Summary:

It is exactly what the title says. Shrek finds himself in the MCU, with the Avengers. Together, Shrek and the Avengers defeat Thanos in a comical way. Enjoy!

Notes:

Alright so let's set some things straight. I do not own Shrek or the Avengers or Thanos or any other movie character that is listed. Also this is an AU where Shrek finds himself in the MCU and it takes place after Infinity War. This really doesn't have Endgame spoilers in case you haven't watched it, but rather it's based off a fan theory. Anyway on to the story!

Work Text:

  A long time ago, in a galaxy far away. Wait, no, that's not the right story. Let me begin again. Not very long ago in a park near the Avengers Tower, there was a portal-type thing that randomly appeared and out of it came a green ogre and his donkey. Now this ogre and donkey did not want to randomly fall out of a portal and into a park in Manhattan, no they rather be in a swamp outside the Kingdom of Far Away. When they first appeared, the ogre started screaming at random people "WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY SWAMP!!!" Of course, this terrified the New Yorkers. Eventually the ogre, made it onto local news which brought it to the attention of the Avengers.
   "Tony, you need to check this out," Steve Rogers said, as he showed Tony Stark the news segment  from earlier in the afternoon, that showed the ogre screaming at people.
   "Odd, but not impossible. I mean we are in New York, people have been known to weird things like this before," Tony replied.
    "Are you absolutely 100 percent sure that this has nothing to do with defeating Thanos?" Steve asked.
   "I'm sure this will have nothing to do with reversing the snap," Tony said as he went back to being a depressed Iron Dad because he lost, Peter, his Spider-Son in the snap.
   A few moments later Thor came into Avengers Tower with the green ogre and talking donkey. "I found a talking donkey and smaller Hulk while I was walking in the park," Thor said to the other Avengers.
   "My name is Shrek and this is Donkey, and I've got a few questions for you! What we're you doing in my swamp and where am I?" The ogre named Shrek exclaimed.
  "Tony told me I should stop playing Fortnite, so I am went to the park," Thor answered.
   "DonKAE! Why did you follow him?" Shrek asked.
    "He looked cool so I followed him," the donkey answered.
   "You midgardians are funny," Thor said to Shrek and Donkey, while the other Avengers looked concerned.
   At this point Bruce and Scott entered your room to become face to face with the ogre and donkey. "Who are you?" Scott asked.
"I'm Shrek and this is DonKAE," Shrek replied.
"Listen here you Oaf, unless you're going to help us defeat Thanos and reverse the snap, you can leave now," Tony said to Shrek and Donkey.
"You've got your problems and I've got mine. But we're not supposed to be here and I don't even know where we are. We came from a swamp outside the Kingdom if Far Away. Maybe we can make a deal where you help us get back to where we belong and we'll help you defeat this Thanos guy," Shrek replied.
Upon hearing this, Tony and the rest of the Avengers explained Thanos and the rest of their predicament to Shrek and Donkey. They also shared their plans for how to defeat Thanos.
"Well time travel wont work," Shrek said to the Avengers.
"What do you mean it won't work? We have done plenty of research with the quantum realm to know that it is possible," Bruce said to Shrek.
"Yeah I've been to the quantum realm already," Scott said.
"Well I don't think it will work," Shrek said. "I think you need to kill him and steal the gauntlet you were talking about."
   "And how do you suppose we do that?" Tony asked.
   "I'm not sure but I'll figure something out once I meet the guy," Shrek said. And with that, the avengers and Shrek left to go kill Thanos and steal the Infinity Gauntlet.
    Upon arriving at Thanos' farm, and having a look at the nasty giant Raisin, Shrek said, "We need to have a surprise attack to defeat this guy."
   "Okay so what is your plan," Natasha asked.
   "You can shrink right?" Shrek asked Scott.
    "Yes and become giant," Scott replied.
    "Okay so my plan is to have him, shrink down and go up Thanos' ass. Once inside the ass, he will expand thus causing Thanos to explode and die, leaving us to get the Infinity Gauntlet."
   "Sounds like a great plan," Clint said.
    The avengers all gathered around and made a sling shot that would launch tiny Ant Man into Thanos' ass when he was bent over. All they needed to do was wait for Thanos to come into sight and their plan would all fall into place.
"Ready Lang?" Steve asked as small Scott got into position on the sling shot.
"As ready as I'll ever be," Scott said as he was putting on some goggles.
"We'll see you on the other side," Bruce said as they positioned Scott for launch.
"5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Go!" The Avengers said as they sent Ant Man on his Journey into Thanos' ass.
Once inside Thanos, Scott did as the plan said and grew into a giant. That caused Thanos to explode into millions of pieces. The explosion sent the gauntlet flying and it landed towards the Avengers.
Tony picked up the gauntlet and snapped. The snap sent Shrek and Donkey back, as well as bringing back Peter, Stephen and everyone else who was lost in Thanos' snap.
__________________
"Guys, I had the strangest dream last night," Scott said as he walked into the room where the rest of the Avengers were sitting.
"What was it," Steve asked.
"Well, Thor went to the park and met an ogre named Shrek, and his talking donkey. They wanted to get back home so they said they'd help us defeat Thanos. Shrek didn't like our time travel idea, so we took him to where Thanos was and he told us his idea. His idea was for me to shrink down and then be flung into Thanos' ass by using a sling shot. Once inside I was to then expand which would cause Thanos to explode. We thought the idea would work so I shrunk down and you guys launched me into his ass. Then I expanded causing him to explode and it sent the gauntlet to you guys. Tony, then picked up the gauntlet and snapped it again and it sent Shrek and his donkey back, and it brought back everyone. I know it's a weird idea, but it might work! What do you think?" Scott explained.
Scott's explanation was met with disgusted looks from the rest of the Avengers.
"What the fuck, Lang?" Tony said.
"We actually listened to an Ogre?" Natasha questioned.
"I think we better stick, with the time travel," Bruce said as he patted Scott on the back.
"You midguardians have hilarious ideas," Thor chuckled.
"I agree with Bruce, time travel would be much better than that," Steve said.
And with that, all the Avengers thought that Scott Lang had a horrible idea based off an insane dream. I mean come on, who was going to go through with a plan that involved going up someone's ass and exploding them, especially when the idea came from a dream ogre?