Work Text:
OKAY
“And if anything happens, you have Dr. Loreto’s number, right Jarvis?” Pepper asked for the tenth time.
“I have the number of all individuals, including classified ones of FBI and secret government officials Miss Potts.”
Pepper sighed. “Well, then I should leave I guess.” She picked up her bag, then turned around and looked in the air. “Do we have anti-anxiety drugs in the house Jarvis? Something like Alprax? If Tony has a nightmare…”
“Do not worry Miss Potts. Dr Loreto advised them and I have already procured them from the online pharmacy.”
“What about food? He hasn’t eaten well all these days.. let me check the fridge again..”
“The food is well stocked with cheeseburgers.”
“That’s not enough. He’ll need milk.”
“Milk cartons are available too.”
“And for the morning..”
“Miss Potts, do you wish me to ask Dum-E and U to ready up the spare bedroom of the house? It’s 2 and you’re still here, and Mr. Stark is occupying the bed you slept in.. so..”
“Mute.” Said Pepper, a little subdued. She looked around a little restlessly, then threw her bag on the couch and sat down, holding her head in her hands.
Tony might have come back- but his battle, and her own, were far from over.
Don’t take it wrong, she was happy to see him- happy being an understatement, though. She had cried with relief the previous night when Colonel James Rhodes had told her that Tony had been found, and was coming back home. Her tears hadn’t stopped flowing since that minute, and even though she had been far more at peace than she had been in the last three months, a strange kind of anxiety had also grappled her- one that had not been relieved even after she had been in her comfort zone of the last three months- Tony’s bed.
The aftermath of her realizations in the last 3 months had to now be dealt with. Where do I go from here, she wondered.
She had never been a stranger to the acoustics between Tony and herself. Over the last 8 years, they had walked the tight rope of professionalism, or so they had claimed when they wanted to cover up their vulnerabilities. 8 years of working together, witnessing parts of each other’s lives that no one else was privy to, taking care of each other (Yes, for all his jackass ways, Tony indeed had a caring side to him and she would always vouch for it), they had realised that they were bound to each other in a different sort of way. Life without the other seemed unimagineable, not just for Tony, who was totally dependent on her for everything starting from his morning coffee to the affairs of his company, but also for Pepper herself, who felt her life would be purposeless and bland if Tony wasn’t in it with his smug crinkled smile, irritating ways and warm chocolate eyes, throwing a generous compliment here, a tender word there that went against the impenetrable image he showed everyone.
For 8 years, they had done this dance- banter bordering on flirting, commanding each other with a sense of familiarity and right, skirting through the physical attraction- and finally denying it with the excuse of professionalism and a fear of the unknown. The last 3 months however- had exposed all her feelings open for what they really were. Days had gone by in taking care of his company, his biggest asset and legacy, convincing media and shareholders that he would come back- even as her heart wept inside. Night had gone by lying on his bed, on the side he usually slept in, trying to feel his presence there. Some days she strolled in the workshop at night, throwing herself on the couch there and talking to Dum-E and U, looking at old videos of him blowing up stuff, laughing till she ended up crying. Most nights, however, she prayed- prayed for him to be returned to her.
“And if he comes back, this time I won’t lose my chance. I shall tell him what I feel.”
She shuddered a little, as it washed over her all over again. Back in the present, Pepper looked up to in the direction of Tony’s bedroom. It had been six hours since he had returned- and all six hours had gone by in a blur. The conference, the aftermath, the short interrogation by the FBI and finally coming back home for a full scan by Jarvis- for that new thing on his chest he had told her about when he denied going to the hospital. Indeed, the scan had been the only thing that had shaken her out of her contented sight of just watching Tony be, and letting it sink in, that yes, he was in front of her and very much alive. And even though she had rushed to Tony with a worried look and eyes full of questions, he had simply buttoned up his shirt and quietly asked for dinner.
Yes, quietly. He had been so quiet ever since he came back that it hurt. It didn’t feel like her Tony at all. He seemed.. reflective. Shaken up. Beat up.
Maybe Stane was right. Maybe he WAS suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It hurt her to think of what they had done to him in that cave, and what all he wasn’t telling her.
XXXXXXX
She tiptoed to his bedroom, turning the door slowly so as not to wake him up. In the light of the tiny lamp next to his bed, she could see him lying on his stomach, one arm under it and his face turned to that side, the other in a sling extended away. The yellowish orange light fell on his face, casting a soft glow. She sat down by his bed, looking at him. He seemed to be in deep sleep, his face relaxed, his eyes motionless, his breathing deep and regular. And yet Pepper wondered if he was calm inside, or had nightmares been plaguing him before she came in.
She closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths, reminding herself to be grateful for what she had now. Everything might not be completely okay, but Tony was back, she told herself, trying to let it sink in. He was back home to her, for her to harangue and make him sign files and run around forcing food and milk down his throat and coerce to attend meetings. He was all that mattered.
She hesitated a bit, then grazed his cheek lightly with her thumb. He did not wince or wake up, and that emboldened her to run her hand softly along his cheek, the outline of his goatee, his forehead. She smoothed and flicked away some of the hair on his forehead, and looked at him for long moments, until she finally bent down, and softly let her lips touch his forehead. A soft, lingering kiss, almost as if forbidden.
She did not let go of him, placing her arms on his shoulder, and her face close to him, quietly hugging him to herself. Her gentle sobs shook her body, and she tried hard not to make a noise. A few minutes later, she controlled herself into calming down, and as she always did, focussed on the present.
Tony in her arms. Tony with her. Really and truly. Her Tony.
She let it sink in as she held him close, breathing in his smell, touching the soft texture of his bed clothes and the curls of his hair. He was back, and she wouldn’t let him go now. Life was good. Life was not back to normal, but with both of them together again, it would soon be.
She straightened herself up, looked at him again for a long while, then silently switched off the lamp and walked out.
XXXXXXXX
She had changed out of her formal clothes and was adjusting the pillows in the spare bedroom when she saw someone at the door.
“Tony? When did you wake up?” she asked, concerned and inwardly scared for something that she couldn’t explain.
“Just now.” He replied. “Had a weird dream.”
“Dream?” she asked. “Nightmare?”
“Nope, just a weird dream.” He saw her face filled with worry and gave her a small smile. “Don’t worry, I’ll be okay. I just got up for a snack and saw the lights on. You.. you didn’t go home?”
“I got stuck answering some emails.” She said. “Thanks to your little stunt, I’m back on full duty now.”
He grinned back at her. “Well, I needed to make sure that I recover three months salary worth of work from you. Money doesn’t grow on trees, after all, Miss Potts.”
“Aaah!” she smiled. “I learn a little bit everyday on how you have built your assets.” She walked to the door. “But seriously, tell me something Tony.”
He looked up at her, knowing what she wanted to know, things that he wasn’t in a position to explain to her. Not yet, anyway. Eventually he would, since she was a part of his life and he had never kept any secrets from her. If he meant to make a change in his life, she had to be part of it too. In fact, he had to start with making a change towards her…
But not right now. Right now there was too much going on and it was just too.. overwhelming.. all at once.
Right now, all they needed.. yes.. both of them.. was assurance.
“Tony,” she said seriously. “Is everything okay?”
He smiled. He could never lie to her. In what would be the first of many, he tenderly took hold of both her hands and brought them closer to himself.
She looked him in the eyes, waiting for an answer, fear writ large.
“No.” he said truthfully. “Everything’s not okay. But we’ll deal with it together, as we’ve always done, right?”
His half smile lit up his eyes, and she couldn’t help herself from smiling too.
Yes. Yes indeed. Always. Till the end of time. Because you’re all I have.
“Unless you’re planning to stab me in the middle of the night after hearing me snore in the next room.”
“Yeah that thought did cross my mind”, she replied, a grin crossing her face. “But I have no wish to go hunting for a new job right now, so noise cancelling earphones it is, then!”
He grinned back, and squeezed her hands. “Thanks, for..” He said, looking at her eyes, a dreamy, vulnerable look in them, and for a second Pepper thought he would kiss her, or hug her maybe. But he looked down at their hands, and the moment was broken. “I really needed that.” He said. He left her hands and stepped away. “Go to sleep, and I’ll try to sleep too.”
She nodded, and went back to arranging her stuff. His words echoed in her ears.
“Thanks for.. I really needed that.”
“Needed what Tony?” she turned. He was still standing at the door, looking at her. Then he shook his head, looked down, and when he looked up, there was a hint of a smile on his face.
“Good night, Miss Potts.”
And he turned and walked away.
Yeah, he was back. And there was plenty of time for long heartfelt conversations, to share their truths and fears and to fulfil the promises he had made to himself. It would be okay, as long as she was there by his side.
Pepper. His amazing, beloved Pepper. The one and only. She was all he had.
Tonight she deserved a peaceful sleep.
XXXXXXXXXX