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Makes You Happy

Summary:

It had been easier in high school, when he had Hinata. Hinata was the warm ray of sunshine beaming through the dark storm cloud that was Tobio Kageyama. He could make friends with anyone instantly, and since Kageyama was his best friend, Hinata’s were his friends by extension.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

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“Kageyama! Akiu and I are heading to the cafeteria. Wanna come?”

Souma Oyasu’s hair was long, but not long enough to pull up into a full ponytail. He played middle blocker and he liked his sets high and close to the net. After six months of playing volleyball together, that was about all Kageyama knew about his teammate. They weren’t friends.

He replied the way he always did. “I have to go home and feed my cat.”

He didn’t hang out with his teammates outside of practice. They only invited him out of obligation, really, because it would be rude not to. Oyasu didn’t actually like him, he was pretty sure. On the court was one thing. Kageyama was a good setter. An asset to the team. Off the court, though, he was quiet and standoffish. He knew how he came across.

It wasn’t like he tried to be that way. He just didn’t know how not to be. It had been easier in high school, when he had Hinata. Hinata was the warm ray of sunshine beaming through the dark storm cloud that was Tobio Kageyama. He could make friends with anyone instantly, and since Kageyama was his best friend, Hinata’s were his friends by extension.

More than best friends now , Kageyama thought to himself with a smile as he unlocked his door. He pushed his way inside and knelt down to take off his shoes. He was greeted by a meow and a soft head-butt to the shin.

“Hi, Kaede,” he said, stroking the orange tabby between her ears. “Are you hungry?”

After he poured a scoop of kibble into Kaede’s dish, Kageyama prepared his own dinner, ate in silence, and washed up. This had been his routine for the last six months, and at this point it was more muscle memory than motivation keeping him moving. It probably wouldn’t be so bad, he thought, to get dinner with Oyasu and Akiu once in a while, as long as they talked about volleyball. Kageyama didn’t have much to say on any other topics.

Once his dishes were drying on the rack, Kageyama fell onto the sofa, exhausted, and pulled out his phone. He hit the lock button and the screen lit up with a picture of Hinata, his head back laughing. His arm was curled around Kageyama, who was hiding his face in Hinata’s neck. Yachi had taken it a few weeks back, when they’d gone to the beach with their old classmates. Tsukishima had called them embarrassing, but Yachi said they were cute and insisted on taking their picture despite Kageyama’s protests. He ended up liking the picture anyway and asking Yachi to send it to him. Looking at it now made his heart ache.

Hinata was the first contact in his phone. He answered on the second ring.

“Hey you,” he said loudly over the chatter in the background.

“Shouyou, is that your boyfriend?” Kageyama heard somebody say.

“Shut up, Yuuki. I’m going out to the hallway, don’t eat my pudding.”

There was the sound of a door closing and the background noise dropped.

“Sorry about that,” Hinata said.  “I was hanging out with the team.”

“Am I interrupting?”

“Never. What are you doing?”

“Nothing. Sitting at home.”

“Alone?”

Kaede hopped up onto the sofa next to Kageyama and began to knead at his thigh.  “Yeah.”

“What are you wearing?”

“Fuck off.”

Hinata laughed and it made Kageyama’s chest feel warm.

“You guys having fun?” he asked.

“Yeah, we’re just watching highlights from our last game. Yuuki’s probably in there eating my pudding though.”

“Want me to beat him up for you?”

“Yes.”

“They still giving you grief about me?”

Hinata huffed.  “I tell you. You show up late for the second day of a volleyball tournament, sore, after not returning to the hotel with the team the night before one time …”

Kageyama laughed.  “I’ll beat them all up.”

“You better. I already warned them you would.”

Kageyama scratched Kaede’s neck and she purred happily.  “I want to visit you this weekend,” he said.

“Really?”

“Yeah. That’s okay, right?”

“Of course.”

“Good.”

“Kageyama? Is everything okay?”

“I’m fine,” Kageyama said.  “I just miss you.”

 


 

Hinata looked good like this, lying on his back, pupils blown wide, hands pinned above his head. Kageyama would have been happy to just stare at him, if it weren’t for the very pressing matter of the patch of skin just below his ear begging to be sucked on. Hinata whined softly at Kageyama’s lips against his neck, and oh god , he had no idea what those noises did to him.

It was his first time visiting Hinata at his university, and so far he had yet to see anything outside his dorm room. He was okay with that. More than okay, when Hinata’s hips bucked up into his.

Kageyama moved on from Hinata’s neck to his lips, coaxing them open with his tongue. “I love you,” he whispered into Hinata’s open mouth. Hinata replied with a groan and captured Kageyama’s lower lip between his teeth.

He knew Hinata loved him back, even though he still hadn’t said those three words in that order. Kageyama had said it a hundred times, and Hinata usually answered with a “Me too” or an “I know” or with desperate, hungry kisses, and Kageyama was happy with any of those responses.

“Kageya-wha,” Hinata bit out, Kageyama’s lips still caught between his teeth. “I wanna touch you.”

Kageyama released his wrists, and in an instant his hands were under Kageyama’s shirt, riding up his back. Kageyama’s own hands wandered down to Hinata’s zipper.

“Wait,” Hinata said, breaking the kiss.

“What’s wrong?”

“We can’t,” Hinata panted.

Kageyama groaned and buried his face in Hinata’s neck.

“Sorry,” Hinata said.  “Matsu’s gonna be back soon.”

“It’s fine,” Kageyama grunted, rolling onto his back beside his boyfriend.

Hinata pressed his forehead to Kageyama’s shoulder.  “You okay?”

“I will be. Give me a minute.”

Kageyama pinched his eyes closed and tried to picture short blond hair and black-framed glasses and an arrogant smirk. Tsukishima’s face was better than a cold shower when he needed to cool off.

“You won’t have this problem once you meet Matsu,” Hinata assured him, tucking himself into Kageyama’s side.  “Instant boner killer.”

“You mean your roommate doesn’t give you a boner?”

“Shut up, Kageyama.”

“I came all this way to fight him. Are you saying I wasted my time?”

Hinata reached across Kageyama’s body to grab his hand.  “No, you can still fight him.”

“Is he that bad?”

“He’s the worst. You were so smart to live alone.”

Kageyama hummed softly. He didn’t think having a roommate would be so bad. Even with school and volleyball practice, Kageyama had had more conversations with his cat than with actual human beings since he started college. He would’ve thought having a roommate would be easy for Hinata. He was funny and outgoing and people liked him.

“Didn’t you two get along fine when you first moved in?” he asked.

“There have been new developments since then.”

“What kind of developments?”

Hinata was quiet for a moment. Then he leaned in and licked a long wet stipe against Kageyama’s neck. Kageyama let out an embarrassing squeal and Hinata laughed delightedly.

“You’re evading the question!” Kageyama accused.

Hinata rolled over so he was straddling Kageyama’s hips.  “I’m evading your face!”

“That doesn’t make sense.”

“Your face doesn’t make sense!”

Kageyama squeezed his hand.  “Listen, you.”

The two were in the midst of a heated thumb war when Hinata’s door swung open and a light-haired man stumbled in lugging a large trombone case. He looked at the two of them and scowled.

“Get a room,” he muttered.

“This is my room,” Hinata shot back.

“Well as long as you share it with me, do you mind keeping your weird shit out of it?”

Hinata rolled his eyes.  “We’re not even doing anything. I have to listen to you and your girlfriend make out all the time. And FYI, you use too much tongue. There’s no way she likes that.”

“Stop listening to us, you pervert.”

Hinata sighed.  “Kageyama, meet Matsu. Matsu, this is my boyfriend , Tobio Kageyama.”

Matsu cringed, and Kageyama got the distinct feeling that he was the development Hinata mentioned earlier.

“Disgusting,” Matsu muttered under his breath.

Kageyama looked at Hinata, who shrugged half-heartedly. It wasn’t like him to react that way. Hinata was usually assertive and defensive. How long had his roommate been hostile towards him if he was resigned to this kind of treatment?

Kageyama pushed himself off the bed and rose to his full height in front of Matsu. Matsu’s eyes widened. Kageyama knew he could be intimidating, especially when he towered over someone the way he did Hinata’s roommate.

Matsu coughed gruffly and sat down at his desk, acting as if he hadn’t noticed Kageyama.

“Shouyou, let’s go out,” Kageyama said.

“Sure,” Hinata replied, his eyes sparkling.

He grabbed a volleyball off the floor and led his boyfriend to the door.  “You’re so hot,” he said fondly.

Matsu didn’t say a word.

 


 

“One more,” Hinata panted.

He was doubled over, his hands on his knees. Kageyama gazed at a bead of sweat that ran down the side of his neck. He swallowed thickly.

“Mind out of the gutter, Kageyama, let’s go.”

“Shut up,” Kageyama replied, ducking under the net to retrieve the ball.

The gym was occupied, but Kansai had an outdoor court they could practice on. It was just a fenced-in slab of concrete with a net, really. There weren’t even lines painted on it. But a net was all they needed.

Hinata was out of breath and had already skinned his knees a few times from landing on the concrete, but it seemed he never got tired of spiking Kageyama’s sets. Kageyama didn’t mind, because he felt the same way. He liked playing with his team at Waseda, but there was no one he trusted like Hinata to always be exactly where he needed him.

“Here,” Kageyama said, tossing Hinata the ball and getting in ready position.

Hinata lobbed him the ball and sprinted forward. He sprung into the air as soon as the ball hit Kageyama’s fingertips. He set high to meet Hinata’s jump.

Hinata’s leaps were the kind that silenced auditoriums full of people. Kageyama was sure it was a sight to behold from the stands, but few people got to see it from his position. You had to be on the court with him to see Hinata’s jump from below. Arm extended and feet raised high in the air behind him, Hinata’s knees cleared even Kageyama’s height. From below, Hinata looked like a giant.

He slammed the ball across the net and it landed on the concrete with a heavy thud just before Hinata’s sneakers hit the ground beside Kageyama.

“That felt good,” he said, gasping for air.  “One more.”

“You said that last time,” Kageyama replied with a grin.  “At least catch your breath first.”

“I can’t help it,” Hinata said.  “Nobody’s sets feel as right as yours.”

“I resent that,” came a voice from behind them.

They turned around to see two men standing outside the chain link fence, one around Kageyama’s height with unruly dark brown hair, and the other a giant with hair so blond it almost looked silver. Kageyama recognized them from the last time his team played Hinata’s.

The blond he remembered because of his daunting height and powerful spike. The brunette, he remembered because he’d been very handsy with Hinata during that game. He knew it had been a tactic to distract him, but Kageyama still felt uneasy.

“Practicing on our day off?” the handsy brunette said.  “I should’ve known you couldn’t go a day without playing volleyball.”

“And you two are just out for a leisurely stroll?” Hinata shot back, eyeing the volleyball that was tucked under the taller man’s arm.

The brunette shrugged.  “You caught us.”

“Aren’t you gonna introduce us to your boyfriend, Lütter ?” the taller man asked in a thick German accent.

Kageyama tensed.  “He has a pet name for you?” he asked in a hushed voice.

Hinata rolled his eyes.  “He has one for everybody. Don’t worry, it’s not that cute. He’s making fun of my height or something.”

Kageyama relaxed a little. It was probably fine. He had no reason to be territorial.

“Guys, you know Kageyama,” Hinata said, as his friends stepped onto the court.  “Futamata is our first string setter,” he said, gesturing to the brunette.  “And Koch is here because Germany didn’t want him.”

Koch grinned.  “ Lütter here is jealous because I’m the ace.”

“I’m jealous because you’re Goliath,” Hinata corrected.  “It makes me want to sling rocks at your head. Don’t tempt me, Koch.”

“Always so feisty,” Futamata said, ruffling Hinata’s hair affectionately.  “Kageyama, mind if I set a few for him?”

Kageyama clenched his fist to stop himself from snatching Futamata by the wrist.

“It’s fine,” he muttered.

“What? No!” Hinata said, shaking Futamata’s hand off his head.  “I practice with you every day. Go over there!”

Hinata gestured toward the net and Futamata raised his hands in surrender. Kageyama secretly gloated.

“I get it,” Futamata said, crossing the net.  “The one who sucks your dick gets first dibs. Fair’s fair.”

Hinata’s face turned red and Koch barked out a laugh as he followed Futamata to the other side of the court.

“Two on two then,” he said. “The two of us against you and the wunderkind .”

“He has a nickname for me too?” Kageyama whispered.

“Don’t worry, that one’s a compliment.”

“You start, Schietbüdel ,” Koch said, tossing Futamata the ball he’d been holding.

Kageyama looked at Hinata.

“That one means ‘shitbag’,” Hinata whispered.

Kageyama thought he might like Koch.

 


 

It was dark out when he got off the last train back to Tokyo, and Kageyama was exhausted. And he still had a long walk home from the train station.

He was happy to get to spend the day with Hinata, but he resented the fact that he had to share most of that time with Koch and Futamata. After about an hour of volleyball practice, they’d all gone to a street vendor to eat, and then to a shopping center, where Kageyama battled ten rounds with a claw machine before insisting it was broken. Then Futamata won a stuffed fox on his first try and gave it to Hinata.

Futamata in particular bothered Kageyama. It bothered him how close they were, when Kageyama could only call Hinata once a night and see him once a week. It bothered him how naturally Futamata threw an arm around Hinata’s shoulder. It bothered him how easily Hinata laughed at Futamata’s jokes.

Kageyama stuffed his hands in his pockets as he walked. A warm breeze swept his bangs off his forehead. It was a nice night for a walk, or would have been, if Kageyama hadn’t been in such a foul mood. He looked forward to getting back to his apartment so he could lie on his sofa and sulk.

“Kageyama?”

Kageyama stopped walking and glanced around. Oyasu was standing on the opposite side of the street, waving.

“Oh. Hi.”

“Hey. Where you headed?”

Kageyama hunched his shoulders.  “Home.”

“Some of us are going bowling,” Oyasu said, pointing in the opposite direction of Kageyama’s apartment.  “You want to join?”

“Oh.”

He felt his neck grow hot. The idea of tagging along with a group of guys who’d all made plans without him was too embarrassing.

“I’ve been out all day,” he said.  “I have to go home and feed my cat.”

“Right.”

“So I’m just gonna…”

Oyasu stared at him, waiting for him to finish his sentence. Kageyama coughed.

“Well, see ya,” he said, turning on his heels and darting toward his apartment.

It was an awkward interaction, one that Kageyama would surely cringe over for days.

Kaede was upset with him when he got home. He’d only said it as an excuse to turn down Oyasu’s invitation, but it was late, and he really did need to feed his cat.  She meowed at him urgently as he scooped up her dish.

“Sorry, baby,” he said, scratching behind her ear.

He dug into his pocket for his phone as he poured some kibble into Kaede’s dish. It was strange. He’d just spent the entire day with Hinata, and now that he was home, all he wanted was to talk to him again.

Hinata picked up after four rings.

“Hey you.”

His voice sounded light and cheerful. Almost breathless,  like he’d just been laughing.

“Hey,” Kageyama said, collapsing onto the sofa.  “I just got home.”

“Good,” Hinata said.  “I had fun today.”

“Me too.”

“But let’s hang out at your place next weekend.”

“What?” Futamata’s voice chimed in from the background, and already Kageyama was annoyed.  “We can’t play with Wunderkind too?”

“That sounds stupid when you say it,” Hinata replied.

“Mean.”

Kageyama’s skin prickled.  “Are you hanging out with the team again?” he asked.

“No, just Futa,” Hinata said breezily.

Kageyama clenched his fist, digging his fingernails into his palm.

“What are you doing?” Hinata asked.

“Next ask him what he’d be doing if you were there with him.”

“Quit being creepy, Futa.”

“I’m pretty tired,” Kageyama replied.

“You going to bed?”

“Now say, ‘Aw, without me?’”

“Tell him I can hear him,” Kageyama said flatly.

“I think he wants you to hear him,” Hinata replied.

“Ah.” Kageyama cleared his throat.  “Well. I just called to say goodnight.”

“Okay,” Hinata said.  “Sleep well.”

“Yeah.”

Kageyama hung up, and the picture of Hinata laughing on the beach lit up his screen. His stomach twisted. He wondered if he’d made a mistake rejecting Oyasu’s offer. If he’d gone bowling with the team, at least he wouldn’t have time to stew. Not that he would’ve had fun either way. He didn’t shine in groups like Hinata. It was hard to tell if he was more jealous of Hinata’s friends for having Hinata, or envious of Hinata for having friends.

Kaede hopped onto his lap, and Kageyama smiled and scratched her neck.

“You and me, baby,” he said softly.

 


 

The following weekend found Hinata in Kageyama’s apartment, on Kageyama’s couch, straddling Kageyama’s thighs. This was how Kageyama liked Hinata best. All to himself.

Hinata whimpered softly as Kageyama nibbled on his collarbone.

“I like your place,” he said softly.

“Mm,” Kageyama replied absently, preoccupied with the task at hand.

“I wish I had a cat instead of a roommate.”

Kageyama pulled his mouth off of Hinata’s neck.  “I seriously will kick his ass for you. Tell me when.”

Hinata groaned.  “I still have to live with him for the rest of the year,” he said regretfully.  “It’s easier to just play nice.”

“Still. You shouldn’t have to deal with him.”

“It’s only until this term ends. Then I can rent a place with the guys.”

Kageyama tightened his grip on Hinata’s thighs.  “The guys?”

“Mm,” Hinata said, absently twirling the hair at the nape of Kageyama’s neck.  “Futa, Koch and Yuuki.”

“You’re gonna live with him ?”

Hinata narrowed his eyes. Kageyama didn’t have to say who he meant.

“Is that a problem?”

Kageyama hid his face in Hinata’s neck.  “No, it’s fine,” he mumbled.

He only got to see Hinata on weekends. He didn’t want to spend that time fighting.

“You know you’re my best friend,” Hinata said, “But Futa’s my best friend on the team.”

Kageyama snorted.  “Yeah, he’s really friendly,” he said without thinking.

He instantly regretted his words. Hinata grabbed Kageyama’s hands and peeled them off his thighs.

“Hinata…”

“You know, some people might think it’s cute when their boyfriends get all possessive,” Hinata said, standing, “but I’m not into it.”

“I’m not being possessive,” Kageyama lied.  “I just don’t like him.”

“Why not?”

Because he touches my things , he thought.

He couldn’t very well say that without sounding possessive, so he didn’t say anything.

“He doesn’t even like guys,” Hinata said.  “I’ve told you that.”

“I know!”

“So what’s the problem?”

“The problem is he makes you happy!” Kageyama blurted.

As soon as the words left his mouth, Kageyama realized two things. The first was that it was the wrong thing to say. The second was that it was true. He hated that Hinata was happy with Futamata. He stared at his hands shamefully.

“So you don’t want me to be happy?”

Kageyama swallowed.  “That’s not what I…”

“Unless you’re the one who made me that way, right?”

“No.”

Hinata snatched his jacket off the arm of the sofa.  “This was a mistake.”

He crossed the room to the door and grabbed his shoes off the floor.

“Where are you going?” Kageyama asked.

“I need to...not look at you right now.”

 


 

“Hinata, I’m sorry.” Kageyama tugged at his bangs anxiously.  “I promise I’ll do better. Please call me back.”

He hung up with a sigh. The longest he’d gone without speaking to Hinata was five months. Now he felt ready to explode after two days. He didn’t know how to calm his nerves. Running the night before hadn’t helped. Throwing up that morning hadn’t either. It wasn’t like Hinata to not take his calls.

“Kageyama, you on your way to practice?”

Kageyama started. Oyasu had appeared beside him out of nowhere. Or he’d been there already and Kageyama was too distracted to notice. He pocketed his phone.

“Uh, yeah,” he said.

“I’ll walk with you.”

Kageyama couldn’t think of a reason why he shouldn’t, since they were going the same way, so he stuffed his hands in his pockets and said nothing.

“You in the doghouse?”

Kageyama choked.  “What?”

Oyasu scratched the back of his neck awkwardly.  “Sorry. I heard you on the phone just now.”

“Ah, yeah.” Kageyama stared at his feet as he walked.  “I fucked up.”

“How badly?”

“I don’t really know. I tried calling last night. And this morning.”

“Well don’t keep leaving voicemails,” Oyasu advised.  “Women hate that. How many have you left?”

“Three.”

“Well you’d better stop there. Give her space and she’ll call you back when she’s ready.”

Kageyama rubbed his elbow nervously. “You have a girlfriend?”

“No, but when Akiu and his girlfriend fight, they both complain to me about it, so you could say I’m a bit of an expert.”

“Oh. Well. Thanks for the advice.”

 


 

He was sticky with sweat when he got back to his apartment. He’d skipped showering after practice and ducked out early to avoid running into Oyasu again. One more display of pity would be too much for his pride after he’d spilled about his fight with Hinata.

He leaned against the counter and checked his phone. There were no messages from Hinata, just one email from Yamaguchi. He opened it.

Dude, wtf did you say to hinata, he’s pissed .

He sighed. Hinata was venting to their mutual friends now. At least Kageyama knew his phone wasn’t broken.

His thumbs instinctively moved to call Hinata before he remembered Oyasu’s advice and stopped himself. He went back into his contacts and scrolled down for a different name. He hit call.

She picked up after one ring. “Kageyama?”

“Hey Yachi. Are you doing anything tomorrow?”

 


 

Kageyama emailed his coach and professors, telling them he was sick. He’d never skipped practice before. He’d never even wanted to until now. For once, he didn’t feel like playing volleyball.

He didn’t feel like doing much of anything. He’d forced himself to shower and brush his teeth, but only because Yachi was coming over, and it seemed impolite to stink when he had a girl over.

They’d planned to meet at noon, and at twelve o’clock on the dot, there was a knock on his door. It was exactly what he’d expected. Yachi had always been punctual. What he hadn’t expected was not one, but three bodies to spill into his apartment when he answered the door.

“What are they doing here?” Kageyama asked, eyeing Yamaguchi and Tsukishima.

Yachi smiled sheepishly.  “I knew I’d cave if you tried to call Hinata again, so I called for reinforcements.”

“Where’s your cat?” Yamaguchi asked, scanning the room.

“Looks like we lost Tadashi already,” Tsukishima said, as Yamaguchi wandered off to find Kaede. He pushed his glasses up his nose. “Honestly, I don’t know why you didn’t just call me to begin with. I’m the only one of us who lives in Tokyo.”

“Because I hate you,” Kageyama said bluntly.

“That’s a rude thing to say to someone who’s here to help you.”

“You’re here because you want to see me suffer.”

“You caught me.”

Yachi elbowed Tsukishima in the side.  “Be nice. We’re here to help him,” she scolded.

“Ow. Fine.”

Yachi turned to Kageyama.  “I brought movies,” she said.  “You want action, comedy or horror?”

Kageyama shrugged.  “I don’t care. You pick.”

Yachi readied the movie as Kageyama walked to the sofa where Yamaguchi was already sitting with a purring Kaede in his lap.

“Is there any surface in this apartment where you and Hinata haven’t had sex?” Tsukishima asked, eyeing the couch suspiciously.

Kageyama scowled. He didn’t know what kind of sex-fiends Tsukishima thought they were, but they’d only done it a handful of times, and only ever on the bed.

“No.”

Tsukishima wrinkled his nose and sat down on the floor. Kageyama took a seat on the sofa next to Yamaguchi and pulled out his phone.

Yamaguchi held out his hand, palm up, in front of him. Kageyama stared at it.

“What?”

“Your phone,” Yamaguchi said.

“Why?”

“You were gonna call Hinata again.”

Kageyama croaked.  “I was not!”

“You can’t email him either.”

Kageyama pouted and surrendered his phone.

“It’s gonna be okay, Kageyama,” Yachi said, taking a seat on his other side.  “Hinata can hold grudges sometimes, but he misses you too. He’s just being stubborn.”

Tsukishima tilted his head back to look up at Kageyama.  “What did you even do to piss him off?” he asked.

“I just...said something stupid.”

“That goes without saying, but what was it?”

Kageyama buried his face in his hands.  “Something about how I, like… How I don’t want him to be happy when I’m not around.”

It sounded worse after repeating it.

“Jesus, Kageyama!”

“Tadashi,” Yachi said sharply.

“Sorry, but Jesus .”

“He’s not gonna call you back,” Tsukishima snickered.

Kageyama smacked him on the head.  “And you know that from all your relationship experience?”

Tsukishima crossed his arms.  “You don’t know everything about me.”

Kageyama wondered briefly what that meant, but didn’t care enough about Tsukishima’s personal life to ask.

“All of you shut up and watch the movie,” Yachi said, glaring in Tsukishima’s direction.

Kageyama looked at her and cocked his head.

“What?” she snapped.

“He’d answer if I called him on your phone.”

“Kageyama, no!” she said, flicking him on the nose.  “Bad!”

“Why?” he whined.

“Are you sure you two are even still together?” Tsukishima asked.

Kageyama scoffed.  “I think I’d know if we’d broken up.”

“It took you five months after he slept with you to figure out he liked you,” Tsukishima pointed out.

Kageyama sat back on the sofa, sulking. He wanted to argue, but what Tsukishima said was true. He’d never been good at reading people. Had Hinata said anything to indicate he wanted to break up? He thought back to their argument.

“Tsukishima,” he said, kicking him lightly.

“What?” Tsukishima asked, shoving Kageyama’s leg away from him.

“What do you think ‘this was a mistake’ means?”

 


 

Kageyama was in the middle of pulling off his practice jersey when he was greeted with a, “Glad you’re feeling better.”

He lifted his elbows so he could see past the folds of his shirt. Oyasu grinned at him.

“Oh,” Kageyama said, his voice muffled by his collar, which was currently caught on his ears.  “Thanks.”

“Are you stuck?”

Kageyama flushed.  “No, you just caught me off guard,” he said, tugging off his jersey the rest of the way.

“Sorry,” Oyasu said sheepishly.  “I feel like I have to sneak up on you or you’ll run off.”

“What am I, a rabbit?”

Oyasu shrugged.  “You’re an enigma. I don’t know anything about you except that you’re good at volleyball and bad with women.”

Kageyama snorted.

“Did I say something funny?”

“No, it’s nothing.”

“Okay. Well. Akiu and I are going out for karaoke later. Care to join?”

“Oh…”

“After you feed your cat, of course.”

Kageyama considered it. The thought of his empty apartment wasn’t so appealing. He could use a distraction. The visit from his high school friends the other day hadn’t helped. If anything, he felt even worse after they’d left. Why Yachi had thought Tsukishima being there to relish in his pain would make him feel better was beyond him.

Kageyama forced a smile.

“Sure.”

 


 

Akiu’s singing could be likened to that of a frog trying to attract a mate. But Fusako, his girlfriend, didn’t seem to mind. She watched him in admiration, chin resting in her folded hands, eyes sparkling.

“Love is deaf, I guess,” Kageyama muttered.

Oyasu snorted.

“I heard that,” Fusako said, her eyes never leaving Akiu.

Oyasu bumped his shoulder against Kageyama’s.  “Are you gonna sing?”

“I’m worse than he is.”

“What? How?”

“What about you?”

Oyasu straightened up.  “Oh, I’m a good singer.”

Kageyama raised an eyebrow.

“I’m not being conceited. I really can sing.”

“He can. I’ve heard him,” Fusako offered.

“You’re next then?” Kageyama asked Oyasu.

“I’m next,” Fusako said.

Oyasu leaned in close to Kageyama.  “She squawks like a pelican,” he whispered.

Kageyama laughed as Fusako sent Oyasu a sharp glare.

“I’m glad you came out tonight,” Oyasu said, sipping on his drink.  “I’m usually their third wheel.”

“Why do you go out with them, then?”

“What else am I gonna do? Sit at home alone?”

It worked for Kageyama, but it seemed pathetic to admit that.

His phone chimed on the table in front of them and they both glanced over. A notification lit up his screen. An email from Yachi.

“Isn’t that the guy from the Kansai team?” Oyasu asked, eyeing his lock screen.

It was the photo from the beach. Kageyama’s stomach twisted.

“Um, yeah. Hinata.”

“You two went to highschool together, right? And you’re still close?”

“Yeah, he’s my best friend.”

“Is that all?” Oyasu nodded toward Kageyama’s phone. He lowered his voice.  “You look a little closer than that in the picture.”

Kageyama coughed.  “Ah. I’m not sure right now.”

“I thought you had a girlfriend.”

“I never said that. You just assumed.

“Oh.”

Oyasu’s eyes darted toward Fusako.

“You don’t have to worry,” Kageyama reassured him.  “It’s not like it’s a secret.”

“Really? But you seem like such a private guy.”

“Is that how I come across?”

Oyasu nodded.  “I’m surprised you even came out tonight, to be honest. I’ve been trying to get you to hang out for weeks.”

Kageyama fidgeted nervously in his seat.  “You weren’t just inviting me all those times because you felt sorry for me?”

“Why would I feel sorry for you? You’re the coolest guy on the team.”

“I’m what ?”

“You didn’t know? You’re, like, aloof and mysterious. Everyone wants to know more about you.”

Kageyama shrugged.  “There’s not that much to know. I’m just bad at talking to people.”

“That’s it?”

Akiu’s song ended and he returned to the table, taking a seat next to Fusako.

“What are we talking about?” he asked, looking at Oyasu.

Oyasu pointed an accusatory finger at Kageyama.  “Kageyama’s not cool!” he blurted.  “He’s shy !”

Akiu pursed his lips thoughtfully.  “That’s okay, I guess. He can still hang out with us.”

Kageyama rolled his eyes.  “How generous.”

“I’m a charitable guy.”

“I guess it’s a small comfort that my being shy was a bigger shock than my being gay.”

“You’re gay?”

 


 

It wasn’t until he’d stumbled into bed at two a.m. that Kageyama remembered to read the email from Yachi.

Go to Kansai , it read. He’ll talk to you .

 


 

Kageyama found Hinata sitting cross-legged on the outdoor court where they’d practiced before, running his finger along the stitching of a tattered volleyball. His heart clenched at the sight of him.

“Hi,” he said, approaching apprehensively.

Hinata looked at him sullenly.  “It should come as a relief to you that I’ve been miserable for the last week.”

Kageyama sat down in front of him.  “It’s not a relief,” he said.

Hinata looked down.  “Yeah, I know.”

“I was a jerk. I’m sorry.”

“I know.”

Kageyama drummed his fingers against his thigh nervously.  “I suck at reading between the lines, so if you want to break up then you have to be really clear about it, or I won’t get it.”

Hinata looked up at him, wide-eyed.  “I don’t want to break up.”

Kageyama’s shoulders slumped as his body flooded with relief.  “I don’t want that either.”

“I’m still mad at you, though.”

Kageyama nodded.  

“But, um.” Hinata licked his lips.  “I shouldn’t have ignored you all week. I guess I wanted to make you suffer for a while. I’m sorry.”

Kageyama blinked, taken aback. He didn’t know Hinata to be sadistic. He was a little bit impressed. Even after three years, Hinata managed to surprise him.

He took a deep breath.

“I don’t ever want you to be unhappy,” he said solemnly.

“That’s not what you said.”

“I know.  I was just jealous.  I didn’t want him to make you happy.”

“Kageyama…”

“I know. That was selfish. You should be friends with whoever makes you happy, because I trust you, and because it’s not your fault that everyone who meets you instantly loves you.”

That earned a small smile from Hinata.  “Okay,” he said.

“Wait. I have more to say.”

“Okay.”

Kageyama licked his lips.  “I was jealous that you were happy.”

“You said that.”

“No, I mean. Jealous of you.”

“What?”

Kageyama scrubbed a hand against his eyes. He sighed.  “I hate college,” he confessed.  “I can’t connect with people like you can. The only time I’m not alone is when you come to visit. I wanted you all to myself because I didn’t have anyone else.”

Hinata reached for Kageyama’s hand.  “You never told me,” he said.

“I didn’t want you to know. That I need you more than you need me.”

“I do need you,” Hinata protested.  “Who else is gonna intimidate my homophobic roommate?”

Kageyama swallowed.  “It’s not the same.”

“I know.”

Hinata bent forward, the volleyball trapped awkwardly between them as he leaned in for a kiss.

“But I love you,” he said.  “And I like college better when you’re here.  That’s good for something, isn’t it?”

Kageyama smiled.  “I love you too.”

Hinata rubbed his chin thoughtfully.  “You know, when I started playing with a new team, I had to prove that I could still play volleyball without you. Maybe you have to kind of do the same thing. Like, prove you don’t need me as a crutch to talk to people.”

“Not everyone is fearless like you.”

“You don’t have to be fearless, you just have to be brave.”

Kageyama ruffled his hair affectionately.

“Didn’t you used to be an idiot? Did college actually make you smart?”

Hinata smacked his shoulder.  “Shut your face.”

Kageyama laughed.  “You know,” he said.  “That’s the first time you’ve said that to me.”

“Said what? Shut your face? I say that all the time.”

“I love you.”

“Yeah, me t—wait.” Hinata frowned.  “No it wasn’t!”

Kageyama smiled at him fondly. Hinata tilted his head.

“Was it really?”

Kageyama nodded.

“I’m sorry.”

“I don’t mind. You say it in other ways.”

Hinata reached up to stroke Kageyama’s cheek. Then he picked up the volleyball out of his lap and shoved it at Kageyama.

“Let’s play.”

 


 

“I’ve heard a lot about you,” Oyasu said, stroking Kaede’s head. He looked up at Kageyama.  “You know, if you need someone to feed her when you’re out of town, I could do it. Since you’re too shy to just ask your neighbors like a normal person.”

Kageyama sneered at him.

“Your apartment is tiny,” Akiu said, taking a seat on the sofa next to Fusako and wrapping an arm around her shoulder.

“I think it’s cute,” she said.

“I might get a bigger place next year,” Kageyama said.  “With a roommate.”

There was a knock on the door, and Kageyama grinned.

“He’s here,” he said, trying to temper his excitement.

He rushed eagerly to answer the door. Hinata stepped inside automatically, no invitation needed, and slipped off his shoes.

“Hi,” Kageyama said, dipping down for a quick kiss. It was a little embarrassing to do in front of his friends, but he reminded himself that they were his friends and they wouldn’t mind that much. Besides, it wasn’t technically PDA if it was in his own apartment. He placed a hand on Hinata’s back and shoved him further into the apartment toward his friends.  “Guys, this is Hinata. That’s Akiu, Fusako, and the one with a dumb-looking face is Oyasu.”

“Hey!”

Hinata bowed awkwardly.  “It’s nice to meet you.”

“You don’t have to be formal with these idiots,” Kageyama assured him.

“What movie are we watching?” Hinata asked.

“It’s one Yachi lent me. We watched it last week, but we ended up talking through the whole thing.”

“Hey, why do I feel like I’ve been demoted to fifth wheel?” Oyasu asked, joining Akiu and Fusako on the sofa.

“Maybe you should stop being a loser and get a girlfriend.”

“Why are you so mean to me?”

They never actually got around to watching the movie. His friends had too many questions for his boyfriend. He didn’t contribute much to the conversation, but that was okay. He was content to just rest his head on Hinata’s shoulder and listen to them talk. He’d have more to say later, when his friends left for the night and Hinata stayed.

 


 

“Hinata?”

Hinata stretched his full body like a cat before curling cozily into Kageyama’s side.  “Hm?”

“Do you think Tsukishima is seeing someone?”

“Tsukishima? I don’t know. Why?”

“It’s nothing. He said something weird the other day. I don’t really remember.”

“Huh. What do you think his type is?”

“Don’t know. Don’t care.”

“You brought it up,” Hinata pointed out.  “I wonder if he keeps his glasses on during sex.”

Kageyama groaned.  “Why would you say that? That’s my new hard-off image.”

Hinata laughed.  “I’m serious though! Is it weirder to take them off? Would that mean he didn’t want to see his partner?”

“Argh! I’m sorry I brought it up!”

“Do you think he has a big…?”

“This conversation is over!”

Notes:

Kageyama is me in this fic. I'm not proud of that.

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