Chapter Text
Yet somehow, they are here.
Kaworu didn’t know why or how he was born but he knew that he was quickly abandoned. He was about four years old when he became more or less self-aware of his existence.
March 30, 2004
I am Kaworu Nagisa and I am an individual, I have my own will. I am alive, breathing, and am my own person. I am me.
He realised this in every cycle sooner or later, he was after all, the angel of free will but this time he felt something different, something missing.
Adam, his mother, wasn’t calling him.
Was Adam even his mother anymore? Kaworu did not know. Every time he was born into the world he would feel Adam calling him back, calling to him to its womb, to be one with him and every time Kaworu was blessed with the power to choose to ignore Adam’s voice but this time there was no such pull or such voice. Kaworu put his hand on his chest right above where his heart was, it was warm and it was beating in a steady rhythm. How was he existing without Adam calling him? Was he allowed to exist in this state? Nevertheless, he is existing, he is warm and is he human? He felt like one. At this thought, the child broke into a massive, toothy grin. It was so unprompted and strange that his caregiver quickly rushed to him to inspect his mouth.
“Oh dear, did you put something in your mouth again? Last time I caught you eating a bug, Nagisa didn’t I tell you not to do that again?” she yelled.
“Itsh nowt dath Mish Makinami” Kaworu managed to say. His mouth was held open firmly by the caregiver to make sure he hadn’t eaten something he wasn’t supposed to. Makinami sighed releasing him. “I just realised I’m Kaworu Nagisa!” he said massaging his mouth. “And I’m alive and no one is calling for me”.
Makinami was taken aback by this statement. Most children in the orphanage longed for some to 'call for them', to have a home. For a child this small to say something like that was very peculiar… but then again this wasn’t a ‘regular’ boy after all. No, this boy was given in her care by some seriously rich research organisations. Her ‘acquaintance’ worked there and had suggested giving the child to her. The amount of money she had received to make sure that the boy grew up “as normal and naturally as possible without attracting any unwanted attention while following the guidelines we give you” had made her faint. It was thanks to the sum she received due to this curious little boy that the orphanage was able to care for and house more children than ever and give them the attention and facilities they needed. She could help Kaworu grow up normally but couldn’t do anything about all the attention he got. Alabaster skin, a mop of grey hair and warm red eyes peaked the interest of many, adults and children alike.
“That’s good for you Nagisa” she said.
“It is, thank you.”
“How about we go play in the garden? The sky’s pretty cloudy so the sun won’t hurt your skin too much”
“Are you sure Gendo?”
“Yes. There’s no going back now. Not that I want to”
“Very well. It’s all good then, shall we bring her in tomorrow?”
“I’ve already done all the paperwork but it’ll take time to be certified. We can bring her in by next week. How do you think Shinji will feel? Will he like her?”
“I’m sure he will love her as much as he loves us.”
“I hope so. I’m worried you’ve spoiled him too much”
“Don’t say that!”
Shinji heard his mother laugh and his father chuckle. They were speaking in whispers or at least were trying to but Shinji was a skilled eavesdropper. Lately his parents had been talking about a ‘her’. He didn’t know who ‘she’ was but her parents talked about her more than they talked about him or to him! He had been eavesdropping their conversations for a few days now, to find out more about ‘her’. He felt threatened by her. She was taking away all the attention his parents had been giving him and he didn’t even know who she was! Shinji felt a bit angry at her too, he couldn’t help himself.
His curiosity got the better of him as he slowly crept into his parents’ room.
“Oh, Shinji have you been standing there a while? Why didn’t you come in?” his mother, Yui asked. Shinji fiddled with his shirt a little, he didn’t want to admit he was eavesdropping because it felt wrong but he wanted an answer so bad. “Mama who is this ‘she’ you and dad keep talking about?” he quietly asked. Upon hearing this question Yui smiled but Gendo looked slightly troubled.
“Shinji are you jealous already?” his mother teased. Shinji went beet red with anger and embarrassment. “I’m not jealous! I just...! I just want to know why you both keep taking about her!!” he blurted.
“You’ll meet her soon Shinji” his father said in a stern voice. “and you better be nice to her” he added.
Shinji had dressed himself up before the arrival of his little sister. His parents thought very highly of her so he had to make a good impression. His parents left early that morning to pick her up. Shinji had tidied his room and combed his hair, twice. He hid his favorite toy, a three-foot-tall penguin plushie he named Pen-pen in the depths of his closet. He had lost his parents to his little sister but he refused to lose Pen-pen to her, it was far too precious.
As he was busy brushing his teeth (the third time) the doorbell rang. He quickly tided up and went to open the door to welcome his little sister. Shinji was beyond nervous.
“We’re home!” Gendo and Yui said in unison.
“Welcome home!” Shinji replied, he was on his toes busy looking for someone other than his parents.
He had to move out of the way to let his parents in and saw a small child in a frilly dress latched onto his mom. Latched on to HIS mom. Shinji felt angry.
Yui crouched down and turned the child towards Shinji. She looked smaller than him and was fast asleep. She wasn’t anything like the other kids he had seen. Her face reminded him of his mother despite being it being chubby and round. Her hair was a really light blue for some reason. She was so tiny and smelled of baby powder.
“This is Rei. Rei Ikari, your new little sister. She is only a year old. Isn’t she very cute Shinji?” his mother said fondly.
“Can I touch her? She looks soft”
Yui nodded and Shinji immediately poked her cheek with more force than he had intended to. Rei winced at his touch and woke up. “Shinji, don’t do that. You might hurt her” his father warned
Her eyes were hazy at first but then quickly focused on Shinji. He gulped. Her eyes were red. His sister was so weird.
“H…hello Rei” Shinji began carefully “Welcome home” and he smiled.
Rei stretched her chubby arms towards Shinji and pressed them against his face. They felt delicate and warm. She squished his face as if in recognition then smiled and started giggling.
Shinji’s anger evaporated at that very moment and he knew that to protect his little sister Rei and her smile he would fight the whole world if he had to.